


Watermelon Lipgloss

by Nectardust



Series: RoyEd Oneshot Collections [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Age Difference, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, Humor, Innuendo, Lime, M/M, Teenage!me didn't give two shits, Whoo for having crazy fun with the OTP of the time, sap, the works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-05-29 15:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 93
Words: 101,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19402840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nectardust/pseuds/Nectardust
Summary: Collection of RoyEd oneshot ficlets. Humor, fluff, sap, innuendo, the works.Check Oneshot Index chapter for specific summaries.





	1. Watermelon Lipgloss

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted spanning from 2005 to 2008. Unbeta'ed and unchanged from original postings. Never made it to my goal of 100. *SIGH*
> 
> Original A/N: This was inspired by the tube of lip-gloss sitting in my bedside table drawer. All hail. xD
> 
> Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. Trust me, if I owned FMA, there'd be a lot more Roy/Ed…

"You know what I have a craving for today?" Edward Elric asked, brazenly barging into his superior's office without knocking. He strode to Mustang's desk and shrugged his red coat off his shoulders so that the fabric crumpled atop the paperwork that Roy had finally started working on. The teen shook his head as a few sheets of paper fluttered to the floor before he walked behind the desk, yanked Roy's chair back, and plopped himself with a smirk into his lover's lap.

Roy merely raised an eyebrow in response.

"Watermelon," the Fullmetal Alchemist continued on, as if the Colonel was acting like he cared. "It's the perfect day for a watermelon." He leaned back against Roy's chest, nonchalant.

The black-haired man sighed, more for appearance's sake than because of actual annoyance. Really, he wondered at Ed's line of thought sometimes. "This is a military facility, Fullmetal, not a fruit stand," he responded dryly.

Ed shrugged and shifted his position so that he was more comfortably situated in Roy's lap. "Couldn't we get a watermelon on the way home? You need to go grocery shopping anyways…"

"Yes, we _are_ running out of milk, aren't we?" Roy asked, calmly ignoring the blonde's imminent frown. He wrapped one arm around the teen's middle, effectively trapping Ed's arms to his sides. "I wonder," he continued speculatively, "if watermelons have special nutrients needed for growth spurts." Waiting now for the explosion, the Colonel tightened his arm around Ed, his other raising so that his gloved fingers waved threateningly in the blonde's line of vision.

It was a good thing Mustang took the precaution to (attempt to) restrain the height-sensitive chibi alchemist. "WHO'RE YOU CALLING A WATERMELON SEED SO TINY IT COULD BE EATEN AND NOT CAUSE YOU TO CHOKE BECAUSE IT'S SO MINIATURE YOU WOULDN'T EVEN REALIZE YOU'D EATEN A WATERMELON SEED!" Ed seethed and thrashed against Roy's arm, daring his lover to snap.

Roy shook his head. This was another of those times when he questioned Edward Elric's sanity. But one good thing could be said: Nothing was ever boring when the Fullmetal Alchemist was involved.

"If you have a watermelon craving that badly, I might have something that can hold you until we go shopping," the Flame Alchemist interrupted Ed's rant. He slowly lowered his raised hand as Ed calmed down. Opening his desk drawer, Roy pulled out a small clear tube with flowery lettering imprinted on it. "Here you go," he remarked. "It's a rather small tube, so be sure you don't fall in when you're applying it."

Cue Ed rant.

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE'D DROWN IN A TUBE OF WATERMELON-FLAVORED LIPGLOSS and—you BASTARD! You expect me to smear this girl muck on my lips! …Idiot! Stop sniggering! And DON'T INSULT MY HEIGHT!" Ed mustered up one of his most ferocious glares, reserved only for Mustang.

Roy smirked. "I didn't insult your height, Edward." A pause. "I insulted your _lack_ of height."

"ARGH! DIE, MUSTANG!"

"If I died, who'd give you great— "

Ed hurriedly slapped a gloved hand over the Colonel's mouth, glancing at the closed door to be sure nobody was listening in.

Roy shrugged, thoroughly amused at Ed's self-consciousness. It was Fullmetal who chose to sit on his lap, in his public office, in the first place. If that gesture wasn't an indication of their involvement, Roy didn't know what was.

The tube of watermelon lip-gloss sat innocently on Roy's desk.

"I'm not putting that gunk on my lips," Ed reiterated firmly, crossing his arms over his chest defiantly. A small pout adorned his features to finish the image. Only Edward could pout and pull it off as both terrifyingly determined and…cute.

The Colonel picked up the lip-gloss and examined it thoughtfully. "Well…alright then, Fullmetal." He smirked again as he unscrewed the top and began to apply the lip-gloss to his own lips.

Ed shrank back when Roy opened the tube, but soon found himself fascinated as his attention was brought to Roy's lips and fingers. "I don't even wanna _know_ where you got that watermelon-flavored lip-gloss…" he mumbled under his breath.

But with Roy's reputation with women (before Ed), was it really that much of a surprise?

All thought abandoned both alchemists at the first touch of lips on lips. Ed leaned into the touch, his tongue tentatively slipping out to poke at his lover's lips as he sought to taste the unique combination of watermelon mixed with Roy Mustang. He _had_ been craving watermelon for a while…and he always yearned for Roy, whether or not he acknowledged that need.

Roy grinned against Ed's mouth, pushing in a little closer. He really ought to be doing paperwork now, but hands that should be signing signatures were so much better at doing more practical things. Like untangling Ed's braid and brushing fingers through blonde strands of hair. And eyes that should be reading documents were better off closed in bliss, so he could fully enjoy the sensations brought on by kissing one Edward Elric.

All of a sudden, Ed pulled back from the kiss, lips slightly sticky from the gloss. "More watermelon," he demanded raggedly. His hands fisted in Roy's uniform desperately as he stared his superior officer and lover down, almost begging. But this was Edward Elric, and Edward Elric never begged. He insisted.

Roy simply reached for the tube of lip-gloss. He could argue, but he could think of more fun and useful ways to use his tongue in the next few minutes (or hours).

The gloss was barely applied before Ed leaned in once more, pinning Roy's head to the back of his chair. Roy relaxed this once, letting Ed dominate the kiss.

And this time, even when the initial flavor of watermelon disappeared, neither pulled back for a good, long while.


	2. House Keys

"Mustang!"

Roy paused a second, listening to the sound of what could only be a hyperactive chibi stomping down the hall to his office. Would it kill Fullmetal to treat him with respect every once in a while? He (happily) laid down his pen and folded his hands, waiting for the blonde to make his usual dramatic entrance.

Ed banged the door open and marched in, kicking the office door closed behind him with a platform boot. "Make room," he ordered the Colonel, ignoring the fact that Roy was _his_ superior.

Roy raised an eyebrow, noticing how the younger alchemist had something bundled up in the folds of his coat. Seconds later, the Colonel's enormous pile of paperwork was sprawled on the floor. (Hopefully, Hawkeye wouldn't notice until quite a while later). Ed sidestepped some floating papers and clutched his bundle more tightly.

"Al found her," Ed offered by way of explanation as he carefully placed the (now moving) bundle on the newly-cleared desk space.

The Colonel tentatively lifted the cloth to see what was wrapped up so carefully. If Fullmetal had brought him something, he would have suspected something dangerous. But Al…he could trust Al's judgment. "A…kitten? Another one?" he asked, bewildered. Hadn't this particular episode already played out?

The blonde nodded. "You know how Al gets when he sees a stray. I can't disappoint him. Not like last time." Ed shivered, remembering the horrid helplessness in his brother's expression. "But we can't keep him," he continued, gulping. "And to be honest, I don't really want a cat…it would remind me too much of when Mom wouldn't let us keep a cat when we were little." Smiling a bit at the bittersweet memory, the blonde alchemist plunged on. "But you, you know…you live alone. You could care for her." Ed trailed off, his tawny eyes staring hopefully at Roy.

Roy, for his part, started to fish in his pocket as he looked for something, the beginnings of a brilliant idea playing in his head. "Er," he mumbled, a tad bit embarrassed about something, though Ed couldn't figure what about. "I'm not sure I could look after her, Fullmetal," he answered at last.

Ed's spirits dropped. Roy had called him 'Fullmetal' which meant strict business, as usual. "Roy," he almost pleaded, making sure to use his superior's first name. "I'm asking this of you as a personal favor. For me." He swallowed. "For Al…"

The older alchemist, never able to deny his chibi anything for very long, grinned triumphantly as his fingers closed around his prize in his pocket. He pulled out what he had been searching for, shooting a smirk at his lover while also keeping the object out of the blonde's sight. "Edward." He leveled his gaze directly at the Fullmetal Alchemist, keeping his voice professional. "I'm a Colonel- in the military. I wouldn't have time to give her proper care and attention."

"Lieutenant Hawkeye has Black Hayate," Ed protested, interrupting boldly.

"That's different," Roy responded. "Black Hayate's a dog. I'm more of a dog person…if it was a dog, then maybe I'd consider taking it." He paused, waiting a moment to throw his trump card. "And you just said yourself that you didn't want to live with a cat."

The confusion on Ed's face was absolutely worthwhile. The expression soon dropped as Roy made his meaning clear, dropping his house keys on the desk. At the same time, he pulled the kit closer to his chest, contradicting his earlier statements. It was up to Ed to decide whether or not to take the keys and finish the "equivalent trade."

"Wha-?" Ed finally forced out.

"Figure it out," Roy remarked simply as he stroked the purring cat's head.

"And Al?" the blonde asked, making sure of his brother's well-being before he did as he was dying to do and accept the keys. His automail hand twitched from his self-control, but he held steady until Roy's answer.

Roy half-shrugged. "…is welcome to come as well. After all, we'll need someone to take care of her." He nodded downwards towards the cat. "I'm a busy man, Ed. And with a certain distracting and bothersome lover, I have even more things to worry about."

Ed mock scowled. "Are you implying something, Mustang?"

"I'm not implying anything, Edward. I said outright that you're annoying and you cause more trouble than you're worth." Roy grinned at the outraged expression on Ed's face. "And to top it all off, you're not even a decent size." He covered the cat's head with a gloved hand, ready to protect her from Ed's inevitable exploding reaction to the jab at his height. "But," the dark-haired man added in hurriedly before Ed could rant, "even though you're annoying, you're damn useful and worthwhile and…you're always welcome to stay with me." His eyes softened momentarily, letting Ed know his offer extended to as far as Ed would accept.

Ed barely pondered the offer as the details flew through his mind: A set of keys to Roy's house, in which his younger brother was also invited. A chance to spend more time with Roy and develop a closer and more intimate, long-lasting, relationship. A permanent home in Central where Roy would always be waiting when he returned from his missions. An offer to move in with Roy Mustang…and it only cost him a kitten. For once, it seemed the Fullmetal Alchemist finally had the opportunity to gain more than he lost in a supposed "equivalent trade."

Ed snatched the keys.


	3. Aware

Ed lunged at the Colonel, the force of the tackle sending them both sprawled on the floor. The blond straddled the other's hips, not thinking anything of it as he was only concentrating on pinning the man down. He leaned forward to grasp Roy's wrists, making sure the older was successfully subdued. "Don't you _ever_ call me smaller than an atom that's been able to be broken down into smaller particles of matter even though it's scientifically impossible but only because I defy the laws of nature with everything I do that I'm too small to be of any significance even though I'm an enigma and you wish you could figure me out but you can't because I'm just too small to notice!"

Roy blinked. An awkward silence followed the chibi's rant.

"Sir, the Fuhrer has just arrived for a surprise inspection-" Lieutenant Hawkeye explained as she opened the door to Roy's office. Her words stopped short as she took in the suggestive scene before her. "I'll, um, tell him you're busy," she replied hastily, slamming the door shut.

Ed squirmed, feeling an unwanted reaction to the position he had just realized he had put himself in. Damn the Colonel for causing such an undignified thing to happen to _him_ , of all people. His hands softened their hold on the Colonel's wrists so that Roy easily broke free from the Fullmetal's hold.

Without Ed holding him down, Roy could sit up, which made things a little awkward for his subordinate as the gesture pressed their chests and…certain _other_ areas of their bodies into a more intimate position. He leaned forward slightly, letting his nose brush against Ed's. The unexpected movement startled Ed, causing him to push upwards in surprise. Their lips were close to enough to brush if either spoke, but not near enough to actually be a decent kiss. "I'm glad to know you're _aware_ of my undeniable existence," Roy commented after a short silence with a smug tone in his voice. Bracing himself on the palms of his hands, he jerked his hips forward to nudge at something, letting Ed know just _what_ he was referring to.

A brilliant flush rose to settle on Ed's face.

Roy just continued to smirk.

Edward huffed just as the door opened once again.

"What's this I hear about Colonel Mustang being busy? Not too busy to see me, I hope," Fuhrer Bradley spoke loudly from just outside the office.

A quick look of panic flashed across Roy's face from actually hearing the head of the country talking nearby. He would never be promoted if he were caught in a compromising position with Fullmetal on his office floor. How did things get so complicated? …Oh yeah. He called Ed short. He made a mental note never to do that—whenever there was an inspection coming up.

Ed shook his head, not having the time to make it off of Roy's lap before the Fuhrer stepped inside. "I was just going," he said, pulling his coat tightly around him, making sure to cover his entire front before he stood up.

The Fuhrer smiled, nodding deeply, as if it were perfectly normal to find the Fullmetal Alchemist sitting comfortably in Colonel Mustang's lap in a rather suggestive pose.

Walking a bit stiffly and hurriedly, Edward made it safely outside. Last he saw before the door closed, Roy was still lounging on the floor, looking entirely calm about the situation. Damn the man.

-+-

"I see you're still a Colonel," Ed remarked later that day.

"If I was demoted, it would be all thanks to you, my dear little chibi," Roy replied with a sarcastic ring in his words during the 'endearment.' "But luckily, the Fuhrer seemed to think _little_ of it…" He paused, letting his choice of words sink in.

Ed took the bait. "WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD EASILY BE OVERLOOKED DURING IMPORTANT MATTERS!"

" _You're_ the supposed prodigy, Fullmetal," the Flame Alchemist hinted. "And just in case you missed it, I've been _aware_ of your presence for quite some time now. Even geniuses miss the important things right in front of their eyes." His smirk softened into a genuine smile for only a second, but it was enough for Ed to catch on.

"You…have?" Ed croaked, letting the news sink in. He took a step closer to the other, a bit hesitant, but resolved nonetheless.

Roy nodded, leaning down to place a quick kiss on the Fullmetal's lips. "Is that answer enough?"

Ed shook his head as he fought to keep a ludicrous smile off his face. "I don't think so. We're alchemists. And alchemists are scientists, you know, and so we have to keep checking results when we test our theories…"

"I think I'm actually a bit closer to figuring you out, Edward," Roy spoke thoughtfully, remembering a part of Ed's rant from earlier that morning.

"No thinking, more kissing," Ed demanded, forcefully yanking Roy's head down to meet his own. Damn it anyway if he had to stand on tip-toe…

Aside from the whole Fuhrer incident, Roy decided the turn of events that day were really not bad. Not bad at all.


	4. Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the beginning of my Trisha Elric + RoyEd obsession... *tear*
> 
> ...I never did answer my own challenge. But now I definitely need to re-read the work of 9 fantastic writers from back in the day who did respond:
> 
> [Chelsey's](https://www.fanfiction.net/~MeitanteiConan) ["Thanks to Him"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2756719/1/)
> 
> [Staehli's](https://www.fanfiction.net/~FaeElric) ["Mothers"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2827969/8/)
> 
> [Minako's](https://www.fanfiction.net/~AsahiMinako) ["Mistake"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2977965/1/)
> 
> [Petina's](https://www.fanfiction.net/~sheikgoddess) ["Mum's the Word"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3001271/1/Mum-s-the-Word)
> 
> [Lina's](https://www.fanfiction.net/~BlackMercifulFaerie) (of BMF) ["Heaven"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2645689/15/)
> 
> [ZaKai's](https://www.fanfiction.net/~ZaKai) ["Future Memories"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3018064/1/)
> 
> [Kaze's](https://www.fanfiction.net/~Fadingwind) ["Heaven"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3057007/1/)
> 
> [CDD's](https://www.fanfiction.net/~ChuckleDoodleDoo) ["Mother's Day"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3070542/1/)
> 
> [Nana's](https://www.fanfiction.net/~BlackMercifulFaerie) (of BMF) ["Mother"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3155450/1/)
> 
> Shout-out to all of them for being amazing. If anyone has since written on the topic of Trisha + RoyEd (as in related to canon events and circumstances), pleasepleaseplease let me know because that is still **my jam**.

"Hey, Mom," Ed greeted, lowering himself onto the grass. "Haven't spoken to you in awhile, so I thought I'd talk to you and tell you about what's been going on in my life…" He rubbed the back of his head, chuckling a bit as he thought of how to phrase his next statement.

"I…found someone." Ed paused, taking in the silence. "You may be a bit surprised, but I'm…glad…about this turn of events. I mean, I never thought I'd see the day, but now I couldn't imagine anything different. Guess we both fell for bastards, huh?" He cocked his head, closing his eyes as he felt the breeze swirl about him in response.

"He's an alchemist, like me. Yeah, you heard right. He. As in male. Bet you never thought I'd turn out that way…" The blonde shrugged, his braid waving slightly from the motion. "But I know you love me no matter what. I'm sure you'd love Roy, too. Well, after you got to know him. On the outside he's one of the most annoying, egotistical jerks of all time. But once you get to really know him, and you find the person underneath the façade…well, I'll let you make your own conclusions."

He smiled. "Yeah, Roy's made some mistakes in his life. But you know what? So have I. I'm really sorry about trying to bring you back, by the way. Al and I just missed you so much…we were kids who missed our mom. We tried because we loved you. We still love you, but you know that. I didn't mean to make it sound like we only loved you before…heh, I'm rambling now. But when you see the Rockbells, tell them Roy thinks of them every day. You know he almost tried human transmutation to bring them back? I'm glad his best friend stopped him…I know the extent of punishment for trying forbidden alchemy."

"Speaking of the Rockbells, Al and Winry are getting along quite nicely together." Ed stopped to smirk. "Remember when we were kids? Al asked Winry to marry him, even way back then…I'm happy for them, though. I want my younger brother to be happy with the one he loves. And you know what? I'm happy I'm with Roy. I'm kinda jealous that you at least got to know the person Al loves. But someday…" Edward sighed, readjusting his position on the grass.

"I don't know how it happened, really, or why my feelings changed. I told you about how I became a state alchemist, right? Well, Roy's my superior. Colonel Roy Mustang. Our relationship isn't exactly protocol, but we're both willing to do everything to make it work. I really do love him…not that I'll ever publicly say that. But you're my mom; I know I can confide in you. I still love you so much, you know…" Ed sighed, tilting his head upwards as a shadow loomed over him.

"Edward." Roy, for once, wasn't smirking. He offered a hand, which Ed gratefully used to pull himself to his feet.

The blond alchemist grinned. "Mom," he said, turning his side to Roy so he could face who he was speaking to. "This is Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist. And the one I've been telling you about…" He glanced at Roy encouragingly before turning and slowly walking towards the Rockbell house.

Roy sighed awkwardly, closing his eyes as he stood on the grass. "Hi…Trisha Elric." He fumbled with his hands a bit at the silent response. "I guess Ed's been telling you about me, huh? Don't listen to him. He has just a big an ego as I do." A chuckle. "Probably worse. But you know? I love him despite everything. Oh, and you didn't hear that from me. I just wanted to tell you that I'll take good care of your eldest son. And…" The Colonel waited a moment, fidgeting. "I'm going to make things better for this country, so that no soldier will ever have to do what I had to do to the Rockbells." Swallowing, he bowed in the direction he was speaking to and turned to follow his blonde lover.

Behind the two alchemists, the sun set on Trisha Elric's gravestone.


	5. Milk

"Ed!" Roy Mustang hollered from the dairy aisle at the frozen end of the grocery store. Ever since the Fullmetal Alchemist had spoken of a watermelon craving earlier that day, the two alchemists had planned on stopping at the store to get the fruit on the way home from the Eastern Headquarters.

There was only so much watermelon lip-gloss could do to satisfy a watermelon craving.

The blond staggered towards the shopping cart, a watermelon almost twice his size (which, actually, wasn't that hard to top…) clutched precariously in his grasp. "Yeah, Roy?" Breathing heavily, he let the watermelon drop into the center of the cart.

Roy winced at the loud 'thwack' sound. "I needed your opinion on something, Edward. Something important."

Ed nodded, looking around for anything that Roy might need his help on. "Of course. I can see how the lowly Flame Alchemist might need the assistance of the great and almighty Fullmetal, Living Legend of the People, God's gift to the world-"

"You don't believe in God," Roy interrupted. "And besides, you're too full of yourself, shortstop."

An annoyed tick began on Ed's forehead.

"What should we get, Edward? Normal, or low fat, or skim…there are just so many possibilities!" The Colonel waved a gloved hand towards the milk lined up against the wall.

"OH, HELL NO!" Ed protested. "There is no fucking way we're getting milk, you-"

Roy slapped a hand over Ed's mouth, effectively muffling the sound. "Tut tut…language, Fullmetal. Act a bit more your age. You're behaving like a baby…speaking of, you're almost as big as a newborn. We should celebrate by buying milk. Babies like milk…"

Ed struggled against Roy's hand, slapping the offending digit aside. "Don't start with me. We are _not_ getting that horrid, disgusting, offensive, hellish… _sewer liquid_ …"

"Milk?" Roy prompted.

"ARGH!" Ed shrieked, yanking on his braid in frustration.

Sneering, Roy added, "If we don't get milk, how am I going to milk you for all you're worth? Which isn't much, actually, since you're so tiny. But the point remains that we're out of milk and a tiny thing like you needs to grow."

"I already give you all I'm worth without the damn milk involved," Ed responded, glaring at the other. The expression counteracted the sweetness of the words, but Roy knew that was just Ed's way. "And…WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD DROWN IN A DROPLET OF MILK THAT SPILLED ON THE FLOOR?"

Roy silenced Ed with a kiss before security could come running to investigate the cause of the yells.


	6. Pocket Watch

Ed slumped on the chair outside Colonel Mustang's office. His right hand slipped into his pants pocket, fingering the silver pocket watch he obtained when he earned his state alchemy certification. Leaning his head back on the wall, he pulled the watch out into the open and swung it to and fro in front of his eyes.

He, the Fullmetal Alchemist, was forced to wait outside the office while his superior officer was held up at an 'important' meeting. Where was the justice in that? So, to keep himself from dying of boredom, the height-challenged blonde had taken to fiddling with his silver pocket-watch to pass the time.

Tawny eyes followed the arc of the watch. Back and forth. Back and forth. Left to right.

It was enough to make Ed dizzy. Eyelids dropping from the constant monotone, the alchemist's grip on the watch slackened enough so that the instrument slipped from his grasp to the tiled floor. At once, a screw rolled loose under the doorway to Roy's private office.

How could that have happened? The Fullmetal shook his head, thinking back. He and Al had just gone back to Resembool to visit the Rockbells. The military was crumbling; the Elrics needed a vacation from the constant stress. Ah, that must have been where he went wrong. Winry had an obsessive interest in the mechanics of that pocket watch…Ed told her countless times to leave his junk alone, but she could always be found tinkering away at one thing or another. And if Winry was denied a chance to fiddle with a certain mechanical device, out came the wrenches.

A 'vacation' with wrenches was not Ed's perfect ideal.

The blond shook his head, snapping back into focus. The watch was like the state – the mechanics slowly coming undone until the entirety of the system crashed. The Fuhrer's crest was becoming a laughingstock as the state's operations went downhill. The country was coming apart.

The door to the Colonel's office swung open, the hinges creaking slightly. Roy peered down at Edward, the screw from Ed's watch gripped between his fingers. "Lose something, Fullmetal?"

Ed jerked his head sharply as his eyes narrowed in on the tiny screw and then on the rest of the broken watch. He looked back and forth between the two before his eyes returned to stare at the Colonel's face.

Whatever was wrong with the country, Ed believed Roy Mustang could turn things around. Of course, he would never support him openly or admit to that hope, but it was there. Perhaps the Fuhrer's crest would take on a new and better meaning once Roy assumed the position of president.

All it took to better things was one little screw to make the system tick.

(And Roy was Ed's screw.)


	7. Taking Out the Trash

"I said take out the _trash_ , you moron!" Ed raged. He had just recently been thrown onto the front porch of Roy Mustang's house. Or, more accurately, been dropped into the plastic garbage can located right outside the kitchen door.

Roy's face took on an 'innocent' expression. "Why, Edward, I did just as you told me."

Ed seethed, his automail hand reaching upwards to clench around the rim of the container. It took him a few tries, but after jumping and stretching for a good five minutes, he was finally able to reach up far enough to grasp hold of the edge. At this moment, he was too angry even to rant and rage at his lover. But not too far gone to risk being burned to a crisp. Lover or no, Roy wouldn't hold back if Ed threatened him.

Hauling himself into clean air, Ed swung one leg over to solid ground. The shifted weight threw the container off balance, sending both boy and plastic crashing to the ground. When Ed looked up, there was a banana peel tangled in his braid.

Roy barely held back a laugh. "Ed, you seem a bit dirty…" He smirked, an evil glint making itself known in his eyes.

Ed stared levelly back at the other. He was too annoyed to roll his eyes or scoff at the innuendo laced through Roy's tone. "Shove off, bastard."

"Shove off? …Or shove in?" Roy couldn't help but laugh at that point as he picked up the red-faced blonde and threw him over his shoulder. "But first, we need to clean you up."

"We need to clean _you_ up," Ed suggested, irritated, giving up his futile attempt to squirm free.

The Flame Alchemist grinned lopsidedly. "Is that an invitation, Ed?"

Edward squawked and buried his face into Roy's neck, moaning at the indignity.

"Save those sounds for later," Roy whispered.

"…" Ed wisely chose to keep his mouth shut. Well, before he opened it later…

Behind them, the empty milk carton sat innocently on the kitchen counter.


	8. Milk and Oil

"Why didn't you do as I asked you to do in the first place?" Ed gasped for breath after his and Roy's 'playtime', glaring at his lover pointedly. "I asked you to take out the trash, and you just…dropped me in the garbage can!" he ended with a shout, indignity filling his voice.

Roy rolled over in bed to stare at the ceiling, positioning his arms behind his head. "I _thought_ I was doing what you told me to do, Fullmetal. I'm sorry if I disappointed you." The fake-innocent and apologetic tone that Roy used was not doing anything to improve Edward's mood.

"Grow up," Ed retorted, turning in the opposite direction so he wouldn't have to witness Roy's ever-famous smirk.

"I think I'm pretty grown, wouldn't you say? Unlike some people in this bed…" Roy teased.

Shaking, Ed rolled back to stare angrily at the Flame Alchemist. "You want to repeat that to my face, bastard?"

"I would have in the first place if you had only looked at me," Roy responded, getting the best of the blonde chibi once again. He leaned over to kiss his blonde lover, being careful not to initiate another session. They were running low on oil. "Say, what _were_ you referring to, if you didn't mean yourself? Earlier, I mean, when you told me to take out the trash."

Ed rolled his eyes exasperatedly. "I meant to chuck out the empty milk gallon that you made us get two days ago, remember that?"

Roy blinked, confused. "Empty? But. I thought you hated milk, Ed."

"I do."

More confusion. "Then how…?"

It was Ed's turn to smirk. "See, I know milk is entirely useless. So, as such an esteemed alchemist, I just…transmuted it into something more handy."

Roy tilted his head at his lover. "Which would be…?"

Ed didn't answer, but just continued to stare past his lover, seemingly at Roy's bedside table drawer. Roy turned his head to follow Ed's gaze, noticing the near-empty bottle of lubricant oil in easy reach during their…moments.

When he turned back to Ed's triumphant face, his eyebrow was raised considerably. "I see."

A pause.

"So, you think we'll need more milk before tomorrow?"


	9. Steam

Roy Mustang's hand carefully held his sacred cup of coffee to his lips as he sipped, his dark eyes looking over the rim to read the (pointless) paperwork he was in charge of completing before Hawkeye shot him through the head. Without looking at anything other than the papers on his desk, he carefully felt for a free spot on his desk to lay the cup of coffee on. Sweat rolled down his face, but he pointedly ignored the perspiration.

There was a terrible heat wave sweeping through Amestris, and the uncomfortable heat was even worse in as big a city as Central.

The door to his office was kicked open, a short blonde leaning his head in to peek at the Colonel. Smirking as he saw that Roy was the only occupant inside, the Fullmetal Alchemist cockily sauntered into the room, making sure to close and lock the door behind him. "Hey, Roy," he greeted, using Roy's first name since there were no higher-ups to overhear the casual and intimate relationship between commanding officer and subordinate.

"Edward." Roy returned the sentiment, still not looking at his lover. He drank from his coffee cup again, sighing deeply once he set it down again. "Hawkeye's been on my case to finish this crap," he muttered, loud enough for Ed to hear him, but not loud enough to have the First Lieutenant break the door down to shoot him for saying such a comment.

"So? She's always bugging you to finish your work, you lazy bastard," Ed remarked, trotting over to Roy's desk and pushing the paperwork into the nearest trashcan. "See, this is what you throw out when I tell you to take out the trash," he shot at the Colonel, referring to the time Roy dropped _him_ in the trashcan.

"It was an accident," Roy repeated. He smirked up at his lover at long last. It was an old joke between them by now, but still one they never tired of.

"Now burn the evidence," Ed commanded, an evil grin forming on his face.

Roy shook his head. "Riza would kill me, Ed. Literally. And besides…she'd expect me to burn it."

Ed shrugged. "Not my problem."

"It _is_ your problem when you don't get any once I'm dead," Roy pointed out in a serious tone.

The blonde stared at Roy incredulously. "What?" he croaked, once again surprised by the Colonel's forwardness. He should have been used to it by now, but Roy's comments almost always seemed to catch him off-guard.

Roy returned the stare. "Yes?" he prompted.

" _Why_ are you drinking _coffee_?" Edward asked, in the same tone of voice. "There's a freakin' heat wave out there, Roy! Are you trying to kill yourself? I know suicide sounds like a better death than dying by Lieutenant Hawkeye's gun, but—"

"That's not it," Roy interrupted. "The heat makes me drowsy. I need to stay awake so I can finish this paperwork…I do feel like living, Fullmetal."

The young man blinked. "Heat makes you drowsy?"

A nod.

"But you're the _Flame_ Alchemist! Aren't you used to heat?"

"Weren't you the one just asking me why I was drinking coffee in the first place?" Roy shot back, raising an eyebrow as Edward spluttered. "So," the dark-haired man continued, calmly ignoring his stammering younger lover. "What do I owe the pleasure of seeing you like this? Could you not wait to get started? I know I'm irresistible and the heat must have compelled you to search for the real source of your warmth, but…"

Tawny eyes narrowed in righteous anger. "No! It's hot outside! I'd die if I wore my usual attire!"

Both alchemists were referring to Ed's current outfit. He had dropped his normal red coat and black shirt, leaving him in only his tight black tank-top. Glancing at the door, he shimmied out of his leather pants and slipped into some casual shorts he wore to relax in (all one-handed, so it took him awhile). Roy watched with an appraising eye.

"Don't look at me like that," Ed blushed. "Leather isn't the most comfortable during a heat wave like this, and I couldn't exactly walk to your office in these shorts."

Roy had to agree as he gave his lover a once-over yet again. He took another sip of coffee to wet his lips as he beckoned Ed over. Almost hesitating at first, Ed gave in and hopped onto Roy's clear desk. He crossed his legs and sat facing the Colonel. His left hand held a chocolate ice-cream cone, in which the ice-cream was dropping onto Ed's flesh fingers.

"What's with the ice-cream, Ed?"

Ed rolled his eyes. "Have you not been listening? It's _hot_ outside. I needed something to cool me down."

Roy grinned. "And now you need me to heat you up again." It wasn't a question.

The blonde blushed, hurriedly nibbling on some of the firmer sections of his ice-cream so he wouldn't have to answer. So doing, the ice-cream smeared across his lips, but that didn't stop Ed from digging in deeper.

As much fun as he was having watching Ed devour his chocolate ice-cream, Roy couldn't sit idly back any longer. He reached over and tugged on Ed's left hand, pulling the ice-cream covered hand closer to him. And where the hand went, the ice-cream cone went also. And Ed's lips seemed to not want to leave that delicious ice-cream. So it was an all-win situation for Roy as the whole of Ed sidled towards him, almost falling off the desk into Roy's lap. Not that Roy would have minded, but Ed made sure to stay on the desk.

Since the Fullmetal's lips weren't going to stop snacking on that cold treat for awhile yet, Roy lifted Ed's left hand to his lips and started to lick the ice-cream drippings off his fingers. A lazy look came into his eyes as he made sure to clean off every spot. Ed moaned from the sensations of eating his cold treat and from feeling Roy's hot tongue counteract the other soothing feeling of freezing, and sticky, ice-cream from his fingers.

Roy finished his coffee so he could place the cup on the floor and not worry about if it spilled—in case certain things happened between him and his chibi in the next few minutes. Not being able to wait any longer, Roy pried the cone from Ed's fingers and dropped the treat into the trash, the ice-cream completely ruining the paperwork. Whoops.

Ed sighed but gave in to Roy's advances, tilting his head slightly to catch Roy's lips on his own. His hands moved along Roy's arms as he clutched tightly.

The Colonel pulled back sooner than expected. "You know, Ed, you're almost tall enough to reach me when you sit on a levitated desk like this."

Ed growled and yanked Roy's head down (but only slightly down, since Roy was right about the desk thing) to shut him up. Again, the Colonel pulled back. "What _now_?" Ed groaned, twitching from the constant interruptions.

Roy raised a finger to look at the misty substance that was rising from between their faces. "What do you think…" He leaned into the haze, trying to figure out what it was.

Ed, thinking Roy was initiating another kiss, waited expectantly for the pressure on his slightly open mouth. When it didn't come in five seconds, Ed squinted at Roy through one eye. "What's wrong with you? I'm waiting, here."

"Patience, Edward. I'm trying to figure out what this is," Roy explained, pointing out to Ed the barely noticeable vapor in the air.

"It's steam," the blonde replied automatically. "C'mon, Roy, you're a freakin' alchemist. Please tell me you can recognize condensation…"

Roy raised an eyebrow again at Edward's impertinence. "Yes, but _why_ is it appearing _now_ …there's a heat wave. There's not supposed to be steam. There's no coldness to meet the heat, so how can it form?"

At that, Ed grinned knowingly. "Ice cream and coffee," he stated softly, earning an odd look from his lover. "Use your brain, Roy. It won't hurt you every once in a while. My lips and yours…cold and hot…figure it out." He smiled, pushing (slightly) up to desperately press his lips to Roy's once more before the Colonel could respond.

Well, before he could respond verbally, anyways. It was Roy's turn to moan softly as he returned the kiss, deepening it significantly. His hands wrapped around Ed's waist, finally pulling him off the desk and into his lap.

The suction between their lips disappeared as Ed had to readjust his position. On Roy's lap, he was closer to the floor; on the desk, he was nearer the ceiling. He frowned at Roy's chuckles. He shook his head, annoyed, and moved his legs to straddle the Colonel's hips and press his chest against Roy's.

Roy's breath hitched as the situation Ed had put them in became clear in his mind. Again, they started nibbling at each other's lips, exchanging the tastes and feelings of coffee and ice-cream, Roy and Ed. And the more they continued, the more steam spread across the room.

Needless to say, things got extremely steamy after that.

Literally.

-+-

"Hey, is that smoke billowing from the Colonel's office?" Havoc asked, his cigarette dropping from his mouth as the thick gray-ish substance wisped from the crack under the door to Roy's private headquarters.

Riza Hawkeye frowned. "He had _better_ not be burning that paperwork…"


	10. Miniskirts

Edward Elric sank back onto the park bench, letting himself relax for the first time in a long while. He closed one golden eye, watching his lover intently with the other. "Aren't you going to sit down?" he asked a moment or so later, patting the empty space beside him.

It was days like these that both alchemists enjoyed. When both were finally off-duty and could actually enjoy time spent together while not at the office. They hadn't had a peaceful day alone like this for months, so both were grateful for the time given to them.

Roy Mustang shook a bit, looking at Ed as if he had just woken up. "What'd you say, Ed?" Though free from tedious paperwork, Roy still wore his military jacket as he had just been released from Central Headquarters an hour prior. Being on time to meet Ed was more important than wasting time to go home to change. Besides, his uniform was impressive; it got people to respect him.

"I asked if you were going to sit by me," Ed repeated himself, annoyed. Couldn't Mustang ever just _listen_ to him?

"Oh." Roy shrugged, moving to sit down on the bench. Before he could get settled, a young woman in a miniskirt sauntered over to the pair, her eyes fixed on the older of the two males. Roy shot her one of his irresistible smiles as she approached, turning his expression into one Ed immediately recognized as 'seductive.'

Ed choked on air, detecting the look on Roy's face. Wasn't that expression supposed to be reserved strictly for him?

Roy either didn't notice or ignored Ed's distress. "Hello," he almost purred as the woman got closer to the bench.

Ed's choking got louder.

"Hi yourself," the annoying female giggled, plopping herself between the blonde and raven-haired man.

Ed growled warningly. The woman looked at him scathingly before returning her attention to Roy. She latched onto his arm, pressing her weight into his side. "I love a man in uniform," she cooed, getting straight to the point and making her intentions clear.

'How dare she?' Ed raged in his head. 'Roy is _my_ property, damn it! He _chose_ to be mine! What is wrong with this floozy that she doesn't realize that Roy's with _me_? And that miniskirt is just so indecent. There's not enough fabric there to wrap a bleeding finger! How dare she make moves on _my_ Roy?'

The Colonel, however, just smirked with his eyes half-closed and responded back. "And I just adore a pretty girl in a miniskirt." He slipped an arm around the stranger, returning the embrace.

His official lover seethed just a foot away.

"Why don't we buy this kid an ice-cream cone so I can…entertain you more properly in private?" the woman whispered suggestively, tracing circles on Roy's chest with her index finger. "Or I could always visit you once you're done baby-sitting…" she offered, fluttering her eyelashes.

Edward dearly wished he really did have ice-cream so he could chuck it at her irritating face. Not to mention Roy's…how dare his lover do this to him?

"Uh…" Roy stammered weakly. He had led her on, and now he didn't have a reasonable excuse to decline the night she was proposing. He couldn't very well tell her that 'the kid' was his boyfriend, after all.

"Burn in hell!" Ed cut in at last, finally at the point where he could take no more of this any longer.

The woman once again turned to look at him. "I wasn't asking _you_ ," she said icily. But it was all back to smiles and giggles when she turned to Roy again. "What do you say, handsome?"

Roy cringed. Ed gagged.

"I have plans with someone else," Roy answered at last, sneaking a roguish glance at Ed over the stranger's head.

"Tonight?" The mini-skirt wearer pouted.

"Forever."

Ed shot him a murderous glare, not seeming to hear the promise in Roy's voice, before jumping to his feet and racing off, his boots thumping on the dirt path.

"ED!" Roy yelled after him, shaking the woman off his arm. "Excuse me."

The female sighed, scooting over to sit in the Colonel's vacated spot. Her eyes narrowed as she watched the two retreating figures, her manicured nails smoothing over the tiny piece of fabric that was her skirt.

-+-

"Edward, let me in! This is my house, damn it!" Roy pounded on the locked door.

The blonde's back thumped against the other side of the door, inside the house. He slid down to the floor and slumped over, heaving a defeated sigh. How could Roy betray him like that? And when he was right _there_ , damn it!

Roy paused to take a breath, getting ready to yell again. "It was just a bit of harmless flirting, Ed! Don't take it so personally! Geez, I'd never think you to be the jealous type…"

Ed swung around to glare at the door, forgetting Roy couldn't see his face. "Harmless? _Harmless_? Roy, that was fucking shameless and I was _right there_ while you led some doozy on to believe you were interested in sharing her _bed_!"

Roy's forehead bumped on the door. "I was just having a bit of fun, Ed. It's not like I _meant_ any of it. And did you completely miss how I told her I had permanent plans with someone else?"

"So what?" Ed shot back. "…You know what? Forget it. I don't have to listen to your lame excuses, Colonel Bastard."

Roy's eyes widened as he heard the sound of retreating footsteps. And Ed _still_ hadn't unlocked the door to the main house, which meant that he was leaving Roy outside for the night. And Roy knew better than to attempt alchemy to open the door; now was most definitely _not_ the time to challenge Edward Elric.

He sighed. It looked like he was sleeping on the porch swing tonight.

-+-

Edward flopped onto the bed he and Roy shared, turning over to bury his face in the pillows. Bad move, as his nostrils were bombarded by Roy's personal scent. He groaned. He didn't want to be alone with his thoughts. Didn't want to be reminded of Roy…

…and the mini-skirt woman at the park.

The young alchemist sat up suddenly, going over Roy's words from earlier that day: "I just adore a pretty girl in a miniskirt." Of course. Roy Mustang had always had a fascination with miniskirts, for some odd reason…

If that was what it took, then damn it, he was going to make sure the Flame Alchemist never looked at _anybody_ else ever again.

And to put his plan into action, he'd need serious help.

-+-

"Hey Alphonse," the older Elric greeted in an extra-happy tone the following morning.

Al sighed internally. Ed never used that tone of voice unless he wanted help with something stupid. "Yes, Brother?"

"Want to take a trip to Resembool? See Winry again?" Ed chattered on, talking a mile-a-minute. "There's something I need her help with, and I know you want to see her again, so I figured we could take a vacation and all that. So how 'bout it, Al?"

The suit of armor would have blinked if he could. "Um, sure I'd like to see Winry again, Brother." It was a good thing Ed couldn't see a blush on Al's face, as the metal didn't react to the boy's emotions.

"Great, then it's settled! To Resembool!" Ed pumped a fist in the air dramatically.

"What about Colonel Mustang? Does he know we're leaving?" Al asked innocently, wanting to make sure his older brother wouldn't get in trouble.

Immediately, Ed's face darkened. "Who cares? We're going and that's final." He stalked off without another word before Al could respond.

-+-

Roy woke up with a start when he fell to the dusty floor of his porch. Blinking himself awake, he looked about groggily, wondering why he was sleeping outside. In bits and pieces, the scene from yesterday played through his mind. His onyx eyes widened as he rushed for the door, trying to punch it open.

"ED! FULLMETAL! I command you to let me inside this instant!"

All was silent inside the house, and Roy despaired of ever sleeping in his own (and Edward's) bed ever again.

-+-

A wrench flew through the air, knocking Ed to the floor yet again. "You want my help with _what_?" A girlish shriek shook the foundations of the Rockbell house.

"I _said_ ," Ed bit out, "that I needed help shopping for a miniskirt!"

Al sweatdropped in the background. "Uh, Brother…?"

"I just need a damn miniskirt to win Roy over for good! Now can you freakin' help me or not?"

All was silent as compared to the chaos of just seconds earlier.

Winry's jaw dropped in amazement. "You want to wear a…miniskirt…to impress your superior officer, Ed?"

"Does it bother you?" Ed retorted, the pissed-off look on his face daring Winry to say 'yes.'

"Um, not really. It just surprised me…" the mechanic responded in a small voice. "But, sure. We can go shopping if you want." She answered quickly, hoping to dissuade Ed from exploding again.

Ed's predatory and satisfactory smile was back in place. "Good."

"Can I stay here for awhile, Brother?" Al begged, looking over at Winry hurriedly.

Ed turned to look in the direction Al was so preoccupied with. Slowly, a sly smirk spread across his face. "Sure thing, Al. You just come back to Central whenever you're ready." The Fullmetal hopped onto the train, clutching onto his bags of miniskirt purchases. He leaned out his window once he found a seat, winking at his younger brother. "Knock 'er dead, Alphonse."

Al gaped at the retreating train, pivoting slightly around once the vehicle was out of sight. Now how was he going to explain to Winry why he was still here?

The only blonde left at the train station turned to face the suit of armor, confused. "Al? You're not going back to Central with your brother?"

"Um, no ma'am…" Al stammered, his voice squeaking.

A wide grin settled on her lips. "I'm really glad you're staying, Al."

Al was very glad Winry couldn't see him blush, though he suspected she knew he was anyway.

-+-

Ed stomped down the hallway to Roy's office once he was back in Central, holding his bags protectively to his chest. He hunched over his purchases, making sure nobody saw what was inside the bags. He pushed the door open with his foot, his eyes narrowing as he saw that nobody occupied the office.

Roy wasn't off-duty today. Ed knew his schedule backwards and forwards. So why…?

He mentally shrugged, stepping into the empty office. It was just as well that Roy wasn't there- Ed could surprise him with his new attire. He almost cackled as he got rid of the leather pants and slid the miniskirt over his hips, making sure to safety-pin it so it wouldn't fall off easily.

The Colonel trudged through the hallways, glaring murder at anyone who tried to talk with him. Ed _still_ wasn't opening the door, so he had slept on the porch for three nights straight. How long could Fullmetal mope for, anyways? He quickly stepped into the safety and privacy of his office with a long-suffering sigh, snapping the door shut behind him.

He was not expecting Edward to be sitting on his desk. In. A. Miniskirt.

Roy instantly got a nosebleed. "Edward?"

"I went to Resembool so Winry could help me go shopping. You like the change?" Ed asked pleasantly, the complete opposite tone of voice from during their last conversation.

Roy had to get a tissue to plug his nose with. "You mean I could've broken into our house and slept in our bed…I've been enduring hell on the porch and giving you time to come to your senses for _no reason_? You haven't even been _home_?" the black-haired man ranted, his voice rising towards the end.

Ed rolled his eyes. "Answer my question, Roy."

Roy stared at his lover again, grabbing another tissue. "You look good in drag, Fullmetal" he finally said.

Edward blushed heavily. "You didn't need to say _that_ …"

Roy only took strides towards Ed, cupping his chin to kiss him fully on the lips. "You know you didn't need to go to all the trouble, Ed. You're perfect without the miniskirt." He paused. "Not that I'm complaining or anything."

The blonde's face crinkled in disgust. "Yeah? Then why'd you have to go and flirt with that slut?"

Roy blinked. "You mean you really _were_ jealous? Edward, I had no intention of doing anything to upset you."

"Well, you did a perfect job of upsetting me when you played along with her little seduction game, asshole." Ed crossed his arms over his chest, pointedly looking away from Roy's knowing eyes.

Again, Roy guided Ed's lips to his. "I thought you were secure in the knowledge of my feelings for you, Fullmetal."

"For Fullmetal? Sure, your favorite subordinate that you love to send on all your crap missions and blame him for eating up the military's funding for useless goose chases for the Philosopher's Stone…" Ed rambled.

"Edward," Roy interrupted. "You know what I mean."

Ed looked to the ceiling. "Sometimes I am." He paused, bringing his head down to look at Roy again. "I thought that if I wore a miniskirt, I'd know that you'd never try to look at anyone else…"

"It was my fault for being stupid and playing along with that girl, Ed. But I told her that I was busy with someone else for forever, and that was before I saw you in a miniskirt," Roy reassured him.

Ed brightened considerably.

"But, now that I _have_ seen you in a miniskirt…you can't let this little piece of cloth go to waste, can you? It's almost as tiny as you are. And the shorter the better…" Roy had that familiar sexy glint in his eyes.

The Fullmetal Alchemist tried to edge away from his obsessed lover. "Oh, well, I think Winry could take them. I mean, Al should have a nice view sometimes…" He fell straight on his back atop Roy's desk, leaving him vulnerable to the Colonel's advances.

"Let me have my fun first," Roy purred, leaning closer. Ed recognized that look on Roy's face as especially 'seductive.'

Ed squeaked, deciding it would not be a good idea to let Roy know of the full three bags of miniskirts he had bought while in Resembool.

-+-

"Hey, Lieutenant Hawkeye?" Jean Havoc held up a tiny piece of cloth he had found in the hallway leading to Roy's office. "Is this…a miniskirt? You're the only woman in this section of Central Headquarters. And we all know Roy's preferences are short hyperactive blondes with short-tempers, so we know he hasn't had any women lately…"

Riza Hawkeye subtly started to polish her gun. "Are you implying something, 2nd Lieutenant Havoc?" she asked in a too-sweet voice.

"I want to see you wearing this," Havoc blurted out stupidly, not thinking at all.

The cigarette in his mouth was cleanly shot to the floor.


	11. Mid-Life Crisis

Ed paused outside his and Mustang's house, listening to the devastating shrieks from inside. He cautiously took a few steps nearer the door, pressing his ear against the crack as he listened for anything amiss. There didn't seem to be anything wrong that he could pinpoint, except for his lover's worrisome yells. "Roy?" he called out softly, pushing the front door open.

And he paused. The entire living room was a mess- books, research journals, clothes, pictures (mostly of Elysia that Hughes had forced on them), State medals, spare ignition gloves, and what seemed Roy's personal keepsakes from when he was a boy. Ed shuddered. Thinking of Roy as young was not doing anything to ease his nerve.

He carefully padded his way through the junk, checking the other rooms as he followed the source of the noise to the main bedroom. Every room was the same. "Roy?" he repeated, at last gaining the Flame Alchemist's attention. "What's going on here?"

Roy stiffened, hearing another's voice. He swirled around to glare at the intruder, but he relaxed when he noticed it was his lover. "Ed," he gasped, spreading his arms wide in invitation.

Edward blinked, backing up a step. This new Roy was scaring him. "Um…Roy?"

The raven-haired man's posture slumped when Ed started a cautious retreat. It seemed he was only capable of mumbling 'Ed' over and over again. His eyes were listless as he looked about the room, his eyes scanning the mess on the floor.

The blonde sighed, retracing his steps towards his older lover. Without a word, he knelt on the floor, swatting some random objects to the side so he had room to kneel. "Roy," he said firmly, shaking the man's shoulders. "Tell me what happened."

Roy seemed to come to life once Ed touched him. "It's just…I'm 29 years old and I haven't done anything of importance. I'm trying to look for something that indicates that I've made an impact on the world, but so far…nothing. I'm too _old_ , Ed!" he wailed, totally unlike the Roy that Ed thought he knew.

The Fullmetal Alchemist blinked. " _What_ are you talking about, Roy? You've done tons of things!"

Roy stared at him as if to say 'Go on…'

Ed thought a moment. "Well, you're one of the best damn Alchemists in the country, you've reached the high rank of Colonel at such a young age—yes, it _is_ young, how many other 29 year-olds are Colonels? - you've even been in the Ishbal War! If that hasn't made an impact, then what could've…?"

At Ed's last statement, Roy dissolved into tears, not wanting to remember the horrors of war. The Rockbells. The innocent Ishbalans…

Edward realized his mistake too late. "Damn," he muttered under his breath as he stroked Roy's hair, hoping to soothe his distraught lover. "And what makes you think you can't still make a positive impact on the world? I thought you were going to become Fuhrer. Where's that determined, arrogant, manipulative Colonel I'm used to?" Ed asked with a hint of a smile on his lips.

Roy shivered, leaning his face into Ed's neck. "I'm too old," he repeated.

Ed raised an eyebrow. "That's news to me. If you were so old, then how could you have so much energy at…night?" he said, hinting towards something else.

The older of the two raised his head. "I found gray hairs," he whispered dramatically.

His blonde lover didn't know how to react. Should he laugh or just not dignify Roy's comment with a response?

"It's true." Roy nodded emphatically into Ed's shoulder.

"Would you like me to show you just how young you are?" Ed asked, anticipation lacing his tone.

Roy's head shot up as he stared at his lover. He didn't answer, but let himself be led towards the bed. He watched as Ed shoved his junk off the bedcovers and pulled the both of them onto the cleared space, his depression lifting as his lips settled on the younger alchemist's.

"You've made impressive impacts on tons of people," Ed commented once he had gotten Roy calmed down. He breathed heavily, rolling over to stare at Roy earnestly. "Without your help, I couldn't have become a State Alchemist at age twelve. And you've supported me on my missions, even though you've always been so cocky about it. And did you ever wonder why your subordinates are so damn loyal to you, Mustang? It's because of the type of man you are. You don't have to worry about not having done anything important…you've already done tons, and you still have a lot of time left to make things even better for this country." The blonde paused, watching Roy as the information sank in.

"So…" Roy coughed. "You don't think I'm old?"

Ed smacked his forehead with his right hand, belatedly forgetting that his right hand was made of automail. "Ow," he mumbled.

Roy leaned over to drop a kiss on Ed's forehead, where already a bump was forming. "There, all better."

Ed stared. Why was Roy acting so emotional now? Was it just because he was having a mid-life crisis and was overreacting to some dust particles lodged in his hair?

Roy settled back on the pillows, the usual cocky smirk adorning his features. "Oh well. At least I have far more going for me than a pipsqueak with a temper to match."

The blonde seethed, shaking with rage. "WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER TRYING TO COMFORT YOU WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO CALL ME A MIDGET WITH ANGER-MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS!"


	12. Topping

Roy sighed, glancing at the mountainous pile of paperwork on his office desk. Which, supposedly, he was to finish reading and signing before noon. It was already eleven in the morning, and he had only gotten through three sheets of paper during the entire workday thus far.

"Colonel?"

Mustang's head turned at the sound of his subordinate's, and secret lover's, voice. "Fullmetal," he responded briskly, nodding to show his acknowledgment of the teen's presence.

It was a game of acting when the two were in the office. At least when there were other military officers moseying around, the two alchemists couldn't risk revealing their secret relationship.

"That looks pointless," Ed observed, leaning his elbows on Roy's desk. "Wouldn't you much rather be doing something more interesting?"

The black-haired man shook his head in despair. "We don't all have exciting lives like you, shrimp. My military duties, unlike yours, involve a lot of paperwork."

"Yeah, well, my missions aren't exactly safe, either!" the blonde pointed out, snorting. "And guess who assigns me those missions, anyways?" He mock-glared at his superior to get his point across. In actuality, he didn't mind those reckless missions since one of them _might_ help him restore his younger brother's body to normal. He paused. "AND WHO'RE YOU CALLING A SHRIMP WHO ALWAYS HAS TO SWIM AWAY FROM A WHALE'S MOUTH AND SO IS ALWAYS ON THE RUN WITH A DANGEROUS LIFESTYLE?"

Roy winced from the pitch of Ed's ranting. "I'll give you a hint: he's loud, annoying, and height-sensitive."

"That could be anyone," Ed responded automatically, not listening to the Colonel. He put more weight on his elbows as he thought which eventually led him to topple onto the Colonel's paperwork pile.

Roy cringed as the papers swooshed in the air, landing all over the floor. "Damn," he muttered, staring at the mess around his office. "Hawkeye's not going to like this."

"She's murderous when it comes to your paperwork being finished on time," Ed agreed from his spot on the desk. "But I can back you up about the work being so extremely boring that you couldn't concentrate."

Roy tilted his head, staring at Ed speculatively. "You know, it's not that hard to top. I get very easily…distracted," Roy murmured, licking his lips, making sure Ed understood the double-meaning in his lover's words.

The Fullmetal's eyes widened as he glanced to make sure the door was closed. "Idiot," he hissed. "Anybody could've heard you…!"

Roy shrugged. "Then they'd think that it's near impossible to find anything more tedious than paperwork. Relax, Edward."

Ed's stance took on a predatory look. "You did say something about…topping…" He took a purposeful step towards Roy, golden eyes hard and determined. Hands slightly shaking, The Fullmetal pushed the Flame to his back on the floor, the blonde towering over the other (for once). "Roll over," he commanded.

Roy blinked. Of course, he had challenged Edward. And the blonde could never back down from a challenge, no matter what. And the Colonel was a dog of the military, so it only made sense that his owner/keeper would try to teach him new tricks. Well, this certainly would be an interesting trial session…

-+-

"So…" the Fullmetal Alchemist trailed off uncertainly some time later, shooting questioning looks at his lover. "How," he swallowed, "um, how did I…?" His words died on his tongue as he waited for Roy's rating. Usually he wasn't so self-conscious, but this new step in his and Roy's relationship put him a bit on edge.

"I wouldn't mind a repeat performance," Roy said at long last. "After all, practice makes perfect. What do you say?"

Ed paused to think a moment, his ego restored, before answering with a devious glint in his eyes. "Get into position."

-+-

Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye sighed. It looked like she was never getting that paperwork…

If only Roy would sign as many papers as he did Ed, she'd be a very happy First Lieutenant.


	13. Leash

"Oi, Mustang!" Ed bashed the door to the Colonel's office inwards, slipping inside the room before the door swung shut again of its own accord. "I've got my resignation letter all written up. I'm here to turn in my pocket watch and state alchemy certification." His smile faltered in the impending silence, though he still stood straight before Roy's desk, not backing down from his decision just because of an awkward stillness.

Roy shook his head curtly, denying Ed's letter and watch. "No, Fullmetal. I won't allow you to up and quit on me. That's a direct order. You're staying a state alchemist, and you're staying under my command."

The blonde growled low in his throat at the rejection. "Cocky, Colonel? I served my time. I think the State's gotten the most use out of me as possible. I'm through with being a dog of the military, and nothing you say can change my mind. Your orders don't mean anything to me anymore as I'm no longer a state alchemist. Meaning, you don't have the authority to order me to stay." With a defying slam, Ed smacked his silver pocket-watch on his superior's desk. " _Take this_." His left hand shook as he backed away, but he didn't change his mind.

The Colonel froze, seeing Edward was serious about quitting. "Edward. You can't do this to me. I'm depending on you to help me turn this country around. When the time comes –when I become Fuhrer—I'm going to need people under my command that I trust. And more importantly, that the common man trusts. You're Edward Elric, Living Legend of the People. Do you know how much you inspire those people, Ed? If you quit now, think of everybody you'd be hurting…"

Edward clenched his jaw. "I'm sick of having a leash around my neck, being yanked around by pointless missions and higher-ups. I just want to go back to Resembool and spend time with Al and Winry." He half-turned, watching Roy's reaction out of the corner of his eye.

"Edward."

Ed froze, but didn't turn to fully face Roy. As it was, he was shocked when he felt something snap tightly around his neck. Damn it anyways, but the bastard always managed to surprise him… Lifting both hands, he felt around his neck and tugged, trying to break free. He whirled around to glare daggers at his soon-to-be ex-lover, still trying to figure out what was about his neck.

"It's a collar. Attached to a leash," Roy pointed out smugly, lifting a gloved hand to show Ed the end of the leash clasped in his fingers. "And as you can see, I have full control over you at the moment. Don't try to fight it; you'll only end up choking yourself." He jerked the leash, causing Ed to stumble towards him.

"Don't even think it, bastard," Ed wheezed, his glare intensifying.

"I told you I'm not letting you go," the black-haired man spoke softly, an unreadable emotion shimmering in his eyes.

Ed gulped, sensing that things had gotten out of control. Hell, he had a _leash_ around his neck…! "Roy," he whispered, suddenly moving towards his lover without anymore prodding. Sighing, he wrapped his arms around the other, leaning his head against the Colonel's chest. "I just want to be free from this type of life," he explained softly, the anger and embarrassment fading away as he felt Roy return the embrace.

"I know. I think we all want things to change. But, Ed, that's what I'm trying to do around here. Change things. And I'm going to need your help…and you said you wanted to go to Resembool? Were you planning on ditching me?" Roy asked, not bothering to hide the hurt edge in his voice.

Ed stiffened. "I, um, wasn't planning on leaving you, Roy. I just…want to spend time with my brother. I finally got his body back, and I want to be there with him as he learns to enjoy life again. I finally accomplished my goal and I want to see the end result."

"I've helped you achieve your goal, Edward. Won't you help my achieve mine?" the Colonel prodded in a low voice, using his index finger to lift Ed's face to his.

The Fullmetal nodded his head slowly as he thought it over, closing his eyes at the intense emotions displayed in Roy's onyx eyes.

Satisfied, Roy bent his neck the extra smidgeon and pressed his lips against Ed's. The blonde immediately relaxed his stance, sinking against Roy's chest as the contact grew more heated. The older would always have control over the blonde, and not because of any leash. He only needed to keep doing what he was doing, using hands and lips so expertly upon the younger alchemist.

Ed willingly parted his lips under Roy's ministrations, allowing the Colonel to slide his tongue inside the Fullmetal's mouth. Ed shifted against Roy's chest, stretching his neck upwards to deepen the kiss even more. His hands, both automail and flesh, hooked around Roy's shoulders, holding him up once the embrace stole all feelings save numbness from his legs. And before Roy became his lover, Ed didn't know an automail leg could _feel_ numb.

Too soon for Ed's taste, the Flame Alchemist redirected his kisses towards the Fullmetal's neck, which was so conveniently extended towards his mouth. The blonde sighed once the pressure departed from his lips, but he still shook as Roy continued to rain kisses and bites upon his now-sensitive skin.

And suddenly Roy's lips were no longer reaching Ed's neck. Both alchemists paused at the interruption, wondering what was keeping that so much needed contact from happening. Both realized it at the same time.

That. Damn. Collar.

Mustang wrenched the leash, trying to tear the collar from Ed's neck. Ed almost yelped at the sudden pull, sending a half-hearted glare in Roy's direction.

"And then," Roy murmured, "there are always times when you have to work around the leash. You have good expertise in that area, Fullmetal." He lightly tugged on the strap once more, pulling it taut, but not tight enough to cause Ed to stagger. Ed narrowed his eyes. "There will always be someone pulling your leash and manipulating you, Edward, but it's up to you to know how to find the loophole." Roy carefully wound the leash around Ed's shoulders before unsnapping the (pesky) collar from around the blonde's neck. At once, the annoying bindings fell to the floor, where Ed kicked them under Roy's desk.

"Point taken," Ed replied back, leaning up to place another meaningful kiss on Roy's lips. "And then there are other times where you have to know how to turn the situation around, and make do with the leash around your neck. Use the leash to your advantage."

Roy smirked. "Is that a suggestion?"

Ed smiled but shook his head, hugging Roy quickly before turning towards the door. "With no leash to hold me back, I'm going to go cancel my trip to Resembool."

The Colonel scrunched his face up, trying to make sense of that. If the leash wasn't stopping him, wouldn't Fullmetal still decide to visit his brother and future sister-in-law?

Edward paused by the door, throwing a cocky grin over his shoulder before leaving. As he headed out of the office, he yelled back behind him, "You don't need a leash to keep me by your side, Roy. Oh, and do me a favor and burn that resignation letter for me, okay? Thanks, Colonel!"

Stunned, a ludicrous smile momentarily found its way onto Roy's face. He brought his fingers up and snapped, igniting the much-hated letter stating Fullmetal's early retirement.

And as an afterthought, the Flame Alchemist decided to burn that leash, too.


	14. Transfer

Roy Mustang gawked at the file sitting innocently on his desk. He had never expected such a thing to happen, and he had no idea on how to go about the situation. For once, the cool, calm, and collected Colonel was flabbergasted. His fingers itched to burn the folder, claim he'd never received the transaction, deny the document's very existence if he had to. But there had to be a more logical way to solve his problem.

If he destroyed those orders, more would just take their place. His desk would be forever doomed to suffer needless paperwork, in addition to Hawkeye's special bundle that always sat in the center of his desk space. Roy wanted to keep this incident from ever happening again. He drummed his fingers on his phone, deep in thought about the state of affairs.

The Colonel's superiors had requested a transfer from Roy's staff. And Roy Mustang cared for his subordinates deeply, perhaps more deeply than any commanding officer cared for his underlings. And it didn't help that the Fuhrer had suggested the transfer, as the alchemist in question of transfer had not lived up to serving the military's needs above personal goals. Apparently, Mustang had not done a good enough job training said alchemist, and the Fuhrer wanted tighter control over the extraordinary abilities of the Fullmetal Alchemist.

Yes. The Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric, had been ordered to serve a new commanding officer, to leave Roy Mustang's regiment. The blonde didn't know about the (possible) transfer, but Roy was determined to cut off the switch before it happened. Ed should never have to know the ugly inner workings of the military life, though it was inevitable as his missions involved issues dealing with the State's corrupt power.

"Colonel Mustang?" A knock sounded at his office door, interrupting his musings. Sitting straighter in his seat at the sound of the Fuhrer's voice outside his door, Mustang cleared his throat, inviting King Bradley inside.

The door swung open as the Fuhrer entered, a serious expression on his face.

"Fuhrer, Sir," Roy saluted, standing up in respect of the country's leader. Though he secretly wished the man would hurry up and die so he could take over, Roy never let such petty negative feelings show on his face.

"I believe you may be a bit shocked about the letter you were sent this morning, Colonel," Fuhrer Bradley spoke in his fake-friendly voice, getting straight to the matter at hand. "I know it may come as a bit of a shock, but I don't believe you've trained the Fullmetal boy to his full potential. You've had over three years to do it, so I think it's time for someone else to take a shot at it. That boy could be the greatest thing to happen to our country, so I'm sure you understand where I'm coming from with this."

Roy frowned inside, though he kept his face neutral. 'Edward could be the greatest thing to happen to our country if he stays under my command, not if he does your evil bidding,' Roy thought in his head, though he wisely kept his mouth shut. "Sir," he said simply, encouraging Bradley to continue speaking.

The Fuhrer sighed. "Trust me, Mustang. Don't fight this. Edward Elric _will_ be transferred from under your command, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. So I'd suggest you get used to the idea, because the Fullmetal Alchemist will serve under a more…positive influence."

Roy leaned forward in his seat, not being able to stop the beginnings of a frown etching across his face. "Positive influence? Are you saying I'm a _negative_ influence on Ed Elric, Fuhrer?" he asked incredulously. Imagine, Ed's lover being a negative influence on him!

Bradley just smiled widely. "I'm sure you know that you're a bit too…independent, Mustang. Fullmetal needs to be trained to serve the state. With you as an example, he's learning to fulfill his own needs through military funding. We need to squash that habit out of him before it's too late."

"So, in other words, you're going to brainwash him to be another useless lapdog?" Roy spat out, barely controlling his outrage. It wouldn't do to snap now, but he was having a hard time keeping his anger in check.

"You could say that." The statement was spoken as if nothing were wrong with the implications involved.

Roy closed his eyes, counting to ten under his breath to calm his breathing. "What if Fullmetal refuses to be transferred?"

"He doesn't have a choice in the matter."

Again, Roy had to calm himself from exploding. "So, it doesn't matter to you if Edward is more comfortably situated under my command, Fuhrer? I know exactly how to challenge him to make him do the expected outcome of a particular mission. He's used to the routine here. He and his brother have even gotten extremely close with my other subordinates…Fuhrer Bradley, the Elrics don't have a family. Are you going to force them away from the only people they can relate to on a regular basis?"

The Fuhrer raised an eyebrow. "Your arguments are lame, Flame Alchemist. Edward Elric will get to know his new commanding officer's troops. And his younger brother will not be accepted, either. The military has no use for an alchemist that doesn't sign up to serve the State."

The frown on Roy's face deepened. "What do you mean? Edward most definitely will not let himself be separated from Alphonse. You don't even know Ed as a person. And besides that, he would prefer to stay in the position he's in."

"Are you looking to be promoted any time in the future? At all?" the Fuhrer asked, a bit too sweetly.

The words died on Roy's tongue. His main goal, to strive through the ranks to the top of the military so he could change the corrupt system, was being threatened. "Sir, I only ask that you allow Edward to make that decision for himself. Give him the option of a transfer." He swallowed, sweat sliding down his neck from the pressure.

"No matter what he would choose, he would still be taken out from under your command, Colonel. Good day." With that, the Fuhrer rose to leave Roy to think. Pausing before the door, he looked back at the dejected alchemist. "Why do you care so much if Fullmetal is taken from you anyway, Mustang?"

Roy froze, racking his brain for an answer. He certainly couldn't say 'office sex' or 'because Ed and I are in a strictly forbidden relationship involving fraternization, and I deeply care for him.' "Um…personal feelings," he responded at last, shrugging one shoulder.

The Fuhrer decided he didn't want to know and swiftly exited.

-+-

"What's that?" Ed asked, poking at the untouched file-folder atop Roy's desk. He had just gotten back from investigating his latest lead on the Philosopher's Stone, so needless to say, he was hungry for some time alone with the Colonel.

Roy tilted his head, not seeming to want to answer. "Nothing important," he said finally. 'You don't need to concern yourself with military affairs. I _will_ find a way to keep you with me, Fullmetal,' the Flame thought to himself, beckoning the blonde over to his side.

Ed obliged, quickly wrapping his arms around Roy's midriff. The Flame, in turn, completed the embrace, holding Ed's head protectively against his chest. Ed sighed, relaxing under the touch. "No, seriously. What's in that folder, Roy?"

Knowing he couldn't lie, the Colonel heaved a sigh. "The Fuhrer has ordered that you be moved from my command. But I refuse to let go of you."

"Damn straight," Ed agreed automatically. "I belong under you."

Roy stared down at the blonde with a smug look on his face. "That's exactly where you belong, Edward. That's the _only_ place you belong…"

Ed blushed deeply, catching the Colonel's hidden meaning. "I didn't mean _that_ way, you pervert! I just meant…I meant…okay, hell, I belong under you in both circumstances."

The black-haired man laughed outright, pulling Ed tighter against him. "Now, if only we could get that point across to the Fuhrer…"

The Fullmetal Alchemist smirked. "I may have an idea, Roy."

-+-

Fuhrer Bradley walked briskly down the hallway, intent on demoting a certain Colonel. A certain Colonel who _refused_ to give up the Fullmetal Alchemist to a higher-up. King Bradley was certain that Mustang didn't have a good reason to keep the blonde under his command other than as a stepping-stone to get promoted. Well, that troublesome officer was going to get _de_ moted very quickly for disobeying direct orders from the head of the country.

Rounding a corner, he stopped in front of Mustang's office. He raised a hand to walk in unannounced- and stopped short as he heard a very loud moan from behind the closed door. And what was scary was that the voice sounded oddly…young. And male. And that could only be…

His eyes widened as the implications hit home. Roy Mustang was having a sexual relationship with his subordinate, Edward Elric. Both would be court-martialed, the Fuhrer decided. Turning on his heel, he headed to ready the legal documents.

Well, at least now he had a reason to get rid of Mustang's power threat for good.

…He knew that Fullmetal boy was good news.

-+-

"You think he bought it?" Ed asked anxiously.

Roy blinked, listening to the sound of retreating footsteps. "I think so. But he can't do anything about it. He has no proof that we're actually together…for all he knows, he's imagining things."

The blonde shook his head helplessly. "Roy, he's Fuhrer. He can do whatever he wants."

Roy stared him into silence. "The point was to sidetrack Fuhrer Bradley from separating you from the rest of my subordinates. I think he's forgotten by now. And from now on, when he thinks of the two of us, he'll be assaulted by certain images that invade his mind, sooner or later driving him to insanity."

Ed shrugged. "I wouldn't go quite so far. But feel free to think what you want, Colonel."

Roy smirked. "Oh, I will." He advanced towards his younger lover for a kiss, both as a reward for a job well done and just, well, just because he wanted a kiss.

-+-

"I have witnesses to say that I was in my office, alone, doing paperwork at the reported time," Roy spoke in defense of himself. He nodded towards Lieutenants Hawkeye and Havoc, who nodded in full support.

Fuhrer Bradley growled.

Ed stepped up to add in his two cents. "And I was in the dorms with my younger brother, Al. He'll vouch for me. We were researching alchemy, like we always do with our spare time."

Alphonse Elric didn't normally like to lie, but he did so this time for the sake of his brother's love life. "Yes, Sir. I was there with him the whole time. Colonel Mustang and Brother could not have been having…" he swallowed nervously, steeling himself for the next phrase, "sex in the office. It's just not a possibility."

Fuhrer King Bradley swore to himself silently before pasting on his usual fake-smile. "Well, how do you explain the moaning?"

Roy spoke up. "Maybe it was simply your imagination, Sir. But I can assure you, I was not sleeping with Fullmetal." 'And I wasn't,' he continued in his mind. 'Heated kisses and roaming hands might be all very well and good, but nothing compared to the full extent of the expression of our feelings for one another…'

Ed elbowed his lover in the side, shooting him a warning look. "Wipe that look off your face, Colonel. It'll give everything away," he whispered urgently, keeping his voice low so the wrong people wouldn't hear him.

Roy immediately forced his expression neutral. Ed smirked in triumph.

The Fuhrer sighed internally before stalking off, his own close subordinates following after him. Calling over his shoulder, he cried, "Whatever, Mustang. Keep your damn Fullmetal. I've dealt with enough trouble caused by the pair of you lately. It's probably too late to make something out of him anyway."

As soon as they were out of sight, Ed placed his hands on Roy's shoulders and lifted himself up enough to plant a light kiss on the Flame Alchemist's lips. In which, Roy returned full-heartedly, his arms snaking around Ed's back to hold him in place.

Right against him, where he belonged.


	15. Apples

As Roy Mustang's military boots hit the pavement, the light of the day was fading into dusk. By the time he got home from his duties, it was full-blown twilight. The Colonel frowned as he noticed the lights were off in his house, making the early night seem darker and colder than it should have been. He repressed an instinctive shiver, hoping nothing was wrong, as he picked up the pace towards his front door.

There was a time when it was common that Roy Mustang's house be empty when he returned home from work. But that was prior to the Flame Alchemist's relationship with Edward Elric. Now he expected Ed home before him each night. After all, Roy had an extensive library, so the blonde didn't need to go to any public facilities for research purposes.

The raven-haired man quickly and quietly swung the front door open, peering around for anything out of the ordinary to suggest why it looked like the house was empty. He flicked the light switch on, noticing nothing out of place. Maybe Ed _had_ gone off somewhere? He cautiously stepped through the rooms, his boots making no noise on the heavy dust that lined his floors.

He really should clean one of these days.

Roy almost sighed in relief when his eyes caught the cheery light of a lamp turned on—in his library. He should have known. He stood in the doorway, looking in on the scene. His young lover was so absorbed in his book that he didn't notice Roy's presence, which was shocking in itself. Golden eyes were zipping across the pages, taking in information in record speed. By the blonde's side, on the couch, was a plate of apples to eat as a snack while reading.

The Flame snuck over to behind the couch without being seen—an easy task since Ed was so preoccupied—and snatched the apple that the boy had been reaching blindly for the past few seconds. "My apple," Roy breathed into Ed's ear, leaning down so his breath stirred the tendrils of golden hair framing the side of Ed's face. He added an extra nip on Edward's lobe as an added bonus, smirking to himself as he caught the mixed look of surprise, confusion, and pleasure swirling on Ed's face.

The Fullmetal Alchemist turned on the couch, twisting his waist around so he could face the Colonel. "Actually, it was _my_ apple," he corrected. "You just stole it from me, like you always take things away from me."

"I always give you back what's rightfully yours," Roy defended himself.

"Pft. Yeah, after you make me work for them and get your daily amusement out of me," Ed shot back. When Roy had no answer, he knew he had won. It wasn't often that the Fullmetal actually got to enjoy a victory over the Flame, so he relished the feeling while it lasted. Somehow, always, Roy managed to turn the tables on him, making him feel embarrassed and stupid.

That part of their relationship hadn't changed just because of the sex. Granted, it brought them closer, but arguments and banter were a part of Roy's and Ed's relationship. And they still had their moments to themselves, when they trusted in one another completely and could do without the pretense of false anger. But for the most part, they still picked at each other on a regular basis.

"Anyway," Roy said, taking a bite out of the red apple, "I think this bite mark proves for itself that this is _my_ apple."

Ed had to fight to hold back a smile. Smiling now at the Colonel's smug tone would destroy the act, and he knew Roy was just goading him. "You mean like when you leave bite marks on my neck and that means I'm off-limits to anyone but you?" Edward asked in an 'innocent' tone of voice, eyes widening with pretend shock.

Roy choked, sending bits of apple flying over the pages of the book Ed had been reading. Neither noticed. "Something like that," he said, regaining control of himself. His teeth bit into another section of the apple, breaking the red skin so he could taste the juicy sweetness underneath. "Why are we eating apples instead of a cooked dinner?" the older asked of the younger, leaning his elbows on the back of the couch as he looked down at his lover.

"Because I didn't feel like cooking when there were fresh apples just sitting there, waiting to be eaten. And I wanted to hurry to read this book…" the Fullmetal trailed off, looking slightly sheepish. "But," he started indignantly, his expression changing to one of accusing anger, "what do you think I am? A _housewife_? It's not up to me to cook you a hot meal, Mustang!"

Roy shrugged one shoulder. "I just always assumed it was your job to do the domestic duties. I mean, we're together. I'm at work all day, like the man ought to be…" He let his words slide, waiting for Ed to catch the implications. It didn't take long.

"You _are_ saying I'm the housewife!" Ed exclaimed, jumping to his feet—on the couch. As it was, him standing on the cushions, he was somewhat taller than Roy. As the blonde jumped to his feet so hastily, the plate of apples upended on the floor, the fruit rolling away under pieces of furniture. "Now look what you've done!" Ed continued yelling. "I was gonna eat all those! And now the only one left is the one in your hand, and you've already bitten into it…"

"It's not like you haven't tasted what the inside of my mouth has to offer, Edward," Roy gently reminded him, backing off on the teasing just a tad.

"You're salivating all over my food!"

Roy smirked. "Might I say again, you prefer the taste of my mouth. Or is it the apple you don't want distracting you from my dribble?"

Edward rolled his eyes in exasperation. "If I wanted to taste _you_ , I'd kiss you!"

"I wouldn't mind," Roy invited suggestively.

"Just give me the apple," Ed demanded.

"No."

An automail hand tried to swipe the fruit from the Roy's hand, though it couldn't quite catch hold of it. Growling, Ed latched on to the opposite side of the apple from Roy with his teeth. Now both alchemists were attached to the fruit at the mouths, facing each other across the apple stem. Some of the juice tricked down Ed's chin, but he didn't bother to wipe it away.

Roy sank his teeth further into the fruit, making a crunching sound as he chewed. He paused, staring at Ed's determined and disgruntled face but a few inches away. Coming to a decision, he pried the apple away from Ed's mouth, keeping eye contact with the blonde the entire time. He still held the apple in his hand, though he was more focused on soothing his lover's wounded ego. Leaning forward, he licked the apple juice harshly from Ed's skin, making the blonde hiss at the contact.

Ed tilted his head downwards, catching Roy's lips with his own in a fierce battle for dominance, letting Roy know he was just as much of a man as the other. Roy almost smiled into the kiss; it was fun to see how Ed acted when the younger believed he was in control.

The Flame poked a piece of apple into Ed's mouth, surprising the teen, who hadn't realized Roy had been eating a bite of apple when he initiated the kiss. The Fullmetal managed to swallow the apple bit without choking, though he stopped the kiss to glare at his lover pointedly. Roy merely smirked and leaned into Ed's lips again, coaxing the blonde to relax against him, turning the kiss sweet and gentle as compared to their earlier fiery passion.

This time, Ed let Roy take over. It surprised him how Roy showed he cared, but he supposed Roy was like an apple.

Once you broke the skin, you could find the sweetness and tenderness that lurked behind the coarse protective covering.

And as Ed let himself sink into the other, he decided he liked the taste of apples and Roy Mustang. Very much.


	16. Automail

Edward Elric fidgeted on his seat as he removed his black tank top, leaving him bare-chested with his right automail arm exposed. His pants followed, leaving him only clad in boxers, but with his automail leg in plain view.

Roy Mustang almost drooled at the sight from his spot in the doorway, his dark eyes sweeping over his lover. The scars on Ed's skin didn't bother him; they only served to make the teen more unique and special in the Colonel's eyes. He groaned inaudibly as Ed kept his decency, but he held onto his self-control. Barely.

The two state alchemists, along with Ed's younger brother, were on leave to see the Rockbells. The Fullmetal Alchemist needed a tune-up for his automail, Roy wanted to face his inner demons, and Alphonse Elric had wanted to talk to Winry Rockbell about his developing feelings. So the three had journeyed to Resembool, each with his own intent and purposes. Though Roy would not have dared to confess about his experiences in Ishbal if Ed was not present.

It was also a plus that the Fullmetal and Flame were involved together. That fact made this trip well past 'endurable.' Each state alchemist was in Resembool to face painful experiences, so they needed one another to lean on during those tough times. Automail tune-ups could be a agonizing task, especially if automail engineers needed to remove and reattach metal limbs. And it would never be easy for Roy to own up to the terrors of his Ishbal memories.

Of course, having Ed's childhood friend and mechanic be the little girl he made an orphan would make things a tad bit awkward…

Shaking himself from such depressing thoughts, Roy strode fully into the room, earning Edward's complete attention.

"So, come to mock my pain?" Ed asked sarcastically, though with a hint of a smile on his lips.

The Colonel smirked. "You mean how painfully pathetic it is that you're barely higher than a centimeter? Yes, I think I can work Fullmetal-height-bashing into my busy schedule…"

The blonde growled, getting ready to jump to his feet. "WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO TINY THAT A PERSON'S NERVES COULDN'T EVEN PICK UP ON HIS PRESSURE BECAUSE HE'D BE SO TINY AND LIGHTWEIGHT SO AS TO NOT BE FELT BECAUSE HE'S SO UNDENIABLY SMALL?"

"That would be you, Fullmetal. And…" he paused, "you're so tiny that even your extra-sensitive nerves couldn't pick up on yourself."

"That doesn't even make any sense," Ed scoffed, leaning back in his seat once more. "So that doesn't even dignify an overreaction."

Roy raised an eyebrow. "For once? I'm honored. I insulted the great Edward Elric and he didn't even rant at me…"

"I'll rant at you doubly tomorrow," Ed promised. "Right now I want to get this examination over with."

The Colonel nodded in understanding as he plopped beside the blonde. As the minutes passed with nothing to do, Roy began to look at the different mechanics laid out on the operating table and on Winry's work-station. "What do we have here?" he mumbled to himself, reaching over to snatch a screwdriver from the pile of tools.

"I'd think even _you_ would recognize a screwdriver, Roy," Ed answered, leaning against the other's side to take a look at the tool.

Roy shook his head, pretending to be innocent. "So, I'm guessing its use is to drive screws?"

Ed, confused, nodded his head slightly.

"Like I drive you…?" Roy continued in a still-innocent-sounding voice.

As the meaning sunk in, the blonde scooted backwards from his dark-haired lover. "Hell NO! Don't even _think_ it, bastard…!"

"Because we can always experiment…try new methods…play with new toys…see what works and what doesn't…" Roy continued speaking as if he hadn't listened to Ed at all. With each new 'suggestion,' Ed's facial expressions grew more and more disbelieving and embarrassed. He turned to face the blonde, catching Ed's eyes. "We can see if the screw is what drives _you_ , Edward."

Ed's jaw dropped. "R-Roy…?"

"And if it doesn't," the Colonel plunged onwards, "there are plenty of other tools we can experiment with, also. Right here at our disposal." He gestured towards Winry's work table again, indicating the wrenches, pliers, and assortment of other various mechanics.

Ed dropped his face into his hands—flesh and automail—as he blushed heavily from his lover's implications. "You know Winry would kill us," he mumbled. "And I, for one, _don't_ want to die by Winry's wrench."

"She doesn't have to know…" Roy trailed off, smiling sneakily.

"How could she miss it?" Ed almost yelled, jerking his face up to stare the other down. "You know what? Forget it. I only want to focus on getting done with this automail tune-up pain before I even _think_ about certain pleasures…"

"One man's pleasure is another man's pain," Roy quoted, smiling deviously at Ed over the wrench.

Ed crinkled his nose in disgust. "If you find pleasure in the pain of my automail attachments, then you are one sick and twisted man," he commented in a dry tone.

Roy blinked, pasting a surprised expression on his features. "Why, Ed, haven't you figured that out yet? Of course I'm sick and twisted…both of us have been sick and twisted together, tangled in sheet-"

" _Enough!_ " came a booming and threatening voice from the doorway as a wrench whizzed by Roy's head. "I _don't_ need to hear that, you pervert! And Ed, I thought I told you that my mechanics were _off-limits_ to your foreplay games!"

Ed looked as faint as Roy felt. "But—we weren't…" he squeaked weakly. If there was one thing he was afraid of, it was Winry's wrench when she was in a bad mood.

Roy blinked as he picked up the wrench and offered it back to the young automail engineer, trying to appear meek and innocent so she didn't attempt to smack his brains out again.

"What are you _doing_!" Ed shrieked. "You're giving the enemy back her most treasured weapon!"

"The _enemy_?" Winry asked in a threatening voice, advancing towards the Fullmetal Alchemist with her wrench in hand.

"Eep," Ed yelped, inching towards the Flame Alchemist for "protection." "I just meant that you're my mechanic and I don't feel like having my automail poked at today…I mean, I get enough of it from _him_ ," Ed explained, jerking his head towards Roy, who was trying not to look guilty.

The Colonel shrugged. "I find his automail fascinating sometimes, especially when his right arm is draped over my chest at night-"

And that was as far as Roy got before he was zonked out thanks to Winry's beloved wrench.

Ed sighed, offering his childhood friend a shaky smile. "Try not to hurt him too bad, Winry. I kinda need him…oh, and try not to damage that wrench, either."

Winry's gaze was speculative as she stepped towards her patient. "And why would you care about the condition of my wrench, Ed? I thought you hated it."

"I hate it when you're chucking it at my head, true," Ed admitted. "But for other purposes, I've been thinking…"

And Ed joined Roy on the floor.


	17. Confessions

"Um…Winry?" Ed poked his head into the Rockbell's kitchen, cautiously peering about for flying wrenches. With none forthcoming, he took a full step into the room, slowly approaching the table. "Where exactly is the First Aid Kit? It's not in the place I remember…" the blonde trailed off, tilting his head at the other two occupants in the room.

His younger brother was fidgeting, sweating nervously in the silence that followed. Al kept his head bowed, purposefully looking away from the automail mechanic. Looking closer, Ed could detect a light flush staining his brother's cheeks. The Fullmetal smiled to himself, glad that Al finally had a body that responded to his emotions, the blush a sure sign of the younger Elric's embarrassment.

Winry was torn between overwhelming shock and joy at something that was said prior to Ed's arrival or intense anger that was directed towards the intruder for interrupting a precious moment. Choosing anger as the safer path, the blonde girl suddenly flung a wrench that appeared out of nowhere at Ed's head. "How dare you walk in unannounced!" she shrieked. "Aren't you supposed to be upstairs with that Flame of yours, Edward? Did you have to ruin a private moment between Alphonse and myself? Leave us some privacy to sort out our feelings, shrimp!"

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME SHORT, AUTOMAIL GEEK?" the short-tempered alchemist exclaimed, rubbing the swelling bump on his head. "And you know, my head injuries from a couple hours ago were _just_ beginning to heal…and Roy's still in pain upstairs, all thanks to your violent tendencies!" He stomped towards her, holding a fist menacingly in front of her nose.

"Alphonse and I are _trying_ to talk!" Winry yelled back at him.

Ed growled, "Well, you didn't have time to talk to Roy earlier when _he_ requested it! And he's been meaning to make a highly personal confession to you. It's been eating away at him for quite some time now, but obviously your time is better spent chucking lethal objects at innocent people's heads!"

Both blondes continued to scream at one another, the poor teen at the table forgotten. Al bit his lip with his teeth, restraining himself from interfering between his brother and crush. They each needed to get the boiling anger out of their systems, and he just had to ride the eruption until they cooled down enough to be civil.

"Well, I'm sorry, Ed. I choose _Al!_ I'd think you'd be happy about that, you know, Mustang being _your_ lover and all. I mean, why would you want him confessing his love to me? You've certainly seemed very possessive of him since I've seen the two of you 'together.' And don't you want your younger brother happy? Despite the Colonel's…reputation…I've been waiting for Al since before his soul was attached to that armor! He's the only one I could ever choose, and I'd hoped you'd accept that, Edward!"

Al gasped from his spot in the background, the impact of Winry's words hitting him deeply. She _cared_ for him. And not only that, but she had _always_ cared for him, even while he was a soul attached to steel. The dedication and feelings attached to that confession spurred the younger Elric to action, jumping from his seat so the chair clanged to the ground.

Winry and Ed stopped their fight at the sudden noise, turning as one to see the source. The chair was wobbling on the floor, and Alphonse was nowhere to be seen. "Al?" Ed called for his younger brother, blinking in confusion.

Winry gasped as she suddenly stumbled backwards, Al hugging her waist in both disbelief and joy. "You mean it, Winry?" the boy asked, wanting to make sure the feelings shared between them wasn't a dream. The mechanic nodded and returned the embrace, zoning out everything around her except Al.

The Fullmetal Alchemist blinked, clearly confused. "Choose Al?" he repeated, bewildered. He shook himself from his stupor right before a wrench smacked against his skull, sending him crashing, unconscious, to the floor.

Al looked down at his brother's twitching form. "Was that really necessary, Winry?"

"He interrupted us. Again," the blonde girl defended her actions vehemently. She turned her attention back to her new boyfriend, a ear-to-ear grin finding its way onto her face. "Now we have a moment to ourselves. And yes, it's true I've been waiting all these years…"

And Ed stayed blacked out on the kitchen floor.

-+-

Holding a hand to his aching head, Roy Mustang found his way downstairs. He stumbled into the kitchen, looking for his young lover. Ed had told him that he went to get the First Aid Kit, but that had been over an hour ago. And knowing Ed, he probably got distracted by food. The boy was always eating, though Roy wondered where all the food went. It certainly did nothing to help him grow.

"Oh…" the Colonel remarked, surprised to see the Rockbell girl and Ed's brother sitting rather closely at the kitchen table, his own lover sprawled on the floor. With a wrench nearby. Roy winced, piecing everything together.

Ed was stupid again. He should have known better than to get in range of Winry's wrench.

"Colonel Mustang?"

A voice that shy and polite could only belong to Alphonse Elric. Every other person in the house was rather hot-headed and demanding, including himself. Roy nodded to show he was listening as he bent down and scooped Ed's form into his arms.

"Brother, um…Brother said that you wanted to tell Winry something important." Al was hesitant at bringing the subject up, but both he and Winry wanted to get the situation cleared up. If Roy had something to say, then he should say it and get it over with. That way they could get back to their cuddling and giggling without anything on their minds.

Roy froze at the words, denial spurting from his mouth. Ed wasn't supposed to mention anything…it was up to Roy to initiate a private conversation between himself and the Rockbell girl…he wasn't ready yet, and _damn_ Ed for putting him in the spotlight when he wasn't prepared! "I…you know how Ed is…what I have to say can be said later. It's nowhere near as important as Edward makes it out to be. You know how he exaggerates sometimes..."

Neither Al nor Winry was very impressed with Roy's stuttering and obvious excuses.

The Colonel sighed, slumping a bit as he inwardly steeled himself to make the hardest confession of his life. This was worse than admitting to Ed his feelings. Of anything he regretted doing during the Ishbal Rebellion, it was the murder of the Rockbells. Winry's parents. And wasn't it a small world that the daughter of the doctors he killed in the war be the girlfriend of his own lover's brother? It was confusing to be put into words, but the connection seemed awfully close and uncomfortable.

He squared his shoulders and sat down facing the pair, still holding Ed's head against his shoulder. "I do have a confession to make, and though this is neither the time nor place, Ed opened up a position…and I guess I'd never have the nerve to tell you without him…but, Winry." Roy stared levelly at the girl seated across from him, holding her gaze with an intense and desperate look. "I," he swallowed. "I was the soldier who was sent to…to kill your parents during the Eastern Rebellion…" He hung his head in shame, again cursing himself for his biggest mistake. It was a mistake for him to have ever been a part of that Rebellion, to have ever become a national alchemist. Though the experience shaped his character, the Rockbells were still dead because of it. And no forbidden alchemy could bring them back.

Winry seemed to stop breathing, her world spiraling around Roy's words. '…Killed your parents…' repeated over and over in her mind, opening up old wounds that had long since been patched and healed. She clapped her hands over her ears, trying to block out her own thoughts, oblivious to Al's comforting presence at her side. "No," she uttered quietly so not even Al could hear. "Why are you telling me this _now_?" she yelled, her head snapping up to stare at Roy accusingly, angry tears streaming down her face. "I had gotten over…I mean, I had moved on, but now you've all of a sudden placed an emotional roadblock in front of me and I don't know what to do!"

This was nothing like her sibling spat with Ed earlier. This fight was heartfelt and meaningful.

Roy lifted his eyes to hers for an instant before looking down at the floor again. "Would you prefer I had never told you the truth? Continued to let you live in blissful ignorance of what really happened? Let you live a lie, believing your parents had just gotten caught in some unlucky crossfire instead of dying nobly and being murdered by the coward sitting across from you?" he asked softly, those in the room straining to hear his words. "You deserve to know the truth, Winry Rockbell. And no matter how it hurts, now at least you finally know and can truly move on. My conscious has been stained since then, but that's no excuse. I was a coward, a fool for following blind orders. And I know I don't deserve to live after doing what I did, especially don't deserve to sit in your kitchen and hold onto a person you love like a brother. But I am…"

Roy stopped, taking a heaving breath as he released years of pent up guilt and self-hatred for his actions, using Ed as his lifeline to the realm of sanity. "If it helps any, my experiences in the Ishbal War changed me. After Hughes talked me out of trying human transmutation to revive those I'd killed, I resolved to become the Fuhrer and turn the country away from warfare. I've been striving all these years to rise to the top, so as to make sure that no soldier will ever have to live with innocent blood on their hands. So that nobody will have to die needlessly again. Though I know that doesn't change the fact that your parents are still gone, a fact I've tried to come to terms with every day since it happened…"

Throughout Roy's talk, Winry sat still and listened, turning things over in her mind. "I honestly don't know what to think," she said to the silence after the Colonel stopped speaking. "I don't know where to go from here. I have Al and Granny to support me. And Ed, I guess…but you being with Ed makes things difficult. I can't hate you for killing my parents when you make my 'brother' so happy. And I know you're a good man, despite everything. Lieutenant Hawkeye, Ed, Al, Brigadier-General Hughes…everybody follows you for a reason. And you have an active conscience, and I know my parents' deaths have been eating away at you every day, even after all these years. You've never stopped hating yourself for what you did, I can tell. And though I want to hate you, I just can't. But I don't know what I'm feeling now…lost, I guess," Winry explained slowly, carefully.

The mechanic stood and padded over to face the two state alchemists, lifting Roy's face so her eyes could peer into his. "I forgive you," she whispered. Soft tears still dripped from her face to the floor, though she made no move to wipe them away. "It was a mistake. And though it cost my parents their lives, I know you didn't want it to happen. They would forgive you too, once they understood you as a person, Colonel Roy Mustang."

So saying, she nodded and smiled sadly through the tears shimmering on her face. She looked meaningfully at Al before walking out of the kitchen and disappearing from view. Al glanced at Roy and Ed quickly before following Winry out of sight, probably to offer emotional support.

-+-

Roy blinked at the sudden end to the dreaded confrontation, his own tears pooling in his dark eyes. He had not intended for things to go this way, though the outcome was unexpected. He had imagined she would scream at him and throw him out oh her house, all the while throwing wrenches at his head with blows strong enough to kill him. Not that he'd blame her; if anybody deserved to kill him, it would be Winry Rockbell. Equivalent Exchange: he killed her parents; she automatically gained the right to kill him in return.

He should have known any childhood friend of the Elric brothers would be kind-hearted beneath the volatile wrench-throwing attitude. Kind enough to spare him the hatred and accusations that he had directed towards himself for years.

Once the pair of retreating footsteps had ceased, the blonde stirred in his arms. Golden eyes searched his as a flesh hand comfortingly cupped his cheek, thumb pressing lightly against Roy's lips to prevent him from speaking. "Sh," he murmured soothingly, pressing tighter against the other. "It needed to be done sooner or later, Roy. All this time, your guilt has been gnawing away at you. Now Winry knows, and she's forgiven you. It's time for you to forgive yourself now. Nobody blames you for the Rockbells' death; nobody except you. And I hate to see you in pain like this, especially emotional pain that you inflict upon yourself. Don't you feel lighter now, like a great burden has been lifted from your shoulders?" Ed prodded quietly, snuggling closer, offering his much-needed support.

Roy flinched, not wanting to get rid of the guilt he had carried for so long a time. It had become a part of him, a part of his motivation to rise to the top. And he needed to feel that guilt; he deserved to be reminded of his greatest mistake for the rest of his life. "I can't forgive myself," he whispered raggedly into Ed's hair. "Even knowing she forgives me, I don't feel I can treat myself to the same luxury."

Ed sighed. He knew Roy couldn't forgive himself, just like he couldn't forgive himself for attempting human transmutation when he was eleven. And even now that Al had his body back and his wrongs righted, he couldn't forget his own guilt and anger at himself for trying something so stupid.

Those kinds of things tended to linger, making an impact everlastingly.

"It's okay," the blonde whispered reassuringly. "I understand. You've managed to live this far with that guilt. But know that nothing's holding you back from letting go of that guilt, though I'm not one to talk. We'll help each other, okay, Roy?" Ed offered, leaving a light kiss on Roy's brow.

Roy nodded slowly, wrapping his arms tighter around Edward. "We'll help each other," he repeated. He tilted Ed's face upwards to meet his for a moment before standing and carrying the younger back upstairs to their room.

Now no longer concerned about physical injuries that stemmed from Winry's wrench, the two nursed their own negative emotions buried deep beneath the outward egotistical front they presented to the world.

"You know," Ed remarked after a time. "You told Winry that telling her the truth would help her truly move on. I think telling her the truth would have more of an impact on yourself, so that _you_ can move on, knowing you did the right thing by confessing your greatest wrongdoing to the person most affected by your mistakes."

Roy only nodded before stopping, staring at Ed with accusing eyes. "You were awake the entire time!"

"Yes."

"You could have helped me!"

Ed shook his head, his braid flipping to smack Roy in the face. "No. It was between you and Winry. Al and I had no part in it, except to offer comfort and support afterwards."

Roy sighed, pulling Ed closer to him, trying to reach that much-needed contact. "You're right, of course."

"I usually am."

The dark-haired man glared playfully at his lover for such a comment, his inner-self healing slightly from the night's events. "I can think of plenty of times when you were entirely wrong about something, Ed."

"Do I need to go fetch Winry's wrench?" Ed asked threateningly.

Roy started to shake his head before pausing, a smirk finally tugging his lips upwards. "Actually, Edward, I think you might be onto something…"

"Like you?"

"You've been spending way too much time with me if you're beginning to think like that," the Flame chuckled. Ed started to protest, but Roy stopped him with a deep kiss. "Not that it's a bad thing," he continued when they finally pulled apart.

Ed nodded, a small grin appearing on his face as Roy seemed to act more like himself. "I think I can live with that. Just as long as we have that wrench."

-+-

"That's _my_ wrench, Edward Elric!" Winry screamed, battering the other on the head with the tool.

Ed put his hands in front of his face defensively. "But, Winry, you don't even need—" He stopped, noticing Al come up behind the automail engineer. "Nevermind, Winry, it's your wrench…" he changed his mind quickly, scurrying down the hall to where his own lover waited for him.

"Change of plans. But we don't need the wrench."

"We don't?"

"No," Ed answered, diving onto the bed. "Because we have each other, and that's all we need." He crawled over to the Colonel and pressed his lips against the older alchemist's, conveying his message effectively.

Roy returned the favor, using a hand to hold the Fullmetal's head in place. "I suppose you have a point, Edward." And maybe Ed also had a point about learning to forgive himself, though Roy decided to consider that after 'playtime.'


	18. Loyalty

Edward sighed, letting a small smile flitter across his face as he strode purposefully towards Colonel Mustang's office. He had been gone on another of his missions for a couple weeks, so he was long overdue in spending time with Roy. Low-key personal time, of course. If the wrong people found out about the Flame's and Fullmetal's involvement with one another, there would be trouble.

The blonde was so wrapped up in his thoughts of seeing Roy again after two weeks away that he didn't notice another person in his way until it was too late to avoid the crash. Stumbling back from the force of the collision and finally falling off his feet, the indignant alchemist glared up at the person who had been stupid enough not to get out of his path. Almost immediately, Ed covered his scowl with a false smile, one unlike his genuine grin he had been wearing moments before. "Fuhrer Bradley, Sir," he acknowledged the president, keeping his voice neutral.

The Fuhrer peered down at the Fullmetal Alchemist through his good eye, the ends of his lips twitching upward slightly. "Ah, the Fullmetal boy. You're under Mustang's jurisdiction, aren't you?"

Ed felt a prickling sensation of unease start at the base of his neck, getting a feeling that the Fuhrer's intentions towards Roy weren't good at all. "Um, that's right." He forced a laugh, trying to keep up the pretense of a happy soldier. "I'm just heading to his office to turn in my latest report, actually." He winced as soon as the words were out of his mouth, wondering why he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"Very good," the Fuhrer spoke, nodding deeply. "Then you wouldn't mind if I walked with you to see the Colonel. I have some…unfinished business I'd like to discuss with him. It's right down the hall, so surely you wouldn't mind some company."

Edward stiffened, his mind racing to find an excuse to deny the invitation. "I…" He froze, not coming up with a plausible excuse in time. His shoulders slumped as he realized he couldn't keep away from the head of the country. "Do as you wish," he grumbled, thoroughly annoyed at having his time wasted. He pushed past the Fuhrer, not even bothering to pretend to be respectful anymore.

The Fuhrer had caused Roy a lot of problems, and so Ed also shared Roy's resentment of the man. The president, on the surface, appeared to be good-natured towards the Flame Alchemist and his underlings, though in reality he tended to cause problems among Roy's regiment. And though Roy Mustang was a political expert, even he was having a hard time staying on top of the Fuhrer's threats. Bradley seemed to know that there was some opposition to his leadership around the Colonel, so he was paying special attention to that unit of his military. It seemed he was waiting for the first slip-up so he could strike and rid himself of Mustang's threat to his presidency.

But at the moment, King Bradley merely chuckled and followed after the stomping blonde, glad that he had run into Ed. Now he had an excuse to infiltrate Roy's personal office and find evidence against the Flame Alchemist, making it politically possible to get rid of Roy Mustang. "So, what kinds of things did you find out during your last mission? Anything to help your current research obsession?" he asked as he walked behind Ed, keeping his voice pleasant and merely curious.

Edward paused in his stomping, thinking over the Fuhrer's question. Was he just trying to make small talk or was he trying to subtly gather information about Ed's research on the…wait, the Fuhrer didn't know the Elric brothers were obsessed with the Philosopher's Stone, did he? Ed panicked. Sure, the man had dropped some hints that he knew what went on in his military. And he also tried to make it seem like he supported investigations surrounding the The Great Elixir. But did he know just how important it was to Ed and Al, and how they wanted to use the Stone to perform illegal human transmutation? To be on the safe side, the Fullmetal managed to avoid the question. "So what do you need to see Mustang about?"

The question worked, seeming to distract Fuhrer King Bradley from harping on Ed's own missions. "There are some matters I'd like to discuss with him about his subordinates'…less-than-stellar performances recently." Ah, that would be Havoc and his cigarettes. Not to mention how Fuery always managed to sneak small animals into the Headquarters…

Roy was slack about disciplining his underlings, most likely because he was often lazy in the office himself. Burning his paperwork then complaining about not being promoted…

Ed nodded in understanding, though failing to see the Fuhrer's point. Why would Bradley want to punish Roy for something so menial and insignificant?

-+-

By that time, the pair had reached the door to Roy's office. Ed was immensely glad, hoping to be rid of the man beside him. Or at least not be alone with him anymore. If the Fuhrer tried to badmouth Roy or pry into his personal life again, Edward would seriously snap.

They pushed open the door and found Roy's office to be empty.

Perfect.

Ed sighed in disappointment while the Fuhrer 'tsked' beside him. "Hm, Mustang's not even in his office when he's supposed to be on duty, signing paperwork. This is what I'm talking about. You're not around Headquarters enough to notice these things, of course, but the Colonel's habits are spiraling downwards and I'm afraid I'll simply have to demote him until he learns the value of hard work again."

Seething, the blonde curled his hands into fists, trying to keep his temper in check. Even the suggestion that Roy Mustang didn't value hard work was ludicrous! He may not have been the best example in the office, but he was damn diligent in the areas that actually mattered. The Fuhrer's last statements, along with the entire conversation, in addition to the months prior where the Fuhrer had been threatening the Flame Alchemist (and indirectly, Ed, since Roy and the blonde were so close nowadays) behind-the-scenes, caused Ed to lose control over his bottled-up anger. "Don't. You. Dare," he growled, not bothering to cover the look of intense hatred he shot the other man.

Bradley raised an eyebrow. "I'm Fuhrer, Fullmetal. And if Colonel Mustang doesn't shape up, then he _will_ be demoted. And that's not a threat; it's a promise."

The blonde suddenly darted towards the man with the eye-patch, swinging his automail hand towards the Fuhrer's face. "I'm _warning_ you. I don't give a damn whether or not you're the friggin' Fuhrer— at the moment, you're worth less than a clod of dirt stuck to the bottom of my platform boot—and DON'T YOU DARE MAKE ANY ASSUMPTIONS THAT I'M SMALLER THAN SAID PIECE OF DIRT, BECAUSE I AM _SO_ NOT!" Ed raved, jumping in enraging spasms around the Fuhrer.

The Fuhrer who was just calmly standing in the middle of the Colonel's office, looking as if he appeared to be tuning Ed's rant from his mind.

"And you _can't_ demote Roy! He's the best soldier in the entire military, and apparently the only high-ranking officer with any regards to morals at all! Demote him and the entire system of the country will crumble to dust because he won't be in charge of bettering the nation like he's always planned. Improving the country that _you_ worked so hard to destroy with your constant warfare…! He's the people's only hope for any type of future, because you'll just ruin more lives if you're allowed to continue heading Amestris and _damnit_ but we've worked too hard to get Mustang this close to the top to back down now!" Ed kept on shouting, drawing attention from Roy's other subordinates, including Lieutenants Hawkeye and Havoc.

Fuhrer Bradley just blinked his one eye and took in all the insults in stride. Only a barely noticeable twitch of his mouth proved he was taking in what Ed was saying.

"How the hell did you even _become_ Fuhrer, anyway! I mean, you're hardly suitable…Roy's the one who most deserves the title of Fuhrer! He's entirely more suitable for the position than you could _ever_ be! A leader is supposed to care for his subjects, but you only want to kill them off with constant war. War that has no purpose what-so-ever!" the blonde stopped to take a deep breath, directing more heated glares towards King Bradley.

"Edward." Riza Hawkeye had a concerned air about her, looking between the jumping angry bean and the object of his anger. "I wouldn't advise insulting the Fuhrer like that…" Havoc nodded in the background, still smoking.

Finally, Bradley spoke in response to the commotion, deciding Ed had ranted enough. "I've suspected for a while now that Mustang has been organizing a revolt to overthrow me. Now I have proof and can get rid of him on account of treason. Thanks to the Fullmetal boy's rants, I have confirmation that my suspicions were correct. I must thank you for allowing me the chance to get inside Mustang's office and for giving me the information I needed to legally execute the Colonel."

"Legally _execute_?" Ed, Riza, and Jean exclaimed as one.

"Well, if he was demoted, he'd still be around base to annoy me. The Flame Alchemist's been a thorn in my side for too long to let risk him staying alive to reorganize a revolt. And I know I've often complimented him, but the truth is he is after my power and so he must be wiped out," the Fuhrer explained.

Hawkeye slowly drew her gun and pointed it at the Fuhrer, her hand trembling from holding gunpoint to the president. And this was no joking threat; she would shoot if it came to choosing between Bradley and Roy.

Ed, furious, took a good step back so he wasn't in target range. "Shoot, Lieutenant," he urged. Politically speaking, Ed was a higher ranking officer than Riza. So technically, she should have obeyed him. But she still kept her finger on the trigger, waiting for instructions from the only man she would take orders from.

And as if on cue, Roy arrived back at his office, a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. He took in the situation: Ed glaring bloody murder at an unruffled Fuhrer, his 1st Lieutenant threatening to shoot King Bradley, and Havoc smoking in the background, following Hawkeye's lead by pointing his own gun towards Bradley's head. "Lower your guns," he commanded, startling his soldiers who hadn't realized he had arrived.

At once, they obeyed him.

"You'll find we're all only loyal to Roy Mustang," Ed whispered lividly. "You're in a private office, outnumbered by your rival's loyal officers. You don't stand a chance. We listen to Mustang, so you're no authority here. Do you understand your situation even?"

"Edward," Roy cut in sternly, shooting Ed a mild glare. "Though I'm touched by your display of faithfulness, now's not the time." Oh, how Roy would love to torch the Fuhrer for all the Hell he'd been put through…but he already had enough blood on his hands, and his conscience was kicking in. And, as Ed had so elegantly put it, Roy was about the only higher-up with any regards to morals.

And that included not feeling the need to kill.

Though maybe this was an exception.

…But the Flame still shook his head curtly, shooing Hawkeye and Havoc out of the room. "Settle down, Ed. Don't hurt the Fuhrer." He walked farther into his office, taking a stand beside his blonde lover. "Get out of my office," he directed at Bradley, not treating the president with respect, for once. Hell, the man had the nerve to invade his office, threaten to demote him, threaten to _execute_ him, and invoke Ed's wrath. Not that it was that hard to do, Ed having a short temper and all, but for once Ed's anger was justified. And Roy was not happy when someone upset his Ed.

The Fuhrer, still unfazed, turned towards the exit. "Wise choice, Mustang. I don't die easily," he mumbled on his way out. He would continue to seek out a way to make Roy powerless, but at least for the afternoon, he had been beaten.

Ed kept on glaring after the man, barely restraining himself from running out there and pounding the man to a pulp for daring to even suggest the things he had about Roy…

His angry musings were interrupted when he felt a pair of lips cover his own, distracting his thoughts towards something more enjoyable. Eagerly, he redirected his pent-up energy to this more positive pastime, snaking out an arm to curl around Roy's neck as he desperately gave back all he could into the kiss.

Roy pulled back sooner than Ed would have liked, staring down at the blonde with an intensity not usually seen on his face. "Ed, I am impressed with how you were willing to stand up to the Fuhrer like that and defend me, but doing so won't help our cause. Now he only has ammunition to hunt us down. But nevertheless, I love you for putting everything at risk for my sake." He squeezed Ed tighter against his chest, breathing in a deep sigh of contentment.

"Yeah, well, I couldn't let him get away with saying those things about you…Love you too, bastard," Ed replied with a genuine grin reappearing full-force on his face.

Even though Roy would have to work extra hard from now on to keep out of the Fuhrer's traps, it was worth it to have someone as loyal as Ed supporting him.


	19. Colored Pencils

"Colonel Mustang," Lieutenant Hawkeye called out, knocking on the door to Roy's office. Waiting a moment for the okay to come in (she had learned her lesson when she walked in unannounced on the Flame and Fullmetal once…let's say she'd never take the chance of that happening again), she pushed open the door and dropped a package on Roy's desk. "Edward dropped this off for you, Sir." She offered no explanation other than that, turning on her heel to get back to her own desk. It was clear from her tone of voice that she was baffled as to the reasoning behind the package.

Roy just sighed in relief, glad that Riza wasn't delivering another pile of paperwork.

The Colonel snatched the package off his desk, raising an eyebrow at the box's contents. Colored Pencils? Did Ed think he was in nursery school? Or maybe he meant for Roy to pass on the colored pencils to Elysia as a gift…Hughes would be ecstatic, babbling about how Ed was encouraging his daughter to be a world-famous artist. Roy placed the pencils back on his desk, turning his mind over the fact that Ed hadn't come to see him. Usually nowadays, the Fullmetal would make any excuse to see his Flame.

Shaking his head, Roy tried to think of other matters to distract himself, wasting time before he was off-duty. The colored pencils lay forgotten on his desk.

The next time Ed visited, the colored pencils were in exactly the same place, unopened, on Roy's desk beneath more of Hawkeye's paperwork. The blonde alchemist shuffled the pages aside, narrowing his eyes once he caught sight of the box. "Roy? Why is my present buried beneath work? The entire point was to get you to _relax_ …"

Roy turned to see what Edward was talking about. "Oh, those," he acknowledged. "I was wondering why you sent me colored pencils. I mean, I guess it's better that you sent me colored pencils than crayons…crayons are a bit too soft for my taste."

"Hence why I bought you colored pencils, Roy," Ed replied, deadpan.

"Why now?" Roy asked again.

Ed growled in annoyance, stomping his foot. "To get you to _relax_. You're surrounded by all these important documents and military duties all day, a bland black-and-white boring lifestyle. You need a little color in your life to spice things up, release your emotions in a positive outlet so you don't go insane from the pressure of your job and…" Ed trailed off, noticing the look on Roy's face growing increasingly bemused. "Well, I just thought you'd be interested," he grumbled under his breath.

The dark-haired man laughed once, earning an angry glare from his lover for the inconsiderate chuckle. "Look, Ed, I can express my stress in positive ways. You know that."

"But what about when I'm away on missions?" Ed persisted, getting upset. "You better not mean to tell me you go about kissing _other_ people, like, Hawkeye or someone…"

Roy barked out another laugh. "Dear gods, no! Havoc would stuff his cigarettes down my throat. And besides, you should know how committed I am to something I deem worthwhile, Ed."

Ed flushed from the praise, indeed knowing how Roy treasured the things closest to his heart. For instance, his goal to become Fuhrer. But still, most importantly, Roy's commitment to their relationship. Ed was grateful for that, since always before, Roy cared not for staying by one person's side. But the Fullmetal had changed Roy's life, in more ways than one.

"So, any other reason you got me these?" Roy asked, steering the conversation back to the original topic as he held the box of colored pencils between gloved fingertips.

Ed shrugged one shoulder carelessly. "You didn't have any colored pencils on your desk. You have pens and regular pencils and erasers and all these other kinds of unexciting office supplies, but not colored pencils. And I just thought everybody should have colored pencils on his or her desk. You know, in case of emergencies."

"You mean like Hughes bringing his daughter to work with him?" the Colonel suggested, amusement lacing his voice.

"If you want to laugh at the gift, then go right ahead. Nobody's stopping you," Ed bit out, maybe more harshly than he would have liked. He pointedly turned away from Roy, hiding the sting of rejection on his face. Sure, it was just a stupid gift, but he had good intentions by buying those colored pencils…

The Flame sighed, shaking his head, as he opened the box of colored pencils for the first time. He looked through the various colors, noticing Ed had gotten one of the larger boxes that held about five variations of the same shade of each. At long last, he pulled two colored pencils out, inspecting the names inscribed on the 'side' of the pencil. "Hm, red-orange and slate…kind of reminds me of the two of us, Ed."

The blonde blinked as the long silence was broken, whipping his head around to stare at Roy. "Roy?" he asked, looking at the two pencils with a questioning look reflected in his golden eyes.

"Look, red-orange and slate. Flame and Fullmetal, eh, Ed?" Roy repeated, scribbling on the back sheets of one of the papers he was supposed to be signing.

A wide grin found its way onto Ed's face as he took in the sight of Roy Mustang coloring like a little four-year-old. "Nah, I think I'm more a cool gray shade, don't you think?" he asked, plucking the said color out of the box and joining Roy in the coloring.

The Colonel nodded absentmindedly, not really listening to Ed's explanation on how 'slate' was tinted a bit blue and how 'cool gray' was more his type, as he moved the 'red-orange' colored pencil around on the paper, designing a flame modeled after his own alchemy talents. Without asking, he seized the gray colored pencil from Ed's hand, adding a bit of smoke to his masterpiece to complete the picture.

Edward was about to protest before he realized how Roy was becoming immersed in the coloring. Smiling to himself, he leaned against Roy's shoulder and placed his head on top of Roy's, looking down at the paper as the Colonel finished drawing.

It wasn't the perfect of pictures, but it would do for a start. "It's perfect," Ed remarked. He meant more along the lines of 'It was great how you finally forced yourself to relax and actually use my gift' than 'Oh! What a beautiful picture! You're such a talented artist, Roy!' The blonde chose to keep some comments to himself, like about how Elysia could probably draw better than a 29-year-old Colonel in the military.

"Hm, I need a bit more color…" Roy mumbled to himself, casting a critical eye over his own work.

"I'm guessing you never colored much as a child. Let me guess, you were obsessed with becoming the Fuhrer even when you were a toddler, so you didn't have time to have fun," Ed guessed. "And let's hope the higher-ups never find out who drew this, because they'd kick you out of the military for not having basic coloring skills." He had originally intended to keep the joking insults to himself, but he figured Roy could handle them. After all, the man was an expert at dishing out his own criticism towards other people, especially Edward.

Roy grumbled, but he had to accept the truth of Ed's statement. His scribbles were just that…scribbles.

Ed shook his head good-naturedly at his lover's attitude before picking up another colored pencil to join in the fun. "So," he said, grinning, "what should we draw?"

-+-

"Colonel, what is the meaning of this?" Riza Hawkeye asked her commanding officer, a frown etched across her features. She held out a bundle of – completed – paperwork.

Roy looked over the papers flippantly before handing them back to his 1st Lieutenant. "I don't see any problems, Hawkeye. Every single page has my signature, so I don't see your point. You already give me enough new paperwork every day…please don't start returning my old work to me to resign."

"Colonel," Riza started out slowly, as if explaining something to a child. "You signed official military documents in pink colored pencil. That's not professional, nor is it legitimate. You need to sign important paperwork in blue or black ink."

Roy sulked. "But, Ed gave me those colored pencils…"

"Then color on your own time, _not_ while you're on duty," Riza more than suggested, stalking back out of the office to make new copies of the now-useless papers that Roy doodled on with color pencil.

After a time, it became a ritual for the two state alchemists to color together at almost every visit. Roy still needed serious artistic help, though he was improving slowly with each time he picked up a colored pencil.

Military officials would be shocked if they knew how one of their prized Colonels was spending his time. Drawing with colored pencils. Joy.

And though the Colonel was forced to stop signing documents with colored pencil, he still doodled on the side- until Hawkeye told him to stop that, too. And besides that, well, the colored pencils were reserved strictly for special time spent with his lover. Except whenever he was bored in his office, or when he felt he had the privacy to practice drawing to get better.

Okay, so Roy made good use of those colored pencils. Luckily, there was a pencil sharpener on the bottom of the box the colored pencils came in, so he always had a ready sharpener available for when the pencil points grew dull.

And each time Ed saw the pencils getting shorter because so much lead was being used, he grinned triumphantly.

"So, have any drawings for me that you worked on while I was away?" the blonde asked, breezing into Roy's office.

"Maybe," Roy responded, grinning smugly.

Edward narrowed his eyes playfully. "Roy, don't tease. I want to see."

He had not been expecting the picture Roy held up. Golden eyes widening in shock, he whistled softly. "Wow, Roy, I'm impressed…"

The drawing was of an automail arm sitting amidst a flickering fire. The individual flames in the picture, drawn by orange and red colored pencils, seemed lifelike enough to be gently teasing the steel in the center of the blaze. The curlicues of flame wound about the metal limb, rising upwards towards the top of the page. The different shades of orange, offset by the tad bit of red, made the fire seem all the more real. The emotion of the inferno was drawn to the tiniest detail, making the drawing express the wild nature of the fire that surrounded the automail.

A thin layer of smoke, colored in with gray and a tint of silver, rose from the topmost flames, adding to the picture. It faded out the farther the smoke drifted from the flames, capturing how real smoke disappeared into the atmosphere after a time.

Below the blazing fire, burnt ashes, drawn in with dark brown mixed with black, littered the bottom of the page, adding to the last detail of the fire.

The automail in the center of the page was drawn in detail, also. Dark gray filled in most of the steel, regular gray fading into some areas of the metal limb to reflect the light. The arm was outstretched, fingers reaching out of the fire, each metal joint and screw drawn in to add to the effect.

Ed clapped once, continuing to look over the picture. "You've improved a lot, Roy. I had no idea you could…when did you learn to do all this?"

"I've been practicing," Roy answered, shrugging modestly. Though a self-satisfied smile eased its way onto his face, contradicting the indifferent gesture.

"It looks so lifelike," the blonde observed, reaching out to lightly brush a flesh finger across the page. "And it reflects us perfectly. Hell, I think your drawing of my automail is even more realistic than my real steel limb! Winry would be furious."

Roy smiled again. "I just know that arm so well, since I study everything about you, Ed."

"If anybody else had said that, I would have beaten him up for that suggestive and creepy comment," Ed said in all seriousness. "But luckily for you, you're allowed to look at me and memorize everything as long as you want. Just as long as I get the same privilege."

The Colonel nodded quickly. "Of course. I'd be upset if you didn't look at me, Ed."

The blonde blushed and set the paper down, crawling into Roy's lap. "You know, I'm not satisfied with _just_ looking. I meant for you to use the colored pencils to have some fun, but that doesn't mean I want you to entirely forget our…other…source of fun, ya follow?" So saying, he stretched his neck to meet Roy's lips halfway, using his real automail and flesh arms to entwine about his lover's neck.

And no colored pencil picture could capture the emotions shared by the two of them, no matter how skilled the artist.

-+-

Bloopers

-+-

And as Ed admired the picture, Roy decided to keep one tiny detail to himself. After all, Ed didn't need to know that Elysia Hughes really drew that artwork…

"Oh, colored pencils!" Maes exclaimed, pouncing on the box. "You know, Elysia has her own set of these, Roy. I know! You should baby-sit her and have a coloring session!"

Slumped over on his desk and despairing of ever learning to draw, Roy asked, "Does she give lessons?"

Hughes grinned proudly. "She'll even instruct you on how to color in the lines!"

"Perfect. Edward gave me these colored pencils and we spend a lot of time together using these pencils for our own fun…I'd love to be able to show him how I've improved, but I can't do that without someone else showing me how to do certain things with these pencils," Roy rambled.

"Uh…" Hughes edged away from Roy's desk, a nervous smile flickering on his face. "Actually, Roy, I don't think my pure, perfect daughter is your best candidate for that, after all…"

Riza Hawkeye sighed, tapping her foot impatiently outside Roy's office. She had knocked and waited patiently for three minutes, but Roy had not told her to come in. "Sir," she called, rapping on the door again.

"Ed and I are interacting with one another and using our colored pencils!" Roy called out finally.

And the two alchemists could hear Riza's boots thudding desperately away from the door in haste to get away.


	20. Dogs

"I know it's not the ideal image of a state alchemist, Fullmetal, but we're called the military's 'attack dogs.' You just have to accept that title. It's part of the job description," Roy explained in an uncommonly gentle voice. He spread one arm out, nodding his head.

Edward Elric sighed and shuffled over to his lover, leaning his head against Roy's shoulder. "I hate that association, Roy. I _hate_ being called a 'dog'…But at least we're in the same boat. How do you _deal_ with the public opinion towards national alchemists?"

Roy shrugged. "I've learned to ignore it. Civilians are going to believe that stereotype, no matter how people-friendly you are." He dropped a light kiss on Ed's temple, closing his arm tenderly around Ed's (small) frame.

Ed relaxed even more, slipping into a dozing state as he trusted Roy to keep him upright. "…Love you," he muttered quietly, for Roy's ears only. He normally didn't admit to such emotions, but at the moment he was feeling open with his lover for some reason or another.

"You know, Ed, I take back my earlier statement. You're not the military's attack dog. You're just a lovesick puppy," Roy drawled, provoking Ed to erupt.

And predictably, the Fullmetal Alchemist snapped to attention and blew apart at the seams after hearing Roy's statement. "A _lovesick puppy_? YOU BETTER NOT BE CALLING ME A 'PUPPY' AS A WAY TO INSINUATE HOW SMALL I AM, MUSTANG! WHICH I AM NOT AS TINY AS A BABY FLEA ON A STRAND OF DOG FUR, MIGHT I ADD!" Breathing heavily, he finally got back on track, blowing steam about the main insult directed at him. "And what do you mean 'lovesick puppy?' I most certainly am not! I hate you!"

Roy only nodded, going along with whatever Edward said. It didn't make any difference to him, since he knew Ed really did care. And the Flame returned those feelings, though he still couldn't help but to insult his lover. Insulting Edward led to very interesting results. And as offending Ed was one of Roy's favorite pastimes, besides certain other things he did with the blonde, the Colonel couldn't resist adding more rude remarks, digging his grave deeper. "Easy there, boy," he mumbled in an overly-soothing voice, stroking Edward's head and trailing his fingers along the teen's golden braid.

The gesture was meant to 'calm' the younger alchemist. But needless to say, Ed didn't take it that way, assuming correctly that Roy was just mocking him by treating him like a hyperactive puppy. "Don't treat me like a damn dog, Mustang!" he started shouting before letting out a tiny involuntary moan under Roy's ministrations. He didn't _want_ to admit the petting felt good, as that would only make Roy feel superior. And he should never encourage his older lover to treat him like an animal. Ever.

…But right now, Roy was working wonders on his scalp, and Ed didn't have the will-power to retreat from his lover's probing fingers. The head-massage felt _good_ , damnit. Ed growled low in his throat, both in annoyance at himself for liking the treatment and accusatory anger at Roy for having the nerve to stroke his head like he would a dog. And of course, the growl only served to make Roy's smile smugger, thinking the growl added to the effect. Puppies growled playfully all the time, after all.

And Roy had better not call him a cat since that last growl sounded suspiciously like a purr. No, being called a dog was bad enough; but being called two animals in a span of five minutes was not good for Ed's image. And not just _any_ dog, but a 'lovesick puppy.'

All of a sudden, Roy withdrew his hands from among Ed's strands of hair. "All done," he announced with a chuckle. "Unless you'd like me to rub your belly for you."

Ed snapped at him, lunging for the Colonel's throat.

"You always did have a certain bite to you," Roy laughed, dodging the attack. "But be careful you don't give me rabies, okay, Ed?"

"I think you'd know by now if I'd given you rabies. I bite you all the time, Roy," Ed reminded him, the suggestive tone in his voice meant to remind the dark-haired man that Ed was very much a human, _not_ a dog.

And Ed didn't think Roy had any sexual history with canines. Unless there was something wrong with Roy that Ed didn't know about…

And Roy cautiously reached out to stroke Ed's head again, hoping to quiet the frantic blonde. Immediately, the Fullmetal Alchemist relaxed under Roy's hands, nudging his head upwards into Roy's palm for more. "You really _are_ a lovesick puppy, aren't you?" Roy mused softly, not intending for Ed to overhear him.

"Why do you say that?" the blonde mumbled sleepily, a complete change of attitude from the wild anger from moments before.

"Just the way you act," the Flame Alchemist said quickly, not thinking over his words. "Right now you seem a bit desperate for me to touch you. Not that I blame you, of course, since I'm so irresistible…"

Ed's eyes flew open, glaring up at Roy's face. "You wish, bastard."

"You're just wishing I wasn't so irresistible since you're jealous of all the attention," Roy replied.

"Pft. Like I'd want that kind of attention," Ed scoffed, shaking his head.

Roy shook his head. "No, Ed. I meant you're jealous because all the fine ladies in Central try to flirt with me and you want me all to yourself to paw at. I can understand that. Dogs always have been one-person animals, you know. Loyal and jealously protective to the core…"

"STOP REFERRING TO ME AS A DAMN DOG, MUSTANG!"

"Okay, okay," Roy sighed. "We'll do something more…productive." Though he looked a bit disappointed that he couldn't continue teasing Ed about behaving like a puppy, he resigned himself to looking forward to something even more enjoyable.

Ed readily agreed, jumping against Roy's chest to bring the Colonel's face downwards while over-dramatically licking Roy's cheek. "There. Enough dog stuff now, okay?" He scowled, already wishing he hadn't done that. But Roy had looked _so_ disappointed that Ed couldn't help but behave like a dog once more, for his lover's sake. _Just_. Once. More.

"I can't believe you just played the part," Roy acknowledged, surprised by the gesture. He lifted a hand to his cheek, grinning down at the blonde. "Less slobber than a real dog, too…I get it. Drop the dog act. Understood." So saying, he picked Ed up by the scruff of the neck and carried him upstairs to their room, all the while ignoring Ed's sputtering protests.

And later, when the blonde's eyelids were just starting to droop in drowsiness, Roy rolled over and stared him earnestly in the face. "So, Ed, how about that belly-rub?"


	21. Action Figure

" _What_ is that?" Ed asked in disbelief, pointing a shaking finger at the figurine atop Roy's desk. He narrowed his eyes, taking a step nearer the desk so as to get a better look. His left hand snatched the action figure as he held it up close to his face, scrutinizing the character.

Roy shrugged, a small pout on his face. "It's what it looks like: An Edward Elric Action Figure. They're all the rage in Central nowadays…" he sighed, shaking his head in mock disappointment. "If only they knew the real Fullmetal like I do, not so many people would hero-worship you, Ed."

The blonde scowled indignantly. "Hey! I am damn worthy of hero-worship, Mustang!" Hands shaking with rage now instead of wonder, he accidentally snapped the right arm off the figure. Immediately, he diverted his eyes to the 'busted' toy, pursing his lips at the broken figure. "I didn't mean…now look what you made me do!" Ed snarled, holding up the two separate pieces, one in each hand.

"That's supposed to happen," Roy explained in a monotone voice, trying to pass it off as not caring about Ed's undeniable fame. "Here, look at the box." The Colonel tossed the packaging at Edward, who had to drop the 'automail arm' on the floor to catch it.

Ed ignored how the package was ripped apart nearly to shreds, as if someone (Roy, perhaps?) was in a hurry to open the box, eager to hold the Fullmetal Alchemist figurine in open air. Just barely, the young alchemist could make out some of the phrases on the box: 'Own your very own Edward Elric Action Figure! Complete with Detachable Right Arm and Left Leg, just like the Real Fullmetal Alchemist!'

As soon as comprehension set in, golden eyes widened in desperate alarm. "'Detachable Right Arm and Left Leg,'" Ed repeated, mumbling to himself. "So the public knows I have automail limbs…do you _know_ how hard I've tried to keep that fact hush-hush!" he screamed, turning on Roy accusingly.

"Relax, Ed. It's not as if everyone knows you performed illegal human transmutation. Civilians probably think you lost your arm and leg in some glorious battle or something, something noble so as to befit the _great_ Fullmetal Alchemist…" Roy continued with the same tone of disinterested voice, though with an underlying sense of something remarkably akin to jealousy. He kicked back in his seat and plopped his feet on top of his desk, trying to give off an air of indifference. And to any casual passer-by, the stance would suffice.

But Ed, knowing Roy as intimately as he did, could pick up on that trace emotion barely reflected in the Flame Alchemist's voice and posture. "You're _jealous_ of me, aren't you, Mustang?" the teen asked incredulously. "Just because they made an _action figure_ out of me and they didn't honor _you_ by making a Flame Alchemist plushie!"

Roy shrugged one shoulder, trying to keep up the act. But he knew it was useless, knew Ed could read his every emotion. After so much practice at reading the Colonel, Ed probably knew more about Roy than Roy did himself.

"Maybe," the Flame finally conceded, knowing Ed wouldn't back down until he admitted he was envious of the attention. "But you know what I'm really upset about now, Edward?" At Ed's confused glance, Roy continued, "Now that I opened the box, that particular figurine isn't worth as much as a collector's item." He pouted, though a small smile flitted onto his face every now and then as he fought to keep a laugh back at Ed's expression.

"You know the real deal's worth much more, worth more than _any_ price range," the Fullmetal reminded the other, sidling closer to his commanding officer. "And you know the guy who owns the real thing has got to be the luckiest man alive, right? Richer than all the rest just because he's earned my complete trust and devotion, among other things."

Roy turned to stare sharply at Ed, contemplating the meaning behind the blonde's words. He smirked then, nodding to show his understanding. "Point taken. But still, won't you fix that box for me with alchemy? You can do it so much quicker without a transmutation circle."

Grumbling, Ed shook his head and hugged Roy, taking the older's attention away from the Edward Elric Action Figure. "Listen. To. Me. Roy. You have _me_ , you don't _need_ any action figure to sate your Ed desire. Everyone else? They don't deserve me. You're special above all the rest; you don't have to rely on a stupid figurine to show how obsessed you are with me. I'm going to be very jealous if you start paying more attention to that damn toy than me…Roy? Are you listening?"

"Sorry," the Colonel snapped out of his daze. "I was just staring at that action figure, thinking of how they messed up your eyes. Your real eyes are a lot more expressive, you know that, Edward?"

"Duh," Ed chuckled, rolling his eyes in an exaggerated motion.

The dark-haired man tapped the younger on the head, grinning proudly. "See what I mean?"

"I never doubted myself."

Roy muttered under his breath, "And soon they'll make a second version of an Ed Elric plushie and it'll include 50 cocky catch-phrases that the real uses to annoy the hell outta me…"

"That's a good idea," Ed remarked. "I need to write to the industry anyway. I deserve half the profit they make off me, right? Well, I'm saying I deserve fifty percent now. I stake my claim."

"And I stake mine." So saying, Roy leaned down to press his lips against the younger alchemist's, gloved hands softly caressing Ed's face as the kisses moved from lips to face and neck.

And the Edward Elric Action Figure? It got to see a _lot_ of action in the following moments.

-+-

Bloopers

-+-

"So, why _did_ you buy that toy, anyways?"

Roy very quickly pretended to be busy with the paperwork on his desk. "Uh, he's my desk mascot…" he mumbled under his breath.

"Roy."

The Colonel flinched, knowing he'd been caught. Well, technically, the action figure _was_ his 'desk mascot,' but there had been a deeper meaning. Ed always knew when there was something more to his lover. "I wanted a reminder of you for while you were away on missions. I miss you a lot, okay?" he snapped, uncomfortable with admitting to such things, even to Ed.

"Very."

"So, if they _did_ make a Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist Action Figure, what would you want?" Ed pressed on.

Roy thought for a moment. Then, "With special flame-snapping powers and height insult catch phrases!"


	22. So Not the Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ficlet that inspired "Unexpected Surprises."

Ed Elric strolled intently towards Mustang's office, a rare grin on his face. As he neared the door, a voice spoke up from behind him, earning his attention.

"The Colonel's not in at the moment," Lieutenant Hawkeye explained from behind her desk, not raising her eyes from her stack of paperwork. Ed wondered how she even knew it was him, but he supposed it was just a Hawkeye specialty. Riza always seemed to know what was going on, though nobody could understand how she kept track of everything. The woman was a miracle-worker…okay, maybe not that far, but it was still a damn useful quality.

The alchemist stopped in his tracks before turning on his heel and stalking towards her desk. "How come? Did that lazy bastard decide he'd rather sleep in than attend to his duties?"

"Colonel Mustang is at his yearly physical, Edward," Hawkeye went on to say, neatly signing her signature as she spoke.

"Ah," Ed mused to himself, tilting his head towards the door.

Riza looked up finally to study the teen before her, noting the expression on his face. "If you need to see him that urgently, the office is two floors down and to your left. You can't miss the medical wing."

Ed smiled and thanked her properly, bowing in her direction.

The First Lieutenant only smiled warmly at him in return before returning to her work, a clear sign of dismissal to the Fullmetal Alchemist.

-+-

"And have you partaken in any serious alchemical experimentation recently?" The doctor continued to ask his list of questions, looking concernedly at the Flame Alchemist over the top of his clipboard.

Confused, Roy nodded, a bit uncertain. "I _am_ a State Alchemist, Doctor. It's my job."

Nodding, the old man tucked his pen behind his ear and stared gravely into Roy's eyes. "I don't know how to break this to you, Colonel. But, if the results from your examination are correct, it appears that you're…pregnant."

Roy's jaw dropped as his mind tried to wrap around that statement. ' _Pregnant? That's not possible…I'm a guy, damnit!'_

"Apparently, some of the side-effects from your alchemy left you exposed to certain…developments…in your body. I won't ask the details of your sex life, but, if you're pregnant and you're a guy, it stands to reason that-" The doctor was interrupted by a jubilant cry of " _YES!_ " from the doorway.

Turning, both men stared at the Fullmetal Alchemist as he stepped lightly into the room, a crazed look in his golden eyes. "You know what this means, Roy? This means I'm _so_ not the girl in this relationship!" he cackled madly, causing Roy to bury his face in his hands.

Deadpan, the doctor blinked and calmly but quickly hurried from the room.


	23. Itch

"What's wrong _now_?" Roy asked, turning over on his side to face his (little) blonde lover.

Ed twitched again, whimpering slightly. "I'm _itchy_ , damnit…" He flopped about his side of the bed, kicking Roy every so often with his jerky movements.

"It seems like you're having a spaz attack," Roy commented dryly. Nevertheless, he sat up and caught the blonde the next time Ed bumped into his side. Holding Ed's arms to his sides, the older attempted to restrain the other. Ed still shuddered in his grasp, but at least he wasn't shaking the bed anymore.

Ed whined and suddenly pushed against Roy's chest, rubbing himself against the other, hoping the friction would ease the itchiness that welled up deep in his skin. "It's so unbearably _itchy_ …"

Roy shook his head, looking towards the bathroom. "Well, maybe a wet washcloth will help. Your skin may be a bit dry; dry skin causes itchiness. Or maybe you were just bit by some mosquitoes, in which case there's some lotion in the bathroom cabinet. And if nothing else works, you can always try a bath with baking soda…"

"ROY, WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP AND SCRATCH M-"

"ED!" Roy interrupted, appalled by the suggestion. Well, not really, since this _was_ Roy… "I'm beginning to think this entire itchy feeling is just an excuse for you to beg me to put my hands on you."

Ed had the decency to look a little ashamed, but he still wiggled from his place in Roy's arms. "I really _am_ itchy, though, Roy," he protested.

The Flame only nodded. "Sure, Ed. Whatever you say. If you wanted to play some games, why didn't you just ask-"

"ARGH! WHY IS IT SO UNBEARABLE?" Ed complained again, trying to rub the itchiness out of his skin.

Roy blinked. Okay, so maybe Ed wasn't making _everything_ up. "I'll go start that baking soda bath," he mumbled, dropping Ed on the sheets and sleepily stumbling towards the bathroom.

"Oh, Roy?" Ed called out happily from where he was still twitching on the bed. "Make sure you fill the tub with enough water for two."

"I knew it. It was all a set-up!" the dark-haired man's voice came from the bathroom as the light switch was flipped on. "But I still won't need to fill it very much. After all, only one of us is decently sized, so-"

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SMALLER AND MORE ANNOYING THAN AN ITCHY HIVE OR WELT THAT PLAGUES THE SKIN?"

-+-

"So, are you feeling better?" Roy asked, tracing a hand lightly over Ed's shoulders and down his arm, tickling the blonde's skin instead of helping the now-mild itching. "Those were some nasty hives, Ed. Are you allergic to anything?"

Ed grumbled a negative and laid his head on Roy's shoulder, absentmindedly digging into his skin again to get rid of the tickly feeling caused by Roy's playful fingers. "I find it so wonderful that you didn't believe I was really itchy until you saw my skin under the bathroom light. I really feel like my lover trusts me now, Roy. Thanks a lot…"

Roy shrugged, jerking Ed's head from its resting place. "Well, you have to admit, it did seem a tad bit suspicious, Ed. I mean, I'd have just wanted to play around if _I_ claimed to be itchy…"

"That's why you're _you_ ," Ed pointed out, jabbing a finger at Roy's chest.

Roy chuckled and nodded, wrapping his arms around Ed's itch-free skin. "I guess all it needed was the right touch, eh, Ed?"

Ed mumbled a 'maybe' and twitched again from his place beneath Roy's arms, snuggling a bit closer as sleep finally claimed him. A sleep that _wasn't_ disturbed by evil little hives.


	24. Pulling It Off

"Phew," Edward Elric panted, mopping the sweat off his brow as he shook his head, finding his way back to reality after just engaging in an exhausting exercise. "I never suspected it would be this tiring," he grudgingly admitted, truthfully, shooting Roy a (rare) look of praise. "You're really _really_ good at this, Roy. Though I suppose with the amount of practice you get, I shouldn't be so surprised…" the blonde continued his Roy-worship, grinning. "I have a newfound respect for you, Mustang."

Roy smirked smugly. "I have to admit, Shrimp, I never thought you could pull it off." Waiting for the overreaction, which never came since Ed was too tired from their activity, he finally breathed deeply through his mouth, enjoying the peace as he buttoned up the white undershirt that he wore beneath his navy military uniform. The activity was strenuous enough that it had required the two state alchemists to discard their clothing in hopes of cooling off to make the work easier to bear, attempting to be comfortable despite their condition. "I warned you it would be hot and intense," he reminded the younger alchemist, leaning forward to bump his forehead playfully against Ed's. "Now how about a…reward? For a job well-done? You were pretty amazing, Fullmetal. I never knew you could move so fast!"

Ed looked horrified, staring at the desk. He gulped, "Not the same thing we've been doing, I hope, Colonel? I'm ready for a break!"

"Now, why wouldn't you want to keep doing what we've been doing, Ed? I thought it was what you wanted…" Roy asked, smiling innocently when Ed's golden eyes flitted angrily to his face.

"That's because I didn't understand what I was volunteering for! If I had known _this_ was the 'problem' you needed my help with, then…" Edward defended himself, jumping to his feet since he had regained stamina in the few minutes he was allowed a break.

Roy blinked at the sudden action. "How can you have enough energy to do that? I'm pooped as it is. In fact, I think I'll fall asleep right here. That activity always makes me tired…" he yawned, stretching, before letting his head thump on the desk.

"Ew, Roy! How can you sleep on the place where we…it's dirty from earlier…!" Ed exclaimed, shuddering as he thought back on the god-forsaken thing they'd been doing beforehand. "And besides, what if Hawkeye comes in and finds you asleep?" the blonde asked, concerned.

The Colonel shrugged, too drained to pay much attention to his young lover. "First off, Ed, the concept of what we did is dirty. The actual process wasn't that bad, was it?" At Ed's determined nod, Roy conceded defeat. "All right, it _was_ pretty horrible, hm? But my desk isn't tainted by it. It is, after all, what the desk was fashioned for in the first place." The black-haired man nodded firmly to back up his statement before letting his eyes drift shut, moving his head so it rested more easily on the wooden finish of his desk. "And Hawkeye will just be happy we're finally done. Relax, Ed."

The Fullmetal stomped over to behind Roy's desk, yanking the settling Flame's face to his. He stared at his lover's dark eyes before completing the motion, kissing him roughly, trying to stir some excitement into the contact shared between them. "Don't you have enough energy to give me my 'reward,' Bastard? Or do you not have enough motivation to pull that off?" Ed growled, provoking Roy into action.

It worked. Snarling viciously, Mustang peeled Ed's sweaty black tank-top back off the younger alchemist's skin, proving to Ed just _what_ he could pull off as the day progressed.

Behind them, stacks of Hawkeye's paperwork lay completed on the desk, a fair few of the official documents having Edward Elric's signature.


	25. Spellbinding Terror

"And this is the _scariest_ thing of all," Roy whispered, gaining the children's attention as they leaned forward in their eagerness to find out just what was so scary. Hughes had invited all of Elysia's pre-school friends to his house for a Halloween party, encouraging his beloved daughter to socialize during the holidays. But because Hughes was called on duty at the last minute, and since Gracia had appointments elsewhere, the Lieutenant-Colonel had no choice but to bring twelve small children to the military base. And luckily he had his best friend, Roy Mustang, to entertain the kids while he was completing his duties…

One little boy, covered in fur in what was a sad attempt at a werewolf costume, whined, "What's so scary, mister?"

Roy fought to keep a smirk off his face as he fixed his expression into a terrified one. "It's… _paperwork_ ," he gasped, pointing at the stacks on his desk.

As was obvious, Roy was _not_ used to working with children.

The kids' faces fell in utter disappointment. "That's not scary!" one screamed, stamping a foot on the ground. A young girl began to cry hysterically at the let-down.

Lost, the Colonel looked around his sparse office, trying to find anything that would get the dang kids to be quiet. "Um, ghost?" He offered lamely, scrunching up a tissue from his desk, snapping a rubber band to hold it in place, and quickly scribbling eyes and a mouth on the 'ghost' with sharpie.

The kids cried harder.

Desperate, Roy grabbed his gloves and slipped them on, snapping his fingers to create some sparks. It was his best talent, flame alchemy. But unfortunately for Roy, the kids only yawned and continued to cry.

"Bor _ing_ ," a 'fairy princess' yawned, tapping her ballerina-shoes impatiently on the ground.

"You kids just don't get scared when something scary is shown you to you," Roy grumbled. "See, I'll prove it. Hawkeye!"

Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye obeyed the Colonel's summons, swiftly marching into the room. She cast an eye over the children surrounding Roy's desk but made no comment. "Sir?" she asked respectfully.

"I'm trying to scare them. See, kids, this crazy gun lady strikes fear in all hearts who come across her…"

A good many of the kids squealed in delight and rushed to cling to Riza's legs, giggling and smiling adorably up at her. The blonde glared at Roy, one hand subtly reaching for her gun to shoot him in the head for the 'crazy gun lady' comment. At the last moment, she dropped her hand and picked up a tiny three-year-old, making faces at him, causing the child to laugh uncontrollably.

Roy's jaw dropped. Who knew Hawkeye had a soft spot for children? And… _how could they not be scared of Riza?_

"We're still waiting, mister," a 'goblin' pointed out, staring at Roy's face with a hopeless look.

Racking his brain, the dark-haired man couldn't think of anything else to scare the kids with. He had tried Hawkeye, paperwork, his alchemy, and even a homemade tissue-ghost. What more could these damn kids _ask_ for, anyway? "Uh…" he stuttered, stalling for time.

Before he could think of another idea, his office door slammed open. Expecting to find Hughes to collect the kids, Roy whipped his head towards the doorway in relief. He blinked. It wasn't Hughes, but the person there was another source of relief for Roy Mustang, in more ways than one.

Immediately, every single child screamed in fear, pointing sticky candy-coated fingers at the scowling form of one Edward Elric.

-+-

Letting out a sigh of relief, Roy purposefully strode towards the young blonde, leaning down to leave a chaste kiss on the Fullmetal's lips. "Thank you," he murmured to Ed as he pulled back, offering the teen a rare grateful smile.

The kids screamed even louder at the kiss. Hawkeye tried to distract them from seeing the public display of affection, but, as kids are wont to do, they noticed everything and anything that was supposed to be kept hidden from them.

"You call that a freakin' kiss?" Ed growled, forcefully pulling Roy's head down for more. A bit unbalanced by the sudden movement, Roy's hands shot out to clutch at Ed's shoulders, his fingers tightening as the kiss grew deeper.

The children shuddered and clung to one another in absolute fear as they watched wide-eyed at the scene, the sight of the two alchemists lip-locked both terrifying and…completely spell-binding.

-+-

"So, how'd things go, Roy? Weren't the little munchkins just so adorable?" Hughes called as he stepped into the Colonel's office with a wide grin plastered on his face.

Roy narrowed his eyes at his friend. "Take them. And. Get. Out," he snarled, tugging Edward farther into the room.

Maes needed no further urging, knowing just what kinds of urges his friend must be having from seeing Edward after a month-long mission the Fullmetal Alchemist had been away on. "Sure thing, Roy. Now, kids, what'd Uncle Roy do with you while I was gone…?"

"Oh, it was _so_ scary!" The fairy princess shrieked. "There was this horrifying…thing…" she explained, pointing to Edward from across the room.

Ed glowered at the kids.

Hawkeye nodded once to the Elric before following the horde of children out of Roy's office, leaving the two alone together.

The glare on his face fading into a cocky smirk, Ed turned to face the other. "So, I'm scary, huh? Damn useful if you ask me!"

Roy could only nod fervently in agreement.

-+-

"You know what's _really_ scary, Edward?" Roy asked, enfolding the other in his arms in an almost-tender embrace. "Kids," Roy continued, stroking Ed's blonde strands of hair through his fingers.

Ed nodded, leaning against the Colonel. "Promise me we'll never have kids, Roy. At least until we're both ready."

The look on Roy's face was of utter shock and terror.

Just the idea of Edward Elric and Roy Mustang having kids was the scariest thing in the world.


	26. Phone Calls

Roy Mustang idly tapped his fingers on his phone as he dozed off, ignoring the stack of paperwork in front of him. He was so _bored_ …Edward had gone off another of his missions, so the Colonel really didn't have anything to do at the moment. Who gave Fullmetal those ridiculous missions anyway? …Oh yeah, that would be him.

As the Flame lamented giving his lover those silly missions, silly because they didn't involve his own interaction with the blonde, the phone beneath his hand rang, startling him back to reality. Fumbling with it, Roy finally managed to bring the phone to his ear. "Hello, Edward?" he breathed hastily, making assumptions before he even learned who was on the other line.

"Er, no," said the voice. "Were you expecting someone else, Roy? The day you start going insane, thinking I'm Edward Elric…you must be in love!" Yes, the voice belonged to none other than Maes Hughes, Roy's best friend.

Roy fell forward onto his desk, eyes widening as he realized his mistake. "Um…" he stuttered, not really sure whether or not to tell Hughes that yes, he was in love, and with Edward Elric at that.

"Who is she, Roy? Oh, you're planning your wedding by now, aren't you? I want to meet your future wife! Bring her over to dinner tomorrow!"

The Colonel groaned at his friend's constant chatter. "Hughes," he interrupted. "I am _not_ getting married to any _girl_ anytime soon, got it?" The way he emphasized 'girl' made it seem like he was disgusted with the very idea of marriage.

Hughes laughed from wherever he was, probably in Central. "Okay, okay. I get it. I do think you should find yourself a wife, though, Roy. Married life is bliss! Anyway, how are things going for you over at Eastern Command HQ? Speaking of how things are going, yesterday, Elysia ran up to me and she said the _cutest_ thing…"

At once, Roy zoned out, not able to concentrate when Hughes started rambling about his daughter.

"So," Hughes continued, getting back on track after twenty minutes of talking about how his daughter was going to be famous, "how are things going over there Roy?"

"Boring," Roy yawned.

Hughes nodded, though Roy couldn't see him over the phone. "Right. You know what you need, Roy Mustang?" he asked, intending to launch into his 'You Need a Wife' speech.

"Ed…" Roy answered automatically, his thoughts straying to the golden-eyed boy, somewhere far away from East City by now.

There was a long pause on the other line.

Roy snapped back to attention, his words stumbling over each other as he tried to explain. "Fullmetal left for a mission today. That's why it's boring."

"Ah," Hughes noted nonchalantly, recovering from the implications from Roy's initial answer. "I see. So, how're you personally, buddy?"

"…Okay," Roy answered after a pause, not wanting to go into how he missed his secret lover.

Hughes sighed over the phone, his mind already scrambling to find ways to cheer his friend up, finally thinking of a single young woman who he could hook his best friend up with. "You sound depressed, Roy. You know what you need? Constant companionship. With that in mind, what are you doing this weekend?" An evil grin was already forming on his face. If Roy could have seen it, the Flame would already be running far, far away.

"Ed," Roy answered for the second time, this time letting his daydreams take over his mind. Only a few hours and the boy's absence had caused him to go completely insane, prodding him to blab his secret affair to his best friend who was obsessed with finding him a wife.

And as the line went dead, it seemed Roy had finally found a way to make Hughes be silent over the phone, as the shock of the implications hit his best friend once more, rendering his Elysia-ramblings silent.

And Roy was once again utterly bored without his Ed.


	27. Nay High

Edward Elric scowled as his lover pushed him onto the floating raft ride, warily looking to the side where the echoes of an annoyingly upbeat song sung by over-cutified puppets sounded, resonating in his head. "I already hate this ride," he grumbled. Roy simply shook his head as he held back a chuckle, again poking the blonde in the back to get him to step onto the plastic boat.

The two alchemists were taking a well-deserved break at a famous amusement park, most rides taking after those of a place called 'Disney.' Ed had been looking forward to an exhilarating rollercoaster ride, but things had not gone according to plan.

Just as the blonde was about to step into the official line, an attendant had approached him and pointed to a cardboard sign. "I'm sorry, sir," he said to Roy, nodding towards Edward. "I'm afraid you'll have to leave your child behind for this one. He's simply not ta-"

Edward started to explode, seeing where this was going. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE'D FALL OUT OF A ROLLERCOASTER AND BE FOREVER LOST UNDER THE TRACKS?"

Roy smirked and clapped a hand over Ed's mouth, going along with the assumption that Ed was his child. "I understand," he said briskly, gently tugging Ed's ear and half-dragging the raging blonde to stand by the cardboard sign. The attendant followed nervously, glancing at the spazzing blonde every so often. "See, Edward, you have to be _nay high_ to ride the rollercoaster," Roy explained, the over exaggeration in his tone making it seem like he was talking to a child. He held a gloved hand at least a foot above the top of Ed's head as he spoke, the line of his hand in sync with the height-restriction noted on the sign.

Edward growled, standing on tip-toe to attempt to be closer to the Colonel's palm. The endeavor did nothing except to confirm the fact that Edward was just not tall enough to ride the rollercoaster.

"It's part of our safety procedures," the attendant whispered to Roy, not wanting to risk the wrath of a temper tantrum thrown by an "angry child" when things didn't go his way. Roy only nodded. "There are plenty of other rides, though, that would be more in tune with your child's…age and stature," the park-employee went on to say, offering a wavering smile as he pointed towards the kids' section of the amusement park.

And so it was that Roy had dragged a spluttering Edward to some kiddy rides, finally settling on one he knew would irritate his blonde lover to no end, the name of the ride simply working to his advantage for the situation involved.

And the lyrics of the song resounded throughout the area, reverberating in Ed's mind, reminding him forever of the indignity associated with the rollercoaster incident. "…It's a small, _small_ world!"


	28. Snow Snuffs Flame

Roy Mustang glanced a look behind him, noticing his young lover staring out the window of his office with a brooding expression on his face. Shivering slightly from the cold in the air, the Colonel stepped towards the other, trying to decipher the mixed look of wonder and wistfulness on Edward's face as they both watched the falling precipitation on the other side of the window.

"I thought you didn't like rain," Roy remarked, leaning against the window as he tilted his head towards the blonde, eyebrow raised. "You always say bad things happen when it rains," the Colonel continued, thinking of the night he found Edward, almost dead, at the Rockbells' house after the Elrics' misfortune with the human transmutation, and also the evening of the Nina incident.

Edward shrugged one shoulder. "It's not raining outside, Roy. It's _snowing_ …" he corrected gently.

"Same difference. 'S still precipitation…"

The Fullmetal shook his head once. "Nah. See, snow is _frozen_ rain. That makes a world of difference, Roy. See, it's true that rain usually means there's something depressing going on, at least in my experiences, but snow means that all my troubles just freeze up and take on a new form, something tangible I can deal with. Plus, I have good memories of playing in the snow with Al and…" His throat clogged up as he, too, remembered what had happened at the Tucker estate. "Nina," he finished with a sad sigh, dropping his head against the windowpane.

Roy nodded thoughtfully as he flopped Ed's explanation about in his mind. "Sounds reasonable," he said lightly, laying a gloved hand on Ed's shoulder to show his silent support. The teen had a point when he said that his troubles were slippery and hard to understand, gliding through his fingertips like the raindrops that usually accompanied many a disheartening event in the young alchemist's life.

But snow, snow was different. It was like rain, but it transformed into a structured form of ice-crystals and white powder, making it possible to grasp hold of snow and twist it into any desired shape. Like a snowball. It was something you could _work_ with. With snow, it was possible to take control of a situation and mold the substance to your advantage. Rain could just be bothersome and annoying, pelting down on you as you tried to run between the raindrops, but snow fell slowly to the ground, giving plenty of warning before landing on a suspecting target. There was nothing to rain when compared to its frozen form. At least, in Ed's mind.

And blizzards and snowstorms were completely left out of the picture. Only the remembrance of peaceful snowflakes drifting to the ground while three children and a dog made snow-angels resurfaced in Ed's memory.

And as the nostalgia set in on the blonde alchemist, Edward looked up at his commanding officer with an evil smirk on his face. "Say, Roy, you wouldn't fancy going outside and playing in the snow with me…?"

The Colonel reeled back in surprise, not expecting that request. "Um, Ed, I have…paperwork…"

"The day you choose paperwork over spending time with _me_ is the day Hell just froze over…wait, Hell _did_ just freeze over!" Edward remarked joyously, pointing to the ice chips starting to cover the Colonel's office windows.

Roy gasped, pointing at his window.

"So, c'mon, come outside and play with me!" Ed demanded, stamping his foot like a little child as he laughingly dragged his lover from the office. Sputtering, Roy tried to dig his feet into the floor, but to no avail. The younger alchemist had a strong grip with his automail arm, after all.

-+-

"I'm not too fond of the cold," Roy explained as he clung to the doorway of the Eastern Command Center's HQ.

Edward blinked before tugging harder on the other's arm. "Let _go_ ," he whined. " _I'll_ keep you warm, damnit, Roy!"

And as the tempting offer cut through to Roy's brain, he lost the concentration he had when holding onto the doorway. So his younger lover could easily pull him outside, into the freezing snow. "H-hey!" he protested, though only half-heartedly this time around.

The blonde chuckled, leading Roy to a deep snowdrift and plopping down, waist-deep, into the snow, tugging Roy down with him. The older immediately shivered and snuggled closer to the younger for warmth, teeth chattering as he was half-buried in the snow with no say-so about the situation what-so-ever. Edward grinned and wrapped both arms around Roy, trying to make them both as comfortable as possible while sitting in the snow.

" _Why_ did you insist on dragging me out here?" Roy asked, shivering.

The Fullmetal shrugged a bit. "I thought it would be fun. It was one of my more impulsive decisions, and…I just wanted to make some memories with you, that's all. I mean, most of my good memories from after the transmutation fiasco have involved snow. Playing with Al and Nina, Elysia's birthday…even though that wasn't a peaceful night at the time, looking back…I just…" he trailed off and stared at the snow, the surrounding whiteness dulled from being trampled in moments earlier.

Roy's expression softened as he listened to the blonde, pulling Ed's lips to his for a brief, warming kiss. "That is a perfectly good excuse to drag me out in this weather. I'm just…not a cold person, Ed."

Ed snorted. "Pft. Yeah right. You don't even let on you have a freakin' _heart_ most of the time, bastard…"

Roy rolled his eyes, his breath misting in the air as he let out a snort of laughter. "That's not what I meant, Edward. I'm the _Flame_ Alchemist. Not the _Ice-Crystal_ Alchemist, got it?"

The Fullmetal Alchemist only nodded, leaning up to give Roy a proper kiss, especially since the Flame _did_ seem to be losing his color. Not even a red tinge from the cold could be seen on the Colonel's face. "Then it means more to me that you let me drag you out here. You could have easily torched me on the way down, you know. But you didn't, and that must mean something…right?"

Roy nodded, burrowing his face into Ed's shoulder, his breaths catching in the cold air. And as the two alchemists sat there together in the snow, for apparently no purpose but to spend time together alone, snowflakes drifted down to cover them. And unfortunately for Roy, snow, being frozen rain, had the same effect on his ignition gloves as did liquefied precipitation.

The Colonel sneezed, glancing to his hands in despair. Now he couldn't even warm himself with his special alchemy. Damn Ed, anyways. He tried snapping his fingers and, by some miracle, got a tiny flame reaction out of his gloves. Smiling at the flickering fire, he brought his fingers closer to his face, just as a large snowflake landed on the flame, snuffing it out with a hiss. Roy groaned.

Edward just looked at Roy's dripping gloves and busied himself with distracting Roy from such a tragedy, leaving hot kisses down Roy's jaw-line. And as the Colonel turned his head to catch Ed's lips in a fiery kiss, he felt an internal fire starting to grow within him, blocking the freezing cold of the outside as he focused on rekindling the contact between himself and Edward. The snow may have snuffed the orange-glow of the fire from Roy's fingertips, but nothing could reach far enough to snuff the flames of passion spilling forth from inside the two alchemists as they exchanged kisses, half-buried in the snow, pressed against one another for warmth and contact.

It was time to make hot memories in the snow, the alchemists' only trouble being how to mold the surrounding snow to their best advantage possible.


	29. Toothbrush

The intensely irritating buzz of the alarm clock cut through the main bedroom, jerking the two occupants in the bed awake with a start. Hand blindly reaching across a rather small, scarred blonde, Roy quickly tapped the 'snooze' button and settled back amongst the sheets. He turned his head to bury in his lover's hair, breathing in the scent that assured him of Ed's presence.

Ten minutes later, the routine happened again. And again. And again. And again. And _again_. Until Roy Mustang was most definitely late for work. And throughout it all, Edward ignored the noise, only burrowing his head into Roy's chest to block out the sound. Which, of course, only encouraged Roy to stay exactly where he was.

But as the alarm sounded for the sixth or seventh time, the realization that Hawkeye was at Headquarters, with a gun, prompted Roy to scuttle out of bed. He tried to stand, but the tangled sheets around his legs tripped him so he ended up sprawled on the floor in a most undignified position.

Ed opened one tawny eye and snorted, but made no move to help his lover off the ground. _He_ wasn't scheduled to get up for work this early, after all.

Roy growled, but he didn't have time to remark on Ed's rudeness this morning. He was _late_ , and all thanks to the blonde who had been cuddled to his side for the past night. Damn him, anyways. In a flurry, the Colonel rushed to get ready for work, throwing on his uniform and mismatching the buttons so that the overall effect was lopsided when he turned to look at himself in the mirror. Not having time to fix the alignment of the buttons and buttonholes, he quickly grabbed a comb and gave a few quick swipes through his short, black locks.

Ed would have said the unruly look made him look quite sexy, but his intent was to look professional for his duties. _Later_ , though, Roy promised himself mentally, he _would_ get back to that line of thought and act on it.

Having no time to eat breakfast, the Flame grabbed a toothbrush from the side of the sink and squirted some of Ed's toothpaste on the bristles. Checking over the rest of his appearance as he brushed, he mindlessly finished cleaning his teeth, smiling at his reflection in the mirror once he was done. Well, at least his _teeth_ looked clean, as compared to the rest of his misshapen appearance…

And as Roy's time was running out now, he fled out of the bathroom, out the bedroom, down the hallway, down the stairs, through various rooms in his house until he came to the front door. And just as he was about to step over the threshold into the crisp, morning air, he was startled from an enraged yell that echoed from back the way he had come.

"MUSTANG, YOU BASTARD!"

That could only be Edward Elric. Sighing, and knowing it was against his better judgment to turn towards the blonde ball of fury but doing so anyways, Roy swiveled on his heel and stepped back inside the house. "Yes, Edward?" he asked, restraining his own annoyance and impatience to arrive at work on time and so avoid getting shot.

A stomping noise came from the stairs as a quick series of clangs and thumps sounded, the pattern of automail and flesh feet hitting the steps a clear sign as to the person arriving. "What is _this_?" Ed asked in a deadly calm voice, the exact opposite of his infuriating shriek from moments prior. In his hand, he held the toothbrush Roy had left on the bathroom counter by the sink.

Only, looking closer at it, Roy realized that it was not his toothbrush. At all. "Um…a toothbrush?" he asked weakly, already having an idea where Ed was going with this.

" _My_ toothbrush," Ed corrected. "And you _used_ it! It has all the night gunk from your mouth stuck in it, and…you didn't even bother to _clean_ it!"

Roy cringed. It was true, after all. He hadn't had time to clean the brush before he set it down again. And sharing a toothbrush was different from a good-morning kiss. Kind of. Though it was a highly personal thing to do, it wasn't hygienic to share toothbrushes, and Roy couldn't blame his lover for getting a bit upset.

Not that he'd ever tell Ed that.

"Just run hot water over it, Ed. That'll clean it. Now, if you'll excuse me, Hawkeye's going to unload her pistol in my skull if I don't get there soon…" Roy said, edging back towards the open door.

Ed leapt towards the other, clenching an automail fist around Roy's collar and dragging him farther into the house. "Oh no you don't, bastard," he hissed. "Why does every solution have to involve something hot? Hot water? I mean, I know you're the Flame Alchemist, but…and don't think you can get away with just using my toothbrush like it's no big deal! " He raged, shaking Roy after every sentence. " _And_ you used up a lot of thetoothpaste! Now how am I going to clean _my_ teeth?"

Roy shrugged. "Go out and buy a new tube, Edward. I just absentmindedly used your toothpaste. It won't happen again."

"You're damn right it won't happen again!" Ed said, scowling at the floor. A light blush tinged his cheeks, and Roy caught it but wisely didn't comment.

Instead, he unwound Ed's fingers from around his throat and lifted Ed's chin upwards, leaning down to place a hot, open-mouthed kiss on the blonde's lips. Edward pushed forward, redirecting his anger as he bruised his lover's lips, tasting the mint in Roy's mouth from _his_ toothpaste.

"Bastard," he breathed when Roy finally pulled back, licking his lips with a smile.

"Enjoy, Edward," the Colonel said, calmly walking out the door.

Behind him, Ed clutched his toothbrush and stared at the bristles with a calculating eye. And after a time, he turned to trudge back upstairs and run warm water over his toothbrush.

The man may be annoying as hell, but damn, his solutions most definitely worked.


	30. Wittle Fairy

Rubbing his eyes, Roy Mustang looked about the brightly colored world, each color shining vibrantly for no reason what-so-ever. Cheesy music floated from somewhere above, near the clouds with smiley faces painted on. Each flower was complete with overdone smiles and wide, cutified eyes.

But despite the young girl's "My Little Pony" setting, the thing that most awed Roy was the little fairy person, complete with pink tutu and magic silvery wand that ballet-danced through the waving grass. Seeing as how that was the only living creature nearby (Roy sure as hell wasn't going to ask the flowers where he was), the Flame Alchemist felt his feet automatically move towards the fairy.

"Um, excuse me?" he called when he neared the other.

"Oh, _Roy_!" The pixie gushed and glomped the poor, unsuspecting Colonel, giggling an annoying giggle that just fit with the happy-go-lucky setting. "I was wondering when you'd come see me," the little imp whined. Roy froze; there was something _familiar_ about that voice. The fairy batted its – _his_ – eyelashes at Roy, wide tawny eyes staring up at the Flame with a mixture of emotions that would normally never be in plain sight on the real's face. "Iloveyouloveyouloveyouloveyou!" the tiny pixie repeated in an irritating squeal, bouncing slightly, jiggling some pink and silver wings that Roy had yet to notice before this.

Roy blinked and counted to ten under his breath, trying to calm himself. "Ed?" he asked, a bit uncertainly.

The Ed-fairy laughed a silly laugh. "Kind of… _I'm a wittle fairy_!"

Roy fainted, not sure whether he passed out because the fairy had said something _so_ annoyingly cute and _scary_ or because Ed called himself _wittle_.

When he came to, he was staring up at the Ed-pixie's beseeching amber eyes. "Oh, Roy, I was _so_ worried. I was just about to sprinkle my magic fairy-dust on you to help you, because I love so much!"

"Ed?" Roy asked again.

'Ed' sighed, placing a hand on his pink hip, the automail fingers crushing the ruffles of the pink tutu. "You can call me _Eddy-kins_ , Roy."

And Roy passed out again, only this time he crashed through the barrier between dreams and reality and sat up, gasping in bed as he breathed heavily, looking beside him for the sure presence of his _normal_ lover, the _real_ brat, Edward Elric. He heaved a sigh of relief when he noticed the blonde calmly sleeping next to him, bare (like how Roy loved him best) instead of wearing a revolting pink tutu. Sweat rolled down his forehead from the dream –no, nightmare – as he started to shake, dropping his head in his hands as he went back over the details he had dreamt about.

"What's the matter?" Roy's fearful trembling had awoken Ed from his own slumber. "Nightmare?" the blonde asked. It wasn't uncommon in the Mustang-Elric household; Roy often dreamt of the horrors of Ishbal and Ed had his own fair share of remembrances of the failed attempt at human transmutation.

Still a bit shaken, Roy shook his head, trying to block the horror from his mind. "Nothing," he wheezed. "I just had a dream where you went around screaming 'I'm a wittle fairy!' And you asked me to call you 'Eddy-kins,' and you were wearing a pink tutu…"

All was still and silent for a moment…

…before Ed's automail fist crashed into Roy's nose.

"G'night," Ed said lightly, almost pleasantly, turning over in bed so he faced away from his bleeding lover.

And Roy clutched his heavily bleeding nose, wincing from the intense pain as he figured his nose was broken.

Never would he bring the subject to light again, even in the dark. Nor would he ever watch "I'm a Little Pony" when he babysat Elysia for Hughes.

Never. Again.


	31. Shrunk

"Why am I here?" Ed asked, disgruntled, as he glared at his lover. "What is the _point_ of me being here, Roy?"

The Colonel only smirked and patted Edward on the head. "We're here to test a theory of mine."

"At the _dry cleaners?_ "

Roy nodded, opening the door to a washing-machine, the clear portal-window knocking the Fullmetal Alchemist aside as it swung open. "Get in," the black-haired man ordered, in all seriousness.

Ed gawked. "Ex… _excuse me_?"

"You heard me, Edward."

The blonde stayed rooted to his spot, teetering on the edge of curiosity, annoyance, and anger. "Why?" he demanded, his face going red as a tick appeared on his forehead, hands clenched at his sides.

"I'll tell you as soon as you're in the washing-machine," Roy tried to compromise, offering his best "You-know-you'll-do-what-I-say-because-I'm-damn-sexy-and-you-know-it" smile.

But alas for the Colonel, Ed was used to dealing with and—on very rare occasions—resisting Roy's irresistible charms. "Hell no, bastard. Not until you tell me why you want me to make an idiot of myself by stepping inside a damn washing-machine!"

Roy sighed. "Will a hint suffice?"

"Maybe," Ed replied, folding his arms impatiently across his chest.

"It has to do with how short you are…" the Flame started saying, lowering his voice towards the end. Even knowing it was suicide to insult the blonde, he had to say it. Just to see Ed's reaction.

And predictably, Edward seethed, shaking with rage. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD DROWN IN WASHING DETERGENT, SWIRL AROUND IN A WASHING-MACHINE LIKE A POPPED BUBBLE, AND GET LOST IN THE LAUNDRY CHUTE WHILE STUCK TO A PIECE OF FIBER?"

Wincing from the high-pitch of Ed's rant, Roy still had the nerve to chuckle at the scene Ed was making. "Just get in the washer, Ed."

"HELL NO!"

Roy sighed. "Edward, you're a bit too old to be making these scenes, amusing as they are. _Now get in the damn washing-machine so I can see whether or not you'll shrink in hot water!"_

Ed gaped, losing control of his senses as his lover's words hit home. Shrink? Hot water? …The bastard was going to get scorched by his own gloves!

But unfortunately for the blonde, he was too lost in thought to protect himself as Roy hoisted him up and shoved him inside the washer.

And as Roy found out hours later, a shriveled, soaking Edward did _not_ mean a shrunken Edward. Though maybe it was just the Fullmetal's overpowering aura of rage that made him seem bigger than he was…

Or maybe Ed was immune to the rumor of hot water shrinking things. The teen was pretty special, after all.

Roy would just have to try again to test his theory.

-+-

The next day at Headquarters, the 'gang' all peered at Edward suspiciously. "What's up with you?"

Ed growled threateningly.

Roy, standing in the doorway to his personal office, only smirked as only he could. "Not up. _Down_."

Hawkeye, Havoc, Breda, Fuery, and Falman all stared at Ed again. Their superior was right; he was observant today.

"I shrunk in the wash," Ed muttered before stomping inside Roy's office, the said man's gleeful laugh sounding out as the door closed shut behind the two alchemists.


	32. Fire

A groan hitched in Roy Mustang's throat as he determinedly leaned downward to continue a feverish, wild kiss he was sharing with his lover, Edward Elric. Gloved hands roamed about the blonde's back, tugging his lithe body against the other's, in an attempt to be as close and personal as possible. Both alchemists stroked the other in frenzied movements, seeming animalistic as their heated touches progressed into something resembling a blazing inferno and making their initial contacts seem like a dying spark.

"Be careful or the wildfire will spread, Edward," Roy warned, lifting his head to stare at his lover pointedly. Though feeling the need and desire building up in him, he wanted Ed to make a clear decision about their position. He didn't want to push Edward into something the younger wasn't ready for, especially if the blonde didn't know how to handle fire.

Gaze still heady, Ed shrugged. "I'd rather…feed the fire," he explained in a husky voice, jumping closer to Roy and wrapping his arms about the Colonel's shoulders to hold him in place. "Be consumed by the flames," he muttered, pulling his lips away from Roy's for a scant millisecond before plunging his tongue into Roy's mouth with a new fervor, or maybe his old zeal rekindled.

Roy moaned appreciatively against Ed's mouth, mumbling encouragements as he twined his own tongue around Ed's, returning the passion. Throughout the frantic kisses and touches, it seemed Ed knew just how to handle the fire after all.

Even given the tiniest spark, given time, it could grow into a firestorm large enough to consume a person (or two, given the circumstances) and devour him (or them) entirely.

-+-

And as Ed left a panting and needy Roy behind him, the Colonel figured Ed knew how to douse the fire just as well as he could kindle it.

The damn kid just _had_ to promote fire-safety, didn't he?


	33. Menu Mishaps

Looking around at the casual booths and tables decorating the restaurant, Ed followed his lover, who was following their waitress to their private booth in the back. As the blonde was too preoccupied noticing all the details of the restaurant, he failed to notice the menus that the woman had picked up.

That didn't mean Roy didn't notice, though. Keeping a smirk to himself, he glanced over his shoulder to see Ed idly tracing the pattern of a starfish decoration glued to the wall. The restaurant most definitely specialized in seafood, if the embellishment was anything to go by. "Edward, our booth is this way."

The young alchemist looked up, letting his left hand drop to his side as he continued to patter along behind the Colonel. "Why did you insist on bringing me here again, Roy?" he asked, falling into step beside the other.

Roy shrugged. "We haven't really been on any dinner-dates lately…"

Luckily for them, their waitress was already waiting patiently by their booth as the two alchemists walked faster towards her.

"But why _this_ place?" Ed pressed on further, looking around at the relaxed setting, not too shabby but not too formal.

The Flame Alchemist smiled slightly, keeping his expression mostly under control as he answered, "It's a nice, family-themed environment, Edward."

And Ed fell silent as the implications hit home, a wide grin fighting its way onto his face before he battled it off with one of his trademark, childish scowls.

Roy smirked openly now, sliding into the booth and smiling graciously at the waitress who hovered by his elbow, sending the poor young lady swooning at his expression. Ed rolled his eyes, scooting awkwardly into the seat across from his lover. He knew Roy didn't mean it when he flirted, but that didn't mean he didn't get annoyed by it. This was supposed to be _their_ night, and no lovesick waitresses were going to get in his way.

The waitress tilted her head at Edward, noticing his frown. "Not a very happy child, your boy, is he?"

Roy's smirk grew wider. Technically, Edward _was_ 'his boy,' but just not in the way the waitress was assuming. "You could say that," he drawled, as Ed's scowl intensified.

"Maybe this will help," the waitress cooed at an angry Ed, setting a Kiddy-menu in front of the blonde. Edward's eyes scanned the paper quickly before he glared at the offending woman. "JUST WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALL ENOUGH TO NEED A KIDDY-MENU?"

The waitress only sighed, apparently used to temper tantrums. "They always want to be treated like grown-ups," she said aside to Roy, who only nodded once, his black eyes boring into Ed's. "Here, sweetie, choose your color crayon," she offered, holding out a black and a pink.

Ed's golden eye twitched as he made no move to take either color.

"Here, then, I'll leave you both and you use whichever one you want to, okay honey?" she continued, laying them gently in the center of the table. "Do you know what you want to drink yet or should I come back in a few minutes?"

"Black coffee for me, no sugar, and a large glass of milk for him," Roy answered at once before Ed could open his mouth.

He had just signed his death sentence.

Nodding, the waitress scurried off to get their drinks, giggling to herself as she glanced back at Roy every so often.

Now that the irritating woman had left, Ed growled openly. "What. The. Hell?"

Roy didn't answer except to lean forward and tug Ed's menu over to him. "Hm, look at all these fun games," he remarked. Ed didn't answer. "Look, Edward, there's a maze where a shrimp has to find its escape from a shark. Doesn't that look like fun? I always used to work my way backwards in mazes; it made it easier to work things to my advantage."

Ed grumbled.

"And here…you need to find the animal that doesn't belong. There's a dolphin, a starfish, a clam, and a bear. Can you find it?" Roy asked, seemingly serious.

Ed shifted in his seat, the expression on his face darkening.

"Ah, look. These two activities go together. They're trying to educate the young masses…see? They're teaching the definition of synonyms and double-meanings. Listen to this: 'A shrimp is not only a sea creature, but it can also be used as a way to call something _small_. Unscramble the words below to find other words that mean _small_ and then find them in the word search.' Doesn't that sound…educational?" Roy asked deliberately, pushing the child's menu back to the person it was given to in the first place.

Ed glowered at his lover but obediently looked at the paper, if even just to crumple it up. But damn it, Roy was _challenging_ him to complete the damn activities on the menu, and Ed never backed down from a challenge, no matter how stupid it made him look.

**Yint Naeb Derziesdun Tetiep Tmunie Elltti Tarenimiu Ibchi**

Ed blinked. "What the _hell_ , Roy?"

Roy only smirked and leant his head on his hands, elbows on the table, posture leaning forward across the table. "You're a prodigy, Edward. Surely a _little_ letter unscrambling should be _no biggy_ for you?"

Before Ed could rant, the two alchemists were interrupted. "Here's your drinks! I made sure to fill the milk glass to the brim; he looks like he could grow a few more inches to be normal-looking. And here's your coffee, sir, just the way you requested." The waitress giggled and blushed, making sure not to spill Roy's coffee as she set down the drinks.

"Thank you," Roy replied politely, ducking for cover just in case his blonde lover exploded.

Edward ignored the revolting drink and the waitress's insults – for the moment. Instead, he snatched the black crayon – black like Roy's hair and eyes, Ed thought for a second – and started scribbling the answers onto the menu.

**Tiny Bean Undersized Petite Minute Little Miniature Chibi**

Edward Elric was, no doubt, a prodigy. He then looked at the maze and, sloppily, drew the line from start-to-finish, making sure to run into no dead-ends along the way. He circled the bear, then found all the 'small' words in the word search in record time, pushing the menu back to Roy with an annoyed yet smug look on his features. "Happy now, bastard?"

Roy raised an eyebrow. "I suppose…"

The waitress stared at Ed, amazed. "Wow, your boy could do the entire kiddy-menu in under a minute, sir! That's incredible! You must be extremely proud of him. May I suggest a reward…? Though I wouldn't encourage my kids, if I had any," (she hinted), "to address me by such disrespectful terms…"

Roy, again, didn't answer her. "Very well done, Edward," he drawled.

Though annoyed, Ed had to fight back a blush. Roy didn't compliment him so openly very often, if even over something so…small.

"Uh," the waitress coughed. "May I suggest the Shrimp Special? For this week only, we're serving all kinds of shrimp and—" She didn't get to finish as the blonde alchemist tipped over his – not so small – glass of milk onto the table, the contents spilling out onto the wood and soaking the paper kiddy-menu, leaving his latest work soggy and slightly dissolving in a puddle of white liquid. The waitress gasped; of course, she would have to be the one to clean that up.

Roy only looked amused, as if he expected such a reaction from the blonde. He shook his head and dropped some cenz onto a dry part of the table as payment and tip before plucking the fuming blonde from the seat, into his arms, and heading out of the restaurant.

The waitress could only gape in shock after the retreating alchemists.

And she had been _so_ sure she had found a nice, available, single father with a genius son…

"YOU BASTARD, YOU KNEW THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! YOU BROUGHT ME THERE TO MOCK ME, DIDN'T YOU?" Ed ranted, flailing his arms from his spot in Roy's.

Roy sighed. "I had a vague idea of how you would react, Ed, and I must say, you were _highly_ entertaining."

Edward seethed, shaking. "I can be 'entertaining' in other ways, bastard! Don't you _ever_ treat me like your kid again! Especially not in public! And especially not where you have to mock my height and flirt with…with lovesick floozies like that waitress!"

"Were you jealous?" Roy asked, only mildly surprised.

"Of course _not_ ," Ed ground out, going limp in his arms. "As if I have anything to even _be_ jealous about…"

The Flame only dropped Ed on the sidewalk outside the restaurant doors, kneeling down next to the sprawled blonde. "Of course you don't," Mustang agreed, lowering his head an inch or so to kiss the other, in public on the open sidewalk.

Edward immediately forgot why he was so mad at Mustang, his mind only registering the fact that it felt extremely good to have Roy kiss him like _that_.

After all, the restaurant issue was such a small matter, at least compared to such a meaningful kiss.

-+-

Extra

-+-

And as the waitress looked out the window and saw her latest customers lip-locked on the ground, she was suddenly very thankful they had walked out before she could suggest a date with the handsome, black-haired male.

She most certainly didn't want to know what was wrong with such a family as that, the spilled milk being only the least of the problems if the latest scenario was any indication as to the oddities surrounding the two outside.


	34. Nice Touches

Roy yawned and leaned back in his chair, dark eyes sweeping over the disarray of the outer offices of his unit. The entire Central Headquarters was being redecorated from everything to new furnishings to new paint jobs. All the old furniture, files, paint cans, newspapers, cleaning supplies, and subordinates littered the room, lounging about haphazardly. Roy blinked, noticing something was missing as he took a double look around the room.

Ed. That's what was missing. The determined little worker had decided not to take a break, even when everybody else in Roy's regiment, _including Hawkeye_ , had slid to the floor with cold drinks and high fives. The Colonel sighed internally and pushed himself from his seat, causing quite a few eyes to swivel questioningly in his direction. He raised his hand in a dismissal signal, and immediately not a one of his subordinates was concerned with his goings-on.

The Colonel took purposeful steps towards his own personal office, privately situated behind a closed door from the rest of his quarters at Central. The blonde was, undoubtedly, still working himself into the floor. The Fullmetal Alchemist seemed not to know the meaning of the word "break," except when he was playing hooky on his missions so he could search for the Philosopher's Stone.

As expected, Roy found Edward Elric standing between three paint cans of varying colors: white, tan brown, and a pale green. The blonde, too absorbed in his painting to detect Mustang's presence, dipped his paintbrush into the paint on his left- the white. Roy's eyes narrowed as he took a determined step forward, wanting to drag Ed out of the room to relax.

The sound of Roy's foot smacking the floor seemed to echo in the otherwise dead-silent room, causing Ed's blonde head to whip in his direction. Startled by the presence, he stepped backwards, his left leg sinking into a paint can. The unexpected result was the young man's flailing arms sending him tumbling into the _other_ two paint cans, splattering the wall (and himself) with all three colors in a design that would surely make any spectator cringe with distaste. "Mustang," he growled warningly, as threatening as any angry person was wont to be while covered in paint.

A smirk covered Roy's face as he took in the scene; for some reason, it pleased him to see Ed in such a position. "Nice touch," he drawled, pointing towards the design on Ed – or perhaps it was the wall behind the blonde that the Colonel was referring to.

Ed scowled. "So what would _you_ call a 'nice touch,' then, Mustang? If you can do better, then by all means, show me!"

The smirk on Roy's face widened. "I'd be happy to, Ed, since you asked me so nicely," he almost purred as he stalked towards the sprawled alchemist.

It wasn't until Roy's boots were in front of his face that Edward decided that this was a very bad idea, indeed. Why did he have to open his mouth? And why did Mustang always have to try to prove him wrong? Especially with such an enticing tone of voice? Wait, erase that last thought. He, Edward Elric, did _not_ just think of Roy Mustang as 'enticing.' Before his thoughts could continue swirling in his confused mind, Ed's arms were yanked upwards as Roy hauled the teen to his feet. Somewhere in the struggle the blonde put up from being touched by 'the bastard,' Ed ended up facing in the opposite direction than towards Roy.

" _This_ is what you call a 'nice touch,' Edward," Roy answered the Fullmetal's challenge and pulled the blonde's back flush against his chest. Ed stiffened, not daring to turn around just yet. Instead, he closed his golden eyes and breathed deeply, willing himself to loosen up, fight back, _anything_ than just standing there and letting Roy take control of him!

Roy chuckled and slid to his knees, his front intimately pressed to Ed's back throughout the entire movement. Ed hissed through his teeth, but still didn't turn his head to face the other. The dark-haired man sighed and buried his head in Ed's shoulder; since he was on his knees, he and the blonde were about level. Granted, Ed was a tad bit taller than him now, but the Colonel thought the Fullmetal would be more compliant in the upcoming touches that way, anyways. After a moment or so with no response, Roy slid his chin towards Ed's neck, making no moves to take things further than just nuzzling. "Is this nice, Ed?" he breathed into the younger's ear, his breath making Ed shiver. The Colonel smiled as he felt the tremors against his chest, seeing as how Ed's spine was pressed against it.

"Maybe," Ed admitted through clenched teeth, his arms tugging Roy's around him in an embrace. The Flame's grin widened as he tightened his hold, keeping Ed in place, trapped between his arms and chest. It was the Fullmetal who had initiated _that_ particular move, and Roy was going to make the most of it for however long it lasted. Hopefully for a long, long while yet, if he had his way.

Seeing as how Ed had subconsciously encouraged more of the same treatment, Roy felt he could take the next step up as he dropped a light kiss on the back of Ed's neck before taking his earlobe in his teeth, biting gently. Ed sank back against him, near melting point. Roy blinked; he hadn't even gotten to the good stuff yet and the blonde was almost putty in his hands.

Trailing more heated kisses across Ed's skin, from his neck to the side of his cheek, Roy moved one his hands to rest lightly on Ed's hip, the other rubbing circles on the Fullmetal's chest. Ed shuddered, breathing deeply as he fought for composure. He hadn't planned on giving into Roy's advances, but the man had a reputation for a reason. Just as long as this wasn't a fling where he was being used for sexual enjoyment, Ed felt he could handle Roy.

Without planning to, but feeling a need for _something_ , he tilted his head towards Roy's lips, turning to his side as much as he could in the tight hold Roy kept around him. He gasped at the first bare brush of lips on lips, leaning into the caress as he sought more. But the Colonel pulled back before the kiss could deepen into anything beyond a chaste kiss, smiling devilishly as he noticed Ed's glazed expression. It didn't take much to do the trick with Ed, did it? But he supposed Ed wasn't used to such touches, and not to mention, he was a teenage boy with suppressed raging hormones. As that last tidbit filtered into the Colonel's mind, he wondered why the blonde wasn't attacking him for more. Because if he didn't hate the touches, then wouldn't that mean that he _enjoyed_ the treatment? And if he enjoyed everything, wouldn't he go after it? Edward Elric was not the type to let something go if he wanted it.

Ed shook after Roy pulled back, blinking the confusion out of his eyes as he remembered what had happened during the past few moments. "Roy?" he asked softly in a tone not usually heard by him. Roy didn't know if the younger alchemist was shaking from restraint or light-headedness, but he supposed either worked to his advantage.

"Hm?" Roy mumbled, loosening his grip so Ed could fully face him. "Later," he whispered, a promise lacing his voice as he caught the questioning look reflected in Ed's eyes. Why did everybody look at him like that lately? Well, he most definitely didn't mind sharing himself, his business, with Ed. Unlike some of his other nosy subordinates who were peeking through the crack in the door…

Edward looked relieved for some reason, his entire focus on the man in front of him. Who had suddenly shaken him up so hard it was difficult to stand on his own two feet. For some reason, it didn't matter that he was covered in tacky paint, or that Winry would kill him for getting said paint on his automail. "All right then, you bastard," he breathed, though the fire behind the insult was replaced with something more to Roy's liking. Something akin to fondness.

Roy smiled reassuringly at him, a genuine smile this time. He squeezed Ed tight against him one last time before suddenly letting the blonde go completely, his ignition gloves in snapping motion as he aimed his hand towards the door. The blonde blinked as he followed the direction of the Colonel's fingers, his own features contorting into embarrassment and anger at having been caught in such a position. With Colonel Roy Mustang, of all people, too!

And as Roy dashed away from him to chase Havoc, sparks flying from his fingers, Ed fell against the wall with a squelch as his entire self sunk against the wet paint. He turned to stare at the design on the wall, feeling that his commanding officer and potential lover had a point.

Maybe he would take more breaks, if only Roy would show him some increasingly intimate "nice touches."


	35. Breaking with Tradition

Given Roy's reputation, and given the fact that the two alchemists had to keep quiet about their involved relationship, it really should have been no surprise that a good portion of the women at Central Headquarters would try to position themselves under the mistletoe with the Colonel. From their perspective, Mustang was free game. One desperate admirer even took to following the Colonel around base, clutching a fishing rod with a sprig of mistletoe attached. Roy Mustang was certainly popular with the opposite gender, especially around Christmas time. The traditions associated with mistletoe guaranteed a free kiss, after all, and no sane woman was willing to forego the chance of a moment alone with Colonel Mustang, for obvious reasons.

Of course, that all changed the Christmas following the start of the Flame's and Fullmetal's involvement with one another.

Edward sighed happily and sat on the edge of Roy's desk, moving some paperwork around so he had room to sit. "Still no luck with the You-Know-What Stone, but it's the holidays and Al's happy, so I'm happy. Oh, and you too, of course, Colonel Bastard." He laughed at the mock-hurt expression on Roy's face and hurriedly grabbed one of his lover's gloved hands, squeezing slightly.

Roy returned the affectionate gesture, wondering what had made Ed so compliant and sentimental today. Or so it seemed. He supposed it was just the effects of the Christmas season; Christmas did strange things to people, and it seemed Ed was not immune to the holiday spirit. He pulled on Ed's hand, eyes flicking upwards before settling on the Fullmetal's face. "Come here?" he asked, nodding to the space behind his desk.

The blonde, though confused, only nodded. But just as his feet touched the floor, the two were interrupted by a knock on the door. "Colonel Mustang?" giggled one of the young secretaries from down the hall. "There's some business I'd like to discuss with you."

Roy shot Ed an apologetic look before letting go of Ed's hand and climbing to his feet, following the lovesick girl out of his office. "What seems to be the problem?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

The young secretary nearly swooned, stars in her eyes. "Oh, um…" she stuttered, either too overcome with awe since Roy Mustang – _Roy Mustang_ – was actually standing in front of her, giving her his complete and utter attention, that her thoughts flew out the window, or because she hadn't planned ahead that far to think of what to say once she got him alone. "Can you, er, move two meters to- to your left?" she finally blurted out, a quick blush staining her face.

Roy blinked before tilting his head to confirm his suspicions. Yes, there was a sprig of mistletoe hanging from the ceiling two meters to his left. He sighed; he knew he should have prepared better for the Christmas season. It was always the same at Headquarters, and usually, he was as into the routine as any of the women on base. It was only because Edward Elric was entered into the equation that Roy had to change his "Christmas traditions," though he supposed Ed was more than worth the equivalent exchange.

Speaking of Edward, the young blonde ambled out into the hallway in time to hear the secretary's question. He followed Roy's gaze to the ceiling, golden eyes narrowing as he caught sight of the mistletoe. With a glare on his face, the Fullmetal Alchemist stomped over to place himself squarely between his lover and the gibbering idiot who should have known better than to ask for a kiss from _his_ boyfriend.

The young woman quaked in fear at the expression on Ed's face, the swift glare promising quick death. Roy only choked back a chuckle since he was so used to his lover's expressions and attitudes.

"If you _dare_ move under that damn mistletoe…" Ed threatened, directing his attention to Roy, eyes darkening. The young woman squeaked behind them, clearly confused as to just why Fullmetal was so concerned as to the Flame Alchemist's "mistletoe activities."

Her bewilderment lifted when the Colonel only let a predatory smirk drift onto his features, Mustang's gloved hands tugging the blonde to stand _with_ him under the mistletoe.

"Hey!" Ed sputtered, trying to twist his wrist out of Roy's grasp. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Mustang?" he raged, protesting against the movement. He and Roy had decided a long time ago that it was better to keep their relationship quiet at work, since it could mean strong repercussions if they were ever to be found out. Engaging in the Mistletoe Tradition would only serve to give away their secret.

Instead of answering Ed's question, Roy only leaned down to capture the younger alchemist's lips with his. He mentally grinned as he felt the blonde's struggling cease, the other now redirecting his energy to put as much as he could into the kiss shared between the two. The secretary's eyes widened as the Colonel drew his subordinate closer against him, mouth working frantically to make the most out of the convenient mistletoe above the alchemists' heads.

The secretary stepped back, hand flying to her mouth as she stared at the spectacle. Other military personnel stopped what they were doing to pick their jaws up off the floor. Mustang's fanclub sobbed and clung to each other; the desperate stalker snapped her 'mistletoe fishing rod' in her anger.

When Roy finally let the younger go, Ed was gasping, eyes wide and considerably lighter than they had been moments before. "What the hell, bastard?" he breathed, taking a quick glance around the hallway.

"Tradition," Roy said, shrugging. "See, Ed, usually I have a very busy life in the hallways at Headquarters around Christmas time…"

The blonde groaned, not wanting to hear about Roy's reputation with women.

"So in order to make up for everything I'm going to miss this year, and next year, and the year after that, and so on, I'll just hold you responsible for…supplying me with everything I'm giving up for you. Understand?" Roy asked, guiding Ed back into his office. He sighed and glared at any remaining gawking bystanders before firmly shutting the door.

Edward blinked. "In other words, kisses."

"Yes," Roy confirmed, sounding pleased that Ed had caught on. He shouldn't have been surprised; Ed _was_ a prodigy. "Because I'll be missing out on kissing all those beautiful young ladies out there because I'm with you," he started saying, dodging Ed's flying automail fist as he continued, "it'll be up to you to keep me…satisfied."

"Luckily I do an outstanding job of that," Ed replied, a bit of sarcasm leaking through his voice. "Now it'll look suspicious if you break your routine 'Mistletoe Traditions'…and it'll be even worse if word gets around about what just happened. You moron, don't you ever think?"

The Colonel grinned and plopped in his seat behind his desk. "That's the beauty of breaking with tradition, Ed. I'm replacing my old traditions and making new traditions with you, ones that I don't plan on breaking anytime soon."

Without thinking, Ed let a smile slip onto his face. "You bastard. But what about everybody who just saw us going at each other in the hallway?"

"As far as they're concerned, Edward, it's simply the mistletoe," Roy answered calmly. "After all, it's tradition to kiss someone under the mistletoe."

Edward grinned full-force, joining the Flame behind mounds of paperwork. "I like the way you think. But you know what? I don't need a silly little plant or a stupid old custom to tell me when I can kiss you, or vice versa."

And as he went on to prove it, Roy smiled against the blonde's lips and subtly snapped his fingers, igniting the plant hanging above his desk. Luckily for him, Ed was too busy with his lips to notice that there had been mistletoe hanging above them the entire time.


	36. Light Bondage

"What the hell are you doing?"

Roy paused in his ministrations, angling his head to peer behind him. Not that he needed to, since he could sense Edward's presence – not to mention recognize his voice. "I'm decorating," he said stiffly in response, shuffling his feet through the thin layer of snow on the ground.

The blonde grinned cheekily and followed, reaching out to snatch the decorations out of his lover's hand. "What do we have here?" he mused, not surprised when he wasn't graced with a response. He twirled the thick green cord around gloved fingers, being careful not to smash any of the small pointy lights, as he tried again for Roy's attention. "Are these the 'icicles' or did you actually get the colored lights this time, bastard?"

"Colored," Roy responded in the same stolid tone of voice. "Why do you care?"

Ed shrugged one shoulder as he continued to play with the string of lights. "It's just I'd expect you to get the white lights, since you never seem to have any other source of color in your life. It's always dull, dull, dull…Boring, tiring, yawn-inducing endless work and business with you. I didn't think even Christmas would get you to break out of your continuous cycle of denying yourself entertainment."

Roy blinked. "I am _not_ that boring," he grumbled to himself, though Ed heard. "And besides, I don't deny myself pleasure." His eyes glinted in Ed's direction as he spoke, but his lover didn't rise to the bait.

Instead, Edward ignored the very obvious reference to himself and rolled his eyes in an exaggerated motion. "Okay, true. You make origami out of your paperwork. But that's just it, Roy. You're so entirely focused on becoming Fuhrer and maintaining a strict image that you've forgotten how to have fun."

"I have _not_ ," Roy retaliated, frowning. "Ask Hawkeye. She'll back me up."

The blonde grimaced, imagining an encounter with the First Lieutenant's trusted firearms. "Uh, no thanks. Not right before Christmas." Ed shook his head to emphasize his point, trudging around the older man while still clutching the Christmas decorations. "And besides, I mean you never _really_ let yourself go. Sure, you may joke around in the office sometimes, but when was the last time you were ever truly _happy_ with yourself?" The thoughtful mood disappeared as Ed added on, "Bastard."

The Flame chuckled. "You really want to know? The first time I saw you at the train station, Edward. And the time when you just walked into my office and kissed me; I was happy then. And then the first time I seduced you into my bed, and-" the Colonel paused, figuring he had said enough.

Stunned into silence, Ed finally managed to gather his thoughts and feelings together enough to respond. He quickly lowered his head to hide the bright blush that was spreading across his cheeks, eyes flicking to the other from behind the safety of his bangs. "Cut the sentimental crap, Mustang."

"You always know how to ruin the mood," Roy sighed melodramatically, holding his hand out palm-up.

Ed stared at Roy's hand. "What, you want to hold hands?" he blurted out in disbelief and embarrassment, the flush coming back full-force to stain his cheeks.

Roy smirked. "The string of lights, Edward," he asked for simply. "It's getting cold and I'd rather be done decorating before it gets any worse out here."

"Oh," Ed answered in both relief and – was that sinking feeling in his stomach disappointment? Nah, it couldn't be. The great Edward Elric did not go about holding his commanding officer's hand, even if said commanding officer happened to be his lover in private. Still, he didn't hand over the lights. "Why are you even bothering to put these up when you're just going to have to pull them down again in a couple weeks?"

The Colonel shrugged, squinting upwards as he stared at his roof. "It's the idea that matters, Edward. And besides, even though it takes a bit of extra effort, the end result is that my house is going to look _good_ for the Holidays."

"You egotistical bastard," Ed muttered. "You just want to be a show-off and decorate your house to get people to look at it."

"You have to admit, Ed, that the house should match its owner. And I am _just_ that good-looking; my house should definitely be made up for all its worth during the one time of year that it matters for houses to be decorated," Roy rambled, looking at his blonde lover out the corner of his eye.

Ed's eyes narrowed. "Like I just said, you're an egotistical moron. I can think of so many better things to do with this string of lights than to waste them on your roof."

Roy turned to face Ed, a questioning look on his face. "Oh?" he prompted, encouraging. Even if he didn't always show it, he did value Edward's ideas.

The blonde grinned devilishly. "Why should _you_ decorate the _house_ …when _I_ can decorate _you_ …?"

The Flame lost his spark, the color fading from his face, whether from Ed's suggestion or from the cold, or a combination. "I didn't know you were into bondage," he finally choked when he found his voice.

Ed tamed his smirk before staring Roy in the eye. "Neither did I," he admitted, laughing at the expression on Roy's face. "But I'm thinking that this is a perfect opportunity for you to relax and be happy, so just lie back and enjoy yourself. Let me take care of _everything_." He smiled, almost evilly, before looping the string of lights around Roy's frame and tugging a strangely compliant Roy inside the Mustang-Elric household.

"Enjoy being tied up?" Roy asked sarcastically, maneuvering his right hand to his pocket to search for his gloves.

The Fullmetal swatted his hand away before tucking the wandering fingers behind Roy's back. "Relax, Mustang, it's only light bondage…nothing too extreme…I promise, you'll thank me for this later." He made certain to loop the wire enough times around Roy to actually hold him in place, but left enough slack for his lover to be comfortable. A few of the lights were crushed in the process, but Ed only scoffed and continued with his plans. He was an alchemy prodigy, after all. He could fix the string of lights after he was done with it. "So, should I plug these lights in to…er, add to the experience?"

Roy's eyes widened. "You want to kill me. Burn me. Electrocute me," he muttered under his breath. He frantically shook his head, causing Edward to chuckle at his expense. Shifting uneasily from his position and testing the strength of the Christmas cord, Roy sighed and went along with the blonde's ministrations. After all, Ed could be _very_ persuasive when he wanted to be…


	37. Stocking Surprises

"Boss, what do you want for Christmas?" Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc asked, popping his head into Roy's office. "I just figured I'd ask you now so I'd have time to get it later."

Colonel Mustang – glad for any excuse to avoid doing his paperwork – glanced up at his subordinate and waved him fully into the room. "Oh, nothing big," he replied flippantly. (Havoc slumped in relief) "I'd certainly know what I'd _like_ as my main present, but as for whether or not you'll be able to get it for me…" Roy continued, trailing off.

The blonde saluted smartly and leaned casually against his superior's desk. "I can certainly try, Boss. Unless it's something like a reindeer or something, then I'll know you've gone off the deep end."

Roy chuckled and shook his head, bemused. "Not a reindeer, Havoc. An elf. And even at that, I think I've gone crazy…" The Lieutenant only looked confused, chewing on his cigarette as he waited for his commanding officer to elaborate. Mustang paused, carefully considering what to say, his head shooting up as the door to his office banged open once more. "Good afternoon, Fullmetal," he greeted casually, waving a gloved hand.

Edward scowled and stomped into the room, distinctly avoiding eye contact with the Flame Alchemist. "Whatever, Colonel Bastard."

"It must be cold out there, short stuff. Your cheeks are all red. Unless there's another reason your face is as red as Rudolph's nose? Hmph, a little _elf_ like you should be used to the cold…" Roy teased daringly, bracing himself for the explosion that was Edward Elric.

A small 'o' of surprise formed on Havoc's mouth as he connected Idea A with Idea B, thoughts swirling in the split second it took for Ed's fist to reach Roy's face.

"If I'm a damned elf, then would that make _you_ Santa, head honcho? You're certainly old enough to play the part, bastard. Only thing is that you're too much of an asshole to be considered a children's fairy tale," Ed struck back, glaring. "And…WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALL ENOUGH TO FIT THROUGH THE FLOORBOARDS OF SANTA'S WORKSHOP AND ATTEND TO THE DAMN REINDEER BECAUSE HE'S A TINY ELF WITH A _STUPID_ ELF HAT WITH A _STUPID_ JINGLY BELL?"

Havoc inched away from the fuming teen, but Roy just sat calmly in his chair and looked as if he were enjoying the show immensely. When Ed finally paused to breathe, the Colonel responded with, "Of course I'm not Santa Claus, Ed. Though I can see why you'd want me to be; you wouldn't mind me paying you a visit in the middle of the night and leaving you 'presents,' hm? But see, the thing is, I just don't have the beard…"

Edward gawked, golden eyes bulging from his head at Roy's words. "You bastard!" he screamed, the red on his cheeks darkening to an unhealthy shade of magenta. "Don't mock me! And here I'd thought to wish you a Happy Holidays, but screw that now!" The Fullmetal glowered one last time before stomping outside the office and slamming the door behind him with a bang.

The forgotten Lieutenant in the office cringed as the echoes from the bang reverberated around the room. "Uh, are you sure you want _that_ under your tree, Boss?" Havoc asked a bit uncertainly, staring at the closed door nervously.

Roy let a smirk fall into place as he answered in a confident voice, "No, Havoc. I want _that_ in my **stocking**."

-+-

Extra

-+-

"Uh huh," Havoc responded drolly, moving the cigarette around in his mouth. "And where exactly would your stocking be? So I know where to drag him on Christmas Eve."

Roy's smirk widened, if possible. "Oh, just at the foot of my bed…"

Havoc frowned slightly, remembering something. "Boss, you said you'd like the Chief as your _main_ present. What else did you have in mind?" He was seriously hoping for something easier, since he didn't think he could actually fulfill Mustang's true Christmas wishes.

The Colonel shrugged. "Ah, just if there's any room left over in the stocking – which, knowing Ed, there probably will be – I'd like some extra lube squeezed in there."

The Second Lieutenant nearly swallowed his cigarette as he dashed from his superior's office. Knowing Havoc, it could have been from the shock of the Colonel's words, or else he could have just wanted to get a head-start on Christmas shopping by buying his commanding officer's present. Heaven knows he wouldn't be alive after Christmas – that is, if he actually tried to fill Roy's stocking with 165 centimeters of roiling blonde anger.


	38. Devotion

A sharp knock sounded on the door to Roy Mustang's office, causing the Colonel to (joyfully) drop his pen and push his paperwork to the edge of his desk. "Come in," he called, climbing to his feet and getting ready to salute. Supposedly, General Hakuro would be dropping by to have an "important discussion" with his subordinate. The Flame straightened his back just as the door slid open…

…to reveal, not Hakuro, as Roy had expected, but his own subordinate, the Fullmetal Alchemist. Edward Elric had been stationed in Xing for a little over two months, so the two alchemists hadn't seen one another in quite some time. And for Roy Mustang, forced abstinence for anything longer than a few days was just unacceptable - until he met Ed, that is.

The order for Ed's temporary transfer had come from Hakuro, who had claimed he was passing on the Fuhrer's instructions. Mustang had briefly pondered if he and Edward had been found out, but there was no evidence to support his theory. Both Hakuro and Bradley treated him the same; if they knew he was "involved" with one of his subordinates, surely they would have made mention of it?

Dismissing the idea as pure paranoia, Roy considered the fact that his superiors might feel threatened by Edward's sway over the people of Amestris. The Fullmetal had become quite legendary in his own country, so it was the safest bet that the higher-ups had wanted him subtly removed. Hence, the transfer to Xing. And as Edward was not scheduled to return to Headquarters for at least four more months, Roy was a tad bit surprised at the younger alchemist's presence. Surprised, maybe, but still thrilled.

"Ed," he greeted warmly, striding over to the blonde and pulling him into a brief hug. He _had_ been missing his daily contact with the Fullmetal, so a welcome-back hug was only the beginning compared to the night Roy was spontaneously planning for them, even as he pushed the other onto the couch behind them.

The teenager sighed heavily, though he still shot the Colonel a thankful smile as he gratefully sunk into the couch cushions. "This is nice," he commented, squishing himself against the back of the couch, letting his eyes drift closed in exhaustion.

"What is?" Roy asked, carefully taking a seat next to the blonde. "The comfy couch cushions or being with me again?"

"Mmm…both," Ed answered, laughing softly as he slowly opened one amber eye to peer at his Colonel, winking slyly once he caught the Flame Alchemist's attention. "It's hard traveling to another country and being stationed alone in a foreign place. It makes me wonder why I even stayed in the military after I got Al's body back," the Fullmetal continued, unintentionally causing Roy to wince. Noticing the reaction, Ed frantically shook his head. "No! That's not what I meant. I know why I stayed. I stayed for you, Roy, and I'm sticking to the State Alchemists until you become Fuhrer and restore peace to our country." Nodding now to emphasize his point, he leaned his head against Roy's shoulder and once again let his eyes fall closed.

The Colonel grinned and wrapped one arm around the blonde's shoulders, adjusting some of his plans. A small, tired smile tugged at Ed's lips as he felt Roy's arm come about him, shifting to make their position a bit more comfortable. Clearly, Edward was too tired for some of the activities Roy had intended on filling up their evening. But that was fine; Edward was home, and he was content just to be able to hold the blonde like this in the privacy of his own office.

The door banged open.

Mustang hurriedly wrenched himself from the couch, causing Ed to splutter and fall as the Colonel was no longer there to support his body weight. By the time the intruder had revealed himself and shut the door, Roy was already on his feet, back ramrod straight and hand in salute. Ed glared balefully at first the Colonel, then the General.

Hakuro seemed not to notice the Fullmetal Alchemist's presence, which was fine by both alchemists in the room. "Well, well, Mustang," the older military man smirked and nodded for his subordinate to relax. "There's just something I wanted to inform you of. There's a military function tonight to discuss what is to be done with the Ishbalan refugees. Some soldiers are suggesting that we send them to Xing; the country should be willing to help, especially if that Fullmetal Alchemist of yours – " (Here Roy blushed) – "has rallied support with the common masses, like he's done here. Fullmetal's influence should work to our advantage in this case, though. His presence in Xing has slowly brought our politics and countries together, so the people of Xing _should_ be eager to offer room for the Ishbalans to prove their support of our government and extend friendly ties. If they accept our proposal, we can merge alliances and if not…well, we'll get there if and when we get there."

Roy's lips tightened in anger, though he refrained from speaking. The entire plot had gone unnoticed by him or his entire staff. "But what," he started to ask through clenched teeth, "would the people of Xing gain from this alliance?"

The General smirked again. "Well, our army is superior. I'd think they'd want to stay on our good side, don't you? It's a win-win situation for us if they accept our proposal, and a lose-lose situation for them if they decline."

Edward seethed, forgotten, on the couch.

The Colonel's fists shook from restraining the urge to snap, but he forced himself to stay calm. "You know how I feel about the Ishbalans, General Hakuro."

Hakuro shrugged. "Then present your argument at the function tonight, Mustang. Oh, and by the way…" Eyes glinting, the General added his trump card to persuade his subordinate to attend. "I've heard," he whispered, as if sharing a highly confidential secret, "that any soldier who attends the debate and gives an opinion will get bonus points towards a big promotion." Speaking in a loud voice now as compared to the whispering, he continued, "So I'll see you tonight at eight in the lobby of the hotel on—"

Roy blanched, looking between his superior and subordinate. Edward was twitching angrily on the couch, whether from the sudden but necessary brief abandonment or from Hakuro's invitation, or perhaps both, the Colonel couldn't tell. It was true that the blonde was exhausted and so wouldn't be feeling well enough for Roy's original plans, but the thought of _not_ spending the night with Edward was enough to cause Mustang to boldly interrupt the General.

"Actually, General," he started, cutting off Hakuro's directions. Ed paused, listening with anticipation for his Flame's words. "I'm afraid I'll not be able to attend the function tonight. I've already made important plans for this evening, and I can't back out at such short notice," the Colonel explained while looking at Ed out of the corner of his eye. The blonde frowned in thought before letting a pleased smile work its way onto his face. Who knew Mustang could be so devoted? To _him_?

Hakuro scowled. "Need I repeat, Mustang? Function. Bonus points. _Promotion_."

The blonde could see the Colonel's internal struggle at the temptation, but it seemed Roy had conquered his initial desire to jump at the chance when he said, rather coolly, "And need _I_ repeat, General? I've. Already. Made. _Plans_."

The General's scowl intensified as he shrugged his shoulders and turned towards the door. "It's your loss, Mustang. I thought you were more devoted than this, but I guess I was wrong. You're not made out of the stuff I thought you were. Disappointing, really, when you think about it." With those last impressionable words, the door to the Colonel's office swung shut behind the retreating General.

Roy sighed in relief before muttering to himself, "The only disappointing thing is that I've been serving under that bastard for years. _That_ was my mistake all along."

Edward coughed, gaining the other's attention. "Why did you give up the chance of a promotion, Roy? It would help further your goal; it's been your dream. How could you give it up like that?"

The black-haired man smiled – actually smiled – before answering. "Well, Ed, it's all a matter of which I'm more devoted to: you or the State. I'm sure you can tell which way I'm leaning."

The blonde grinned and, tired though he was, got to his feet to give Roy a hug. No words could express his appreciation and astonishment, and a hug, and just maybe a kiss or two, determined his physical limitations in terms of exhaustion at the moment.

And a hug, and just maybe a kiss or two, later, Roy looked down at the blonde's head resting on his chest. "Are you still with me, Ed?"

Edward yawned and nodded, mumbling incoherently as he burrowed his head deeper in Roy's jacket.

"Why did you come back so early? Not that I'm complaining. Far from it, of course, but I'm just curious."

The Fullmetal Alchemist mumbled again before turning so his mouth was free from Roy's clothing. "I overheard some of the Xing politicians discussing Hakuro's proposal about the Ishbalans, so I reckoned I'd better come home before they could use me in their game of politics. Without me there as a link between Amestris and Xing, the Fuhrer can't press the Ishbalans on them. The Fuhrer will probably send someone to replace me, but for the time being, everything's as it should be."

Nodding, the Colonel only pressed the younger alchemist's head down against his chest once more. "Well done, Fullmetal. Now sleep. You deserve it. And Edward? I'll wake you when it's time to go home."

Ed yawned again before grinning up at Roy. "Hm, 'home' sounds nice after all this time, Roy. But I'm fine here in your office, sitting on your couch, in your arms."

Before the Flame could respond to the blonde's unusual sentimentality, Ed had finally fallen into a well-deserved sleep. Shrugging, Roy adjusted his position so he could lean his own head on top of Edward's, showing once more that he leaned towards that to which he was most devoted.


	39. Midnight Kiss

The Fullmetal Alchemist paused outside the door, glancing at the clock on the nearby wall to be sure of the time. It was 11:57 and t minus ten seconds on December 31st, the oldest night of the year. Ed took a deep breath and peered in through the open doorway, golden eyes sweeping the crowd as he searched amongst the party-goers for the man he had come to see. Normally, Edward Elric avoided parties and social gatherings, as he was too intent on researching leads on the Philosopher's Stone, but tonight was a special occasion.

The year was drawing to a close, with less than three minutes to right the wrongs he had committed over the course of the past twelve months. Unfortunately for the blonde, he could not undo the past and so he was forced to accept his mistakes and move forward. The encouraging thing about New Years Eve was that it represented a chance to start over, like a crisp, clean sheet of paper with nothing written on it. He had the opportunity to make the most out of the upcoming year, to start over with a clean record. Perhaps in the New Year, he would finally find something worthwhile in which to restore his younger brother. There was hope.

Heartened by this positive outlook on New Years Eve and what the New Year could represent, Ed ambled into the party, shaking his head when a random person shoved some alcohol into his hands. Setting it down, he cautiously stepped forward again, weaving his way through the crowd until he was but a few feet from his commanding officer. He gulped. If the New Year promised a clean slate, then Ed vowed he would make the most of the chance offered to him. Along with renewed vigor about his main goal – restoring Al with the Philosopher's Stone – the blonde wanted to take control of his relationship, or lack thereof, with the Flame Alchemist. The New Years party was the perfect time to begin a new relationship and express himself to the Colonel.

The clock's minute hand moved to 11:59, a mere minute away from the start of the New Year. The gathering started to get excited, pouring champagne glasses in a frenzy and shouting uncontrollably in anticipation of the holiday.

Edward glanced about again, making sure Roy Mustang was alone. Meaning, without "company." It wasn't often that the Colonel attended parties without a date, and with the New Years tradition, Ed was most certain he'd have a girl on his arm with whom to share that special midnight kiss. But luck seemed to be on Ed's side for once, as it seemed Roy wasn't going to be "entertaining" anybody after the party.

Taking another deep breath and steeling himself to go through with his plan, Edward took a small step closer to Roy. It seemed like an eternity, but in reality it was only a few seconds, before he was standing behind his superior's back.

Ten seconds to go and the countdown began.

Ten…

Ed raised his left hand – his flesh one – and tapped Roy softly on the shoulder.

Nine…

Mustang turned around, champagne glass in hand. His dark eyes slid downwards (slightly) to hold Ed's intent gaze. Unperturbed, he raised his glass, as if to toast his subordinate.

Eight…

Wishing now that he had kept hold of the alcohol he had refused not two minutes earlier, the blonde let a shaky smile form on his face in acknowledgement of the respect signified by the Colonel's raised glass.

Seven…

Roy smirked down at Ed and downed the contents of said glass, setting it down on a windowsill once it was empty. He wiped from his mouth any traces of the champagne, licking his lips to ensure he was alcohol-free.

Six…

Ed blurted out quickly, and rather rudely, "So, Mustang. You here with anyone tonight?" He wanted to make sure it was safe to carry out his plans; he most certainly didn't intend to ruin the Colonel's night. That was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment, especially as he was aiming for the opposite effect on the man standing before him.

Five…

The dark-haired man shook his head curtly in response to Ed's question. One corner of his mouth turned up in what could be considered a smile. "No," he said simply, not elaborating as to just why he had gone to a New Years Eve party single. The one-word answer was spoken without letting any emotion leak through his voice, discouraging or otherwise.

Four…

Edward fought back the growing impulse to cry in triumph. Instead, he rolled his shoulders nonchalantly and muttered, "Me neither." If Roy heard, he gave no indication.

Three…

Roy glanced around the room, taking note of the time, before his gaze swiveled back to rest on Ed's determined face.

Two…

The blonde stepped impossibly closer, so the two alchemists' chests brushed against one another as they breathed in sync. He reached up with his arms and rested his hands on Roy's shoulders, squeezing both as reassurance and to steady his nerves. Ed glanced shyly at Roy's calm face, cursing mentally when the older man showed no signs of responding one way or the other.

One…!

Roy steadied himself as he slightly shook, overwhelmed by the feeling of Edward Elric's lips crashing onto his as the clock struck midnight. He simply stood there and let the sensations sink in, not encouraging the blonde, but also not bothering to push him away. He squashed down the feelings tightening in his stomach as he focused on the insistent mouth that was nearly ravaging his own.

About ten seconds passed since the New Year had begun before Ed reluctantly tore his lips from the Colonel's. Feeling no silent encouragements, he let the contact between their lips die as he took a rejected step backwards. He searched Roy's face for any sign of emotion and, seeing none, clutched the Flame Alchemist's shoulders one last time in what could be considered both an apology and farewell. Letting go of all contact now between himself and Mustang, Ed turned so his bangs covered the rejection he was sure was reflected in his eyes.

Without saying a word, the teenager pushed his way through the crowd, keeping his head bowed the entire time. When he finally cleared the doorway to freedom, he rubbed his sleeve against his eyes- not because he was crying; no, Edward Elric simply didn't cry, especially not in public. And especially over something so trivial as getting refused by Roy Mustang. The man was a notorious womanizer in Central and East City, so it only stood to reason that he'd be appalled by the midnight kiss that had just taken place.

Sighing to release his pent up emotions, the young alchemist silently trudged down the hallways of Central Headquarters until he reached the front courtyard. He paused on the front steps to stare at the celebratory fireworks lighting the sky, symbolizing the New Year. Ed frowned. "Only ten seconds into the New Year and I've already mucked everything up," he mumbled, already wishing he could take back the kiss. "I knew it was inevitable for me to make a serious mistake, me being me, but ten seconds must be a new friggin' record."

The blonde sank to the cool steps and hugged his knees to his chest, sniffling quietly. He shut his eyes tightly, but the traitorous tears still managed to leak through and roll down his blushing cheeks. Even with his eyes closed, he could still see the imprints of the fireworks on the sky, not letting him forget the kiss he had initiated with Roy Mustang. If the New Year could be compared to a clean sheet of paper, then Ed's misfortune would be represented by a large ink spot in the very center of the page. "But… _what_ a ten second mistake…" he mused to himself, a bit louder than he intended.

" _What_ a ten second 'mistake,' indeed," chuckled a new voice cutting through the open air.

Gasping, Ed whirled around with wide eyes to stare at none other than Roy Mustang himself. "What are you doing here?" he asked breathlessly, consciously ashamed of the tear tracks on his face.

Roy laughed again, though it wasn't a mocking laugh. The Colonel casually plopped himself beside the younger alchemist, his thigh and leg pressing against those of the blonde. Ignoring Ed's intake of breath, the Flame Alchemist tilted his head towards the other, a warm and genuine smile on his face. "You weren't the one that made a mistake, Edward."

Ed stayed silent, though the questioning – and somewhat hopeful - look on his face prompted Roy to continue speaking.

" _I_ made the mistake when I didn't let you know how much I enjoyed our kiss, and another when I let you run from me. I apologize, Ed," the dark-haired man said. "And do forgive me if I'm wrong, but seeing as how you kissed me, that must mean it's fine for me to call you by your first name instead of 'Fullmetal,' hm?"

The blonde nodded slowly, almost shyly. "I'd actually prefer that…Roy."

Grinning now at how Ed returned the sentiment, Roy dropped his head a couple inches downwards to capture Ed's lips with his own. His hands came up to cup Ed's face, thumbs stroking the tearstains away. Both alchemists knew to keep quiet about Ed's emotional reaction; nobody else would ever know the Fullmetal Alchemist had uncharacteristically cried at a New Years Eve party.

That kiss, and each one following, lasted way longer than the initial record of ten seconds. And, as it turned out, Roy Mustang did indeed leave the New Years party with "company" to "entertain" with whom to break in the upcoming year.


	40. Riding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one used to have fanart doujinshi. It was pretty epic.

"So, Mr. Elric, before we get you outfitted with a horse, you need to pick which style of riding you prefer to learn: English or Western," explained the stable manager. It wasn't often such renowned state alchemists such as the Fullmetal and Flame ever came by the manager's stables, so the manager himself had to ensure helping the two alchemists, as he didn't trust anybody else to handle such special clients.

Edward frowned quizzically, looking to Roy. Roy only shrugged, which bothered Ed because of Mustang's lack of helpfulness. "What the hell's the difference?" the blonde asked rather rudely when no help was forthcoming.

The Colonel rolled his eyes at Ed's so-called manners and tact.

"Um," the stable manager stammered, confused by the blonde's reaction. "In Western Style, you hold both reins in one hand while in English Style, you hold a rein in each hand. Plus the saddles are different types, so that affects how you ride, and…" he spluttered, talking a mile-a-minute.

The Fullmetal's frown deepened. "Saddles, you say?" he asked, interrupting the stable manager's babble.

The worker only nodded. "Yes, Mr. Elric."

Edward tilted his head, golden eyes glinting at Roy out of his peripheral vision. "I see. Well, Sir…while the _horse_ might like the _bondage accessories_ ," he said, pausing to glance devilishly at the surprised Colonel, " _I_ prefer things in their _natural_ form."

"Uh…excuse me?" asked the stable manager, clearly confused. Obviously, the Fullmetal Alchemist's companion had caught on to some kind of inside joke between the two, but he was still baffled.

The short blonde suddenly grinned, startling the stable worker with the sudden change in attitude. "I was just mentioning that I'd prefer riding my Mus- um, horse… _bareback_."

Roy Mustang choked in the background.

The stable manager blinked.

And an hour later, Edward Elric was sorely sorry he had suggested it. Mainly he was upset because riding bareback on an actual horse wasn't nearly as comfortable as riding bareback on his actual Mustang.


	41. Haunted

If Ed had to narrow down his list to one specific reason as to what he loved most about Roy Mustang, he'd know in a heartbeat what to say. His eyes. No matter what the situation, the blonde could always read the other's facial expressions, if only because of years of practice. And above all else, Roy's eyes told Ed the whole story. And with every expression, save one, there was a certain passionate fire located in their depths, portraying the sole interest of each of his sentiments.

When he was happy, Roy's black eyes would lighten considerably until Ed could detect the hints of navy blue hiding beneath the surface. When angry, his eyes would narrow to an impenetrable black, resembling the charcoal that remained after one of his attacks, and shining with enough malice to shoot fire without even having to resort to his gloves. Surprised, and Roy's eyes would widen before quickly constricting to their normal size again, trying to hide the spark of interest in their depths. Bored, and Roy's eyelids would droop, halfway covering the dull mixture of black irises and pupils. Triumphant, and Roy's eyes would glint smugly, eyebrow raised in a challenging manner above one gleaming circle of black. In 'the mood,' and Ed couldn't begin to describe the changes and variations of Roy's eyes; from the soft, tempting invitation reflected from the core of his heart, expressed through the medium of his eyes, as always, to the gradual darkening of black to pure midnight as love and lust took their toll.

And Edward knew especially one particular look mirrored in the depths of Roy Mustang's eyes: the one that spoke of sorrow, fear, regret, guilt, and self-hatred all mixed together in one terrible blend of negative emotions. Edward had come to know that particular look because he'd seen it far too often in any number of people he'd met on his travels, but none so much as those who had participated in the Ishbal War. And none among those was worse afflicted than the Flame Alchemist. Roy's eyes would dim and stare off into some unknown distance, back through his memories of mistakes long past; any pinpricks of lights would fade from his eyes, leaving his expression dead to the world. Eyes unfocused, blank, and lifeless. The inner fire dying to a nearly nonexistent spark that could only be detected after long moments of careful inspection, and only then when it was a person with whom Roy _let_ share his feelings. The only word Ed could think of to describe it: haunted.

And that was why Ed knew without a doubt which Roy was _his_ Roy and which was the impostor Homunculus.

There was no way that _his_ Roy could be so cold and _unmoved_ after a mindless slaughtering of innocent civilians. _His_ Roy would not look nearly so victorious when presented with the blood of victims. _His_ Roy's eyes would not shine with mirth at genocide. _His_ Roy would never squeeze his eyes shut and deny Ed the right to read his emotions.

 _His_ Roy would be scared and open. Almost vulnerable. _His_ Roy would be devastated with the turn of events. _His_ Roy would be helpless so soon after the deaths. _His_ Roy would have the grim resolve to right the world freely written on his eyes for any who cared to read. _His_ Roy's eyes would be haunted from witnessing yet another massacre.

"That's my Roy," Ed spoke, swallowing a lump in his throat while pointing to the 'Colonel' on the left. The Colonel whose eyes shimmered with unshed tears, the eyes which had only known such moisture following the Rockbells' deaths and Hughes's murder. The Flame which was put out by only a mere couple of the inconsolable tears Roy let roll down his face before he refused to let them fall. Before the dry and stolid expression took over. Before the haunted look crept in to stay.


	42. Mmm, Report

The Colonel paused in his paperwork, cocking his head to the side as he was interrupted by a knock on his door. Gratefully, he let his pen slip from cramped fingers and stretched, loosening the kinks in his back so he didn't appear as haggard as he felt. He _did_ have an image to maintain.

Roy relaxed at the first sign of a short stature. Nobody on base was as small as Edward Elric; he didn't need to appear anything but what he was in Ed's sole presence. And hopefully, the Fullmetal Alchemist would have that report done. The report that even Mustang's own superiors were taking a genuine interest in. "Fullmetal," he greeted, nodding professionally. It was best to complete the matter of military transactions before engaging in…more appealing pastimes. As the saying went, 'Business before pleasure.'

"Colonel," the blonde responded in kind, bowing as was expected of him.

When he straightened, Roy noticed that Ed's eyes seemed a tad bit uncertain and slightly fearful. The Flame sighed, "What did you do this time, hm?"

Edward spluttered, waving his arms about and protesting in typical-Ed fashion. "What the hell do you mean 'what did _I_ do'? I didn't do anything! It's not my fault! I swear!"

"Mmm…" Roy hummed deep in his throat, inviting Ed to continue talking.

The blonde snapped his mouth shut in a sulking manner. "Ididn'tfinishthatreport," he mumbled quickly.

Roy perked up in his seat, leaning forward over his desk, ears straining. "Mm?" he grunted, fearing he actually _had_ heard the worst of it.

"I said," Ed repeated, glaring, "that I _didn't finish the report_!"

The Colonel groaned, letting his head smack the desk, before regaining his composure.

"But, see, it's not my fault," Ed rushed on to explain, letting a wavering smile flit onto his features.

"Mm," Roy responded in a dubious but desperate manner, rolling his eyes.

Ed frowned as he flopped onto one of the couches in Mustang's private office. "I was planning to do it two days ago, right? But then Winry showed up from Resembool. And I couldn't just ignore her company after she had traveled such a long distance, could I? Plus I had to play matchmaker with her and Al, and believe me, that was worth the stupid report." He flinched as his commanding officer's eyes narrowed in disbelief, hurrying to continue. "And then when I finally pushed them out on a date…and after I finally had peace and quiet – to work on that report, you know? – I felt _so tired_. So I had to take a small nap."

By this point, Mustang was clearly not amused. "Mmm," he hummed in disapproval, tongue clicking.

"And by the time I woke up and actually sat down to work on the damn thing, _my stomach growled_. And I couldn't just ignore _that_ , so I had to cook myself a meal. And when I was done eating, Al and Winry had come home. Seemed they had stopped by the library, and Al had picked up this research book that I'd been waiting for."

Roy groaned, already knowing how Ed was when he was around a book.

"And," Ed babbled, ticking off on his fingers the reasons why the report was as of yet unfinished, "the book was longer than I expected it to be. And while I was so absorbed in my reading, Al snuck a kitten into his room. It took three hours to convince him to put it back where he found it." The blonde paused, taking a deep breath. "So with everything that's been going on, you can't have expected me to have completed that damn report, right?" he asked hopefully.

"Mmm," Mustang hummed an affirmative.

Edward scowled. "So you're going to hold me accountable for not finishing my work?"

"Mm."

"Even though I'm your lover?"

"Mm."

"And you're going to punish me for it?"

"Mm."

"…You're going to tattle on me to Hawkeye, aren't you?"

"Mm."

"Unless I get it done _tonight_?"

"Mm."

"No exceptions?"

"Mm."

With that, Edward slowly climbed to his feet and made his way over to his commanding officer. Roy merely raised an eyebrow, keeping his focus intently on the blonde's every move. The younger alchemist sauntered to the desk and leaned forward, his stomach and chest stretched across the desk, until his lips collided with those of the Flame's. He poked his tongue at Roy's mouth, hardly having to wait for the Colonel to comply with his fervent wishes. Grinning, Ed pressed closer, his feet sliding from the floor as the Fullmetal nearly _crawled_ across the desk, with no regards to Roy's paperwork, in order to have more contact with said man.

"Mmmmmmm," Roy groaned, for once the noises in the back of his throat having nothing to do with conscious thought, but all the same having everything to do with the troublesome blonde. His own hands reached outward blindly, catching hold of Ed's clothes to pull him entirely across the desk and into his lap. Ed almost squeaked at the indignity, but both alchemists were far too gone to care about too much of anything – except _that_ \- at that point. A few more undignified hums hitched in Roy's throat, vibrating into the intense kiss.

As one particular mmmmoan spilled out to echo across the entire office, Lieutenant Hawkeye kicked the door open, gun at the ready. "Sir! Edward!" she ordered threateningly, causing the two to break apart.

Roy gathered his ragged breath before replying with an out-of-breath "Hm?"

Riza glared. "I don't want to hear any more of this, understood? Colonel, stop _moaning_. And Ed, _get off his lap!"_ Both the Fullmetal and Flame obeyed without question. Nodding firmly once, the gun-toting blonde left the room and shut the door behind her.

Both Roy and Ed sighed in relief that the firearms hadn't come out to play.

"That was a close call," Ed observed.

"Mm."

Ed looked fiercely at his lover. "Would you _stop_ that already? It's getting annoying!"

Roy smirked. "Mm…" And before Ed could react, he tacked on at the end, "Whatever."

Ed sighed forlornly before glancing from the closed door back to Roy's (warm and comfortable) lap with a longing expression on his face. He folded his arms over his chest and asked, "She'll know, won't she?"

"Mm."

The blonde glowered before stalking to the door, though a hint of a smile hovered above his lips from the recent kiss.

"Oh, and Fullmetal?"

Edward paused, turning around with an expectant look.

Roy's smirk widened as he commanded, "That report is _still_ due tomorrow."


	43. Grave Digging

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" came the indignant squawk of surprise from the Colonel's door.

The Flame looked up from his task, deeply relieved that it wasn't the First Lieutenant come to check on his paperwork progress. And speaking of which…Roy looked down at the scraps of paper littering his desk and floor, the brave remnants of what was once a highly official stack of important documents. "Ed," he urged, his tone leaving no room for argument, "close the door. _Now_."

Doing so, the blonde strode over to the desk. In all the years of the Colonel complaining about his hated job – or at least the paperwork aspect – Edward knew Mustang had never actually _done_ anything to prove his point. The Colonel had often threatened to burn them, but Hawkeye's careful aim of her trusty pistol was enough to convince him otherwise. And he had always made origami out of the dreaded papers, but Hawkeye had always calmly smoothed them out again and replaced the stack on his desk – double the size. Ed whistled softly, almost admiringly, before turning his gaze to Roy's face. "What did you think you could accomplish by destroying your paperwork?"

The raven-haired man shrugged one shoulder, trying to look ashamed but failing miserably in the glee of his recent triumph. Roy Mustang versus Paperwork.

Roy: 1

Paperwork: 3,285

He was slowly evening the score, if only by a tiny smidgeon of progress. (And to think it had taken him over nine years to one-up that blasted paperwork!) Turning his smile into a smirk, Roy raised an eyebrow. "I would think it would be obvious, Edward. I just saved myself hours of work. And I enjoyed it. _Immensely_."

"Really? Because it looked like you were digging your own grave. Maybe I should buy you a shovel – seriously," Ed remarked, the half-joking comment reminding Mustang that his First Lieutenant was sitting on just the other side of the (thin, unreliable) wall.

Roy paled as reality crashed in, pushing whimsical fantasies to the back of his mind, squished behind the barrage of panicked, rational thought. "Shit," he whispered. "Hawkeye's gonna kill me…"

Edward nodded.

"I'm really going to die today by my subordinate's bullet lodged in my brain," Roy continued, eyeing his latest masterpiece, or pieces thereof, that lay innocently on his desk. His coherent thoughts grew frightened at the prospect of approaching doom and quickly packed their bags for a permanent vacation, leaving the more insane side of Roy's brain in full control.

"I'm not transmuting those pieces of paper for you, either, you bastard," the blonde warned, golden eyes narrowing at his commanding officer's crazed look.

Roy shook his head. "I wasn't going to ask you, Edward. However, I _will_ ask you to come here…"

Though confused, Ed did as was requested of him. He came to a stop before Roy, tilting his head (adorably) to the side as he waited for Mustang's next move.

Roy grinned and pulled the (surprised) blonde closer to him, angling his head so his lips met Ed's in just the right way. If his articulate thoughts hadn't bothered to take an unexpected leave not two minutes earlier, they surely would have fled and left his mind to the utter disorder of pure impulsive whims the moment the blonde started to return the kiss. If his common sense hadn't been carried away by the abrupt absence of other rational thoughts, Roy might wonder why he was tempting fate – fate being Riza Hawkeye's deadly aim – by kissing the Fullmetal Alchemist with all the emotions coiled up inside. But as it was, since Roy was no longer plagued by common sense, he could just let himself _feel_ the intoxicating movement of Ed's mouth against his own, _feel_ the blonde's hands fisting the front of his regulatory military jacket, _feel_ the muscles of Ed's neck stretching as far as possible to accommodate for their differences in height.

When the two alchemists drew back, panting heavily, Edward stared at Roy with half-lidded eyes. "And," he managed when he finally articulated enough thought to think semi-clearly (unlike Roy, whose better part of his brain had left him indefinitely) , "just what the hell did you think you were doing when you did _that_?"

The Flame's lip curled in a reassuring manner towards the blonde, devilishly wicked as his dark eyes flicked to the closed door. "I'd think it was obvious, Edward. I'm digging my grave deeper."


	44. WATs

"We will now commence with the written portion of your private assessment, Fullmetal," the Fuhrer said, speaking loudly even though the blonde was a scant three feet away. "As a renowned State Alchemist, I expect your full cooperation in taking the W.A.T. – or 'Written Assessment Test.' You may begin."

Edward glared at his paper, huffing to himself as he began fervently scribbling. The entire idea behind the new decree was to be sure the State Alchemist in question hadn't forgotten his or her talents over the years of service. To Ed, the new assessment system was downright stupid. Why even bother with a written test? Wasn't the practical assessment enough? He had already taken this test when he was twelve – and passed with flying colors!

The Fullmetal felt for sure there was another reason for the impromptu testing. The military knew how brilliant he was in his field; why question it? At least it wasn't just him. All State Alchemists were required to undergo the written test as part of their assessment. The blonde just couldn't wait for Roy's turn – he would so laugh and mock him about how _he_ felt about the new system.

But he knew Roy would have a good comeback. Something along the lines of, "When I'm Fuhrer, things will change," or something of that nature.

Speaking of Roy (or more accurately, thinking), the young alchemist glanced up and met the Colonel's eyes. Of course, as his commanding officer, Mustang would be present to oversee the assessment procedure. Ed was just glad Basque Gran wasn't there; that guy really got on his nerves. Roy offered him a tiny, encouraging smile, unseen by the Fuhrer but definitely noticed by a suddenly very appreciative Edward.

Maybe he wouldn't make fun of the other _so_ much when the situation was reversed…

The blonde shot a grin back at his secret lover before flipping the page, jotting down some more answers on his personalized test. Though he still didn't understand – or want to, for that matter – the reason behind the test, he still wanted to finish and be done with the entire procedure. Ed knew the military would kill just to _keep_ him under their thumb; it didn't matter how well or horrible his assessment turned out. Why even bother with the writing section?

"They want to make my life hell," Edward muttered under his breath, eyes flicking to see if anyone heard his comment. Luckily, Fuhrer Bradley appeared not to hear, but Roy had to choke back his laughter.

And unfortunately for Ed, the test took four hours to complete. He'd have been done in one if the higher-ups hadn't _insisted_ that the test be divided into different _sections_ to be done individually with five minute _breaks_ in between to stretch any cramped muscles. There were sections on the basics of alchemy that even an amateur could answer (State the principle of Equivalent Exchange), questions about certain alchemic specialties (Ed knew a fair bit about fire alchemy after living with Roy for some time), and even an essay section where he described his services and experiences while doing missions for the State (Not that Ed would write the truth when the Fuhrer himself was going to read it…). Bradley seemed to want to drag out the torture for as long as possible.

When he was finally, _finally_ , through, the Fullmetal sighed in relief before approaching the head of the country. "Fuhrer, Sir. Please explain to me _why_ I just wasted four hours of my life taking that damned thing?"

"Ed- _Fullmetal_!" Roy hissed a warning, remembering at the last second that it wasn't proper for him to call Ed by his first name in the presence of his superior. And the highest on the chain of command, at that.

"No need, Mustang. I understand perfectly well that Fullmetal is merely curious. He has every right to question me about this new assessment development," the Fuhrer spoke calmly before redirecting his attention to the young prodigy. "In all the years of doing practical assessments, the military records can't keep up with the State Alchemists' improvements and weaknesses. The written test is to see what they've forgotten and what they know, official documents that can be kept on file. That way we can refer back to your progress as a State Alchemist at any given time, and it reinforces your specialties."

"No it doesn't," Ed contradicted, mumbling under his breath. Roy didn't catch it since he was too busy moaning in the background. ( _More_ paperwork! The world was so unfair!) Bradley seemed to be deaf today, as he gave no indication of hearing Ed backtalk him. The blonde waited to see if the Head of State had anything more to say before dashing from the room towards pure freedom.

The tests were long, pointless, and boring. Edward _deserved_ an extra special night with Roy to make up for everything he had undergone that morning for that damn military. Roy _was_ his superior officer, so it only made sense that _he_ should be the one to set things straight in Ed's world. Or maybe not so straight, as both alchemists preferred.


	45. Senses

"But I _hate_ him!" Ed whined pathetically, struggling in his younger brother's grip. Fortunately for Al, Ed's kicking and biting did nothing to harm him since he was a suit of armor. Actually, it was rather amusing to see Ed throw one of his infamous tantrums, and for once about something other than his height.

The younger Elric firmly shook his head, the hinges of his armor creaking with the movement. "I know you, Brother. You can't hide it from me. You're _attracted_ to the Colonel. I hear you at night; I see it every time you come out of his office…"

The (smaller) Elric blushed deeply, going limp at the accusations. "Just because I friggin' _dream_ about the guy doesn't mean anything," he protested weakly.

Alphonse bowed his head. "Tell me what happened this morning, Brother."

Edward sputtered and blushed, trying to delay actually telling his innocent younger brother about the event that had caused this argument. Then, when it seemed inevitable that Al wouldn't let go of him until he told, "Hetriedtokissme," he mumbled in a low voice, looking to the floor so his bangs covered his eyes.

"And the problem with that is…?" the younger questioned, giving his older brother a light shake. "If you _like_ him, shouldn't you be happy that he's starting to show signs of feeling the same?"

"Multiple times," Ed continued, without even seeming to hear his brother. "But I backed out every single time and the seventh time he leaned in…I just lost it and swung at him. With my _automail_ arm."

Al gasped, wincing at the pain the Colonel must be undergoing. "You still didn't answer my question, Brother," he pointed out, tightening his grip as Ed tried to wriggle free.

The Fullmetal sighed again. "I don't _want_ to get involved with that bastard, Al. And he's a _man_ , or haven't you noticed?"

"You've certainly noticed," Al teased.

Edward growled. "Shut up!" His younger brother immediately complied, eager to keep Ed in a talkative mood. The blonde shrugged one shoulder as he went on, "Besides, there's no time for a relationship. We're always out searching for the Stone. It would never work."

The younger Elric would have glared if he had a body. "Edward," he said, catching his brother's attention. Al only called his brother 'Edward' when he was upset. "You're making excuses. Now out with it. Why do you keep turning Colonel Mustang away when you so clearly want to be with him? I know it, you know it, _he_ definitely knows it."

Ed bristled, scowling. "That's none of your business," he said defensively.

"It is when you start hurting yourself emotionally by bottling everything up," Al pointed out. "What, are you scared or something?"

Edward froze. "N-no! Of course not! How could I be scared of Mustang?"

"I'm not saying you're scared of the Colonel, Brother," Al said gently. "I'm saying you're scared of your feelings for him."

The Fullmetal frantically shook his head. "Nah, Al, that's stupid," he said, though he didn't sound convincing, even to himself.

The younger Elric almost gave up. Almost. "Anything else?" he asked tersely.

Ed opened his mouth to respond a negative before swallowing it back. "Actually, Al, I don't want to have a relationship when you…can't…" he finished feebly, looking downwards. He knew Al wanted him to be happy, and so wouldn't appreciate being told he was holding his older brother back from a (semi) normal life. Not that he was; Ed just didn't want to enjoy any aspect of life without his flesh brother by his side, _knowing_ Al could experience human sensations. Waiting for the angry response he knew was forthcoming, he kept his eyes glued to the ground.

Said ground started to spin as Alphonse Elric indignantly tossed his older brother onto the street.

-+-

Roy Mustang opened his door, holding an icepack to his face. Hawkeye had given him the day off after she saw the state of his face, even though technically he was _her_ superior. The bag of ice neatly slipped from his fingers as he recognized the form on his doorstep. "Ed-" he gulped back the name, forcing, "Fullmetal," out instead.

"Edward's fine," the blonde said sheepishly, surprising the older alchemist with his startling docile personality. Roy understood that when the blonde allowed him to call him 'Ed,' then the blonde was, in a further sense, accepting _him_. And by 'him,' he meant ' _them_.' "Al knocked some sense into me," the blonde answered the unspoken question with a grudging sigh, peering at Roy out the corner of his eye.

The Colonel only nodded thoughtfully. Then, with a rare grin on his face, he ordered, "Remind me to thank him for making you come to your senses."

"Then remind me to thank _you_ for helping me lose them again." And Ed pounced, dragging Roy's head down for a long overdue kiss.


	46. Operation Sneak a Kiss

When Roy walked into the office the following morning, he found Havoc staring glumly at his desk, cigarettes untouched. Normally, Jean Havoc would have a cigarette in his mouth at all hours of the day, no exceptions. Not even the fear instilled by Riza Hawkeye's gun could intimidate him into quitting.

"Lieutenant!" the Colonel barked, receiving only a sullen look in return. Worried now, Roy slid into a seat opposite his subordinate and friend, leaning forward on his elbows. "Alright, speak," he ordered. "What's your problem? Been dumped again?"

The blonde shook his head slowly. "No…I've just been thinking, Chief. I was wondering how I could go about expressing myself to this one person I've been developing certain…feelings for, you could say. You're a date-magnet; why don't you share some tips? I only want to see if this one person would ever consider being with me; you can have all the rest. I give up. It's not worth competing with you."

Roy blinked. Jean Havoc interested in a serious relationship? With one particular person? This was news. The fact that the Lieutenant was being oddly sentimental about it was enough to clue Roy in that something was sincerely wrong with the blonde. "Have you tried kissing them?" he asked, trying to sound casual. "Whoever it is…" he trailed off, not-so-subtly hinting for a name.

"They work in the office," Havoc mentioned, giving no clue as to the desired person's gender or personality.

The Colonel was sure his face paled at the words. _Please don't be Edward. Please don't be Edward…_ he pleaded in his mind.

The Lieutenant paused, noticing his commanding officer's reaction. "Don't worry, Chief. If you want them…you're more likely to convince them to go out with you. You have that effect on people, even those who wouldn't give _me_ the time of day. And no, I have _not_ tried kissing them. I may not have your charm, but I'm not stupid, either. I know the person would freak out and most probably kill me." He sighed, staring down at his desk again.

Roy hummed and thought a moment. "What if I showed you what _could_ happen if you tried my idea?" he suggested.

"Chief, I think even this person we're talking about would kill _you_ for pulling a stunt like that. Or at least never speak to you again," Havoc responded, slumping in his seat.

Roy frowned and was about to protest when the door to the office slammed open, the Fullmetal strutting through the door in his usual cocky demeanor. Glancing at the interruption, the Colonel looked back at the Lieutenant. Havoc didn't seem to be intrigued by Edward Elric's presence; that was an encouraging sign. Smirking now, the black-haired man caught Havoc's attention and took long strides towards the younger alchemist in the room. "Fullmetal," he greeted, peering over his shoulder to be sure Havoc was watching.

It wasn't often Roy Mustang gave out free shows.

Edward paused mid-step, tilting his head at his secret lover's weird behavior. "Huh?" was all he managed to squeak out before Roy's lips slammed onto his, effectively muting him.

Had Havoc been smoking, then his cigarette would have surely fallen to the floor in shock. Nobody in their right mind, not even Colonel Mustang, could simply walk up to Edward Elric and kiss him senseless. And avoid being killed in the same instant. It just simply wasn't believable.

Much to the Lieutenant's overwhelming surprise, the Fullmetal actually snaked his arms around Roy's shoulders and tugged him closer, if it were at all possible. The intensity of the kiss increased dramatically once both parties were more-than-actively involved, making Havoc reconsider his superior's plan. If it worked on the Fullmetal Alchemist, then Operation Sneak a Kiss could work on _anybody._

When the two alchemists returned to reality after a bout of kissing, stretching, and moaning, they found themselves alone in an empty office. Granted, the only one there before was Havoc, but it seemed he had silently taken his leave once the two had gotten a little too "involved" in one another.

Edward shrugged and turned to tug Roy's head down for more, stopping only when he noticed the look of concentration on his lover's face. "What's wrong?" he pressed.

"I told Havoc the best way to let someone know you love them is to kiss them," Roy admitted. "And I 'proved' my theory on you. The only thing is that… _we're_ already together," he said, laughing slightly at Havoc's predicament.

Edward frowned. "That was a bastard thing to do," he snorted. "But a very Mustang-ish thing to do…so I wonder who Havoc went to kiss?"

"We'll find out when the person beats him up for sexual assault," Roy chuckled again, leaning down to capture Ed's lips in another bruising kiss. But by the time Havoc returned to his desk, rumpled and dejected, Roy and Ed had far more pleasing things on their minds.


	47. Signature

Roy Mustang was used to signing his name.

The number one reason he was so in practice with the motion was because his most diligent subordinate – that would be Lieutenant Hawkeye, of course – thought it "necessary" that he complete his paperwork. And because Roy rather liked living in one piece, he made sure to sign his name on every single sheet of paper that piled up on his desk – or risk being shot.

As it was, Roy's hand was so familiar with the action that it basically moved of its own accord, mindlessly stringing the letters of his name together in a barely legible scrawl. But it was the illegible writing that made the signature distinct and legitimate, Roy Mustang's inky trademark.

Over the course of his years in the military, the Colonel had found it necessary to sign his name on a number of important documents and certifications. He had needed to fill out a good many forms when he was applying to be a State Alchemist, had needed to sign his own certification once he had finally earned it, and, most importantly, had needed to sign paperwork regarding the missions and safety of the Elric brothers.

As his rank rose and reputation spread, his signature became even more sought after. People simply wanted _the_ Roy Mustang's approval – in ink. And the paperwork mysteriously appearing on his desk oddly increased as time went by.

Roy shook, his hand wavering as he held the pen about half an inch away from the papers spread out before him. Just because he signed his name about a gazillion times per day, and just because he was so used to the action, didn't mean he felt no qualms about legitimizing the most important decision of his entire life. _This_ signature signified something tremendously life-altering and overwhelming, as compared to the menial concerns of the paperwork littering his desk at Central Headquarters.

The only thing left was for Roy to jot down his name on the signature lines presented to him, carefully marked, before the final decision could become finalized and _real_.

It was a big step, this one tiny signature.

The Flame lifted his head to find Edward staring at him, a partly worried and anticipating look on his face. The blonde didn't speak, but his eyes drifted towards his own childish scribbles that passed as his name, already gracing the pages, wondering why his lover had paused at such a crucial moment.

Roy suddenly smiled and caught Ed's eye, nodding once before quickly but carefully signing his name on an official marriage certificate. Before catching the blonde's lips in a signature trademark kiss.


	48. Valentine

Lieutenant Hawkeye had succumbed to the inevitable lazy atmosphere in the office once February 14th rolled around. It wasn't that she wouldn't have liked to kept things in order, but it was simply too much, even for her, to keep an office full of men on task during the supposedly romantic holiday.

Poor Fuery was blushing in a corner, squeaking whenever anybody approached him and clutching a red envelope to his chest, as if afraid of it being snatched away. Breda was trying to set himself up on a date, searching women's personal records to see if any of the single, eligible ladies owned a dog. Falman appeared to be working, but even he, almost as diligent as Hawkeye in his own way, had hidden some valentine cards under his paperwork. Armstrong was intimidating people with his physique elsewhere in the building, his pink sparkles twinkling extra brightly in honor of the holiday.

Havoc was busy flirting with one of the secretaries, occasionally (fervently) checking the Colonel's open door to be sure that not another potential date would be stolen.

The Colonel himself was sifting through the enormous pile of gifts on his desk, his gloved fingers picking out things of value (such as candy) before glancing over any love notes and snorting in disgust. A few women had sent him Valentines Day cards, such as from a bulk pack that Elysia may have handed to her classmates. Mustang raised an eyebrow more than once at some of the cartoons and captions, merely shaking his head at the wordplay. "'Bee my valentine,' with a picture of a bee on it. How original," he drawled. "'Be my Flame,'" he read dryly, rolling his eyes skyward at the very obvious reference to his military codename.

The Flame dropped the ridiculous cards and started shifting through the love notes. There was all that was to be expected:

"Colonel Mustang, I've watched you from afar each day and my heart only grows more fond of you with every passing second…"

"To my dearest Roy, we need to meet up once again and go out for dinner and maybe indulge in some after-dinner playtime…"

"Roy, your eyes are as dark as…"

"Darling Roy, please take me back! …"

"I know we were meant to be together, Roy Mustang, flame of my heart…"

"Roy sweetie, why don't you return my calls? Contact me. I love you so much…"

"Roy Mustang, I'm sorry to have to break this to you on Valentines Day, but I'm pregnant with our child and Roy Junior needs his daddy so don't hesitate to call or drop by (my bedroom's where it's always been)…"

"Mustang, I hate your friggin' ass. Who the hell do you think you are? With much hate…"

Calculating eyes snapping open, Roy swung his head towards the last two notes. Smirking, he set the one addressed to 'Mustang' aside before scoffing at the last woman's futile attempt to reclaim his attention.

Sighing in contentment, he pushed all the red, white, and pink flowers, cards, and letters to one side of his desk. He'd gotten one _sincere_ Valentine's gift that year, and that was more than all his previous Valentines Days put together. And for Roy Mustang, that was saying something.

And just as Edward Elric sauntered into the office and closed the door behind him, Roy Mustang's humongous pile of worthless Valentines gifts smoldered and smoked, crisp ashes falling to the floor as the Fullmetal stalked towards his Flame.


	49. Let Me

It was unnerving, to say the least, that Roy Mustang had, in fact, admitted to himself that he was slightly intimidated by the Fullmetal Alchemist. Granted, he had been feeling very confused ever since his feelings had decided to go hay-wire whenever the short blonde was around, but it still felt humiliating for the Flame to actually confess any such _feelings_ for said alchemist.

Normally, he was the epitome of composure and control. But at this moment, the Colonel acknowledged his own feelings of inferiority, which really made no sense when he thought about it. He was sure a touch of red tainted his cheeks, but he really felt no desire to check and let his self-consciousness be known to the teen standing across his desk. "Fullmetal," he greeted, cursing mentally as his voice came out a bit strangled.

"Colonel," Edward responded, a hint of confidence lacing his tone as a superior smirk squirmed its way onto his face.

Roy could have sworn that Ed could see right through him, could see _exactly_ what he himself had trouble coping with. And that didn't sit well with him, not well at all. He gulped, tugging at his collar in an uncharacteristic fashion. "Ed-" he tried again, voice catching as he slumped, defeated, in his chair.

If possible, the expression on the blonde's face only intensified, sending goose bumps down Mustang's spine. "Is something the matter, Mustang?" Edward asked, an overly-innocent and concerned manner behind his voice.

Something reminded Roy that Edward seemed to _know_ a bit too much for the situation to be comfortable. "Yes, fine," he answered hastily, averting his eyes towards his office door. _Hawkeye, save me now before I do something I'll regret._

Ed stepped closer to the desk and paused, eyes calculating as they swept over the Colonel's distraught appearance. "You said 'yes,'" he pointed out. "So something _is_ wrong?"

 _Damn brat, why does he care? I swear he lives to make my life hell_ , Roy mused. "Don't trouble yourself, Fullmetal." He risked a glance towards the blonde again before giving up and taking a deep breath, trying to bury his newfound desire in something more routine – such as playful banter. Before Ed could respond, Roy joked mockingly, "It's probably too big a situation for someone of your stature to handle anyway."

For a moment, it seemed everything would go back to normal. But amazingly, Ed fought the growl rising in his throat and didn't rise to the bait. The Flame was surprised when Fullmetal didn't start spazzing; maybe a miracle had occurred and Ed had finally started to mature some. Roy winced internally; the thought of Ed maturing only convinced him further that he do something about his developing feelings. It wasn't as if Ed wouldn't understand.

"I might be able to help," Ed responded coldly, alarming Roy with his weird behavior. "I'm not a child," he insisted.

"I never said you were."

"You act like I am."

Roy blinked. "How do you mean?"

The blonde frowned. "You treat me like a child, despite everything I've done to prove myself as an adult. Someone _equal_ to you. Why can't you accept that?"

The Colonel gaped. Where was his boisterous, overreacting, ambitious boy and who was this sincere and mature child-turned-man? He closed his eyes and sighed, opening one a slit to peer at Edward. "I don't know what you mean," he offered nonchalantly, biting down the emotions churning in his stomach.

" _Damn_ it, you bastard!"

Roy let a smile slip onto his face; so his Edward wasn't lost after all. He was just hidden beneath this rare, serious person inhibiting Edward Elric's body. "Who are you and what have you done with my Edward?" he asked reflexively, even though he was assured already of Fullmetal's presence lurking behind a mature exterior at the moment. But as soon as the words were hanging in the air, Roy snapped his mouth shut and determinedly bore holes into his desk with his intense gaze.

It was a moment before the blonde spoke again. "I'm right here, Roy." No response came from the officer behind the desk. An angry growl emitted from the frustrated blonde, an automail fist slamming on the wood in the Colonel's eyesight. "This is what I'm talking about! You begin to be honest with yourself and then you immediately close yourself up! What is so hard about _admitting_ it?"

"Admitting what?" Roy asked, stalling for time. Of course Edward knew. Edward _knew_.

"You know what I'm talking about," Ed retaliated, coaxing lightly, yet still with a hint of anger in his voice. "So what if it's uncomfortable? Everything new is strange; that's how it's supposed to be. Get over yourself and be honest. With yourself. With me. You're allowed to be imperfect, Roy."

Roy sucked in a deep breath before raising his head to face Ed squarely. It was true that, if left up to himself, he would probably squash his feelings and never attempt the next step in a potential relationship. At least, not when it concerned Edward Elric. And he would never push himself on his youngest subordinate. If there was to be a relationship, it would be up to Edward to initiate it. Roy refused to overstep his boundaries; there were too many costs involved if he should teeter and fail, thereby losing everything in life he had worked so hard for.

His rank, reputation, and still-questionable morality being the top things he would lose.

But the blonde, likewise, was as stubborn as his commanding officer. Ed was definitely sick of the pair of them dancing around the real issue, being careful not to step too far into their game and turn that game into serious reality. He knew Mustang, otherwise he wouldn't push so hard for the man to openly admit the emotions displayed on his face whenever the two alchemists were in the same room together.

Edward wanted Roy to be comfortable enough with himself, humble enough to express interest in the relationship if it was going to happen. And thanks to Ed's determination, that particular relationship would most certainly happen.

Roy's breath caught in his throat as the details of the situation flew through his mind. He knew that sidestepping the issue only caused more problems, and he was pretty sure his feelings wouldn't stop growing. Denying himself the truth was holding him back – in his job, in his social life, in and from _himself_. He was sick of disallowing himself the joys in life; and if he were completely honest with himself, the blonde before him was most definitely the biggest where joy was concerned.

And besides that, Ed deserved better. But he really still couldn't work up the courage to take any initial action; that would be up to Ed. All he had to do was consent, and the blonde prodigy would take care of the rest.

So, swallowing his pride, Roy asked, "Would you kiss me?"

And a grinning Ed responded with, "Would you let me?"


	50. Perfect Mistake

The night started off perfectly.

Quite possibly because the after-effects of the rush of the afternoon preceded it, and the exhilaration induced from close calls still heightened each sensation. Throughout the late hours of the workday, the Colonel had continuously cornered the Fullmetal and proceeded to wind them both up in a matter of minutes, flaunting his sway over the blonde with only a select choice of enticing words and suggestive touches. And of course, not to be outdone by Mustang, Edward _had_ to return the favor. Equivalent exchange _was_ equivalent exchange.

The playful contest had begun in the hallways of Central Headquarters leading to Roy's private offices. The Colonel had happened upon his younger lover and, seeing nobody in view, pushed the blonde roughly against the wall and pinned him there with his own body, his hands resting on either side of the younger alchemist to keep him firmly in place. Edward had scowled and pushed back against Roy, only to acknowledge the Colonel's trap had him effectively ensnared. The older alchemist then trailed gloved hands lightly down the blonde's sides, leaning his head upon the younger's shoulder as his fingers descended quite a bit farther south and around. Ed's sharp gasp turned into a warning growl as his body began to perk up and get rather excited thanks to Mustang's wandering hands.

Edward chanced a look around and, deciding it was still safe, stretched his neck upwards for a kiss. Roy only smirked his god-awful smirk and released him as if nothing were wrong, taking a large step backwards to put distance between the two. The blonde growled louder, hands clenching into fists as he started to pant, both from arousal and anger both stemming from and directed towards the Flame Alchemist.

A few moments later, the General whom Roy played chess with every so often wandered by and noticed them. Apparently, Mustang wasn't the only one transferred from East City. "Colonel Mustang," the balding man greeted, saluting. Roy returned the gesture, the perfect image of composure. Ed cursed him for it. "And…?" the General continued, directing his attention to the wired and flustered youth leaning against the wall.

Catching on, Roy rushed to explain. "That's the Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric. He's been under my command for quite a few years now; I'm surprised you don't recognize him from Eastern Headquarters."

Edward hated how Roy's voice could sound so smooth, as if he weren't affected by their latest interactions.

"He looks a bit…bothered," commented the superior officer, peering at the blonde closely.

Ed's golden eyes narrowed at the observation. Damn Mustang! But at the same time, the risk of being caught only excited him more.

Once the older man had decided to leave the two alchemists in peace, in Ed's mind, at least, the Fullmetal thought it was time for payback. Just as the General had turned the corner out of sight, Ed grabbed Roy by the collar and dragged him down into a bruising kiss. He nipped at Roy's bottom lip with his teeth relentlessly, drawing tiny pinpricks of blood with the rough treatment, before thrusting his tongue into the Colonel's mouth in the same aggressive manner. Roy, too surprised by the initial 'attack' to respond in kind, only encouraged him further and let himself be dominated by this one kiss.

Unfortunately for the two alchemists, First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye happened upon them during their little 'session.'

Roy later wondered where Ed got so practiced at dodging bullets, but decided he ought to think about it when his gun-toting subordinate's attention wasn't fixed solely on _him_.

An hour later, once Roy was nursing his pride in the safety of his office while Havoc laughed his ass off, the Fullmetal thought to make a reappearance. And Mustang couldn't let Edward get away freely after his little stunt in the hallway; so thus continued the cycle.

Before the blonde could get a word in edgewise in his defense, the black-haired man had tugged him into his lap. Ed's rational side of his brain decided to take a vacation after Roy's lips firmly settled on the pulse in his neck, suckling and biting in just the right way to let the public understand that the Fullmetal Alchemist was taken and accounted for. Pleased with himself, the Colonel only smiled smugly to himself as his younger lover fell against his chest, eyes wide.

Just as the door opened to reveal Hakuro and the Fuhrer himself. Ed's mind snapped into gear in an instant as he sprang from his (comfy) seat and tried to look nonchalant, as if his superior officer _hadn't_ just marked him suspiciously on the neck in plain view to any who cared to look. Luckily, nothing was said about their slightly disheveled appearances. But Edward was not happy that Roy had managed to reduce him to a near pile of mush in such a short time. In public. Again.

There had to be a decent broom closet somewhere in Central Headquarters.

Roy was tugging on his coat and stepping out into the main hallways when once again he was accosted by a certain blonde alchemist. He smirked in anticipation as the younger pulled him down the hallway and around a corner, right into a convenient supply closet. The Fullmetal was resourceful when he was motivated; and there was no greater motivation for the young alchemist than some private competition, no matter what form, against Roy Mustang.

The door had barely closed – and locked, Roy noted somewhere in the hazy recesses of his mind – before Edward was once again ravaging his lips. And this time, Roy was prepared for the assault and returned fire full-heartedly. They both moaned, melding their lips and tongues together in such a way that it sent sparks of fire racing through their nerves.

And this type of fire had nothing to do with Roy's alchemy.

The two men pressed against one another, the Flame's hands swiftly stroking lower again, to places on the Fullmetal's body that were most very probably deemed improper. But, as they each reminded themselves, their conduct was never meant to follow the traditional standards of the military environment. Both alchemists were exceptions to the rules; they knew this, mainly because they were too ambitious and stubborn to apply to the set system.

Edward's own hands slid down Roy's sides, a tiny portion of his brain reminding him to be careful with his automail. As his fingers slipped downwards, Roy suddenly swatted his hands away with a nervous self-conscious pat to his own pants pocket. Confused, the blonde mentally shrugged and hooked his arms about Mustang's shoulders instead.

Once they had to part for air, Roy asked huskily, "Suppose we continue this tonight after hours, Edward?"

Edward blinked, trying to focus. "Roy, it's already after hours. You're on your way home."

Roy's eyes glinted as he answered, "Exactly."

His smirk was infectious as the same expression found its way onto Edward's face.

They'd made it to the privacy of the bedroom before things went wrong. Along the way, they had stopped trying to out-do one another and simply focused on giving into the intensifying emotions. They tumbled backwards onto the unmade bed, Roy's weight almost suffocating Ed.

Amidst the continued flurry of kisses and stroking, Roy managed to slip his hand into the aforementioned pocket and produce a small box. When he had disentangled himself from the shared embrace, he swallowed and stared at the younger man. The day had been excellent so far; only one thing could make it more perfect than it was already.

Thirty seconds later, Roy was staring at the closed door to _his_ bedroom, clutching his pained head where an automail limb had knocked him nearly unconscious. And for the second time that day, the Flame nursed his pride and dealt with an unmistakable arousal.

Roy mused, thinking back, that it had been the perfect mistake to ask the Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric, to be his _wife_.


	51. Perfect Resolution

It took Roy Mustang about a minute to comprehend the situation. He had just asked Edward Elric, in no uncertain terms, to spend the rest of his life with him. And the blonde had ungratefully nearly smashed his head open with a metal limb and ousted him from the bedroom, cleanly ignoring the fact that the activities the two had been engaging in left no room for desirable interruptions.

Thinking back on it, now that his thoughts weren't affected by the haze of passion wrapped around his mind, Mustang's brain caught on to the problem. Maybe his phrasing _was_ a bit off, which was most likely the reason his younger lover had gotten so upset with him. Asking a boy, Edward Elric in particular, to be his wife was bound to have repercussions. Very painful repercussions if the soreness of his head was anything to judge by.

It took Roy Mustang about a minute to understand his predicament. It took him about an hour to persuade Edward to talk things over.

"Go on. Talk," Ed ordered, crossing his arms defiantly as he leaned against the wall. He had finally agreed to listen to the other alchemist, but he still stubbornly refused to permit Roy access to the bedroom. In all fairness, it was Roy's bedroom, but it was also Roy who made the mistake. Therefore, in the younger's rational reasoning, he was justified in claiming the room to himself and punishing the true owner of said bedroom.

Sighing, Roy swept a hand through his dark strands of hair. "I'm…" he started off saying, stopping mid-sentence to swallow thickly. The words 'I'm sorry' stuck in his throat, refusing to surface. His pride simply would not allow an apology to be voiced. Neither men expected it; it simply wasn't part of who they were. Roy wouldn't apologize for the mess-up; nor would Ed apologize for his violent reaction. It was this understanding and familiarity that convinced each alchemist of the depth to their relationship, no matter what it might seem to outsiders.

So how did one begin to mend a relationship when both persons involved were too stubborn and arrogant to admit their wrong-doings and beg forgiveness?

Since neither seemed willing to speak, Mustang made the first move. He strode over to the lounging blonde with purposeful strides, catching Ed's chin in his hand and Ed's lips with his own. He made to deepen the kiss and express his feelings, but the younger participant suddenly pushed at his chest, forcing the two apart.

Ed breathed heavily and brushed an arm across his lips, as if the very taste of Roy disgusted him. "Don't. I'm not some _girl_ you can take advantage of, Mustang."

The Flame didn't know why he rose to the bait, but the next words that spilled forth from his mouth only landed him in deeper trouble. "But I think we both know who the man in this relationship is," Roy teased before mentally bashing himself on the head. He hadn't meant to insult Ed further; he had intended to soothe his lover's wounded ego, but the urge to defend his own manliness outweighed any and all intents. For the Flame knew however much his pride hurt at being kicked out of his own bedroom, Ed most probably felt worse with the insult to his masculinity.

Sure enough, as Roy expected, Ed bristled at the implications. "Don't start with that."

"Who's always on top?" the Flame reminded, wincing internally yet again. His mouth seemed to have a will of its own. The Colonel noticed how it was always around the blonde that his tongue seemed to lose control; he was only thankful that he managed to think out his words when talking to the Fuhrer. He could only imagine what might slip from his mouth if he wasn't careful; some carefully hidden secrets, such as his goal of replacing Bradley or the truth of his and Ed's relationship, might come unveiled.

"Who cares?" Ed shot back. "It shouldn't always be one or the other of us on top. It should be equal. Equivalent exchange. In chemistry and alchemy, a reaction has to be _balanced_. So should we."

Roy blinked. "You can't look at our relationship in terms of alchemy, Edward."

"I can think of our relationship any damn way I want to," the blonde retorted, tossing his head indignantly. "Besides, alchemy is one of the most important aspects of my life. And you…I mean _we_ …" The blonde stopped then, snapping his mouth shut and blushing profusely.

The older alchemist almost let a smirk slip onto his face. The Fullmetal Alchemist was actually quite attractive when he was confused and embarrassed, with splotches of reddish pink dusting his cheeks in an adorable blush. The Flame did smile a bit, saying softly, "I'm glad our relationship is a central aspect of your life, Ed. The same goes for me. That's why I asked…" Mustang trailed off, mulling his thoughts over in his head while the younger looked on. "I meant what I said," the Colonel finally managed. "Maybe my wording wasn't the best, but I meant the question seriously."

The blush on the blonde's face deepened significantly. "You mean you want to…to _marry_ me? Even with all the crap you'll get from your commanding officers and the public? All the disadvantages that come from _being_ with a younger subordinate of the same gender? You still want to ask me…?"

Roy nodded. "I'm sure. I'll take you, and all the good and bad that comes with such a small package."

Predictably, Ed growled and launched himself at the older alchemist. "What the hell, bastard? DID YOU JUST CALL ME SMALLER THAN A GRAIN OF RICE THAT PEOPLE THROW AT WEDDINGS?"

Mustang laughed, wrapping an arm around the blonde's waist. "Maybe," he answered evasively, a devilish glint in his eye. "I don't know. Toss you at a wedding? I'd rather toss you on a bed in private, if you don't mind…"

Edward ducked his head, though he was glad that things were returning to normal between himself and Roy. "That depends if I let you throw me," he answered in a superior tone.

Considering this, the Flame finally nodded. "Of course, Ed. Will you let me throw you?"

"Is that another way of repeating your original question, bastard?"

The older shrugged, though the telltale smirk on his face answered the blonde's question absolutely.

The Fullmetal sighed and leaned his head on Roy's shoulder. "Honestly, though. Are you sure? Why?"

"I already know I'll always be with you, so my question is…why _not_? Why not make it official? But if you're not sure, don't accept just yet. Think on it a while. I'd rather we both go into this with mutual feelings," Mustang answered, letting one hand fiddle with some loose strands of Ed's hair.

Ed snarled warningly in his throat. "Don't underestimate my feelings."

Mustang tilted his head downwards in surprise. "I was merely trying to impress upon you the fact that you're not to be pressured into this. I'll only go through with it if you want this as badly as I do."

"I _said,_ 'Don't underestimate me'! What part of that don't you understand?" the blonde snapped. Before the older could respond, he yanked Roy's head down to meet his own, being careful to keep the passion to a minimum. They still had things to discuss, after all.

When Ed finally released him, Roy squinted at the younger alchemist in confusion. "Was that acceptance?"

Ed snorted. "My initial reaction was 'acceptance,' Roy."

Gingerly, Roy felt the throbbing bump on his head caused by the blonde's automail fist making intimate connections with his skull. "I cannot see how I managed to miss that," he said sarcastically, causing Edward to chuckle at the normalcy permeating the air between them.

"So…" the blonde alchemist continued slyly. "Now that _that's_ settled, how about an early honeymoon?"

"Only if I get to toss you," the Flame commented dryly, though with a light of anticipation shining in his eyes.

Once again, Edward laughed and dragged an unresistant Roy into the privacy of their bedroom.


	52. Canine

The suit of armor that was Alphonse Elric shifted comfortably in the grass, glancing over at his elder brother sprawled but a few feet away. Edward had recently been kept busy at Central Headquarters; apparently, Colonel Mustang had a fair few 'important missions' for the Fullmetal Alchemist. And apparently, each 'mission' could be carried out behind the locked door of the Flame Alchemist's personal office in the span of about an hour or so.

Al shrugged off his uneasiness. His brother _was_ a State Alchemist, so it only made sense that he spend time with his commanding officer to discuss crucial military matters. His only problem with recent goings-on was that he barely got to see his brother any more; hence, the trip to the park one sunny afternoon not spent in the library.

The blonde had a lazy smile on his face, eyes half-lidded and unfocused as he rested beside his younger sibling. Al would have smiled had he his body; he loved to see Ed look so relaxed. He himself shared his brother's carefree attitude then. He finally was able to spend quality time with his beloved older brother, so what _wasn't_ there to be happy about?

In the midst of the younger's peaceful reflection, a huge hound bounded out of nowhere and crushed the small frame of the Fullmetal Alchemist under two enormous paws.

"GAH!" Ed screeched, trying to claw his way out from underneath the dog. "Why does this always happen to me, Al!" Both brothers grew silent for a split second, remembering Alexander. And Nina. But there wasn't time to grow sad just then, as the gigantic dog rolled over and pushed the blonde's face into the dirt.

Alphonse immediately leaped to his feet to help his struggling brother, intending to grab one of Ed's flailing legs and drag him to safety.

"'Ey, get off that boy, dog!" The non-certified alchemist paused, his armor creaking as he lifted his head to see a man standing a few feet away. He had a stern look on his face as he motioned the pooch towards him, the latter reluctantly climbing to his feet and slinking towards his master.

Edward breathed a huge sigh of relief, letting a welcome gush of air whoosh towards his deprived lungs. "What the hell was that?" he demanded once he got the breath to shout. His glare was directed both at the dog, who had squished him, and the man, who had failed in keeping track of his pet.

"You have a dog, kid?" The man answered the blonde's question by asking another, the look on his face wavering from apologetic to ticked.

Al noticed his older brother tense at the last word. He laid one hand (rather, gauntlet) on the blonde's shoulders to comfort (more like restrain) the seething teenager. "Um, not exact—" the younger Elric started to explain before he was rudely interrupted.

"Of course I have a dog!" Edward exclaimed, not letting his younger brother finish speaking.

"Brother, Den isn't ours," Alphonse protested gently in the background. True, they were basically family to the Rockbells, but Den _wasn't_ their dog. Neither of the other two seemed to acknowledge his words; Ed's feral grin could be from anything.

The man smiled, even though he was a bit put off by the evil smirk gracing the blonde's face. "So you understand, then. Cause a fair bit of trouble sometimes, but their better qualities outweigh the negatives. You know, dogs are noted for them's loyalty."

Ed and Al only nodded politely. Ed's anger at having been jumped on was slowly easing from his system.

The Fullmetal scratched the back of his neck, trying to appear sheepish and innocent. "Yeah, my dog's always getting into trouble. In fact, one of the lieutenants at Central Headquarters is always having to shoot him for misbehaving!"

"Brother, we don't own Black Hayate either!" the younger Elric objected.

The brothers' new acquaintance tilted his head curiously. "Hm. Shot at by a lieutenant? Your dog a military breed or something?" Clearly, the image in his head was of a police dog working on a search-and-rescue mission.

"…You could say that," Ed answered, his smirk widening. "Hard as it is to control him at the office, though, it's even harder at home. He's a bit…how should I put this? Frisky." Al and the man stared at him blankly for a few seconds. "You know, because he's been cooped up all day long at HQ?"

"Ah," the stranger said, nodding his understanding. "So he's hyper."

Ed returned the man's nod with one of his own. "Very much so. Frisky. Loud. Keeps me up all night sometimes. It's very tiring, actually, to look after him and keep him…satisfied." Bristling at the slight looks of disbelief, the Fullmetal defended himself, "Well, my dog is one of the most important things in my life, got it!"

The oldest of the three squinted at the shortest. Completely ignoring the blonde's outburst, he asked, "He keeps you busy, huh?" At Ed's answering nod, the man asked, "Have you trained him? A good dog should be able to do as his master commands."

The blonde shrugged. "I've tried to train him, but it doesn't always work out. And he's very good at doing what he's told – if he wants to do it, that is. He's a very stubborn dog that way."

"How out of control is he? I know when my dogs get too hard for me to handle, I try to scare them off with fire or something," the man suggested.

Edward grimaced. "Nah, my dog has…a special affinity for fire, you could say. And besides, he's not _that_ bad. My only real problem is when he tries to…relieve himself on the kitchen floor. That kind of irritates me."

"That would bother me, too," the man agreed. "Try to break him from the habit. Think of something he loves and punish him by taking it away if he doesn't behave."

The blonde's golden eyes widened with anticipation. "Well," he thought aloud, holding his fingers to his chin in a 'thinking' pose, "he loves to sleep on my bed…"

Eyes narrowing, the man exclaimed, "That's disgusting! Dogs drool in their sleep, you know."

"Mine definitely does," Ed confirmed. "But he's rather an old dog, so I'd like for him to be comfortable."

"Old?" the other dog-owner asked. "And he's still wild and hyper?"

"Only when he's…excited," the elder Elric explained.

The man raised an eyebrow. "And how often is that?"

"Constantly."

"Oh."

Al sighed in the lull in the conversation. "Brother, what was all that? You know we don't own a dog!" He was thoroughly perplexed as to why his older brother was yanking this nice stranger's leg by pretending to own a dog. Even with all the clues, his brain hadn't caught up yet.

Edward's feral grin returned. " _We_ may not own a dog, Al, but _I_ sure do!"

The glow of Al's eyes flickered as understanding set in; all the answers to the mysteries of the past couple months or so clicked into place. Ignoring the stranger and his own innocent personality for a moment, the younger Elric shocked everyone (including himself) by commenting, "If Colonel Mustang is your dog, Brother, then that must make you his bitch."


	53. Drinking

"You've been drinking again." The accusation stopped Roy in the front hallway, where he had been trying to sneak into the house unnoticed.

The room was silent for a long moment; Edward trying to control his anger and Roy contemplating whether or not to deny the fact that he had been drinking at all. When Mustang continued to stare at the blonde without speaking, Edward attacked again, "I can _smell_ it on your breath, bastard! It's putrid! Disgusting!" His hands clenched into fists as he shook; he didn't know why he kept emphasizing the fact. They both knew the truth; Roy's silence was affirmation.

The older alchemist finally held up his hands in a defensive position. "Now, Edward, I know you don't like it when I drink–-"

The younger alchemist boldly interrupted before the Flame could explain himself, "How _dare_ you! You're damn right I hate it when you drink…when you drink…dammit, Roy! You've been out for how many hours, you never called, and now you come home and I find out you've been _drinking_? Where the hell have you been, anyhow?"

Roy chuckled, a teasing grin gracing his features during Ed's almost-motherly rant. "You mean you admit you worried about me? I'd never have pinned you for _that_ , Edward. And stop nagging; you sound like a housewife or something. I was just over at Hughes's house. You know he always keeps extra bottles to deal with Elysia." He took a deep breath, bracing himself to continue, "Though you do look rather cute when you're flustered, Ed."

Edward threw his hands into the air dramatically, growling deep in his throat in annoyance. "Mustang, you effing bastard! Keep your excuses to yourself!"

The Flame blinked. "I didn't make excuses, Edward. They'd be pointless in this case."

Without seeming to hear him, the blonde continued to scream, "You know the rules of this house, dammit, Roy!"

"Before you came to live with me, that particular rule didn't even _exist_!" Roy thundered back, thoroughly exasperated at Ed's antics by this point. Even if he _was_ cute when he was worried. "It's not even like I did anything _bad_ , Ed. Just because you don't like it…"

The volume of the teen's growl increased. "Don't talk to me with that tone, Mustang. And I'm allowed to have my preferences!"

Roy nodded, a frown still etched on his face. "True, but that doesn't mean you can impress them on _me_. I have my own likes and dislikes. And if I happen to like drinking, and dislike being yelled at after a long day for something stupid, then dammit, Ed…"

Edward shook his head. "You know I hate it, yet you do it anyways. Where's the respect in that? I want you to quit drinking, Roy. I don't want any bottles in the fridge, nor do I want you going out with Hughes to some bar and restaurant place to buy a glass. I want it completely _stopped_."

Snorting in response, Roy deliberately stepped into the kitchen and strode towards the refrigerator. Opening it, he pulled out a rather large bottle, looking over his shoulder in time to see a pair of golden eyes widen with shock before narrowing in anger. Without saying a word, letting a smirk on his face do all the talking, Roy fetched a glass and poured some of the drink into the cup until he had a satisfied amount.

Edward stood in the doorway, fists shaking. "Mustang," he warned.

Roy shrugged, almost carelessly. "You should just be thanking your lucky stars that I'm not forcing this down _your_ throat." Before the younger alchemist could open his mouth to retaliate, Roy picked up the cup, swished its contents, and downed the entire glass…

…of milk.


	54. Why

"Why?"

Roy paused, dropping his pen so he could divert his full attention to the blond alchemist standing before his desk. "Why _what_ , Edward?" he asked, lacing gloved fingertips together.

Ed had to fight down the blush at the promise in Roy's voice, the promise that was expressed whenever the Flame addressed him on a first-name basis. " _That_ ," he stressed, hoping Roy would understand he meant the feelings associated with their newfound relationship. Or, in more general terms, the reasons for _risking_ so much for said relationship. The blonde took a deep breath before he began to unload his feelings, piling all doubts onto his Colonel's lap to deal with for the both of them. "First off, we're both guys. Need I remind you that you're infamous for being a womanizer, a sex god to women all over Central and East City? Why would you suddenly find an interest in me? A boy? And that brings me to the next thing: the age difference. You could have _anybody_ your heart desires. Why did you pick me? Is being charged with pedophilia part of your great plan to become the Fuhrer?" Ed stopped to catch his breath.

Roy blinked, staring at the teenager. Mentally, he began to piece together arguments against the Fullmetal's accusations and questions. _You don't need to remind me of my reputation. I'd just rather be a sex god to **you**. Who in his right mind **wouldn't** find an interest in you? How could I pick anybody else when I'm perfectly content with who I'm with right now? Your age doesn't bother me; you're Edward. That's all I want. Don't accuse me of using you as a stepping-stone for promotions; it's true I did, but that's in the past now. And I'd never degrade our feelings by using them as such._

"And then there's the whole issue of you being my commanding officer," Ed continued, oblivious as to the whereabouts of Roy's mental attention. "Isn't there some law against fraternization? Especially when you're already in such a powerful position; you have all the more to lose. Why risk it?"

_Why indeed?_

The blonde sighed, sinking to the couch. "And most importantly, Roy. I _hated_ you. You were always the asshole who loved to jerk me around, who loved to torment me and take advantage of my desperate need. Who taunted me about…sensitive issues. You held leads for the Philosopher's Stone above my head and watched me jump for them. You were always the sarcastic idiot, one of the main reasons I detested joining the military. You were so cocky and arrogant; thinking of you would make my blood boil with resentment. I could never understand why so many people would so willingly follow you and stand behind you. Or why Hughes called you his best friend. I could never see any redeemable qualities in you. You were always just Mustang. And I hated you for it."

Roy's attention was piqued as he listened to the blonde. Things had changed now; or at least the semblance of change.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is…" Ed trailed off, peering at the older alchemist for any indication of emotion. None visible. "I don't know how things could change between us that quickly. I don't know what happened, or why. I refuse to believe that my feelings suddenly decided to turn a 180 for whatever reason. I know we've taken things slow, but I'm still so confused. I was wondering to myself why _I_ let things get so out of control, and then I realized I wanted _your_ reasons. Everything seems to be against us; it doesn't make sense. _None of this makes sense!_ "

A long pause as each gathered his thoughts.

"…so why the _hell_ are you with me?" Ed ended with a near-shout, eyes wild as they focused on the seemingly disinterested expression on the Flame's face.

Roy paused at his desk, from where he had been listening to the end of Ed's rant with half an ear, as usual. It wasn't that he wasn't paying attention, but his own thoughts were centering in on himself as he searched for answers, while still keeping up with the Fullmetal's mouth. When the silence stretched, he figured now would be an appropriate time to raise his head and actually look like he was paying attention.

Ed was actually serious-looking for once, concerned about something other than the Stone or his younger brother. Golden eyes glinted in Roy's direction, prodding the older of the two alchemists to actively partake in the conversation.

"I would think it would be obvious. Edward," Roy answered in a low voice, gulping as he braced himself for the following confession: "I care for you." Those four words summed up his entire argument as to why he was willing to give everything for the sake of Edward Elric.

The blonde noticed how the Colonel carefully steered away from the 'L word,' but Mustang had never been known to play the commitment card. The Fullmetal also understood that it was too early in their relationship for him to be considered a special exception.

It either alchemist was honest with himself, each would have realized that the reason as to the 'why' of their relationship could be answered with only three words, not four.


	55. Well-Rounded Perfection

There was a reason Maes Hughes was one of the most valued soldiers of the Investigations Department at Central Headquarters. There was a reason Maes Hughes always intervened with his best friend's love life. And there was a reason the man understood the basics of alchemy, said reason being said best friend was one of the most valued State Alchemists at Central Headquarters. It all came around full-circle.

Hughes knew of Roy Mustang's increased interest in another of the investigator's friends, the Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric. And though he didn't know for sure whether the blond prodigy returned Mustang's feelings, he had his suspicions. It was actually quite easy to rile the boy's defenses enough to poke about in his personal life, especially since the elder Elric viewed Maes Hughes as a mixture of friend and surrogate father. Edward, though sometimes annoyed with Hughes's antics, did trust the man. And that gave Hughes the edge he needed.

The opportunity came to mess with Edward's head one afternoon when he was reporting to Headquarters after one of his missions. The blond alchemist was the only one sitting at the main table outside the Colonel's private offices, Mustang's other subordinates, not to mention Mustang himself, being on lunch break. Hughes had dropped by the offices to check in and show Roy his latest set of pictures of his daughter, but the chance to talk to Ed Elric quickly overruled any of his previous plans. Especially since Mustang wasn't even in the vicinity. Humming annoyingly, the older man plopped lazily into a seat across from the blonde.

Each of them studied the other. Edward stiffened, knowing Hughes had to have some ulterior motive to be staring at him like that. "Hi, Hughes," the blonde greeted warily, on guard as he mentally prepared himself for the barrage of questions, rants, prodding, and pictures of Elysia that would be blown in his direction.

Seemingly out of nowhere, the nosy older man started speaking offhandedly. Green eyes focused on the table instead of the teenager, only every so often checking to be sure the blonde was listening. Hughes settled on a topic the alchemist understood, meaning to get straight to the point as he set up very obvious analogies between the art of alchemy and the two alchemists involved. "You know, Edward, alchemy is a very complex thing. Of course, this is coming from someone who's not an alchemist, but think about it for a moment. You alchemists get out you little sticks of chalk and draw complicated circles on the ground, manipulating matter and creating pretty much whatever you want. The chalk shapes the alchemy circle, draws and molds it to suit the alchemist's purpose. The array is the focus of the alchemist's energy, but the chalk is the instrument with which to create that focus. They go together, Edward. The chalk and alchemy circle. They work together for the greater purpose of fulfilling the alchemist's needs."

Ed crinkled his forehead, trying to understand Hughes's train of thought. It sounded oddly well-thought out, and the teen doubted the man was seriously talking about chalk and transmutation circles. "What's your point?"

"You're the alchemy circle and-"

Edward froze and mentally groaned as he realized where this was going. Of course _Hughes_ would notice…and only Hughes could be so mysterious and blatant at the same time. Before the older man could finish his sentence, the blonde, finally anticipating the family man's words, interrupted with: "ROY IS NOT MY CHALK!"

"So you admit you _are_ afraid of the possibility that Mustang may be a straight stick of chalk? Whereas you, on the opposite extreme, are about as straight as an alchemy circle. And that even if you two work together, the relationship between you two may not be as intimate and significant as you'd prefer." Hughes nodded, feeling important while analyzing the dynamics between his two alchemist friends.

"There are straight lines running through transmutation circles, Hughes," Ed mumbled.

"True, but the overall effect is that you're _well-rounded_ , eh, Ed?" The older man made the mistake of laughing at his own joke, completely ignoring the teen's furious glare.

The blonde struggled to control his anger. "Hughes," he warned, growling deep in his throat.

Still paying no heed to Ed's irritation, to the danger, Hughes continued his original rant. "Without the chalk, the alchemy circle can't exist."

Ed brightened, spotting a loophole in the man's symbolism. "Unless—"

"Clapping hands doesn't count. That suggests that you'd rather be alone with said appendage, and though that might hold you for awhile, it defeats the purpose of the relationship between—"

Ed screamed during the middle of Hughes's embarrassing, symbolic analysis.

-+-

"What's going on here?" Roy asked, raising an eyebrow inquiringly. He had returned from his lunch break in time to see his best friend confront the short alchemist, and moments later said alchemist squirm with discomfort. Though Roy couldn't hear what they were talking about, it was obviously embarrassing enough to cause Edward to twitch and blush. The opportunity to openly tease his subordinate quickly arose when the blonde let out an incensed scream.

Hughes made to answer, but the fidgeting alchemist quickly stepped in before he had a chance. "Oh, nothing, Mustang. Hughes just made the _brilliant_ observation that circles are round."

The eyebrow rose higher.

Hughes grinned, almost evilly. "I also pointed out that _Ed_ is a _circle_ ," he added on in a fake, innocent voice.

Edward looked aghast that the Lieutenant Colonel actually had the nerve to speak. " _WHAT!_ " he raged, jumping to his feet in righteous anger. "It's not your place, Hughes! If anything, _you're_ a manipulative 'alchemist' that plays around with chalk and arrays! Not everything is designed for your purposes; you have no right to step in and _try to mold me to him_!" he finished screaming, pointing an accusing finger at the flabbergasted Flame Alchemist.

Roy's raised eyebrow twitched. Clearly, he had come into the conversation a bit late. Both Maes and Fullmetal were talking over his head; he couldn't decipher the code or guess the riddles. He knew they were talking in code since Ed had called Hughes an 'alchemist.' And as far as Roy knew, Hughes had never dabbled in alchemy. Before the fight could escalate, he smoothly stepped forward and earned their attention with an angry, loud, " _Who the hell is going to explain to me whatever the hell it is you're talking about_?"

The other two paused, staring at him after his outburst. Hughes chuckled, forcefully shoving the blonde at the darker-haired alchemist. "It seems the two of you have some things to discuss. I'll just go find my sweet, adorable, perfect little angel, Elysia. Now, Edward, don't leave out any little details. You of all people should understand that activating an unfinished array could lead to disastrous consequences, so be sure to _complete the job_. I'll know if you leave anything out." And with the subtle threat hanging in the air, Maes Hughes ran for his life. If Edward didn't confess the feelings revealed during his 'Roy-is-chalk' exclamation, then he would be forever tormented with picture after picture of Hughes's daughter. The threat was simply understood.

Fortunately, a gloved hand clasped the raging blonde's shoulder in an attempt to keep said blonde from committing murder. "Mind explaining things to me, Fullmetal?" Mustang asked. "I'm not stupid. I know you were talking about me."

"Not everything revolves around you, bastard. Especially not my life," the younger alchemist mumbled. Hurriedly continuing, he added as an afterthought, "And I know you have a brain. You just tend to let it rot away in that insufferable, egotistical, _perfect_ head of yours."

Whatever Roy had planned on saying was forgotten after Ed's choice of adjectives. Floundering for words, the Colonel finally grinned and squeezed Ed's shoulders in a small gesture of possible affection. "Circles signify perfection. Are you saying my head is _perfectly round_ , Fullmetal?"

It was Ed's turn to splutter, choking on dry air. "Don't talk about things you don't understand," he warned, voice suddenly serious. "You're not a circle, Mustang. You're, as Hughes says, a damn straight piece of chalk. So, what I'm saying is, you're a line…not a circle."

As the Colonel had pointed out in regards to himself, he was actually quite sharp. When he wanted to be. The Fullmetal's choice of words, mainly the word 'straight,' finally registered and clicked into place; sudden understanding began to dawn in his confused, dark mind. Roy quickly hid the smile that was threatening to form on his face. If he assumed correctly, then Hughes's interference might actually have done some good. He only had to follow it up and press forward, making sure the blonde knew _his_ confession was not in vain. "Are you sure of that, Edward?" he asked, dropping his head and purring into Ed's ear.

Ed continued to choke. This reaction from his commanding officer was certainly unexpected. Though not unwanted. "Uh…"

"Would you like to find out just what exactly I am?" Roy asked, nuzzling his nose into the side of Ed's neck. His lips lightly brushed the blonde's tender skin as he spoke, causing goose bumps to form on the teen's neck from nervousness and anticipation.

"The circle does what the chalk tells it to," Ed whispered in response, ragged breaths struggling to escape from his throat.

Roy smiled against the younger alchemist's neck as he dragged his lips across the blonde's tempting skin to find the blonde's own pair. Ed stilled as Roy's arms found their way around him, but he relaxed into the embrace and kiss, tilting his head in response to let Roy get a better angle.

A few moments passed before they drew apart, both sets of eyes gleaming. "If I'm getting this right, then I'm not a stick of chalk, Edward. I'm a perfectly round circle, just like you. But one thing is for sure…I know we'd both prefer to experiment even more with possible alchemic reactions to this new development," Roy murmured, keeping his voice low, words intended solely for Ed's ears.

The blush returned full-force to the Fullmetal's face, but he nodded sheepishly in agreement. "Yeah. Let's go practice…those circular arrays I've been meaning to show you…"


	56. Beaten Mutt

"But, Brother!" Al protested, cuddling a kitten that had once been part of the strays' population in Central. "She's so small and helpless…and she's so adorable! We have to keep her. Besides, it's not _fair_ that you get to have a dog and I can't even have one small kitten!"

The blonde bit his lip to keep from pointing out that 'small' did not necessarily mean 'helpless.' But that would be _admitting_ he was short, and his pride wouldn't allow _that_. "I do not have a dog!" he shouted back at his younger brother after a few moments of fidgeting. "I told you, Al, we hardly even have a home; we travel so much. We couldn't give her the proper care and attention," he explained automatically, having rehearsed this speech quite often as of late.

"But the Colonel-" the younger Elric insisted, stopping short as Ed's golden eyes flashed dangerously.

The blonde glared. "What about Mustang?" It was true that, in the time since the Fullmetal's and Flame's relationship had come out into the open, Mustang had asked the elder Elric to move in with him, offering him a proper home as compared to the cramped military dorms. And where Ed went, Al dutifully followed. Mustang didn't mind Al's presence; they were both family to a certain blond alchemist, after all. "If you're suggesting we leave her in the Colonel's care, Al, we can't. It wouldn't be right to just dump her on Mustang's lap and assume he'd take responsibility for her while we're gone," Ed said warily, looking for any signs of disappointment in his brother's posture.

The suit of armor that was Alphonse Elric shifted slightly. "That's not it, Brother," he said softly, not elaborating as to just what _it_ referred to.

Edward stood a moment, staring at his younger sibling. He shrugged after a moment's silence before heading to the door, freezing as his automail hand brushed the doorknob. "Al?" he asked slowly, turning back to face his brother. "Were you suggesting that the Colonel's my dog?"

Al 'eeped' and backed up a few paces; a clear sign of 'Yes, and don't kill me, Brother!'

The blonde shook his head, face unreadable. "Nah, Roy isn't my pet. I don't own a dog, Al, I own a Mustang." And with that, the prodigy State Alchemist stepped through the doorway.

The younger brother mentally sighed, since armor had the physical inability to do anything of the sort, and chuckled weakly. "Brother didn't make me put you back," he spoke to the kitten. "That's a good sign. Welcome to the Mustang-Elric household."

-+-

Ed's forehead crinkled in thought as he made his way to Central Headquarters. His brother had sounded so _sincere_ when comparing the Colonel to a dog. Ed and Roy had often teased each other, playing off the State Alchemists' reputation as 'dogs of the military,' but now he wondered if Al truly believed it. He made a mental note to cut back on the dog insults just a tad, and he'd warn his boyfriend to do the same.

If anything, the Colonel preferred to be called a 'dog' as compared to 'hero.' The Flame always argued that it was a more accurate description, that after what'd he'd _done_ during the Ishbal Rebellion…

Sickeningly enough, the government had rewarded him with a promotion and reputation for his part in the Ishbal genocide. After the war, newspapers had referred to him as 'Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang – Flame Alchemist – Hero of the Eastern Rebellion!' And he hated it.

After having experienced the tragedies of war, Roy was beset with disproportional amounts of guilt and self-loathing. And the public had the gall to _honor_ him for taking the lives of so many innocent Ishbalans, not to mention the two doctors he executed. His feelings towards the government he served had changed, making him realize just why people called National Alchemists 'dogs of the State.' Yet despite the general stereotype, _he_ was rewarded with honorable mention.

During the massacre, he had killed thousands of nameless civilians, women and children alike, with just a snap of his fingers, a little air component manipulation, and a tad bit of help from the incomplete Philosopher's Stone. Granted, the first time he was sent to attack an Ishbalan gathering place, he was ill prepared for just how powerful the Stone was, and just how much it augmented his alchemy. Nameless victims still haunted his nightmares, burning cities in the background, to constantly remind him of his crimes.

He had already felt disgusted with himself, even before the Rockbells; he was a soldier, but that didn't give him the right to murder. Oftentimes, he would wonder just who was more destroyed by the war: the victims, or the ones who inflicted such pain. What sent him over the edge was his role in ending the lives of the two doctors; two doctors who believed in saving anyone they could, no matter which side of the war one was on.

The Ishbal Rebellion ended soon afterwards, and Roy had returned to his duties in Central, albeit a changed man. His memories still haunted him of his intense wrongdoings. None of the other State Alchemists felt even a tad remorseful for their crimes in the war (except maybe Armstrong); hell, Iron-Blood and Crimson even _laughed_ while slaughtering so many innocent people.

Roy's desire to right his wrongs, bring back the people he'd killed, and suicidal instincts from the war all caught up with him eventually. The "simplest" solution in his crazed mind: human transmutation.

When Hughes discovered what Roy had been planning, he immediately slapped some sense into his best friend. After pointing out, "I'm not an alchemist, but even I know what happens when you commit a taboo. You were just looking for a way to die!" he'd helped Roy back to a sense of normalcy and sanity.

And from then on out, Roy's goal had been to become the Fuhrer and change the corrupt system of government. He internally agreed with the public's stereotypical view of State Alchemists; he still loathed himself for what he'd done. He deserved to be called a 'dog.' But his stoic front presented to the world gave no indication, and his reputation at Central depicted him as an ambitious womanizer.

Only his most loyal subordinates knew of his plans to one day usurp the Fuhrer. And each time Roy was offered a promotion, the higher-ups loosened his leash just a bit in respect of his new position. But he wouldn't stop working towards his goal until he held all the strings.

He was a dog digging his escape hole behind his master's back. He was one dog beaten down in his prime, but with enough reason to wait for the opportune moment to bite back.

It was shortly before he'd been promoted to Colonel that he'd met Edward Elric, soon to be initiated as a State Alchemist, codename Fullmetal. Or maybe it was even _because_ he'd recruited such a talented young alchemist to the military that he was offered a promotion.

Half of Roy detested himself even more for bringing such an 'innocent' boy into the military environment. _He's only twelve_ , his conscience argued. _Do you want him to go through what you had to in Ishbal? This kid doesn't deserve that! Monster!_ But Ed had miraculously survived human transmutation, and Roy only trusted in his talents to keep the boy on his feet. The kid had proven himself, and it was he who had decided to follow Roy's advice and join the military as a State Alchemist.

And then part of Roy was insatiably pleased with the idea of the blond prodigy working under him. Edward Elric had a sort of _fire_ to him, and Roy was inevitably lured to the boy's spark. The blonde was one of the few who didn't treat him as a hero, who treated him with _disrespect_ , which was most likely the reason Roy was so drawn to him in the first place. It was a healthy change from people's usual reactions to the famous Flame Alchemist's name.

Even as Roy loved the change, the _alive_ feeling when around the eldest Elric, the two's dominant personalities demanded they clash in a hailstorm of fire and brimstone. Their arguments were infamous all over Central Headquarters, and later Eastern Headquarters. Even as Roy put all his effort into helping the Elrics reach their goal, while still trying to protect them from rest of the military, he loved most to ruffle Ed's feathers. It was just too fun, too _easy_ , to rile the Fullmetal Alchemist.

Calling Ed 'short' in any way was bound to have explosive reactions.

Their daily shouting matches often ended with the blonde fuming and speechless, angered but secretly impressed by the Colonel's sharp tongue and quick wit. And as their relationship gradually shifted to the opposite end of the spectrum, Ed was still left breathless as he experienced again just how quickly Roy's tongue could move.

Falling in love with his youngest subordinate had _not_ been part of Roy's plan.

But they adapted; they understood each other. Edward knew about Roy's mistakes in Ishbal, and in exchange Roy knew about Ed's failed attempt at the most serious alchemic taboo. They each had skeletons in their closet, but they were willing to overlook them – to soothe and comfort and _forgive_ – and focus on what was important. They were two sinners seeking solace in each other's shared pain and understanding. Two dogs who had the humility to retrain and reform, aiming for a better future.

They were both, by law, 'dogs of the military.' And yet they were both acknowledged as heroes for their services, 'Fullmetal Alchemist Edward Elric – Hero of the People!' Two dogs who understood the corruption of the totalitarian government: one dog battling regrets, having experienced the worst simply by following orders, and one wild pup that refused to sell his soul.

And Ed didn't want his younger brother to view Roy Mustang as a 'dog,' or any sort of monster. He wanted Al to know Roy as the man his older brother had fallen for, the _true_ Roy Mustang. As things were, Ed held Roy's complete and utter devotion and affection that was very seriously leaning towards the 'L word.' Roy Mustang was _his_ , the real Roy Mustang was _his_. And sincerely calling Mustang a 'dog' would be too uncomfortably associated with past sins, and the premise for their relationship was based on getting beyond those sins. Edward would never _seriously_ demean his lover's character by calling him his—

"Good morning, pipsqueak."

Forget it. Ed owned a dog.


	57. Alligator

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I'm looking up the words "not" and "own" in the dictionary, but the words make no sense when I stick them together in regards to FMA. But, as it doesn't make sense that I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, which actually makes perfect sense because of the disturbing things I write which prove I don't hold ownership, the words "not" and "own" related to meaning that I do not, in fact, own FMA, make sense simply because of the confusing paradox of sense and nonsensical things that I'm rambling about while trying to prove that it doesn't make sense to me why I don't own FMA, but how it makes perfect sense because RoyEd isn't, and never will be, a canon pairing and if it was true that I did, in fact, own FMA, "own" (without a "not" in front of it) then there would definitely be something wrong with the official FMA because, as RoyEd, as previously stated, is not happening in the series, then it must mean that I do "not" "own" (words in that particular order) Fullmetal Alchemist. Because it makes perfect sense that if I did, in fact, own FMA, then RoyEd would be a main part of the anime, and since it's not, it only makes sense that I "don't" (another word meaning basically the same as "not" in this context, which is in actuality a combination of the words "do" and "not" connected by a contraction, which is a punctuation mark used in place of missing letters when two words are combined, the missing letter in this case being "o" from the middle of "not") "own" Fullmetal Alchemist, because if I owned it, truly, then I would get my way, as makes sense. When all makes sense, I do "not" (which, if there was to be a blessed typo, could turn into "now," which would be a much better option for the sad authoress because she does "not" "own" FMA but she would be ecstatic if she "now" "own" FMA, as long as there is an "s" added to "own" to make it present tense, "owns," to fit with the word "now" so that the final result reads "now owns" which makes much more sense than just "now" and "own," without the "s") "own" Fullmetal Alchemist.
> 
> I do not own FMA, and it should all make perfect sense to you why not, by this very second.
> 
> (I think I just pulled a very good Lemony Snicket. xD Anybody ever read _The Series of Unfortunate Events_?)
> 
> ~~I have such a soft spot for this old disclaimer.~~

"Careful, Fullmetal!" Roy warned as he hurriedly prevented them from ramming into some harsh brushwood. "If you're going to steer us off-course, why don't you just let me handle everything?" The 'suggestion' was made in a no-nonsense tone, one that only encouraged Ed's rebellious nature.

The two State Alchemists were on a mission in a swampy area at the southern end of the country. Unfortunately for the two, one of the places they had to investigate was in the _middle_ of the swamp, only reachable by canoe. Roy had never been in a boat, preferring dry land to the vulnerability of being stranded in a large expanse of water. And as his ( _traitorous_ ) subordinates often pointed out, the legendary 'Flame Alchemist' was 'useless' when water was involved. And Roy did not care to put himself in such high conditions, at least not voluntarily. Much. Edward had been in a canoe when he was young, when he was around ten, only because of the training initiation his teacher had inflicted on him and Alphonse. Izumi Curtis had wanted to test the boys to their limits; she had 'abandoned' them on Yock Island, letting them survive in the wilderness for an entire month.

The island had been in the center of a lake. Both alchemists were unused to swamps; what with having vegetation and sometimes narrow passages of water between moving, floating, 'islands' in and of themselves, it was an entirely new experience.

To add to that, Edward's automail arm had shattered the night previous. At least, it was in unrecognizable condition. He really needed to stop fighting everyone who called him short. As it was, Roy had _insisted_ that he detach the entire steel limb; it wasn't purposeful to lug deadweight of metal around when it would only slow down the mission. Without his automail, the blonde felt oddly exposed and susceptible. Without his automail, he couldn't transmute his arm into a blade in which to defend himself, he couldn't use _alchemy_ , nor did he have two hands to assist in normal tasks. Such as rowing a boat.

Edward Elric was currently clutching an oar in his left hand, using only his one available arm to help paddle. His efforts were doing little but messing up the navigation. And Roy was getting extremely frustrated with his subordinate.

The Fullmetal occupied the front of the boat, the Flame sitting behind him. Mustang had refrained from teasing Ed about their positions, potentially something along the lines of how Ed was only sitting up front because he was so short, and how Roy was too _chivalrous_ for not wanting to block the blonde's view of the scenery since he, on the other hand, was so tall in comparison. And even though Ed momentarily didn't have his ( _dangerous, lethal_ ) automail limb attached, the Colonel still held his tongue, for reasons unknown even to himself.

But now Roy was at least partially glad for the seating arrangement; he was in back, he had control.

Apparently the Fullmetal Alchemist, as talented as he was, was unable to help row a canoe single-handedly.

Each time Ed's paddle feverishly swept backwards, he would shower his companion behind him with spray after spray of freshwater. Which was another reason Roy was slowly losing patience with the other.

Finally, the older alchemist returned 'fire,' splattering the younger with watery revenge. Thus started a 'splash war,' which led to two equally soaked soldiers and a considerably lighter mood in the air. For two determined, seemingly adult people, they each could be awfully immature. Oddly enough, it was only when around the other that each felt comfortable enough to relax and act less than what both age and expectation allowed. Except in Ed's case, since his younger brother was often prone to witness just how childish the blonde could be. But that was the only exception.

"What are we doing out here again, bastard?" Ed asked for the millionth time. As fun as it was, being _stuck_ in a canoe, limited to only a couple feet of free space, was starting to grate on his nerves. His company wasn't exactly helping his mood, either; after the laughter during the 'splash war,' Roy led the conversation back to the normal routine of insults and gibes.

The Colonel chuckled, seemingly a mocking laugh. "Why, Fullmetal? Are you feeling rather _small_ and alone in the middle of nowhere?"

Ed stiffened, bristling at the 's' word. "How can I be alone when I've got _you_?" he snapped, effectively halting the banter. After a few moments of terse silence, in which the teen realized what his words implied, he followed up with, "…that didn't exactly come out right. Bastard." He tacked on the 'endearment' as an afterthought.

Roy just let one corner of his mouth turn upwards in what could be considered a genuine smile. "Whatever you meant by it is fine, Edward."

The blonde blinked before turning around to stare at his commanding officer. "No smart-ass comments? Aren't you supposed to be making fun of me now or something?"

The older alchemist shrugged. "Nah, I'll keep it as blackmail material."

And things were back to normal between them.

-+-

They were making somewhat steady progress until…

"Ed…did you just smack a baby alligator with your oar, tick off its mother, and _chuck_ it at said mommy alligator's head?" Roy asked, feeling oddly detached for some reason.

The blonde stared a moment in horror, watching the reptile regain her bearings after having a large wooden paddle thrown between her eyes. "Um, it was an accident?" he offered weakly, scooting back from the prow of the canoe.

The Flame fought down his internal panicking, managing to remain fairly calm as he answered the other. "Elric, you are so dead once we get out of here alive."

The second attack to her head incensed the adult alligator even more. This _human_ had the nerve to trespass on her territory, _injure_ one of her precious babies, and throw one of those odd stick-thingies at her head! She hissed, causing her tormentor to subtly shift closer to his companion. She sped towards the boat, intent on defending herself and her family to the best of her abilities. Her kind _was_ gifted with sharp teeth, and the humans were already afraid of her.

Just as she neared the canoe, both she and the older human were surprised when the young blonde reached back, snatched his companion's weird stick-thingy, and whacked her on the head once she was in close range. Dazed and confused from the second onslaught to her head, the mother alligator sank a bit under the surface, staging a cautious retreat only a few meters away. The boy had strong aptitude.

After all, Edward did live by his teacher's motto: "To train the mind, train the body."

Only it didn't seem like Ed's mind was too sharp nowadays.

Roy had the odd suspicion that he was responsible for the blonde's newly acquired stupidity.

"Ed! I know you lost both our oars, you insufferable impulsive brat, so help me paddle this thing away from that enraged mother!"

The Fullmetal glared at the Colonel. "Paddle with _what_?" he shouted. "I lost the oars, remember? You said so yourself!"

Roy groaned. "With your _hand_."

Edward shook his head defiantly, a look of shock on his face. "No way, bastard Colonel! Use my _flesh_ hand? And risk getting another limb torn off? No thanks. I'll pass."

For a moment, Mustang's features softened considerably. Edward had been through a lot, losing an arm and leg while still a child. But that didn't change the fact that it was _Edward's_ fault for putting them in this situation, so Edward should at least _help_ get them out of it. "Fullmetal," the higher-ranking officer barked, "Paddle. Now. That's an _order_!"

Roy got a splash in the face for his efforts.

Apparently, Ed had no qualms about letting his hand brush the water in order to annoy his commanding officer.

"Can't you just set her on fire?" Ed wheedled. "You're the Flame Alchemist, you have an impressive war record…surely you can defend us against an _animal_. I would do something if I could use my alchemy, but some idiot," he paused, the dripping sarcasm making it fairly obvious to just whom he was referring, "insisted I leave my arm at the hotel. So I'm entirely useless, but you're still a capable alchemist, no matter how much I hate to admit your competency."

Dark eyes narrowed at the reference to the Ishbal Rebellion; Roy's 'war record' just indicated how much of a monster and sinner he was. Ed had no right to throw the subject around that loosely. The older man was so engrossed in the oncoming self-disgust and sickness induced by suppressed memories that he missed the insult, and later praise, to his alchemic abilities.

Roy held up his hands to hold his face, to cover his eyes in a futile attempt to block the horrid images from invading his conscience.

Edward almost fell back against Roy in the narrow confines of the canoe, feeling slightly faint once he noticed one small, albeit very important, detail. Mustang's gloves were _soaking_ from the earlier roughhousing around. And wet gloves couldn't make a spark.

Both alchemists had lost the option of alchemy. The elder Elric couldn't clap his hands to transmute, and the Colonel's ignition gloves were ineffective until the water droplets evaporated and left the stitching dry.

They had no alchemy, no oars, no weapons, no common sense, and one very pissed-off mother alligator after their hides.

To sum it up, life sucked.

-+-

"Why didn't Alphonse come with us?" the Colonel asked, attempting to steer the topic of discussion towards something other than his experiences in the Ishbal war. Since Edward absolutely refused to stick his flesh hand into the water, the two were forced to sit and wait for the alligator's eventual departure.

The mother alligator continuously circled their boat, letting out a warning hiss whenever either of them shifted. She didn't come any closer, still wary of being struck on the head. Her babies swam about as normal, though they, too, steered clear of the canoe.

Distracted, Ed fumbled a moment for words. "Well, he's a suit of armor. He'd probably sink this tiny boat we're in. And if the worst should happen and he fell overboard, his blood seal would wash away and he'd die. And besides, if he got wet, he'd rust." He bit his tongue to keep from pointing out that he was glad for some alone-time with his superior; that wasn't even a legitimate reason. It was just another tidbit of information that the Colonel would be delighted to have, simply to store for later blackmail usage. As he'd already promised after Ed slipped up the one time that day.

Surprisingly, it was Roy who voiced Ed's thoughts. "Ah. Well, I'm glad it's just the two of us." Seeing the shocked – and hopeful? – look adorning the blonde's face, he hurried to continue. "I mean because he's safer back at the hotel. I'm sure he wouldn't like to be stuck in a canoe with an angry alligator lurking nearby."

Edward failed to point out that Al could actually be helpful in this situation, seeing as how the alligator couldn't technically _hurt_ him. Al couldn't feel things; the upside was the lack of physical pain, though the younger Elric brother would give anything to simply feel anything – everything – and experience all the qualities of human touch.

And his older brother had the privilege of _feeling_ , and yet he was letting it go to waste.

Ed's bigheadedness really irritated Alphonse at times, but it wasn't in the younger brother's nature to lecture his older sibling about the obvious attraction between him and Colonel Mustang. Ed's pride tended to cause a lot of problems.

"Mhm," the blonde finally responded, realizing a bit lately that it was his turn to speak.

There wasn't much to do, stuck in a swamp in the middle of nowhere, in a tiny canoe, with a guy that one tended to crush on and hate at alternate intervals. Also with the ever-present threat of an overprotective, dangerous animal waiting for the right time to strike. Talking was a possibility, but the usual insults were getting a tad bit old as the minutes ticked by. And the thought of a pleasant conversation was appealing, but each alchemist was afraid to bring up sensitive issues.

Clearly, Roy harbored demons from Ishbal; Ed had nightmares of the failed human transmutation. The subjects were not made for light conversation, especially with someone each wanted to impress. The above-mentioned instances only served to demonstrate their sins and humanity.

Roy really couldn't think of a thing to say. He would ask about the boys' goal in finding the Philosopher's Stone or research of methods intended to restore their bodies, but he already knew the Elrics were having little, if any, success. Asking about it, when both already _knew_ that Roy knew, would be adding insult to injury. It would be as if Roy was mocking the younger, reminding him of his failures.

"So…" the Colonel said after a drawn out stillness.

"Yeah…" Ed followed, twiddling his thumb.

There was another pause, then –-

"What did you mean earlier?"

Edward raised an eyebrow, confused. "Beg pardon?"

The raven-haired man huffed. "Earlier. When you mentioned you weren't alone because I was with you. What did you mean by that?"

This was another example of a sensitive issue, one that plainly made Edward uncomfortable.

"Can we talk about this lat—" the blonde offered before he was cut off.

"No, Fullmetal," Roy interrupted, already used to Ed's ways. After four years of working with the younger alchemist, he knew when he was trying to get out of something. He glared. "We have time to talk, so spill. Whatever it is, I won't laugh."

The blonde matched Roy's glare with one of his own. "Why do you think _whatever it is_ would be laughable in the first place?"

The older alchemist shrugged, noncommittal. "I was just pointing out a 'what if.' Stop stalling, Elric."

Ed's glare intensified. "I meant exactly what the words 'I'm not alone' mean, all right? You are here, physically, sitting behind me in this godda-"

"Language, Fullmetal," the Colonel admonished softly. "And I _know_ I'm here literally. But was there anything _else_?"

The telltale blush staining Ed's cheeks was answer enough, but Roy wanted to drag out the torment and embarrassment for as long as possible. "Do you really want to know?" the blonde countered, a bit of a mischievous tone lacing his voice.

Roy really should have expected the splash of water on his face by now.

"That's not an answer," he grumbled, taking off his uniform jacket to wipe his face.

Golden eyes widened at the movement. "What the hell are you doing! Don't _strip_!"

The initially puzzled look on Roy's face at the outburst slowly morphed into a roguish grin. "You mean you don't want this?" he asked innocently; he loved playing with the blonde's mind. As he started putting on his jacket again, he witnessed the expected protest from the younger alchemist.

"What the—no! That's not what I want! Bastard! Stop patronizing me!" Edward yelled when he was frustrated, and Mustang tended to frustrate him more often than most.

The Colonel laughed good-naturedly, acquiescing to Ed's request and shrugging the offending garment off his shoulders. He was still entirely clothed, so it didn't matter much. Ed's unintentional sigh of relief made everything worthwhile. "So tell me, Edward," Roy spoke softly, gaining the other's attention with the unusual displayed kindness. "What _do_ you want? Tell me."

The blonde fidgeted, slowly easing himself around to face Roy in the canoe. The alligator didn't charge at them; they were safe. "I have what I want," he responded in an equally soft voice. "I said I wasn't alone, and I'm not. So will you kindly fu-"

" _Language,_ Ed!" Roy reproached, anticipating Ed's predictable reply. He really knew the blonde too well. He sighed, thinking over the Fullmetal's words. "That's _all_ you want?"

"You already pointed out that you're already _here_ ," Edward claimed. "What more could I ask for?"

Roy was speechless. He'd never pin Ed to be sentimental—except maybe about his brother. Still, he smirked and leaned forward a bit in the canoe towards his subordinate. "Maybe more tangible evidence that I _am_ here?"

Before Ed could respond, he had leaned forward enough to drop a chaste kiss on the blonde's lips, barely anything but a light brush.

Edward's blush deepened, but he didn't scream or smack Roy. Which in and of itself was a good sign. He hesitated a moment, shifting in his seat. Remembering the danger, he paused, taking a look around to access any possible threats of damage. "The alligator's gone!" he blurted at random, noticing the retreating figures of the entire family. It was like she had been circling and waiting just until they had gotten their feelings into the open, which was absurd.

The Flame tilted his head to acknowledge Ed's words. "Yes," he agreed. "And since you're the one who threw the oars, _you_ can lean over the water and reach for them."

And Ed did smack Roy that time.


	58. Faults

"What happened to you?" the Colonel asked, a half-concerned and half-amused look on his face as he returned Ed's stare. His dark eyes swept over the Fullmetal's reappearance in his office, glad for the younger alchemist's safety. Though one thing did stick out at him: his lover was _mostly_ in one piece. So Roy inferred that the mission had gone relatively well, at least compared to Ed's usual misadventures.

The blonde shrugged his left shoulder, as he was incapable of performing such an action on his right side. Said inability because of damaged steel limbs, or arm, in his case. "The usual. Got attacked, provoked some other people into a fight, got caught in the scuffle, and got my arm destroyed… _again_."

Mustang couldn't help it. He really didn't know why he did what he did next, but his primal instinct to tease the blonde overcame any and all common sense. Roy _snickered_ , earning an angry glare from his blond lover.

"What the hell do you think is so funny?" Ed demanded, eyes glinting. "There's nothing at _all_ humorous about my arm being shattered! Bastard!"

The Flame shook his head, his snickering erupting into full-out laughter. "No, of course you're right," he wheezed out between snorts, "there's nothing funny about it at all…except that a certain blond-haired mechanic is going to _kill_ you…"

Edward imagined Roy had said the last part in a sing-song voice, but he wiped the thought clear of his head. Roy just wasn't the type to sing-song.

"Oh?" he asked harshly, shouting to be heard over Mustang's now violent guffaws. "You know what? At least I _face_ Winry, even knowing I'm going to get a wrench thrown at my head. But you…you _cower_ in fear _squeezed under your desk_ just when you hear Hawkeye coming to check on your nonexistent paperwork progress! And that's even before she unlocks the safety on her gun!"

Roy's sudden laughter died down mid-giggle, leaving an incredulous expression on the Colonel's face. A sharp silence settled between the two, both glaring.

"Well, at least I'm not _short_ ," the older alchemist murmured to himself – just loud enough for a certain blond prodigy to hear.

Edward spazzed. " _WHO'RE YOU CALLING SMALLER AND MORE LOOKED OVER THAN SOMETHING INVISIBLE BECAUSE HE'S SO DAMN TINY THAT NOBODY COULD PROPERLY SEE HIM! AND WHO'RE YOU CALLING A PRODIGY THAT DOESN'T HAVE ANY FAULTS BUT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO INSULT ME YOU PICK AT ME ABOUT SOMETHING I DON'T HAVE ANY CONTROL OVER, EVEN IF I **AM** SMALL, WHICH I'M **NOT**!_"

Roy would have pointed out that the tantrum proving Ed's infamous temper was a pretty important fault, deserving a category all to itself. He _would_ have, that is, if his ears weren't ringing so loudly by the time Ed started to rant about how perfect he was.

The Flame clasped his palms over his ears, determined to preserve at least some of his hearing. He supposed Ed was ranting extra loudly today since he couldn't resort to alchemy, thanks to his broken automail. Still, Roy mused that being screamed at was a better alternative than being transmuted into a paperweight or some such nonsense that his lover frequently threatened him with.

When Roy didn't answer, Ed continued in a normal voice. "And at least I'm not sadistic enough to laugh at other people's pain."

Mustang heard him that time. "What?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "You don't seriously think I'm laughing at your inevitable murder…?"

"There you go again with your sarcasm!" Edward screamed, clenching his left hand into a fist. Roy was again glad there was no automail; it tended to bruise his face much more than Ed's flesh fist.

"And there you go again jumping to conclusions!" the Colonel yelled back. "It's just a bit of teasing, Fullmetal. You know I'd always protect you from evil Winry's big bad wrench." The last five words or so were spoken in a childish, mocking voice.

The blonde's golden eyes narrowed. "Stop jerking me around, Roy. I'm serious. Treat me with some damn respect." Turning, he stomped towards the door, leaving his boyfriend staring in astonishment at his back.

Roy swallowed. "Edward," he called out, halting the blonde before he could leave. "I'm sorry. I didn't know it bothered you _that_ much…"

"Eh. You're still sleeping on the couch tonight for laughing at me. And I _still_ think you're a wuss for hiding from Hawkeye," Ed chuckled, knowing a frown of disapproval was being aimed at his back.

"You mean you're _not_ scared of her?" Mustang pressed. He had to find some way to preserve his dignity. Proving he wasn't the only one terrified of Hawkeye's wrath seemed to be the best option; it meant he wasn't in it alone.

Ed did turn then, flashing a scary smile. "Oh, I admit I'm scared of Hawkeye, Mustang. I just have enough sense to hide where she can't find me."

As he left, letting the door to Roy's office fall shut behind him, the Flame mumbled to himself. Softly. "Pft. I bet she just never finds him because he's too tiny to notice."

Immediately, Edward came storming back into the office. "What did you say, bastard Colonel! _WHO'RE CALLING SMALL ENOUGH TO FIT INSIDE YOUR **DESK DRAWER** AND BE DRAWN OUT WHENEVER YOU'RE IN NEED OF SEXUAL RELIEF_?"

With as many faults as Ed had, it seemed he had perfect hearing and healthy vocal chords. As for his boyfriend…well…

They each had their faults. Roy teased, Ed ranted. Ed somehow inflicted damage on Roy for said teasing, Roy mumbled another degrading comment about Ed's lack of height. Wash, rinse, repeat. Life was normal; faults made life interesting.


	59. Tabletops

It wasn't often that the Flame and Fullmetal Alchemists opted to eat lunch in the military cafeteria. Usually, Ed would demand that Roy take him to an expensive restaurant – or at least some place with decent food and clean floors and tables – but on this particular day the Colonel had some "unfinished" paperwork to do before some of his subordinates – Hawkeye – would let him leave to eat.

So Ed, being typically starving, wandered down to the cafeteria and piled a tray high with food. He carried it over to a relatively empty table, disgusted to see that the reason nobody was sitting at it was because of the unsanitary mess staining the wood. Liquid of some kind, Ed didn't know, or even know if he _wanted_ to know, piddled in large glops, some of it dripping onto the benches, and sometimes the floor. Likewise, bits of unrecognizable 'food' floated in the middle of these unknown liquidized smeared germs. He wrinkled his nose; couldn't people at least wipe their messes clean with a napkin? But everywhere else was full, noon being the standard lunch hour, and so the blond prodigy had no choice but to sit.

When he was halfway through with his meal, he was joined by his commanding officer. "I see you like the food here, Fullmetal. Maybe I should spare my wallet the needless usage and just let you eat here every day. Your military funds guarantee you free food; you are a State hero, after all."

Edward growled. "Try it, Mustang. See how much you like your nose broken and then try telling me that again."

Roy rolled his eyes. "What's so bad with the place, Ed? I admit it's not the _best_ food there is, but it's not as bad as what some places serve."

"It's not only the food, bastard. It's the _environment_." Ed didn't elaborate, which only caused Roy to further prompt him. "I mean," the teen continued, glancing around to be sure of the secrecy of their conversation. "It's not private. As insufferable as your ego is, I'll let it inflate a bit more: I prefer just the two of us. I prefer being _served_. And having you spend your money on me. I admit that, don't get so smug, bastard. The food is usually better elsewhere. But mostly it's the _cleanliness_ that gets to me. I like being able to sit down at a table and not having to wonder whether I'm going to get obviously infected with someone else's germs. The _slobs_ in the damn military don't even _try_ to clean up after themselves; look at this!" He waved a gloved hand at the sludge decorating their table. "You'd think _soldiers_ would be _disciplined_ enough to wipe a damn table once they're done eating; it's common courtesy for this kind of situation. But no! The idiots!"

Roy sighed, letting Ed continue to rant. He'd learned to live with them by now. Still, the argument coming from the blonde didn't seem like Ed. The Fullmetal Alchemist was often very messy when it came to eating. Well, maybe not so _messy_ , except when he tried to take in more than he could swallow ( _not that Roy was complaining_ ), but _that_ was an entirely _different_ case altogether. Ed just tended to _stuff_ himself. But, as Roy looked back, he remembered Ed did always _clean up_ after himself. _And_ Roy.

The Colonel sighed, his overtaxed mind now confused thanks to the ever-present double-meanings, often having very certain references to some very inappropriate things, his head drooping. He was tired from being held at gunpoint to finish scribbling his signature, and then having to endure Ed's incessant remarks about common etiquette – like he _actually_ understood what that meant – and he just wanted somewhere to lay his head. Eyes glazing, he let his head drop to the table, his cheek missing the deepest of 'puddles' of some unknown substance by mere inches.

Ed stopped shouting mid-rant. " _ROY!_ " He yanked the Flame's head off the table by his black hair, glaring at the older man. "What was I just talking about! You do _not_ , must I repeat myself, _not_ touch that disgusting filth! _STUPID UNSANITARY TABLES!_ "

Roy rolled his eyes, letting a smirk show on his face. This time, Ed's ranting was muffled by a pair of lips on his own, quickly rendering him speechless as he again tried to explain to Roy with his tongue, though without words, however he expected to manage _that_ particular feat with just a few twists of said tongue and teeth and lips, just why dirty public tables were _bad_.

The older alchemist, being far more experienced in these kinds of matters, maneuvered the blonde just so – tilting his head here, nipping his bottom lip there – in an effort to move Ed's head to the desired position. The blonde in no way felt he was being manipulated; the only sensations he felt were Roy's talented mouth attacking his own, Roy's marvelously intrusive hands sliding under his black tank-top, and soon, the hard wood of the cafeteria table pushing against his head as Roy pinned him mercilessly to the dreaded tabletop.

Military soldiers, as Ed had pointed out, weren't as disciplined as they were cracked up to be. They didn't clean up after themselves, and they didn't have the decency to look away when a well-known high-ranking officer started to put the moves on his subordinate in the army's cafeteria, said subordinate being of the same gender _and_ thirteen to fourteen years younger than the superior. The soldiers nudged one another, whispering as their eyes stayed locked on the spectacle of the famous Flame and Fullmetal Alchemists going at each other at a deserted table. They would make a good match, if only because of their reputations, since most of the soldiers only knew of the two through such and by no personal means. And because it was dramatic news that would fuel the gossip mill for months.

So _this_ was the reason the Flame Alchemist always took the blond Fullmetal to dine elsewhere!

After a few heated moments, Roy had the "self-control" to tear himself away from his lover's addicting lips. Ed mumbled incoherently, tilting his chin upwards, as if his lips were seeking desperately to find Roy's own. Golden eyes were dazed as they stared at the Flame, short breaths escaping both alchemists due to the lack of oxygen moments prior.

"So," Roy whispered silkily, leaning his forehead against Ed's and thus keeping the blonde's skull firmly in the center of the table, "do you still think public tabletops are so bad, Edward?"

The dazed look vanished, replaced with alarm, accusation, and disgust at how easily Roy had managed to move him to the dirty table. "If I get sick," Ed panted, "then it's your entire fault." He waited a moment, assessing the damage his hair must have taken from being in contact with leftover driblets of food. Then, "…You're washing my hair, bastard."

Roy laughed and whole-heartedly agreed. "And if you get sick," he continued, "then I'll get sick from kissing you as often as happens."

"You're sick."

"Not yet I'm not, and while we're both still in the mood, we have an entire tabletop to ourselves that's going unused."

Ed squirmed. "I still don't like this effing dirty table!" And immediately after exclaiming his intense dislike of the table for the entire captivated cafeteria to hear, he pulled Roy's head downwards to meld lips again, head still firmly resting upon the wood.


	60. Game of Silence

It was not to be denied that Edward Elric was, in fact, loud.

Anybody who ever even brushed up against the short blonde could testify to that statement of truth. The Fullmetal Alchemist's forceful rants were legendary around Amestris, and many still claimed to hear the ringing in their ears caused from being exposed to Ed's angry shouts.

Colonel Roy Mustang was often on the receiving end of Edward's enraged yells.

And also, by extension, the Colonel's full-time office crew. Roy's underlings usually had acquired immunity when it came to the raised voices behind the Colonel's door; it was just something they had gotten used to once Fullmetal became part of their military "family," but today the shrill shouts were grating on everybody's nerves.

"…AND EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THE ISSUE YET, LET ME HEAD IT OFF BY SAYING THAT I AM _NOT SHORT_!"

That was undeniably Edward.

There was a pause, then a muffled, "I didn't say anything like that, Fullmetal," from a certain Flame Alchemist.

"I _KNOW_! THAT'S WHAT I SAID, YOU IDIOT! WHY DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN TO MEEE?" The high-pitched shrieking ended in a whine, causing the entire office to clasp hands over ears.

Lieutenant Hawkeye, by far the bravest of the bunch, resolutely pushed her chair back and stalked to the closed door of her commanding officer's private office. She rapped her knuckles on the oak wood and waited, listening as the knock sliced through the rooms and cut through the Fullmetal Alchemist's rant. Without waiting for permission to enter, the First Lieutenant swiftly swept through the door and basked in the sudden stillness and shocked stares.

Colonel Mustang coughed, "Hawkeye?"

The blond woman shook her head, noticing the light of interest gracing the Flame's eyes. She frowned discreetly, and he blushed slightly at being caught enjoying Edward's loud enthusiasm. Riza dismissed the reaction, turning to the recently quieted teen. "Edward. We are tired of listening to you scream and shout. As of today, if you insist on being so noisy, I will personally make you cry - in pain."

The threat seemed to work as the flush on Ed's face quickly paled to sheer white in terror. It was no secret that Riza Hawkeye was the best shot in the Amestris military. "Y-yes, Sir," he stammered - and Ed Elric never stammered.

"Good. Now, I'm going to leave the door open; if you make even a tiny sound…" The 'promise' underlying her words was clear-cut.

"But-" Ed started to protest, but was again silenced.

Hawkeye shook her head. "If you have something you simply must tell the Colonel, might I suggest 'Hangman'? It's a game, Elric. And since you're being childish about things by continuing to yell, a game fits the situation perfectly."

Again, the Lieutenant shook her head and quietly left the room, leaving behind two very dumbfounded State Alchemists and heading towards four or so very shocked members of Mustang's unit.

"Hangman. Sounds fun," mused Roy softly, grabbing a piece of paper. "Go on, Fullmetal."

Edward scowled, but took the proffered piece of paper. He scribbled diligently for a few moments before showing Roy.

Roy swept one eye over the phrase before saying, "Well, the first letter is obviously 'I'."

Golden eyes narrowed, but the younger alchemist complied and - grudgingly - added in all the I's.

**I'. ..i.. .. .i.. ...**

"M," said Roy, yawning in boredom.

**I'm ..i.. .. .i.. ...**

The Flame Colonel was a bit disappointed to see there was only one 'm,' but he pressed on. "A?" he suggested.

The triumphant smirk on Ed's face told him quite clearly that no, there were not any letters 'a' hiding in the hidden message.

"E?"

Same response. Roy growled low in his throat. He was denied twice in a row, and his ego was suffering. If even over such a small thing as a game of Hangman with the Fullmetal Alchemist.

"O." He said it with such startling finality that it took Ed a moment to register the next letter in his mind. The scowl on the blonde's face was back, and it was Roy's turn to crow in triumph.

**I'm .oi.. .o .i.. .o.**

"Y and U," Roy offered, smirking. He wasn't half bad at this game.

**I'm .oi.. .o .i.. you.**

Mustang was on a roll, and he knew exactly what letters to suggest. "T, G, and N."

"You can't guess three letters at once!" Ed spluttered before quickly snapping his mouth shut, turning quickly to make sure of Hawkeye's safe distance from his lower regions. He was safe from her firearms, thankfully.

"Well guess what, Fullmetal? I just did," Roy bantered back, leaning forward on his desk.

Snorting, the blonde shrugged and filled in the letters.

**I'm going to .i.. you.**

"K."

**I'm going to ki.. you.**

"I'll give you a hint for the last _letter_ , Mustang. It's not a vowel," the Fullmetal said - a bit too kindly.

The predatory gleam in Ed's eyes could be from a number of things; anything symbolizing a "suppressed attack mode" to "I'm planning something dangerous" to "I'm gonna jump you." Roy blinked. Where had that last thought come from? Still, the last option sounded far more favorable when compared to the Flame's other conclusions.

"I could already guess that," Roy mumbled, rolling his eyes. "E-" And he paused, dark eyes narrowing as he scrutinized the sheet of paper, then Edward's face. He waited a moment, debating with himself as his mind supplied another answer than the letter he would have originally guessed. It was simply absurd that Edward would say _that_ , in a game of Hangman, no less!

Still, Roy's chest started to tighten as he swallowed; his throat dry. He certainly wouldn't mind if the impromptu letter-guessing was true, but could he say the same for Edward? In his rationale's defense, alchemists had the tendency to encode important things they wanted kept secret. And Hangman was a type of decoding messages.

Sort of.

He bit back the answer 'L' as he, instead, voiced, "S."

Edward's pen automatically moved to the paper before he froze, golden eyes zipping to Roy's face in intense earnestness. Mustang gulped, wondering if, perhaps, he had been wrong. Maybe Ed really did want to inflict on him bodily harm. Or death, even. Could he have pinned the blonde so wrong as to actually think…?

Before Roy could muse any longer, Ed, very slowly, bent over the desk to bring their lips into close proximity. "And if I did want to…?" Ed breathed in a whisper.

Roy obligingly moved the smidgeon closer to the loudmouthed blonde, effectively keeping Edward completely silent.

Except for a moan or two.

Underneath the two alchemists, an innocent sheet of paper lay on the desk.

**I'm going to kiss you.**

-+-

BLOOPERS

-+-

"S," Roy answered confidently, sure of the boy's feelings for him.

Edward blinked, piecing together the answer with the phrase on the paper. In a matter of seconds, his face had twisted to express horror and revulsion. "HELL NO, I REALLY DID WANT TO _KILL_ YOU, MUSTANG!"

The blonde immediately regretted his outburst, thinking maybe he would have preferred a kiss from Roy Mustang compared to an intimate encounter with Hawkeye's gun.

"Lieutenant, did you _have_ to do that? Look what you started!" moaned Havoc in despair, pointing at the "busy" alchemists in Roy's office. "At least with the Boss screaming, we had a source of entertainment…"

Fuery almost fell off his seat. "You mean this _isn't_ …?"


	61. Lap

Edward Elric paused in the doorway, checking for any vacant seats in the Colonel's office. None. All of Mustang's subordinates were present, and Hughes and Armstrong were visiting, thereby taking up Ed and Al's usual seats.

The young blonde growled, causing quite a few heads to turn in his general direction. "Friggin' idiots," he mumbled, stalking past the table. If his usual chair was denied him, then he would just have to take the best seat in the house.

It was his by right anyway, after all.

The other soldiers watched with trepidation as the ticked alchemist made a beeline to the Colonel's seat of honor behind the main desk. They cringed, expecting the Fullmetal to oust the Flame from the seat and use Mustang's back as a foot-prop.

Roy watched Ed stomping towards him with amusement, a small smirk tugging on the edges of his lips. He rotated his chair slightly away from the desk, but made no move to get up. Nobody expected him to.

Edward grinned back, plopping himself squarely in Roy's lap.

Alphonse, who had followed his older brother into the room, gawked along with the rest. He shook his head in exasperation. "Really, Brother. Did you have to go down on the Colonel like that?"


	62. Guest

The invitation was meant to have secured Roy's promotion to a Brigadier-General.

The rumors flying about base all gave indications that Mustang was next-in-line to be bumped up the chain of military command. When certain high-ranking officials hosted a gala of some sort and specially invited the Colonel, everyone in the office knew what sort of honor was being bestowed upon the Flame. The social gathering was the final step in the preparations for a possible promotion.

Roy Mustang's impression on his superior officers would make or break his future position.

The drawback came with the contents of the invitation.

_To: Colonel Roy Mustang_

_From: Central Command_

_You are hereby requested to attend_

_a military-hosted engagement to_

_discuss future prospects in your career._

_You are encouraged to bring along_

_one guest, as you will be dining with…_

…and from there it listed several important officials, all of whom Roy was looking to impress.

Everybody knew who would be the one person accompanying the Colonel to the gala.

But for once, it wasn't Edward Elric who mucked up Mustang's careful planning. Unless his very existence was cause for worry.

It could certainly be confirmed that the Fullmetal Alchemist howled and raged at the very idea of attending such a "formal load of bullshit" and that his oftentimes childish tantrums more than depicted his utter annoyance at being forced to go. Because despite his loathing at being "persuaded" to be his Colonel's guest, Ed absolutely abhorred the mere idea that Roy take anybody else.

And so it was that a stubborn, pouting blonde trotted by Mustang's side as they entered the function.

-+-

Surprisingly, the Fullmetal acted accordingly, smiling and acting cordially to any who cared to speak to him. His performance didn't seem to deeply affect Mustang's chances of being promoted, except maybe in a positive way. Roy was secretly impressed by his secret boyfriend's sudden care for mannerisms.

To say Edward acted wonderfully would be an understatement. Roy almost beamed from the compliments he received throughout the night.

"Where've you been hiding this one, Mustang? …The Fullmetal Alchemist? You don't say! I heard he was supposed to be a real hellion!"

"I thought you said Elric had a temper, Colonel. He certainly seems like a damn capable alchemist and soldier to me."

"You sure you won't have this one transferred to my unit? …No? Well, I can see why. No wonder you won't let go of him; he's your star subordinate, isn't he? Simply splendid boy!"

And the most astonishing: "He's so _polite_ and _well-mannered_! You must be so proud to be that one's commanding officer. I know plenty of officers who'd kill for that one under their command…"

Roy had simply graced the other with a small smile and nodded. "Yes. I wouldn't trade Edward Elric for the world. I am immensely glad he's my star subordinate. In the office and on the field, he never lets me down." _Nor in my bed, but nobody needs to be informed of THAT…_

The evening passed with Ed continuing to amaze the military officials and Roy doing his best to confirm all compliments directed at himself and Fullmetal.

-+-

The setback came when it was time to sit down for dinner.

"Mustang, your lady can sit to your right. We have a special seat reserved for you in the center of the table."

Roy looked confused for a moment. "…Lady, Sir?" he asked smoothly, hoping the panic wasn't too evident in his tone.

"The, ah, intended companion was supposed to be a kind of love interest, perhaps?"

Roy turned and cast a deliberate glance at Edward before turning back to his superior. "Forgive the insubordination, Sir, but I fail to see how I misinterpreted the requirements."

The General followed Roy's glance to the blond alchemist, who was still caught up in the midst of being fawned over. "You don't mean that you invited the Fullmetal Alchemist as your _guest_ , Colonel Mustang? And that you _meant_ it in the way you're implying?"

The Flame frowned. "And if I did?"

"Insubordination, fraternization, statutory rape, pedastry, homosexuality involving a minor…in other words, kiss your current rank good-bye."

"That _is_ what I'm aiming for, Sir," Mustang answered quickly. "I was under the impression that I'd be promoted to a General."

The older officer glared at the Colonel. "Don't get smart with me, Mustang."

"But I am smart," Roy said simply, biting his tongue as soon as the words left his mouth. He was only digging himself deeper; he'd be better off dead and buried by this point if his reaction now was anything to judge by. Situations involving Edward Elric always made his mind spin out-of-control, whether for better or worse. And now his entire military dream to replace the current Fuhrer was falling to pieces, all because he had stupidly assumed that bringing Edward Elric as his guest could result in anything less than disastrous.

And for once it wasn't the Fullmetal who had done things wrongly; he had only himself to blame. He was always the one reminding Edward to keep their relationship secret, and yet here he had practically dragged the blonde kicking and screaming (with Havoc's help) to the car. And after that, Ed had been entirely too peaceful. At least for him. Things had been going smoothly, but his desire to show off his exceptional subordinate and secret lover had overruled all traces of common sense.

Edward paused, golden eyes flicking to the source of sudden stillness spreading across the room. He swallowed thickly, noticing Roy wear his controlled mask to keep the dread from showing on his face; and across from him, one of the high-ranking officials who had been keeping tabs on Mustang and vouching for him throughout the propositions for promotions. It could only mean that something had backfired. And Ed had the odd niggling sensation in the back of his mind that this had something to do with him.

"Do not sass me, Colonel," the General ordered, swelling up.

The blonde set his drink down and rushed over to the cause of the silent commotion. "What's going on here?"

Roy laid a restraining hand on Ed's shoulder as he answered, "Nothing, Edward. The General and I just had a minor disagreement about what kinds of relationships are acceptable in the military nowadays."

The Fullmetal looked confused, though still angry and worried. "And…?"

"It was a mistake to bring you with me, Ed. I apologize." Roy inclined his head and steered his subordinate towards the exit. "You're free to leave. Don't give it another thought, all right?"

The turmoil of emotions on Ed's face twisted and grew. "Huh?"

The General behind them seethed, shaking. "He means he doesn't want you involved in his downfall, alchemist. But tell me, Fullmetal, has Colonel Mustang ever touched you…inappropriately?"

Edward growled. "What are you talking about? Of course not! I wouldn't let that bastard near me with a ten-foot pole!"

The audience in the room tittered a bit, but the General's raised hand silenced them all. "Ah, very well then. Mustang, you still spoke out-of-turn to a superior officer, so your promotion is hereby declined. But as no evidence stands that you ever sexually assaulted the Fullmetal Alchemist, I'm afraid we can't strip you of your current title."

A corner of Roy's mouth twitched, but he said nothing.

Neither alchemist remembered how they managed to escape the stares and whispers that followed them as they left the room in as dignified a manner as they could. Nobody tried to stop them; the General and other officials simply turned their backs.

-+-

"So, what did you mean with that ten-foot pole comment, Ed?" Roy asked, leaning down to murmur in the blonde's ear as they walked along the street.

Edward grinned rakishly up at him. "Of course I don't want you near me with a ten-foot pole, Mustang. That's ten feet of space between us that shouldn't be there, especially if I actually _want_ you touching me 'inappropriately'…"

Roy shook his head, bemused, as one gloved hand started to slide down Ed's chest. "Oh, really? Starting when?"

"Starting five minutes ago," answered the younger alchemist, a gasp slightly hitching in his throat. "You have a lot to make up to me, Mustang. I played your damn game of politics and I actually behaved. Now you owe me, you hear me?"

Roy laughed. Even though the night had gone horribly wrong towards the end, he supposed everything hadn't ended in _total_ disaster. After all, he still held his rank of Colonel and he still ended up with the usual permanent guest in his bed that night.


	63. Daydreams

"It has been brought to our attention that you've been, shall we say, _favoring_ the Fullmetal Alchemist, Colonel Mustang," scolded General Hakuro, frowning at his subordinate.

Roy Mustang visibly flinched; were the topic anything but Edward Elric, he would have had the control not to react. "How so?" he asked, feigning ignorance, or perhaps stupidity.

The older military official's face hardened dramatically. "Don't play dumb with me, Mustang. You let the Fullmetal on a long leash, and you don't reprimand him for all the damage he causes while on his missions. You let him run wild all over the country with a silver watch to flash to assure his certification and authority in any given place, when he should be more disciplined as befitting a State Alchemist. And he seems to favor civilians as compared to the military he belongs to; must I remind you of the incident in Youswell? Even as far back as his first mission, he has used the State for his own purposes and benefits. And you let him. You _encourage_ him."

The Flame Colonel waited a moment before he answered the accusations, gathering his thoughts. "I'd like to see you try to control Edward Elric," he shot back, all the while praying to the God he didn't believe in that the General wouldn't take his words literally. He didn't want to lose Edward. "He's a headstrong and confident teenage prodigy, General. His alchemic abilities surpass anybody's on base, and he has a strong sense of self. He would never compromise himself for the sake of the State, not if he didn't believe in it. I think it's a good experience for him to learn and grow as a person instead of being the military's lapdog; he has potential."

"And you're letting it go to waste by not gathering his talents specifically towards the military's projects!" Hakuro shouted. "You think we don't notice his exceptional abilities, Colonel? Are you trying to keep Elric as a secret weapon to use on your rise to the top? Are you going to flaunt him to the people if you ever become Fuhrer, saying, 'This alchemist has always served me; as you can tell by his reputation, and mine by extension, we've always had the Common Man's best interests at heart'? You won't get a chance, Mustang. You'll never reach such a position."

"Since when did this conference revolve around my military background and potential as compared to Fullmetal's?" Roy asked coolly, smartly raising an eyebrow.

Hakuro seethed inwardly; how dare the Flame mock him! He smirked on the outside, getting ready to play his trump card. "I see what you're doing now, Mustang. You're _protecting_ him from the military's supposed corruption, aren't you? You think you can do the boy a favor by not exposing him to confidential and deadly secrets and dangers that go on behind closed doors. You _love_ him."

Startled, Roy could only gawk in amazement at his commanding officer. How had Hakuro reached that conclusion? Were he and Edward not doing a good enough job of covering their tracks? Did the General know just how much he loved the Fullmetal Alchemist, and in what context? It always amazed Roy that he could love the younger Elric brother like the son he could never have, and the elder Elric with a passion of the most extreme contrast.

"I see," murmured the General, shaking his head sadly. "It's a shame when two of the State's best alchemists go down the drain. How terrible for both of you and your goals. The military has no use for those who go against orders and don't put the State as their number one priority. You're only lucky the Fuhrer himself hasn't caught wind of your traitorous habits."

Roy scowled. "And what you mean by that is…?"

"It's only a matter of time, Mustang." With the final warning, the General swept from the room, banging the door in his wake.

Sighing, Roy sat and slumped over his desk. It didn't seem as if the higher-ups knew of his and Ed's exact relationship, but he could never be sure when it came to them. Even if he made it a habit to stay on top of things. With Edward, though, it seemed more often as of late that he fall behind and end up on bottom.

Damn that golden-eyed prodigy.

-+-

"Colonel Bastard?" Ed forcefully hit the older alchemist on the shoulder, knocking him out of his stupor. "What the hell are you thinking about?"

Roy narrowed his eyes at the Fullmetal. "Nothing, just imagining what would happen if the State found out about us. I was reflecting, Edward, that's all."

The elder Elric shook his head in disbelief. "Why the hell would you think of something like _that_? I admit, I reflect and think about you a lot while I'm gone, but never about that."

"Oh?" asked Roy, intrigued.

"Yeah," Ed replied, frantically nodding before pulling his superior into a long, lasting kiss.

Gasping slightly, Roy pulled back and asked, "So that's what you daydream about while thinking about me? And to answer your question, I was imagining that specific scenario to be angry at you; I wanted to blame you for making me feel this way and putting my priorities in jeopardy. I missed you, and I thought anger would tide me over until I saw you again."

The blonde tilted his head in confusion. "You never fail to amaze me with your stupidity, Mustang. And to answer _your_ question, no, that's not what I 'daydream' about. It usually goes a _lot_ further than this," he invited suggestively, his voice turning husky towards the end.

Roy blinked before a smug look came over his face. "I think I prefer your imaginings, Edward."

"Yeah, me too."

"I am just _that_ good to make you long for me while you're gone."

Edward glared, shouting, "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE DOESN'T LEAVE A LASTING IMPACT ON YOU AFTER SEX?"


	64. Kitchen Appliances

Roy stepped carefully into his kitchen, dismayed to see the table and counter-tops littered with chocolate-stained cups and open packages of food spilling onto the floor. There could be only one person responsible. "Edward!" he yelled, tripping over a box of thick straws. "What is the meaning of this mess?"

The aforementioned culprit bounded into the room, holding onto a Styrofoam cup with suspicious brown markings decorating the inside. "Yeah, Mustang?" he asked, slurping more of the milky brown substance into his mouth.

The Flame raised an eyebrow at the mess. "What the hell did you do to my kitchen?"

"Oh, that," Ed remarked flippantly, flicking his wrist at the clutter. "I was making myself chocolate milkshakes."

Mustang frowned. "And you couldn't clean up after yourself?"

Snatching a roll of paper towels, the blonde chucked it at Roy. "I cleaned up after myself," he snarled. "Don't assume things, bastard."

On reflex, the older alchemist caught the roll of paper towels in one hand. "I'm not assuming anything, Ed. _Look_ at my kitchen. Does it look clean to you?"

Ed glanced around the room, shrugging. "I cleaned the important stuff. And besides, I just kept making myself more milkshakes. I didn't have time to pick up every single little thing between times. Because after I made it, I wanted to drink it. And after I drank it, I wanted to make another. And that's how I spent my afternoon."

Roy only shook his head, bemused, and still a bit ticked. "Sounds fun," he remarked dryly, bending down to toss a cardboard box in the trash. "Hey, Ed. You do realize you spent an entire afternoon drinking _milk_ shakes?"

The blonde let a superior grin show on his face. "That's not gonna work, Mustang. It's like stew; milk by itself is disgusting, but when it's used as a small part in other foods, it's actually tolerable."

"It's not a _small_ ingredient in milkshakes, Edward," Roy countered, inwardly smirking. Ed set himself up so _easily_.

"WHO ARE CALLING SO TINY HE COULDN'T BE FOUND DROWNING IN A THICK DROP OF CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE THAT'S FALLEN INTO THE BLENDER BUT BECAUSE I'M SO TINY I WOULDN'T GET HURT AT ALL AND THAT IT WOULD TAKE A MILLENIA FOR ME TO SWIRL AROUND IN THE BLENDER BECAUSE I'M SO UNDENIABLY SMALL?" Ed raged, fists clenched due to the insinuated jab at his height.

The Flame only sighed good-naturedly, continuing to tidy up his kitchen. "Come on, Ed, I never said that," he felt inclined to point out. But it was never any use; Ed insisted on believing that any 'small' comment was directed entirely at him. Of course, with Roy Mustang, that was often the case.

A mere ten minutes later, Roy's kitchen was nearly spotless again. "Ed? You have enough ingredients to make one last chocolate milkshake. I don't really want you hyped up, and I really can't see how you can _stand_ cold, sugary goop in mass amounts, but I can't really control your preferences."

"Of course I don't stand it, Mustang. I stand _for_ it."

When Roy looked sharply at Ed, the blonde had an innocent smile adorning his face. "What? I stand for it, like, stand up for it? Against anti-milkshake spoilsports like you."

"Forgive me, but I thought you were implying something completely different," Roy mumbled, turning the blender on to mix the milkshake for his boyfriend.

Edward gasped then, walking stiffly towards the other. "No, the blender is what you're thinking of, then."

Roy stared quizzically at the Fullmetal, tilting his head as he noticed a blush start to spread across the blonde's face. "Ah, I see now what you meant by cleaning up after yourself. Tut tut, Ed, could you not wait for me to get things started?"

The blonde's blush deepened. "Well, well…you can't talk!" he shouted suddenly, pointing an accusing finger at the Colonel. "I know about you and your tuna cans! A can opener, Mustang? Real smart kink, right there," he ended sarcastically. "At least chocolate makes sense."

"I thought you said it was all in the whirring of the blender," Roy said smoothly, turning his back to Ed's sputtering face.

"And it's the sound of a can opener for you!" Ed offset, voice high with the accusations.

Roy chuckled then, turning the blender off and handing the blonde his milkshake. "Who would have thought such famous alchemists as ourselves would get so worked up over kitchen appliances?"


	65. Bees

"Alphonse!" the elder Elric called, seeming distraught about one thing or another.

The younger Elric brother rushed into the main room of the military dorm that served as their living quarters in Central. He wrung his hands together anxiously, words spewing from his mouth in response to his brother's clearly distressed mood. "Brother! What's wrong? Did something happen? You sound upset. Can I do anything for you?"

Edward looked a bit perplexed, and still a bit frazzled. "Have a seat, Al," he instructed, more like requested (because he never threw around orders where his brother was concerned), and sank into a seat himself. Al complied, tilting his head as his older brother floundered for words. "It's about time we had a serious discussion about something very important," the Fullmetal began, swallowing thickly.

Alphonse shifted, fearing something tremendous and wrong had happened. "Okay. Talk to me, Brother. Tell me what's bothering you."

"There's such a thing called the Birds and the Bees," Ed said, testing the waters as he eyed his brother's posture. Al would have choked and blushed had he been able; still, Ed could almost swear he saw a blush blooming brightly on his younger brother's armored helmet that served as his head.

"Brother, I'm almost fifteen years old!" Al protested, waving his arms about. "I don't think _you_ , of all people, need to give me _The Talk_. I, er, know enough…not to be ignorant. I don't need to know the details of sex, okay?" His overall shy nature took over at the end, making the _word_ barely audible.

Ed shook his head, blond braid almost whipping him in the face. "No, that's not it," he said, blushing heavily. "It's just, uh, that I needed to tell you…it doesn't always have to be a bird and a bee, you follow?"

Al only stared at his brother in obvious confusion. "Brother?"

"It could be two birds…or two bees," Ed taught, mumbling towards the end. "I mean, how do they even work the logistics of a bird and a bee together in _that way_ , anyway? Do they expect to get some beastly chimera hybrid of the two? I mean, even a hummingbird, which is closer in scale to the bee, still wouldn't bring about the proper results, but…I'm getting off track here, Al." He fidgeted awkwardly, daring to look his brother in the glowing eye-sockets of the armor.

The younger Elric shifted uneasily, chuckling a bit as Ed went off on a scientific tangent. That was just like his big brother, still finding his footing in all aspects of life except where science, more specifically alchemy, was involved. "Er, you lost me, Brother," he interrupted.

Taking a deep breath, the blond plunged onwards. "See, Al, the bees represent the entirety of the male population. And the birds are all female. Got it so far?" At Al's nod of dawning understanding, he continued, "So what I'm saying is that…sexually speaking, it can involve two bees." Though also uncomfortable with the topic, Ed was bold, forcing the words past his lips loud and clear in the small room.

"Why bees?" Alphonse asked, referring to the gender they represented.

"Stingers," Ed answered, in all seriousness.

Al could only stare.

-+-

"I enlightened my brother to the possibility of same-sex relationships," Ed remarked, perching himself on his Colonel's desk.

Roy Mustang shook his head bemusedly. "Alphonse is sharper than you give him credit for, Edward. I'm quite sure he was aware of the possibilities before you brought it up with him."

Ed growled, golden eyes flashing. "But he never associated such a thing with _me_ , Mustang."

"You mean the two of us," Roy corrected smoothly.

The blonde shook his head. "No, I never mentioned your name. I, ah, didn't exactly tell him I was one of the bees…"

"One of the _bees_?" the Flame asked, hinting for explanations.

The Fullmetal snorted in response. "Yeah. I explained the concept by modifying the Birds and the Bees Talk. I changed it to the Bees and the Bees Talk."

Mustang let out a genuine laugh, eyes glinting with amusement. "Only you, Edward."

The blond teenager sat up straighter on the desk before slipping into Roy's lap, which was much more comfy in his opinion. Ed leaned upwards just a tad to capture Roy's lips with his, cutting off any impending protests to the new seating arrangement.

Both alchemists jerked when the door swung open to reveal a large suit of armor. The youngest alchemist standing in the doorway gave them a glance-over; his elder brother sitting in Colonel Mustang's lap, faces undeniably close, saliva strung between their lips. Ed's talk with him. It clicked.

"So, stingers?" he asked wryly, piecing everything together.

"…Yeah."

-+-

"So, Ed, how much counseling do you think your younger brother will have to undergo to escape all the mental scarring and emotional trauma you've so mercilessly inflicted upon him?" Roy asked once the door had closed behind the younger Elric.

The blonde fidgeted angrily in his lap, his right hand forming a metal fist near a specific part of Roy's anatomy. "You know, Mustang," he said, a bit too sweetly, "steel fingers can crush your stinger."


	66. Taking the Heat

"And furthermore," Brigadier General Gran ranted, "since you've been in the military, you've cost us nothing but millions of sens for repair work in nearly every city you've visited! You have no respect for higher-ranking officers, and you attract trouble like a magnet! You, Fullmetal, are the worst damn soldier I've ever had the misfortune to come across." He stopped lecturing, sneering at the younger State Alchemist as he towered menacingly over the blonde.

Edward growled, fists shaking. He might not generally respect his superiors in the military, but he knew better than to cause trouble involving certain important figureheads. He'd had enough run-ins with Gran to realize and understand just how hellish the older alchemist could make his life. "Sir," he forced out through gritted teeth, mentally coaching himself to relax.

Before he could retaliate and explain his latest mishap, he was interrupted by another voice smoothly cutting into the conversation - "Brigadier General, might I inquire as to the problem you're having with my direct subordinate? Surely any complaint you have against Fullmetal could go through the proper channels. I'd be happy to discuss Elric's record with you if you so desire, but until then, I'm afraid I'd have to ask you not to bother Fullmetal. He reports directly to me; I have a lot of practice in dealing with his tantrums. Please leave any potential punishment in my hands."

Both Edward and Basque Gran gaped at the Colonel, Ed shocked and Gran outrageously appalled at Mustang's cheek. He outranked Mustang; the Flame had no right to question his authority. If he had a problem with the Fullmetal Alchemist, then he was going to take it up with the Fullmetal Alchemist and only the Fullmetal Alchemist. Now, however, Gran had a problem with two lesser-ranking State Alchemists.

"Excuse me, Colonel?" the Brigadier General spat harshly, glaring at the Flame. "Are you telling me how to do my job? As the Fuhrer's Second-In-Command, I have a lot of top-priority duties to attend to. Let me do _my_ job, and why don't you take a leaf out of my book and go do yours? It's a pity such talents come fully-equipped with attitude," he finished gruffly, eyeing both the Fullmetal and Flame.

Roy Mustang opened his mouth, and then closed it again, swallowing down an automatic retort. He knew he had crossed the forbidden line when he interfered, but, as always, his decisions involving Edward Elric were clearly hardly thought-out. Sensing Fullmetal's predicament, he had subconsciously thrown himself between his own superior and subordinate, intent on emotionally shielding the blonde from the General's harsh blows. Not that Edward needed shielding, but Roy often found himself doing it anyway, more for his own peace of mind than for Ed. "Forgive the insubordination, Sir," he apologized in a strict tone, bowing deeply.

The Brigadier General snorted. Edward still looked shell-shocked, the expression on his face purely comical.

Roy sighed, tilting his head at Fullmetal. "Sir," he said again, albeit this time a bit hesitantly, "Ed - Fullmetal doesn't mean to cause so much collateral damage on his missions. He's just very impulsive, and he doesn't quite think things through. He's still young, and he's not used to following orders. If anything, the blame should lie on my shoulders, as I'm his commanding officer. I should have done a better job training and preparing him." He didn't add that that was exactly what he loved about Ed; Gran didn't need to know that.

Gran peered at him speculatively for a long moment before shrugging, resigned. "Have it your way, Colonel. You've always been one to question orders, haven't you? And each time you try to go against the military you serve, it only ends up backfiring. You've consciously let this boy on a loose leash during his service, knowing full well his penchant for mayhem. You've purposefully ignored his shortcomings; you've never enforced any kind of military code on him, as befitting a State Alchemist of his status. Fullmetal doesn't even wear the regulatory uniform! You're right in that your influence has encouraged Fullmetal's bad habits, and that alone condemns you, Mustang."

The Colonel mentally gulped; he hadn't meant for things to go quite so far. So he stayed silent, aware that opening his mouth further would only dig him into a deeper hole. Oh, the things he went through for Ed! And, he bet, the angry little pipsqueak wouldn't even be thankful. But that was just Edward Elric's way, and Roy knew better than to expect otherwise.

It was about this time that Ed shook himself from his stupor. If circumstances weren't quite so dire, he would have said something along the lines of, "Yeah, it's all that bastard Colonel's fault! Punish him, he deserves it more than anyone!" As things stood, however, he knew it was too serious a situation to joke like that. Gran did not have a sense of humor, unless he got his thrills from his sadistic nature. "It's not Mustang's fault I blew up that building," he said softly, gaining both men's attention. "I followed my own judgment. The Colonel had nothing to do with it. Like I even have time on my missions to be thinking of him and his snide remarks!"

Roy frowned at that last bit; true as it may be, he didn't want Gran to think him an unfit officer. Not that the Brigadier General could talk, but he, at least, had enough power to sway the military court. "Fullmetal," Mustang interjected warningly, sure the message carried through. Ed was very perceptive.

The blonde nodded ever so slightly, willing the blush to leave his face. The truth was that he did spend time thinking of Mustang and his snide remarks, quite a lot of time, actually. He squirmed, barely noticeable, at the direction his thoughts were leading him. Said man had put himself on the line to save Ed from a possible court-martial, and all Ed could do was think of how he constantly thought of the Colonel on his missions.

The Iron-Blood Alchemist leered at them both before turning to stomp away. "I have other things to do, important things that don't involve you two wannabe-soldiers. Learn some damned respect and know that next time, I won't be so lenient."

-+-

In the safety and privacy of Roy's office, Ed stared at the Colonel, trying to figure something out. "Hey, Mustang. Why did you step in and take the heat from Gran? I was doing just fine before you showed up. I don't need you to protect me."

Shrugging, Roy let himself slide into the chair behind his desk. "I'm the Flame Alchemist; I guess I just attract heat," he answered, smiling roguishly.

"…That was the worst pun I think I've ever heard."

Roy didn't bother to respond to that as he tilted his chair back and stared at the ceiling for a long moment. He paused, turning to Ed with a serious expression on his face, before he answered for real. "You see, Ed, sometimes people don't need a reason to protect the ones they care about."

Predictably, Ed flushed and flailed his arms about. "WHAT!" After a few minutes of being flustered, he calmed down enough to ask softly, "Why?"

"It's just one of those things that can't be explained, Edward. But, even if you don't want me there, I'll still step in to help you with your burdens. It's the least I can do," Roy continued in a low voice.

"You have gotten ridiculously sappy," observed Ed, raising an eyebrow. "Any special reason for this change in character?"

Smiling secretively, Roy snorted and shook his head. "Nothing you need to concern yourself with, Edward. At least not for the time-being."

Ed glared at the Colonel, childishly stomping his foot in frustration. "Oh, I get it. You can come unbidden into my life, but I can't butt into your personal affairs?"

"That's about the gist of it," Mustang answered, a superior smirk replacing the smile.

The blonde growled deep in his throat. "And why's that? That's not equivalent exchange!" He just wanted to pound that smirk off Mustang's face; was that so much to ask?

"Because my affairs are too complicated for someone of your status," Roy remarked smoothly, waiting for the eruption that was Edward Elric. He was certainly used to taking the heat, if only from the Fullmetal's constant tantrums.

Fighting a losing battle, Ed finally burst out with, "WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN AIR MOLECULE THAT'S SMALL ENOUGH TO FIT THROUGH THE EYE OF A NEEDLE AND BECOME ENTANGLED IN A SPOOL OF THREAD?"


	67. Sun

"Get up, you lazy bastard!" Ed yelled, kicking the bedroom door open with a loud bang. "It's two in the afternoon and you're still snoozing away. That's pathetic; now get your ass out of bed!" he continued in a loud voice as he shook the bed, hoping to rouse a sleepy Mustang.

His boyfriend groaned and snuggled deeper under the covers, pulling Ed's spare pillow over his ears. "Shut up. It's way too early for this, Ed."

The blonde smirked. "What's the matter, old man? Couldn't keep up? Did I tire you out last night?"

Roy Mustang emerged from underneath the blankets to glare at his younger companion. "Shut. Up."

Edward grinned, shaking his head bemusedly. "Ah, the truth hurts. But Roy, you have to get up. Just because it's a weekend doesn't mean you can sleep in _this_ late! You see that thing outside, hanging in the sky? Big important source of light and heat? Something so important that people's lives revolve around its position? Bright, golden, hot? Center of the universe? Yeah, that's called the sun. It shines during the _daytime_. So just get up already!"

A quick, defiant arm shot out to grab the younger alchemist by the waist and tug him onto the bed. There was a brief scuffle, ending only after Roy half-draped himself across Ed's side and chest, pinning him to the mattress. Burying his face into the curve of his younger lover's throat, he settled in comfortably for an uninterrupted sleep. "When the sun rises, then I'll get up," Roy promised groggily against Ed's throat. "But 'til then…g'night, Ed."

A moment later, understanding dawned in twin suns; a deep flush of realization settled on the blonde's cheeks as he focused intently on the early afternoon sunbeams slanting through the bedroom window.


	68. Inspection

Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye glanced at the closed door to Colonel Mustang's office, eyeing the important notice on her desk. Knowing the Flame as she did, it was entirely possible that he disregarded the message, choosing instead to concentrate on more interesting matters on his desk. Said interesting matters concerning a very noisy, temperamental, and arousing blonde known as Edward Elric.

The military leaflet was issued to remind all the officers at Central Headquarters that it was time for inspection. The notice was a heads-up, a warning to be prepared. Thanks to Hawkeye's trusty pistol, Mustang's office crew was in tip-top condition. Paperwork completed, duties fulfilled. No, it wasn't the office that troubled the Lieutenant. Rather, it was the man in charge of said office who was cause for worry.

Mainly because of his infatuation with the Fullmetal Alchemist.

Riza didn't know what to expect should the inspector come by sooner than anticipated. It was likely that Roy didn't even realize an inspection was coming up, which meant he could ruin things. Badly. Just as she was about to resolutely knock on the door, thereby giving two alchemists a few seconds to touch up on their decency, another knock sounded from behind her.

The sound reverberated from the hallway leading to the Colonel's station at Headquarters.

Sighing, Riza turned to let the inspector in, wondering where the rest of the Colonel's subordinates were hiding. They were probably somewhere on base, trying to slack off. If it was any normal day, the gun-toting Lieutenant would have rounded them up and "persuaded" them to complete their work. Today, however, there was an inspection to be dealt with.

"Good morning, Sir," Hawkeye greeted, saluting sharply. Form and mannerisms definitely counted in a military environment, which was why the Lieutenant was worried about the Colonel. And his performance. It was true that the man was a born politician, and that he could match wills with the best of them, but Riza doubted Roy could pull it off, given his Fullmetal-induced stupor.

The inspector nodded, stepping into the main office and surveying the room.

"Most of my co-workers took an early lunch break," the Lieutenant informed, cringing inwardly. Where were they when she needed their support?

"That's fine. I can observe their performances after I take note of the office. Would you care to show me around, Lieutenant?" the inspector asked, noticing the markings on her uniform that identified her rank.

Nodding, Hawkeye started the "tour." She pointed out the printers and copy machines, the "in" and "out" trays for paperwork, and various other things decorating the office. "Colonel Mustang's staff is known for efficiency; we manage to keep our performances stellar by following our own system and fulfilling our duties. Whether in the office or on the field, we try our hardest. And we have our commanding officer to thank for inspiring us to do our best," she explained.

"Everything seems to be neat and orderly," acknowledged the inspector, nodding approvingly. "Is your superior officer in at the moment, Lieutenant? I'd like to speak with him, seeing as how he _is_ the head of this office."

The Flame and Fullmetal chose that exact moment to stumble out of the Colonel's private office, frantically kissing and clawing at each other with seemingly animalistic, raw hunger.

"…And that would be the officer in charge around here groping his underage, male subordinate. Now, if you'd look to your right, you'll see the filing cabinet where we…" Hawkeye continued the tour of the office, pointing out the rest of the common, everyday things while cleanly ignoring how the inspector's gaze stayed locked on the deeply involved State Alchemists.

-+-

Blooper

-+-

"…And that would be the officer in charge around here groping his underage, male subordinate," Hawkeye pointed out to the new transfer, a young female soldier. "Are there any questions?" Riza asked, indicating the tour of the office.

"Yeah," the girl breathed in awe. "Why wasn't I transferred to this unit earlier?"


	69. Newspaper

"And tell me why I should let you in my house, Edward Elric! Not only do you ignore every single one of my teachings, but you take it a step further and _sleep with_ your commanding officer!" screamed Izumi Curtis, throwing insults and punches alike.

Al shivered, even though it was not him their teacher's anger was directed towards. He always feared for his brother's health, but interfere he would not. He hadn't lost _all_ traces of common sense, thank you very much. He knew never to go against Izumi Curtis. Ever.

"Where did you ever hear something so preposterous?" Ed shrieked back, trying to dodge his teacher's fists as best he could.

"Where else? The only place I ever receive news of my shameful students. The newspaper. You never bother to write or visit, so I have to rely solely on public print to learn of your misadventures. I'd thought you were disappointment enough when you became a State Alchemist, but," she seethed, cheeks red with anger, "never would I have thought that you'd try to sleep your way to the top."

The young blonde grimaced. "WHAT?" The Fullmetal shook, both with restrained anger (because he knew better than to ever lay a hand on Izumi) and fear (because his teacher always inspired such fright within him). "I don't care about promotions, Teacher. All I care about is access to Central's First Branch, so I can look for ways to fix Al!"

"Apparently, you _care_ about a certain Colonel Mustang, if the newspaper clippings are right," she retorted, standing tall to tower over her student. Ed's height was always such a sensitive topic, but Izumi felt no qualms about stooping low.

Edward frowned. "Why would you believe the newspaper, Teacher? You know they exaggerate. The Colonel took me out to lunch; he treats all his subordinates every once in a while! That part is true, but nothing else. I did not, and I repeat, did _not_ , go back to his house and grace his bed! That's disgusting! The mere thought sickens me! You should know better than to listen to rumors and scandals in the paper; they're always blown way out of proportion!"

Izumi's glare softened. "You've never kissed him?" A quick shake of the head confirmed the boy's earlier answer. "You've never let him take advantage of you sexually?" That was Izumi, not shy at all and blunt to the core.

The blonde blushed deeply, fidgeting on the doorstep of the butcher's shop.

The older alchemist took pity on him and sighed. "All right, Edward. I'm still not happy with you. After all, you did join the military, and we won't even get into the incident that prompted that…but if you swear you're innocent…" She stood aside, allowing him passage into the shop. "I'll tell Sig that we'll be having two guests for dinner. Two family members visiting home."

Alphonse let out a sigh of relief, or the closest thing to it in his state.

Edward let a small smile slip onto his face as he ducked under Izumi's arm, all the while mentally cheering the fact that he had to _duck under_ her elbow to access the room inside. He wasn't short, ha! "The newspaper doesn't get all the facts straight," he informed Al once Izumi had left to find her husband.

The younger Elric waited for Ed to continue.

"For instance, we didn't go to Roy's house, we went back to his empty office. I haven't kissed him, but I've let him kiss me. And if I happen to get involved when things get a bit heated, then who am I to blame? And I take sexual advantage of _him_ …though that contradicts itself...I'm very creative..." he answered, rubbing his hands together evilly.

Al mentally choked on air. "Nii-san," he whined, his soul feeling a little warm from the direction of this conversation.

"Don't worry, Al. Edward will be spending the night in the alleyways with the leftover meat bones." It appeared that the elder Elric was not so discreet when bragging about his actual endeavors with a certain Flame Alchemist.

And as Ed shivered behind the butcher's shop, he reminded himself never to bring Roy Mustang to Dublith.


	70. Decency

"Argh…dammit!" The shriek of pain echoed throughout the house, a sudden stillness following the exclamation for only an instant. The silence was disturbed by a sudden crashing sound, possibly that of a lamp falling over, before the door to the study banged open.

The elder Elric stuck his head into the room, peering about for any signs of danger. "What's going on? Roy? Mustang, answer me, you idiot!"

A low moan sounded from behind a couch, prompting further investigation. Though it was a moan, it wasn't the kind that the teen sought to pull from the older alchemist in certain intimate situations; this groan clearly reflected agony, not pleasure. It was a few seconds before the blonde's nostrils picked up on the horrid stench of burning flesh. Nor was it hard, by this point, to understand just what exactly had transpired.

Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist, had burned himself when his alchemy backfired on him, quite literally.

"I miscalculated," the dark-haired man grunted, gloved hands clutching the charred remains of his military pants to his burned thighs. "I was trying to practice my alchemy, but my aim was off. I was holding my hand over my lap, and instead of shooting outwards, the flames shot _downwards._ "

Edward stared at him for a long, awkward moment. Before letting a chuckle escape his lips. "You singed yourself with your own alchemy!" he roared, forgetting about the pain his lover was suffering thanks to licks of fire. "At least," he laughed, "the fire didn't go _straight_ downwards to the _center_ of your lap. Otherwise, I'd be pissed." Judging by the uproarious laughter, though, Ed found the situation entirely amusing.

Roy, on the other hand, did not. "Ed," he barked, covering himself with his hands and some torched scraps of cloth. "Shut up and clean the wound, all right? These are pretty serious burns."

The younger alchemist only laughed harder. Waving a hand flippantly in the air, he went about fetching some creams to heal the man with the burned legs. "Serves you right," he snorted, "for doing alchemy when you're not supposed to. What happened to depth perception?"

The Flame let a scowl cross his face, half of the expression obscured thanks to the wide eye-patch that covered a good portion of his face; his fight with Archer had left him scarred, and cost him his eye. "I wasn't going to let my…new limitations…deter me from my alchemic talent, Edward," he bit out crossly.

Relenting with a sigh, Ed took pity on his companion and finished treating the burns. They were well-stocked with medical supplies since there was always a possibility of severe burns; the burns came with the whole "fire alchemy" package. They were inevitable; it was just that neither alchemist expected this particular scenario to come into play. For one thing, Roy was well-practiced with his talent. He had always had tremendous control over the oxygen in the air, and also the fire that sprouted from his fingertips with a mere snap. For another, out of all the available options that could happen if Roy was to mess up, it was mere luck that the flames struck just below a certain essential part of Roy's body. One both he, and Ed, wanted very much intact.

-+-

It was sometime later, once Roy had been safely moved to rest in the main bedroom, that a thought struck the older alchemist. "With my legs so badly burned, I can't possibly wear the military uniform for work for a few days! Ah, it's so tragic, but I think the only solution is for me to stay home from work…after all, I can't go into Headquarters without my pants on. Hawkeye and her stacks of paperwork will simply have to suffer without me for a few days," he sighed in mock depression, letting a pleased smile worm onto his face.

"I'm not so sure about that," Ed remarked, leaning against the doorway. "Slacker," he mumbled, inwardly triumphing at Roy's guilty expression.

The burned Colonel stared at him with a raised eyebrow. Even while confined to a bed, he still managed to make himself the superior presence.

Ed cringed and shook off the feeling, letting the annoyance seep into his tone. "It's true your legs need air to heal, but that doesn't give you the right to skip work. I agree that you can't wear your usual pants, but that doesn't mean…" he trailed off, an evil gleam in his eye.

"…What? Edward Elric, you're planning something. Something evil. Just what are you implying - oh no. _No._ I _refuse_!"

The blonde let out a sardonic chuckle. "Come on, Mustang. It's the only way. Like you said, the Lieutenant would be absolutely devastated if you didn't show up to attend to your duties, and you don't want to disappoint her, do you?"

Roy didn't respond.

"Think of it as a cruel twist of fate," Edward continued. "After all, if you want to pass the rule once you're Fuhrer, you should test the waters yourself. It's only fair. A leader should always experience what his underlings have to, so as to understand the people he's leading."

Roy still didn't respond.

Sighing in exasperation, Ed played his trump card. "If you don't wear a damned miniskirt, I'll make sure you and Hawkeye's gun get very well acquainted."

Roy decided to wear the miniskirt.

-+-

"You promised you'd wear it!" Ed howled, stomping his automail foot outside the bathroom. "We're going to be late if you don't hurry up, bastard! Just put on the damn skirt!" he ordered.

There were some shuffling noises on the other side of the door, then a resounding, " _No_."

Fed up and true to his word, Edward dialed the number of a certain gun-wielding Lieutenant.

"Sir, forgive the insubordination, but if you do not come out of that bathroom wearing that skirt, I will shoot the hinges off this door and then come in after you," Riza threatened, the hard edge to her voice proving the seriousness of her words.

Edward applauded nearby.

Roy sulkily emerged from the bathroom with the miniskirt fastened around his hips.

The blond Lieutenant nodded approvingly, being very careful to keep her eyes averted to the upper part of the Colonel's body. "I'm sorry about your injuries, Sir, but wearing the skirt solves the tremendous problem of you not showing up for work. This way, you can continue your duties. Edward really proved his genius. Come now, the car is parked outside."

Mustang shot the elder Elric a withering look; Ed only waved happily in response. Nothing cheered Ed up like witnessing the Colonel's public humiliation. Well, maybe private humiliation behind closed doors, but seeing the infamous Mustang wearing the much-feared "miniskirt uniform" was truly a sight to behold.

The skirt was blue to match his military jacket, seeming to fit the regulatory uniform's completed look. The Flame wondered idly if Ed had just transmuted some of his non-damaged military pants into a skirt. And since it was Edward Elric who was behind the makings of the miniskirt, it proved to be as embarrassingly short as possible. To be sure, it covered what it was supposed to, but only barely. And though Ed would normally be frothing at the mouth at seeing so much exposed skin, the burns really were a turn-off.

-+-

The Colonel felt truly blessed that none of his superior officers were in the hallways when he arrived. Of course, he got many a weird look from lesser-ranking soldiers, but that didn't concern him at the moment. He was only glad Hakuro, Gran, or worst yet, Bradley, couldn't see his shame.

Word got around fast at Headquarters, but not fast enough to pin him down before he reached the safety of his own quarters.

Havoc's cigarette fell from his lips as guffaws of laughter greeted the Colonel's entrance.

Maybe he wasn't so safe in his own office.

Havoc, Fuery, Falman, and Breda all crowded around Mustang's desk like over-excited puppies. Hawkeye shook her head, allowing them their moment of fun. It wasn't often one had the privilege, or misfortune, to view the legendary Flame Alchemist, Colonel Mustang, in a miniskirt. She just couldn't deny them that chance, even as Roy dearly wished for her usual interference.

"Some dogs of the military you're turning out to be," Ed grumbled, though there seemed to be a certain sparkle to him today. Just not nearly as overpowering as Armstrong's sparkles.

The blond Second-Lieutenant only waved at the Fullmetal to quiet him. "Shush, Boss. What'd you have to do to make him wear this scrap of fabric?"

Ed was about to answer when Fuery burst out, "S-Sir! Those burns look painful. Are you hurt?"

Roy was grateful that someone cared enough to inquire about his injuries, and not his state of dress. "My legs feel a bit better today, Fuery, thank you," he said, nodding his appreciation.

"Oh good, because otherwise we'd have to undergo the torment of seeing you in that skirt even longer," Fuery said, sighing his relief.

Maybe Roy wasn't so grateful.

-+-

As he was dawdling behind his desk, his door burst open and an entourage of foot soldiers marched inside. Thinking it oddly similar to a previous scene, obsidian eyes located Armstrong and Hughes standing at the end of the line. And, like before, Gran stepped forward before allowing the Fuhrer passage.

"There are rumors all over Headquarters, Colonel Mustang. I'm not sure if you've realized this yet, but here in the military, we care a little about decency. Keep your unclothed person at home, otherwise don't bother coming here."

Roy shot Edward, who was always in his room, an "I-told-you-so" look. Ed merely shrugged, watching the entertainment.

Fumbling for words, Roy retold the story of how he had landed in this predicament. "It's all Fullmetal's fault," he finished finally. Famous last words.

Sneering, Gran left the room with disgust, taking his soldiers with him. Bradley just shook his head and mumbled about the state of his military. Only Armstrong and Hughes stayed behind, the latter grinning like a maniac as he fished out his camera.

"Such a sight will never be seen again, so I have to capture the moment on film!" Maes exclaimed excitedly, rapidly clicking the button on his treasured picture-taking device. Again, Ed stifled a laugh.

Armstrong, with tears running down his cheeks, boomed, "Such a tragic tale of trial and error! The art of wearing miniskirts has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!" The teen's laughter halted as a sickly shade of green came over his face.

Roy sighed, looking at his gloves carefully. Armstrong was a pretty big target, so even with his restrictions, he couldn't miss. Holding his hand out, fingers in snapping position, he never got a chance to try; Hughes noticed and dragged Armstrong to some haven within Headquarter walls. He left Edward to fend for himself.

Just as the door banged shut behind the two retreating soldiers, Alphonse poked his armored head inside the office. "Brother, is it true that the Colonel's wearing a miniskirt?" The question came out rushed, in both an eager and "don't-kill-me" tone of voice.

"OUT!" the Flame thundered, at his wit's end from his eventful morning. "No, I am not wearing a damned miniskirt! _I'm not_!" he screamed, tugging the offending fabric from around his waist. "See? I'M NOT WEARING A MINISKIRT. NEVER. AGAIN." He pointed an accusing finger at his lover, who just stared at him in bewilderment and a tad bit of lust from the strip-show.

A blush bloomed across Al's cheeks and he hurriedly slammed the door shut, mentally shaking at the sight of his brother's lover…revealed. A miniskirt gave even the smallest sense, if even a mocking edge, of decency.

With Roy Mustang, said decency didn't last long at all.

And as Ed learned very well over the next few days, Roy's alchemy hit every intended target. He would know.


	71. Body Wash

"But…you'd smell like strawberries!" Roy reasoned, not understanding why the blonde was struggling so hard in his arms.

Edward glowered, protesting in a rather loud voice, "But what if I don't _wanna_ smell like strawberries?" Flailing arms whacked Roy in the head, the metal hand almost leaving a small dent in his skull from the impact. "You just want to treat me like you would a _girl_!"

Roy shook his head, hoping he wasn't that transparent. It was true that, since he'd given up women for one Edward Elric, he no longer got to - secretly - enjoy the lovey-dovey things his dates oftentimes suggested. Ed was just always so difficult. Bathing together was one thing, bubble baths were pushing it, but Ed absolutely refused to sit in a bathtub with strawberry milkmaid body wash.

Not that _Roy_ wanted to indulge in such a bath, he only wanted _Edward_ to endure such torture. Because then, while snuggling, Ed's skin would feel silky smooth and smell like strawberries. And Roy was the one who benefited most from the situation.

That is, if said situation would actually occur.

"Come on, Ed," he tried again. "It won't take that long and then -"

Edward's shaking increased. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO TINY THAT A MERE BUBBLE COULD CLEANSE HIM BECAUSE HE'D BE SMALLER THAN A STRAWBERRY SEED, LIKE THE STRAWBERRIES YOU WANT ME TO SMELL LIKE BUT BECAUSE I'M SO SMALL YOU WOULDN'T SMELL THE STRAWBERRIES UNLESS YOU DUMPED THE WHOLE BOTTLE OF BODY WASH ON ME AND DROWNED ME IN STRAWBERRY MILKMAID BODY WASH?"

Sighing, the older alchemist simply dumped the wriggling blonde, still clothed, into the ready-made bathtub. "Good luck getting the strawberry smell out of your clothes, short stuff."

Before Ed could seethe at the indignity, the Flame had left the room and locked the door behind him. Sitting sopping in the lukewarm water, the strawberry body wash drifted over to the wet alchemist and swirled around the part of Ed's body that was submerged in the bathtub.


	72. Concert

"I can't see!" Ed shouted, getting jostled by the crowd forming a mosh-pit around him and Roy. He angrily jerked his elbow at someone who pushed him, knocking that person into others in the background. The blonde wanted to get up close to the stage, this being his very first rock concert. Roy had, reluctantly, agreed to accompany Edward, claiming it was for the youth's protection.

There was no way Mustang would let Edward Elric run about, unsupervised, at a rock concert.

Shoes and bottles randomly flew through the air, occasionally landing on someone's head. Though amusing to watch, the overall environment wasn't something Roy found himself drawn to. Being surrounded by loud, overenthusiastic teenagers "doing the wave" and "dancing" to earsplitting music, that supposedly went along with words he couldn't understand wasn't Roy Mustang's perfect idea of a night out. But Edward had insisted.

Roy did not think there could be anything louder than Edward Elric. He was wrong. "WHAT?" he screamed back, also finding it difficult to stay by Ed's side.

"I said," Edward repeated, this time yelling directly into Roy's ear, "that I CAN'T SEE THE BAND MEMBERS!" Apparently, _hearing_ them wasn't enough. Sighing and wishing, not for the first time, that the night was over, the older alchemist hefted Edward onto his shoulders so the blonde might finally see.

Unfortunately, this was not the result Ed wanted. Almost predictably, he raged, thinking it an implied insult to his height. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALL ENOUGH TO BE HIDDEN BEHIND A PUNK'S MOHAWK?"

The rock band stopped playing, the entire arena turning to stare at Ed's outburst. Roy wanted to sink through the floor; thus, he hurriedly dropped the younger alchemist so as to appear not to be associated with him.

The swaying teenagers and young adults adeptly caught the falling alchemist and tossed him around. Ed let out a whoop as he crowd-surfed, finally able to enjoy the concert now that he could hear, see, and be carried about on people's shoulders. Still, as loathe as he was to admit it, he missed being in _Roy's_ arms.

Musing to himself, the young blonde concluded that going to a rock concert had definitely been an experience. A very loud, wild, and new experience. The music vibrated in his bones, and the entire atmosphere was hot and free. Screams and rotating bodies were all nice to witness, but he couldn't help but feel that he preferred his own Mustang to get his thrills.

Maybe he could apologize for dragging Roy to the concert by sharing some music of his own. After all, a private concert could be far more entertaining.

-+-

Extra

-+-

Wiping some sweat off his brow, Edward finally managed to squeeze his way through the horde of people to rejoin his lover. "Ready to go?" he panted.

A shoe shot through the air and smacked Roy on the forehead before he could answer; the tall people always got hit first by flying objects. Ed stifled a laugh, not voicing his momentary (unbelievable) appreciation for being short.

The imprint of a shoe on Roy's head was the last straw before the older man yanked Ed through the crowd, mumbling curses under his breath.

Edward definitely needed to give Roy his own personal concert. It was sure to be a rock-hard experience.


	73. Coming Out

A single thought ran through the tiny portion of Roy's brain that was still functioning: _Why did broom closets have to be so cluttered and small?_ It was hard enough to maneuver about in the tight space when it was just him and Edward; he couldn't imagine being able to fit - and enjoy the privacy - inside the closet with any normal-size person.

Thank goodness for _small_ blessings.

Even as he was enjoying being pressed intimately against his blond lover, the wooden handle of a mop dug into his back. One foot rested in a bucket, and Roy was pretty sure there were still soapy suds at the bottom to account for his slipping and sliding. Straw broom bristles brushed against his cheek, the scratchiness making him grimace even as he smirked against Ed's lips. Why was the broom leaning upside down alongside them, anyway? The bristles should have been at the floor, so as to give Roy more clear space to pursue his own interests.

Really, he didn't ask for _much_.

The air inside stunk of the overpowering stench of bleach. Too many opened cleaning supplies lined the shelves, the odor of mixed fragrances and chemicals doing little to add to the desired romantic atmosphere. It smelled of cleanliness, but with an overwhelming thickness in the air. In short, the air inside the closet was stifling and suffocating. And it didn't have a single thing to do with heated kisses or touches.

He only wanted _more_.

"Edward," Roy mumbled, leaning back a bit and bumping his head on the dim light bulb that swung from the ceiling. Wincing, he glared at it and turned back to his partner. The golden head was cocked in his direction, waiting for him to continue. Roy knew he'd better have a good excuse for interrupting their session. After all, they couldn't stay in the closet forever. They both had duties elsewhere in Headquarters; they'd be missed if they stayed too long. "I can't take this anymore," he confessed, rubbing his back where the mop had been bothering him.

Ed wrinkled his brow in confusion. "Can't take _what_ anymore?" Of course, he had it easy, being squished between the wall and his lover, the Flame draped protectively over his front. No cleaning supplies in _his_ way to distract him from focusing only on Roy. Nope, no siree.

The Colonel sighed and gestured to the broom closet they were inhabiting for a quarter of an hour. "This," he clarified, pointing out the lack of room and the very annoying janitor's tools littering the limited space provided. "We need to find someplace more convenient for our break time together. Hawkeye kicked us out of my office, remember?" He paused a moment, then grumbled, "It's _my_ office."

"And she has a gun," Ed reminded. "You complain too much, Mustang. Get over it. It's a friggin' broom closet, whaddaya expect?"

Roy huffed and narrowed his eyes at the younger alchemist, still out-of-breath from their activities. Then again, they couldn't do much in such a small place. Well, they _could_ , but it wouldn't be the most comfortable of positions. "I don't know. Space, maybe? I want to properly enjoy my time with you and not be attacked by mops and brooms."

"Attacked?" Ed chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. "You are too much, Mustang. Stop being picky."

Roy bit his tongue to keep from replying with: "And you're too little, but you don't see me complaining." Well, about _that_ , anyway. Only the disorderly room in which they stood. Or, in Mustang's case, hunched over. "Let's talk about this later, Ed," he compromised. "Besides, our time's basically up, and we can't be discovered. I'll leave first and you can leave five minutes later."

"Don't tell me what to do!" Ed shot back, growling at the order.

The Colonel shook his head. Edward Elric would never change; he would always be defiant and rude, just the way Roy liked him. Like a breath of fresh air, Ed's mannerisms were impossibly different from the superficial civility that graced the military court. Nodding his head in acknowledgment of the outburst, Roy swiftly stumbled out of the broom closet, crashing into the wall as he tripped over the bucket attached to his boot.

Ignoring Ed's resulting laughter, the Flame quickly slammed the door behind him and leaned against the wall of the corridor, regaining his bearings. There was actually room to breathe! Now, if only he could have that luxury _and_ Edward. At the same time. But of course, that seemed too much to wish for.

His bedroom didn't count. It didn't help that his bed was miles away, _at his house_ (oh, the humanity!) when he needed it at _Headquarters_. Maybe he could ask Hawkeye to order him some bedding for his office. No doubt, she'd be suspicious…wait, scratch that. She'd already banned them from office sex on his desk. Why would a bed right next to the desk be any different? Plus, he'd have no explanations. Only his ever-faithful Lieutenant and Ed's ever-loyal brother knew of the Fullmetal's and Flame's relationship.

Which was the entire reason he was reduced to clumsily groping his underage subordinate in a broom closet to begin with.

"Uh, Chief?"

Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc stopped mid-step as he stared at his commanding officer. The Colonel's chest was heaving, black hair messily ruffled, lips swollen, eyes wide, jacket half off, undershirt buttons undone, belt hanging, fly unzipped, face flushed. And for some odd reason, the bottom of one of the Flame's legs was sopping wet, soapy bubbles popping on shined boots. All in all, the legendary Roy Mustang had lost his composure.

Despite that, Roy turned to his subordinate and looked him in the eye, not minding his rumpled and indecent appearance. "Yes, Havoc?" he questioned, with only a slight edge beneath a ragged voice. He always seemed to make even the most bizarre scenarios seem normal; he could adapt to any situation and manipulate it to his advantage.

Never mind his inability to adapt to a stimulating encounter with Edward Elric within a broom closet.

"Mind if I ask what you were doin'?" the blond Lieutenant asked cautiously, taking a step nearer.

Roy didn't answer for a long moment as he brushed himself off and fixed his clothes. Finally, when he was sure of his controlled appearance, he again faced his underling and friend and confessed without any traces of embarrassment: "What does it look like, Lieutenant? I'm coming out of the closet."


	74. Gentlemanly Kisses

A low growl emitted from Edward Elric's throat as his secret lover greeted yet another giggling admirer. Roy Mustang had always been a flirt, but Ed had assumed that the roguish winks and gentlemanly kisses would cease once they were officially together.

Not so.

"Jealous, Edward?"

The blonde snarled deep in his throat in response.

Roy let a small smirk grace his face. "Would you like me to kiss your hand in greeting from now on?"

A flush of deep red formed on Ed's cheeks as he hastily shook his head. "If you even have to ask such a _stupid_ and _demeaning_ question…"

The older man chuckled. "Ah, I see. Maybe you would prefer kisses elsewhere on your body, perhaps?"

Stunned into silence, the blonde could only gape in confusion - and eagerness. Voice turned husky, he lowered his eyelashes and responded in kind. "I'll be waiting, Mustang." Turning purposefully on his heel, Edward crept outside, a clear invitation. But not before sending Roy a very obvious wink.

Roy had the odd suspicion that the kisses Edward was expecting could never be defined as 'gentlemanly.'


	75. Izumi

Colonel Roy Mustang had made several important mistakes when approaching the esteemed Izumi Curtis.

Firstly, he had entered the Curtis's butcher shop wearing his regulatory military uniform. Secondly, and most damaging of all, he'd dared to assume he was Izumi's equal. Thirdly, he'd tried flattery to smooth over his previous mistakes. But most importantly, he'd visited with the intention of gaining permission to ask for Edward Elric's hand.

Though Roy didn't normally flaunt his state-issued pocket-watch at HQ, he made it a point to have the silver chain in plain view when he visited the Elric brothers' teacher. For although State Alchemists were stereotypically depicted as "dogs of the military," civilians still always seemed impressed and awed at being in the presence of a genuine alchemist of the military. And Roy figured he had to make the best impression possible.

He'd been forcefully thrown out the door before he could even take a breath. So much for first impressions…

Determinedly, and perhaps more than a bit foolishly, Roy climbed to his feet and ambled over to the doorway of the shop. Cautiously, he put one foot inside. Before he could move all the way in, a fist of sharp knuckles waved threateningly in his face.

"What are you doing?" the woman, presumably Izumi, spat viciously.

Roy swallowed his fear. He was a man, dammit, and a soldier to boot! This woman shouldn't scare him. By this point, though, he understood why even the Fullmetal Alchemist quaked in terror at the mention of his teacher. Only the Flame didn't _really_ understand, since he hadn't been exposed to the full potential of Izumi's wrath.

"I'm here to talk to you about Edward Elric," Roy declared bravely.

Eyes narrowed into suspicious slits. "He's not here. Now get out of my home, you scum!"

The Colonel winced but stayed put. "I said," he replied, just as evenly, "that I wanted to talk to you _about_ him, not _to_ him. I'm glad Ed's _not_ here at the moment, to be honest."

Izumi glared at him for the casual use of the blonde's nickname. "What do you want?" she asked harshly, stomping on the booted foot that was trespassing into the shop.

Again, Roy winced. Yet he still didn't leave. "Uh, perhaps it would be best if we discussed this in a more appropriate location? Say, somewhere private?" An instinctive punch knocked the Flame clear to the other side of the street.

When he regained his footing and hobbled back to her, Izumi lifted her chin defiantly and raised an eyebrow. Did the annoying man _like_ abuse? Or was he simply suicidal?

"I'm not leaving," Roy panted, "until I speak to you about Ed." He paused a moment, taking in Izumi's silence before offering a somewhat flirtatious smile. "You pack a strong punch. I can see where Ed learned his. Incredible strength from an incredible woman…"

Flattery, as Roy reflected half a second later in a dark alleyway, did not get you anywhere.

Once he recovered his mobility yet again, the seemingly desperate alchemist again ventured to the Curtis's door. Knocking this time, he waited patiently outside. He'd had enough of being beaten up for one day, thank you very much.

Izumi groaned at the persistent State Alchemist who insisted on bothering her shop. Opening the door, she roughly yanked him inside and dragged him by his dirtied collar to the kitchen. "Now, just who the hell are you?" she demanded, hands on her hips.

Roy blinked at the other alchemist's sudden compliance. "My name is Roy Mustang; I'm a Colonel in the Amestris military. Codename Flame."

"No doubt you achieved your rank and reputation by slaughtering innocent people," Izumi commented rudely - and truthfully. The male alchemist cringed, confirming her suspicions. "Well, that's to be expected. You are a State Alchemist, after all," she observed, tapping her fingers on the kitchen table.

The Flame pushed aside the feelings of guilt so he could focus on his own, personal mission. "Well, about Ed…" he coughed.

"It had better be something important for you to suffer so much on his behalf," Izumi warned.

Roy nodded emphatically, letting the words he'd been trying to say all day spew from his mouth: "IwanttomarryEd!" The words slurred together something horrible, but Izumi caught the gist of it.

"WHAT?"

The military alchemist coughed into his glove. "Um…see, I'd like to have the support of the family before I ask him, you know, so Alphonse suggested I meet _you_ …"

Izumi glared at him and threw him against the wall, followed by a dozen sharp knives that embedded themselves in the wall but scant inches from Mustang's head. "You're a fool," she hissed. She thought for a moment before her eyes shone with a new sense of rage. "You've been molesting my student!"

"Ed's been willingly molested!" Roy protested, realizing an instant later that it was the wrong thing to say. The worst answer imaginable to such an accusation, actually.

Advancing on him slowly, cornering him between the knives in the wall, Izumi's hand shot out to clench around his throat. " _What did you say?_ " she asked in a low voice, her tone deadly.

Roy tried to swallow, but her palm pressed closer to his neck in warning. "I-" he started to rasp, but was cut off as his vocal chords were squeezed.

"Forget it," the butcher's wife hissed. "Any words that come out of your mouth will be used against you. I'd suggest you stay silent, or else I'll leave you on an abandoned island for a month. Do I make myself clear?"

Nodding fervently as best he was able, Roy agreed. This woman was violent; he'd have to remember that in the future. Why hadn't Alphonse warned him about just how menacing she could be? Al was the one who suggested he see Izumi Curtis in the first place! He coughed weakly, seeing black spots dart across his vision.

The Elrics' teacher let him go suddenly, watching as he slumped to the floor. "Why?" she asked, seemingly out of the blue.

To Roy, it seemed her voice was coming from a far-off place, distant and thin. After Izumi had impatiently repeated her question a few times, he stupidly asked, "Why _what_?" At her glare, and the movement of her foot swinging towards his face, he backed down and shielded his eyes. This cowering image was not the Roy Mustang he wanted to present. Especially to the woman who acted as the Elrics' surrogate mother! And, as desperate times called for desperate measures, he shouted out in answer: "I love him! Okay?"

Time froze, and with it, the alchemist so intent on causing him harm. "You… _what_ …him?" she repeated slowly, not managing to hide the surprise and obvious doubt she felt towards his declaration. Awestruck, she lowered her foot to the ground, glowering down at the man huddled on her kitchen floor.

Roy dared to look her in the eye as he said again, more calmly this time, "I love Edward Elric. That's why I want to _be_ with him." It wasn't as if he went around proclaiming it like some sappy idiot, but it was the truth. And if it, whether it be truth or not, would save him from more beatings, then why not say it? He was a good soldier, a good strategist. He knew when to back down and when to charge. This was clearly a time to yield.

Izumi Curtis could kick his ass to hell and back, and he knew it.

He, the great Flame Alchemist, was bested by a woman. Though, Roy thought, the Curtis woman had to somehow be beyond human. Her strengths and alchemic talents didn't make sense otherwise; there had to be some supernatural reason why she was so strong…

(Edward later sadly explained to him later just why Izumi was one-hundred percent human, and just why she was so strong. Roy felt guilty that he had misjudged her.)

Izumi Curtis stared at him for awhile, taking in the situation. Finally, she sighed and moved back a step. "If you're that relentless about it, then I guess I can't say no, can I?" she asked, letting a weak smile flit across her features. "You've proven yourself. Those boys taught me just how disastrous things could turn out if I forbid something; it just makes the unattainable that much more tempting. And if you're that in love with him, then there's no stopping you. Even if I forbade the union, would you still ask him to be with you?" she asked.

Without thinking about it, Roy nodded. "Of course. I would just like those closest to Edward to be supportive of our relationship."

The antagonist closed her eyes and turned her back to him. "Permission granted," she said, as if half-wishing she didn't mean those words. "But," she growled, turning around so quickly that her dreadlocks swirled behind her, "if you ever hurt Edward…"

Roy immediately assured her that Edward was safe with him.

-+-

"You want us to be…?" Edward asked, half skeptically and half hopeful.

The Flame nodded. "Together. Officially. As in, recognized by the State, and so everyone will know that we're both off the market. Even your teacher agreed to support us, Edward."

" _Teacher?_ " Ed squeaked.

Again, Roy nodded. "Yes. As hard as it was, I managed to melt her iron will and win her over by my fiery charm."

"Are you sure it wasn't pity at your pathetic self?" the blonde asked sarcastically.

Roy frowned. "Maybe I retract my offer, after all."

At once, Edward leaned up to place a tempting kiss on Mustang's lips. "You'd like to what?"

"Enjoy more of that…?" the older asked, a bit dazedly.

"Agreed," the Fullmetal said, smirking.

"Permission denied," thundered a new voice.

Both State Alchemists fell over backwards.

Izumi stood, an intimidating force, in Mustang's doorway. The hulking form of her muscular husband, Sig, stood behind her, a looming wall of support. "I decided I wanted to see the compatibility between you two for myself," she sniffed.

Edward gaped at her, swayed a bit, and fainted against Roy's chest. The older quickly cringed, remembering the bruises that had yet to fade. Still, he affectionately wrapped his arms around Ed and turned, as if sheltering the unconscious blonde from Izumi's pointed gaze.

"You'd protect him from me? His own teacher?"

Roy slowly nodded his head. "If that's what it takes, then yes."

"Your influence over him has led him down many wrong paths," Izumi continued. "The military, for starters. And the Philosopher's Stone. And that's aside from all the wrongness of your individual relationship."

"But we're happy together. We have our spats, but that's what makes our relationship interesting," Roy argued, clutching Ed all the more tightly. "Edward makes his own choices. I respect that, and so should you."

And surprisingly, that show of defiance only made Izumi curl her lip in surrender. "That's what I wanted to hear. Good dog." And even though the Flame frowned at the name, he was glad (again) that the (scary) lady accepted him.

Izumi slapped him upside the head, laughing wildly. "Welcome to the family, Mustang. But don't think I'll let up on the punches anytime soon. You agreed to this treatment when you decided to stick with Edward, even knowing my habits."

"Some relationship this is going to be," Roy mumbled under his breath. But being with Ed was worth it all. Later, when Edward was awake, he whispered, "Ed, we're only going to visit her once every ten years, right? I'm not sure my body will survive being her punching bag for too much longer."

Ed snorted. Izumi sent him sprawling on the floor.

Some things never changed.


	76. Teasing

"Brother, are you worried that you might possibly have…uh, _feelings_ for Winry?" Alphonse asked of his elder brother, fidgeting slightly on the Rockbells' porch. There was an almost desperate edge to his voice, an eagerness to know and understand the source of Ed's mental and emotional distance. And perhaps a tad bit of something else, too; perhaps an unacknowledged feeling of jealousy that lurked beneath the surface. But the younger Elric was far too caring, and would never let such negative feelings form a rift in the brother's bond.

No girl was worth that, even Winry Rockbell.

Edward was silent for a time before he turned to his younger sibling, for once letting the mask of indifference fall from his face. Everything, from the pallid skin to the agonized golden depth of the eyes, depicted the older alchemist's turmoil and confusion. It should not have been like that, especially because of the two's recent success in retrieving Al's body from the Gate.

"Are you upset that we couldn't afford to get your limbs back, Brother?" Al pressed, seeing that Ed, even though relaxed in his presence, wasn't going to voice his thoughts. "I made a promise, Brother, and I won't rest until we find a way to get your arm and leg back! If that's what it takes…I'm so sorry we couldn't pay the price before…we should have gotten your limbs back first, so that way -"

The guilt waves rolling off the younger Elric spurred the older to speak. "No, Al!" the blonde shouted venomously. "I wouldn't have it any other way, all right? I could never live with myself if I got my limbs back and you were still stuck in that armored shell. Besides, automail can be useful. And Winry makes a fortune off me," he reasoned, grumbling a bit at the end.

Glad that his brother was finally opening up, Al continued probing; all the while hoping that he wouldn't retreat again into himself. "So, your feelings for Winry _are_ bothering you?" The dark stir of resentment at the idea nagged at Al's thoughts, but he stubbornly pushed it aside. Edward's well-being came first.

"Al," Ed responded, ignoring the younger's relieved look at his responsiveness. "It doesn't bother me that I have feelings for Winry. It _bothers_ me that I _don't_ have feelings for Winry!" At Alphonse's confused look, Ed continued ranting, "Or for any girl, for that matter! I _should_! All during our quest, I pushed aside any possibly feelings of attraction for anyone so I could remain focused. But now that it's finally over, I can't…I mean, there just aren't any alluring girls out there that catch my interest." He paused, breathing heavily. "Not that I was attracted to girls even back then," he muttered to himself, not sure if Al heard.

Alphonse tilted his head thoughtfully. "I wouldn't worry, Brother. Maybe you just haven't found the right one yet!" He internally slumped in relief, overjoyed at the fact that the pathway to Winry's attentions was clear.

Edward shook his head fondly; Al would be the type to believe in soul-mates. "I don't think…" he spoke softly, "that there are any girls out there for me, Al." Before Al could pipe up a response, the elder said, "And all this waiting around doing nothing in the countryside…it's not good for me, Al. It's too much time alone with my thoughts and doubts. I want to be somewhere where I can't hear myself think."

The once-suit-of-armor was quiet for about five minutes. "If you want to visit Central, Brother, then I'm sure we can arrange that. I know you miss the hubbub of the city. And you could visit the Colonel!" Too wrapped up in his thoughts of organizing his brother's vacation, Alphonse missed the immediate blush that welled on Ed's cheeks at the mere mention of the Flame.

"Are you coming with me?" Edward interrupted, trying to steer the conversation away from the military. Anything to do with the military would eventually swing to the topic of Roy Mustang. Actually, anything to do with anything would eventually swing to the topic of Roy Mustang, if Ed cared to think about it.

"Well," Alphonse mumbled, shuffling his feet and looking at the grass. "Actually, Brother, I was hoping…while you go relax…I wanted some time here. Alone."

The elder blonde frowned. "Alone? But Auntie Pinako and Winry - _oooh_ ," he caught on, winking at his younger brother. "I see. So, you want me conveniently out of the way, is that it?" he asked, with a mock sarcastic tone.

Always taking things seriously, the now-flesh teen hurriedly waved his arms. "No, Brother! Of course not! You know I love you!"

Edward chuckled, clapping his left hand on Al's shoulder. "Relax, Al. I was only kidding. Good luck."

"I'll miss you, Brother, but it's true you're a handful. I've been taking care of you for years now, so don't I deserve a break?" he laughed, finally loosening up enough to joke around.

With an indignant snort, Ed tackled his brother, glad that Al could once again enjoy brotherly scuffles.

-+-

Stepping onto the Central platform and making his way to the Military Headquarters, Ed stumbled across a wide gathering of people spread before a stage. All the people residing on-stage were military officials, as could be seen by their blue uniforms. Approaching the mass of people, the blonde could finally hear what all the ruckus was about.

"And now that our late Fuhrer has perished, who is to lead Amestris? During these difficult times, we must make our decisions carefully, so as to not make a mistake with the future running of our beloved country. We have few options available. We could disregard the entire notion of appointing a new Fuhrer and rely only on the Council. Or, if a new Fuhrer is to take over, we must choose the right man to lead us. As of now, two highly influential soldiers are vying for the position. Lieutenant Fuhrer Hakuro, who, by right, should inherit the duties of His Excellency, and Brigadier General Mustang, who is challenging him. Normally, based on the rules of our government, we do not let civilians have a say in crucial military matters. But since there is now a rift in the military, split cleanly down the middle, the Council is in a tight spot."

Edward almost fell over from shock. Even as backwater as Resembool was, surely they would have heard news of Bradley's demise? Or perhaps he was too caught up in his own thoughts to pay any attention to the outside world. But surely he couldn't have been _that_ out-of-it?

…And _Mustang_? His despised Colonel had half the military supporting him now? He knew Hawkeye and the others supported him. And he commanded his own troop of foot soldiers, so it was reasonable _they_ supported him. But add those numbers, he reasoned, to Lieutenant Colonel Armstrong's troops, including Maria Ross and Denny Bloch, and some of Hughes's men, and the Flame had a pretty wide following. But that still wouldn't account for the numbers challenging Hakuro. Then again, some soldiers may have just disliked Hakuro and seen Mustang as a better alternative. And without Gran and Archer to back up Bradley's old regime, that Hakuro was offering to continue leading, then it made a little bit more sense. Only not really.

The Fullmetal was startled out of his thoughts when an unrecognizable yet strangely familiar dark-haired man got up to stand in front of the podium. Ed shrugged, inching closer to hear the man speak.

"I couldn't have gotten this far without the support of my friends and subordinates, though an essential part of my team could not be available today. I must start by giving them the thanks they deserve, the ones here…and the ones not," the man said, raising his head a fraction to look at the clouds.

Edward blinked, following the man's eyes - wait, eye - to watch the heavens. Did that mean some people had died to help this man reach his current level of power?

The soldier wearing the eye-patch lowered his head and began speaking, talking about the experiences in the Ishbal War that forever shaped his life and ambitions. The pure honesty and humility reflected through the tone of voice sounded odd to Ed's ears, almost as if he expected the man to be sly and arrogant. It all seemed wrong somehow. And, as the minutes ticked by, the young alchemist began to understand.

When the now Brigadier General, Fuhrer-elect, ended by addressing his audience with, "Are there any questions?" Ed immediately shoved his way through the crowd.

"Yeah, you bastard!" he impudently yelled, causing many gazes to swivel in his direction, including that of the man whose attentions he sought. "One, what the hell happened to your face? Two, why wasn't I invited to this little speech service? And three, _what the hell happened to your face, bastard Colonel?_ "

A light smirk curled Mustang's lip as he calmly responded, though Ed could detect the glint of happiness and relief in his remaining eye. "Ah, if it isn't the Fullmetal Alchemist. Fancy seeing you here, Edward." He turned to the rest of the crowd. "Are there any _relevant_ questions?" Everybody was still in shock from the blond teen's ensuing temper tantrum to comment. Seeing he still held the field, Mustang spoke again to Edward, for the entire audience to hear. "And Fullmetal, if you insist on calling me a bastard again, I might have to court-martial you. Though I'm not sure I would, seeing as how it is only a _minor_ offense…"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING THE PERFECT SIZE TO BE A BUTTON SO YOU CAN ATTACH ME TO YOUR MILITARY JACKET AND ORDER ME TO HOLD THE FLAPS OF SAID JACKET CLOSED BECAUSE THAT'D BE MY DUTY AS A BUTTON?" Ed yowled, stomping his foot.

-+-

An hour later, once the crowd had dispersed and Roy was safely back in his old offices, Edward kicked the door open and strode in with a scowl on his face. "Why did you have to embarrass me like that?" he whined, pouting.

Roy looked at him in disbelief. "Me? Embarrass _you_?" He let out a derisive snort of laughter, shaking his head. "I think you've mixed us up, Fullmetal."

Ed looked to the side, crossing his arms over his chest, saying nothing.

"Since you so frantically want to know what I did to lose my eye, I suppose I could tell you. I couldn't out there; it's too private. I lost my eye after killing Bradley; Archer shot it out, and Hawkeye took care of him before he could do any worse. Satisfied?" Roy asked, raising a delicate eyebrow in Ed's direction. "You miss things like that when you disappear for two months, Fullmetal. We thought you and Alphonse were dead! I should be asking what happened to _you_."

The blonde shifted on his feet and mumbled. "We went back to Resembool for Al to rest. We didn't tell you where we were going because Al wasn't feeling up to so much excitement yet…I finally got restless, and he shipped me back to Central." Ed scowled, remembering the reason why Al had put him on a train out of Resembool. He'd been plagued with thoughts in his hometown, alone with himself and with too much time to think. And though the country air was crisp and fresh, he still felt stifled under the weight of his own imaginings. In Central, he was supposed to feel better thanks to the constant rustle and bustle of city life. But things were worse now, in an empty office save for him and the object of his desires.

Things felt even more stifling than before with Roy Mustang's sole presence filling the room, the very air around him pressing him closer to the older alchemist, the older's overpowering aura drawing him near. Edward wished he'd never left Resembool.

"Why did you leave again?" Roy asked, surprisingly gently.

The younger alchemist opened his mouth to speak, but ended up inhaling deeply. "Well…to get Al's life back in order," he explained slowly. "After so many years…"

The Flame's mouth fell open in shock. "You mean you got his body back?" he whispered, hardly daring to hope. At Ed's small, triumphant nod, Roy stepped over to his subordinate and clutched at his right hand. He squeezed, feeling the hard metal of the automail. "But not your limbs," he murmured.

Edward snatched his hand back defiantly, peeling off his glove and rubbing the joint of his wrist. Golden eyes lifted for a second to gauge Roy's expression, then hurriedly looked down again to steel fingers. Sighing, Ed lifted his right hand to Roy's left cheek, his thumb brushing the black fabric of Roy's eye-patch. "It doesn't matter," the blonde mumbled. "We're both scarred." Again, he lifted his eyes to meet Roy's own, this time not backing down.

A quirk of a smile lifted a corner of the older man's lip. Gradually, he peeled off his own glove and lifted his hand to cover Ed's, pressing it closer to his face. Trapping a metal hand against a lost eye; steel limb replacing the stump of an arm, black fabric hiding a scarred face from the world. Similar, yet different.

Feeling the pressure of Roy's hand on his own automail limb, Edward warned, "Don't tease me."

Just as seriously, Roy assured, "Who's teasing?"


	77. Belt

"I was merely asking you to accompany me to the theatre tonight, Edward. What do you have to get so worked up about?" Mustang asked dryly, arching an eyebrow in the blond youth's direction.

Ed growled and stamped his foot, angry splotches of red appearing on his face. "What the hell do you think, bastard? The theatre? At night? It's dark!"

Roy shook his head. "So, your point being…? Are you telling me the great Fullmetal Alchemist doesn't think he can defend himself from fat ladies singing onstage?"

"You're going to molest me!" Edward shouted, pointing an accusing finger in the Flame's direction. "Why else would you invite me somewhere private late at night?"

Again, Roy sighed, rubbing his head to ward off the oncoming headache that came with dealing with the irrational teenage alchemist. "I hardly think seven o'clock constitutes as _late at night_ , Fullmetal. And, I'm sorry to tell you, but the theatre is a _public_ place, not private."

The blonde huffed, flopping down on the Colonel's couch at Central Headquarters. "Pft. You'll still find some way to grope me, I'm sure. You just want me to be another notch on your belt," he said, finishing in a small mumble.

For a moment, there was silence. Roy stared at his subordinate, narrowing his eyes as he turned his thoughts over in his head. "I'm not sure I heard you right, Ed," he ventured slowly, sliding to his feet behind his desk. "But did you just say you believed I wanted you to be another notch on my belt?" At Ed's embarrassed nod, the Flame continued, "That's ridiculous, Edward. I don't even _wear_ a belt…"

"Yeah, and that's the problem right there," the blonde spat, refusing to look in his commanding officer's direction.

The Colonel blinked. "Edward, I'm shocked you think so little of me. What put the idea into your head that I was ever interested in you _in that way_ , anyway?"

Ed shrugged one shoulder. "Do I always need a reason?" he countered, sidestepping the question.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's wishful thinking," Roy said smugly, moving out from behind his desk as he strode toward the blonde. "Look. See? No belt."

Before Ed could respond, Lieutenant Hawkeye opened the door, surprisingly without another stack of paperwork. "I was volunteered," she explained stiffly, shooting a withering glare over her shoulder, "to check up on the two of you."

Both State Alchemists blinked innocently at her.

"Don't ask why." Her fingers twitched above her gun holster, and neither the Flame nor Fullmetal dared tempt fate in that instant. Instead, they both duly nodded, trying to hide the confusion on their faces.

The younger alchemist smirked then, looking between the Colonel and Lieutenant. "Hawkeye, shouldn't Mustang be wearing a belt?"

The blond woman glared at her superior officer. "Technically, not wearing a belt is a uniform violation."

"Technically…?" Ed pressed.

"But…I really can't control his more primitive habits, Edward. And the truth is that there were so many notches on his only belt that the whole thing was basically in tatters. There was no more belt left to even imagine any more notches…"

Edward was still as he took it all in. Then, "Bastard! I knew it! You just wanted to say you were able to seduce the great and wonderful Fullmetal Alchemist into your bed and survive, because what other accomplishment could better show your bravery than taming the wild Edward Elric?"

Hawkeye stared. Mustang hid a smirk behind a gloved hand.

"You just think bedding me will help you become Fuhrer because you'd be doing the impossible by having your way with me in a dark theatre and I won't be your damn notch!" the youth ranted, his common sense slowly spiraling downwards as his arguments began to grow more and more lame.

"Actually, Ed, bedding you, as you call it, would actually hinder my plans to be Fuhrer," Roy calmly explained, examining his fingers in an effort to look nonchalant.

Ed huffed again and stared at the floor morosely. "Fine," he finally agreed, though in a vicious tone of voice. "I'll molest - I mean, meet you at your damn theatre tonight, happy?"

"Very. I'll even bring my belt."

-+-

"What the hell is that?" Ed asked, rudely pointing to a strip of leather with a buckle dangling from Roy's hands.

Roy sighed and pretended to be annoyed as he stepped past the short blond. "I'd think even you would recognize a belt, Fullmetal. I decided to buy one especially for us, to mark the progress of our relationship. If things go according to plan, I'll be able to add a notch to this thus far unblemished belt tonight, and another three of four notches tomorrow, and by next week we'll have to buy a new belt to make room for more notches."

Ed stared, almost horrified.

"Ah, yes. I suppose we might need two belts per week, considering your endless stamina…" Roy said, rethinking his plans.

"What the hell…?"

The Flame smirked. "I thought you understood the significance of the belt, Edward. It's supposed to be that however many partners you have, you mark a notch on your belt. But for our case, every time we're intimate, I'll add a notch. Understand?"

"I'm not a dumbass, you sick pervert. What is it with you and leather, anyway?"

Roy shrugged. "Don't ask me. You're the one that wears it…come to think of it, your belt around those tight leather pants could probably fit more notches…"

Ed glared. "Hell no."

"You wound me, Edward," the Flame whined piteously, playfully.

Shrugging, Ed snatched the belt from Mustang's hands and looped it around the older man's neck, tugging him down to eye-level. "Don't mess with me, Mustang," he warned, tugging sharply on the belt before crushing his lips to the other's in a bruising kiss.

"Why even bother with the theatre?" Roy murmured once Ed finally let go of him. "If you're so ready, let's start marking down notches."

"No, dammit. I was looking forward to the public molestation - I mean, humiliation - I mean, ah…hell, never mind," the Fullmetal stammered, giving up and dragging the Flame down for another distraction.


	78. Cupcakes

"What are you staring at, bastard? Something on my face?"

Roy's face was rather comical as he tilted it sideways, nodding mechanically with his eyes glazed over and mouth slightly open. "Actually, Fullmetal, there is. Cream?"

The blond looked at him in disbelief, then let his tongue slip out to taste the corner of his lips. "Frosting," he corrected. "Vanilla, in case you were wondering." He smirked, then frowned as he noticed the disappointed expression on the Colonel's face. "What's the matter _now_?"

"I was planning," the Flame answered stiffly, "on finding out the flavor on my own, thank you very much. You just ruined it for me. Thanks, Edward."

Lips thinning with displeasure, Ed shook his head angrily. "You mean for once, you didn't know a tiny detail of my life before I got here? _Sorry_ ," he said, sarcasm dripping like venom from his words.

Roy sighed; an angry Edward was an unwilling Edward. He wanted a willing Edward - no, he wanted an _eager_ Edward. "Let me make it up to you?" he offered, flashing the smile that had women swooning at his feet, the smile that had disarmed Edward long enough for Roy to get his foot in the "relationship doorway."

"Hm…buy me more cupcakes?" Ed asked, shooting a smile right back. Two could play at that game.

How could he not have seen it coming? Edward Elric always wanted food. To think otherwise would just be stupid. And cupcakes equaled sugar. Sugar equaled a hyper Ed.

…A hyper Ed equaled a very interesting night-partner.

Cupcakes it was.

-+-

"Are you hungry for some more whipped cream?" Roy asked, lifting his eyebrow suggestively.

Ed glared. "I _told_ you," he said, stomping his foot, "that it was vanilla _frosting_. Dumbass."

The older sighed; Ed could be so _oblivious_. Well, he'd just have to fix that. And to begin appeasing the younger alchemist, purchasing a large box of cupcakes was the perfect start. "Okay, Ed, it was vanilla frosting." Better to just go with it. Ed would get upset over anything, and Roy really wanted the night to end successfully.

"That's better," the blond said approvingly. Almost sweetly. But "Edward Elric" and "sweet" did not belong in the same sentence together…

Roy Mustang decided to just buy the cupcakes and hope to the god he didn't believe in that Ed would stay the night with him. _Without_ making a mess…


	79. Ode to Shadows

It would be an understatement to the point of insulting to mention that Roy Mustang's eyes were "dark." On the surface, his eyes could be described as "black," a mere color. But behind that color, there were shadows blending, weaving throughout his identity, glimpsing the world through the windows of Roy's soul. The shadows spoke of regret, of guilt, of pain, of ambition, of empathy, of _life_.

Roy Mustang didn't mean to let the shadows dictate his life, but they had become the driving force behind every goal he threw himself into. He wasn't trying to escape the shadows, they had become a vital part of his person, but if the day came when he could discard some of the useless shadows dragging him down…that maybe someday, he might be able to find some light that was not destined to be obliterated…

There didn't always used to be shadows overwhelming the light in his eyes. But bit by bit, the light of innocence was stolen from him, and the shadows became the familiar. Each time he pulled the trigger, and each time he snapped his fingers, a little more light would dim from his eyes, until after Ishbal when even the smallest glimmer was overpowered by darkness. Every sin, every wrongdoing, tugged at the light, shredding it mercilessly until it was lost to the void.

Edward Elric watches the shadows in Roy Mustang's eyes, and relates. He notices because he understands, just as he knows the older man understands his own sins. Roy tries to hide the shadows, but Ed knows what to look for and he sees. He analyzes, and discerns that the shadows are easier to spot after Roy has been out drinking, foolishly trying to forget the shadows that have become infused with his soul.

Sometimes the shadows in Roy's eyes swirl, and Ed wonders how he notices this because aren't shadows supposed to share one color? Because how else could he differentiate between each strand of darkness to understand the stirring behind Roy's eyes? Entangled with other clusters of shadows waiting in the depth, waiting to blot out any potential brightness.

The gleam of confidence and arrogance in Roy's eyes is misleading, masking the darkness underneath the surface as the true shadows sleep deep within. The light reflected off that self-assured, sarcastic gleam acts as a mirror shield, keeping others from knowing the truth and keeping the truth inside where it belongs. The shadows nestle at the core of Roy's being, unleashed only in the veil of night so as to mix with the natural dimness, carefully separated from Roy's conscious turmoil.

The darkness is only seen lurking in the eyes; though in reality it inhabits the entire sense of self. So when Roy's eye is lost, the shadows of that eye remain coiled, ready to mix and blend with the shadows in Roy's remaining eye. The darkness mixes very well, because the shadows are of the same sort, and now there are new shadows to add to the heaviness. They go all the way back, and Ed knows the shadows are cemented around a circular path, ready to resurface if something unexpected should steal that fake gleam of light away.

Edward knows that by involving himself with Roy, he is offering to accept those shadows. Those shadows that are already dragging Mustang down with their weighty reminders of despicable decisions, drowning him in a sea of destructive memories. And that even though he means to dissolve some of the sadness hiding in Roy's eye, he knows their relationship will only form another fearful shadow to aid in holding the man back.

The personal quality of the darkness lends that much more weight to the meaning; these shadows are _Roy's_ sins, these shadows define _Roy._ Nobody else can relate to Roy's inner demons, nobody else can associate with the reason for the shadows' very existence in the first place. And if Roy lets his guard down and lets the shadows _shine_ , the private anguish becomes that much more meaningful. Encouraging Roy to let his mask slip willingly for an instant is a massive obstacle, and for good reason because most people would run from the intensity in Roy's eye.

But Edward Elric does want to surround himself with Roy's darkness, because where else can fire thrive but enveloped in shadows?


	80. Secret Santa

" _Roy Mustang's Guide to Picking Up Dates_?" Havoc asked in disbelief around his cigarette, light blue eyes widening in shock. He looked sharply at his commanding officer, who only smirked in return. Throwing the 'ten tips to lasso even the most devoted of girlfriends' book on the floor, the Lieutenant crossed his arms over his chest with an air of hurt dignity. "Gee, thanks a lot, Chief," he mumbled, turning his nose up in the air to complete the reproachful image.

The Colonel only chuckled lightly in response. "You're welcome, Havoc. Merry Christmas. I tried to think of something you desperately needed, and it didn't take me long to come up with this. After all, for an expert like me-"

"Shut it, Colonel Bastard," Ed interrupted, shooting a death glare at the Flame Alchemist. "Your incessant bragging isn't making this little gift exchange feel any more holiday-like."

Mustang raised an eyebrow in the Fullmetal Alchemist's direction. "Really, Ed? I thought you'd be happy about that. You know, since you're so adamantly against Christmas and everything it entails…"

"Am not!" Edward shouted, jumping to his feet and shaking with restrained anger. "I just don't like the religious and superficial aspects of it, that's all! And besides," the blond added in a gentler voice, "this time of year makes Al happy."

The group quieted, and if armor could blush in embarrassment, Alphonse Elric would have had to hide his head. "Um, thanks, Brother. How about we move onto the next gift? We're almost through." The younger brother sounded insatiably happy, probably because he was surrounded by friends during the holiday season. "I think it's the Colonel's turn," Al continued gleefully, looking at his brother out the corner of a glowing eye.

-+-

In retrospect, it had been Alphonse's idea to involve Colonel Mustang's staff in a "Secret Santa" exchange. The younger Elric had wanted to bring the holiday spirit into the cold offices of the military headquarters, and he at least had influence over the Colonel's subordinates via his brother. The armored soul had written everybody's name on some pieces of scrap paper he'd found in Roy's trashcan - little did he know said scraps of paper were actually remnants of the Flame's shredded paperwork - and encouraged everyone in the office to partake in the plan.

Most had been eager to participate; not many could deny Alphonse Elric a chance of happiness. And the teen had been so excited about it…

And now it was a couple days before Christmas, and the group had gathered together to exchange gifts and reveal their "Secret Santa" identities.

Fuery had gotten Hawkeye a new collar and leash for Black Hayate, for which the First Lieutenant had smiled warmly and accepted with thanks. Fuery was still blushing and rubbing his head from having his gift so appreciated.

Hawkeye had then turned to give Al a book on alchemy he'd been wanting, with a note attached inside the cover reading: ' _Your brother doesn't know. Drop by the pet shop later on this evening.'_ There was a slightly demented picture of what was supposed to be a kitten at the bottom of the note, making Al giggle slightly in anticipation. It was the closest to a promise of a cat waiting for him that he'd gotten in years.

It made Al feel a bit guilty as he'd gone on to give Edward his present. He would have gotten Ed something anyway, since they were brothers and had been through so much together, but by some stroke of lucky - or perhaps irony - he had drawn his older brother's name from the Secret Santa hat. Along with yet another book on alchemy, the younger brother had included five "stay at the Colonel's home free" tickets. Hopefully Ed would use one of the tickets tonight, so Al could rush by to pick up the kitten Hawkeye had reserved for him at the pet shop.

Edward had reacted violently with swinging arms and random shouts of obscenities. Of course, everyone else was very interested as to what could have caused Ed to react that way - to a gift from _Alphonse_ no less! - but neither Elric would reveal what was included in the gift. The elder brother eventually calmed considerably before quietly asking: "So, how often are these tickets renewable?"

Al had simply laughed without answering, much to Ed's annoyance. The rest of the office just tilted their heads in confusion and concluded that it was "just an Elric thing."

The Fullmetal steadfastly refused to go next, claiming he wanted to be last. Mustang gave him a hard time about it, but Hawkeye's glare quieted the teasing Colonel.

Warrant Officer Falman had then stepped in before another fight could ensue. Eyes slit open as always, he thrust a gift in Fuery's direction. "Merry Christmas," he uttered, chuckling a bit as Kain Fuery carefully unwrapped his present. "I thought this way, you'd be prepared just in case another incident like Warehouse 13 happens again," the white-haired officer explained.

It was a battery-operated flashlight.

Fuery's blush from before deepened, and he enthusiastically nodded his head and clung to the flashlight. "Now, even in the dark, I can be sure to spot any phantoms or monsters before they reach me!"

Breda snorted and tugged the flashlight away, making Fuery cry. "An' you'll share, right? So you can protect the rest of us, right?"

Havoc threw the redhead's gift at him with a manic grin on his face. Breda dropped Fuery's flashlight in favor of his own gift before ripping open the wrapping paper - and immediately dropping it to shakily climb behind a sniggering Falman. There was a blown-up picture of a Doberman, with the dog's eyes seemingly staring straight out of the picture. And it was framed. "Just thought you needed some decorations for your dorm room," Havoc offered, chuckling derisively.

"You can have it, if you find it so funny," the Second Lieutenant muttered to the man he was hiding behind. "Along with this." Breda snatched one of the couple remaining wrapped gifts on the floor and handed it to Falman, hurriedly turning his own gift upside down so he wouldn't have to look at the scary dog.

Falman nodded his thanks and opened his present, finding a picture of Mustang's staff after the transfer back to Central. It meant a lot since he'd originally been stationed under Hughes's command before the Colonel allowed him to be part of the Flame's "military family."

Surprisingly enough, there was only one more gift waiting to be opened. Mustang chucked it at Havoc's head with a smirk, almost as if he couldn't wait for the blond man to open it.

-+-

"It is not the Colonel's turn!" Ed protested loudly in response to Al's suggestion. "We're still on Havoc's gift!"

Mustang blinked in surprise before nodding slowly. "If the runt wants to have everything else done with, then I suppose I can wait. This better be a damn good present, though, Fullmetal," he warned, using process of elimination to discern his Secret Santa.

Ed blushed at being caught and looked the other direction.

" _Tip One_ ," Falman read, stealing Roy's gift to Havoc from the floor. " _Never, ever surround yourself with potential dates when you'll be overshadowed by a much sexier man. You'll have no chance. This should be self-explanatory._ " The point of focus in the room quickly changed from the two State Alchemists to a fuming Jean Havoc and a smirking Flame.

Breda, forgetting about his disappointing present, took the book from his colleague and continued, " _Tip Two: Compliments, Charm, Character. The three "C's." If you don't have them yet, then there's really no hope for you. You might be interested in leeching what's left of the female population that doesn't care for those qualities. AKA, the Red Light District."_

Everybody except Al, Ed, and Hawkeye took turns reading the tips Mustang had freely given. Roy himself dictated the last tip of his guide: " _Don't try to be Roy Mustang. Women know a poser when they see one. And besides, if you really went after Roy Mustang's tastes, then you wouldn't need this book anyway."_ The Flame ended with a significant, heady look in Ed's direction, making the Fullmetal squirm in his seat. "You can't say I didn't add a personal touch," he said distractedly to the half-crying, half-hysterical Havoc.

"Too personal, sir," Hawkeye agreed, gathering up Black Hayate's new leash and collar.

Roy froze upon noticing her getting ready to leave, then barked an order. "Everyone down! We're not through here yet. Elric still owes me my gift, remember?"

Ed blushed and got up, heading towards the door.

"Edward?" Roy was confused. He started to stand to follow, then sat back down. Where was the little alchemist off to, anyway?

The Fullmetal stopped in his tracks, looking suggestively over his shoulder. "I thought you'd like to unwrap your present," the blond hinted while letting his red coat slide a bit off his shoulders, "in private."

The reaction was instantaneous. There was a lot of blushing and awkward coughing as people rushed to the door, carrying their presents. "Ah, Brother, I think you get to use my gift now," Al said, glad that his armor prevented anyone from seeing the mental evil smirk on his face.

Ed sputtered for a moment before giving in, plopping one of his 'tickets' into Al's gauntlet. "Don't-"

"Expect you home tonight, I know," Al giggled, giddily running after the crowd. He had a kitten he had to find a hiding place for, after all.

-+-

Roy sat still throughout the whole rush, keenly waiting for Ed to fulfill his promise. Once the room was empty save for the two alchemists, the older slowly beckoned the blond over to him, waving his finger in a "come hither" gesture.

Ed complied. "I really mean for you to unwrap your gift," he said, cutting off any possible retort by kissing Roy full on the mouth. He pulled back as Roy tried to pry his lips open, shaking his head in a teasing manner. "Not yet, stupid Colonel."

"Roy," Mustang corrected, still panting a bit heavily. Gloved hands nimbly pushed Ed's red coat off his shoulders, tugging the fabric off until it pooled in the floor by their feet. "There's the outer layer," he breathed triumphantly. Ed nodded and let the older continue unwrapping his gift, shivering in the cold air once his upper-half was completely unclothed.

"Yeah, and you're getting closer to your present."

Roy looked at the Fullmetal with a confused, adorable expression on his face. "I thought you were my present…?" he pressed.

"Essentially, yes," Ed responded, urging the older to finish what he started. Mentally shrugging, the Flame worked on ridding Ed of the pesky clothes on his lower-half. He froze once done, staring, while Ed laughed and thumped him on the back.

Tied to a certain appendage was a tag reading: _To My Bastard Flame, From Your-Not-So-Secret Santa. Merry Christmas._


	81. Misunderstandings

The end of March was a period of speculation for everyone in Colonel Mustang's office at Eastern Headquarters. Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye was especially thankful for the peace and quiet during those last few days of the month, only to become increasingly disgruntled once she realized the reason why those around her had recently become so lost in thought. And then she supposed she'd best enjoy the stillness while it lasted, because everything was going to explode in her face come the first of April. And no amount of threats backed by gunshots was going to prevent the hellfire that was going to break loose, especially once the Fullmetal Alchemist stepped one unlucky automail foot onto the military's property.

Havoc and Breda were leading the Prank-Campaign. Falman pretended to be above such nonsense, but Hawkeye caught him explaining the scientific facts as to why dropping a giant water balloon on their superior officer's hands would spell trouble. ( _Fiery revenge at a snap overrules two seconds of water bombing with menial supplies._ ) Fuery fidgeted and squeaked and wobbled to and fro in his chair, but was otherwise convinced to go along with any devious plans his co-workers planned. Hawkeye didn't know where she stood on the matter. On one hand, she knew she couldn't control the lot of them when they were so hyped up over an immature holiday, but on the other hand she realized she was the only sane one who could keep things from getting _too_ out of hand.

Because Colonel Roy Mustang was the biggest advocate of any possible schemes, specifically those concerning the involvement of one Edward Elric. The Flame Alchemist was entirely too caught up with coming up with the perfect prank to play on an unsuspecting teenage prodigy that he couldn't focus on any of his paperwork - a fact which annoyed the First Lieutenant to an extreme degree.

"Do you think Fullmetal would notice if I-" Roy started to ask, stopping only when Hawkeye's warning frown turned in his direction. Pausing, the soldier alchemist shrugged and bit his tongue, reminding himself to ask Havoc about his latest Fullmetal-prank-ideas because _some_ people - who were most certainly _not_ ill-humored blonde lieutenants who carried lethal weapons - were entirely too unappreciative of creative genius schemes at work.

The never-ending list of "short-jokes" was commonplace and thus not worthy of the greatest day in prank history. And anything else would simply go over the boy's head…because he was so damned short. Never mind the Fullmetal's proven intelligence. Right now, in the early planning stages, it was best not to think of the teen's intellect. It could stick a wrench in even the most brilliantly thought-out plans before they could be fully worked out.

"I wonder if I should-" Again, the Colonel paused before shaking his head and mournfully staring out the window. Even with Hawkeye out of the room, he was still having problems coming up with the perfect prank. "Even I'm not that cruel. And Ed thinks most of his missions are useless anyway, so he'd really blow a gasket if I intentionally gave him a fake assignment to work on. I mean, even I wouldn't say, 'Hey, Fullmetal. Guess what? I have a new mission for you, one that's really promising about the Stone. I bet you can get your bodies back! Oh, wait. April Fool's!'" A loud thunk sounded throughout the room as one overworked skull hit the edge of a mahogany desk. Repeatedly.

All that leftover paperwork made for a great pillow.

-+-

"…get your bodies back! Oh, wait. April Fool's!"

Edward Elric froze outside the door to Roy's inner office, flesh fist raised to knock until the meaning of the uttered words penetrated his brain. "That _bastard_!" the teen hissed to himself, looking over his shoulder only to spot his younger brother speaking pleasantly with the strict First Lieutenant. No help there. "How dare he even _think_ of saying something that cruel? Sure wish I could give him a piece of my mind. Or maybe offer him the Fuhrer-ship on a platter and then throw it in his face, that'd serve the asshole exactly what he deserves. The _bastard_ ," Ed kept repeating under his breath, swearing at the Colonel with all his pent-up rage.

Swiveling on his heel, he angrily brushed past Al and Lieutenant Hawkeye, shoulders stiffly scrunched to the side of his neck. Ed in stress mode. "C'mon, Al," he called. Not bothering with any explanations, the Fullmetal swiftly kicked open the door to the hallway, stomping in the opposite direction from where he'd meant to go originally. Anticipating the younger Elric's questions, the blond only nodded and said, "Yeah, I got my next mission. Let's go get started."

Riza Hawkeye merely raised an eyebrow. Nothing escaped her watchful gaze, such as how the young alchemist couldn't have received his orders since he'd never gone inside the office to retrieve them in the first place. This could only mean trouble on top of trouble.

-+-

"But what you're saying doesn't make sense. The Colonel wouldn't _order_ you to come up with an 'ultimate prank,' Brother," Al protested, internally wincing as the bed creaked under his weight.

Edward cringed at being caught in his lie; nothing ever got past Alphonse Elric. Especially a typical Ed-lie. "Well, uh," the older stammered, trying to defend himself against Al's accusing gaze. Al's gaze could be accusing, if one knew what to look for, which Ed did. "I…you didn't hear what that stupid Colonel said, Al! If you did, you'd want revenge, too!"

"Brother, you don't exactly _need_ a reason to get revenge on Colonel Mustang. You're _always_ looking for an opportunity to slug him or something. So I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you I'm not really inclined to believe what you say, except as a mere exaggeration," the younger brother calmly explained, holding up his hands to protect himself should Ed overreact.

Ed spluttered.

"Look. If you really want to do something to the Colonel, just think of something he's not expecting. You know how the Colonel is. He always wants to be on top of things; he loves when he's able to predict your every move. Just surprise him…and _try_ not to bring down the rest of Headquarters, Brother," Al pleaded, trying to placate his brother.

Ed continued to splutter before blushing and throwing himself onto a pillow.

-+-

"…not giving him the chance to be on top of me this time…" Ed mumbled under his breath the following day, inhaling deeply before kicking open the door. He glared at the Flame Colonel seated behind his desk, taking angry strides to give the good-for-nothing bastard a piece of his mind. And after he got everything off his chest, then, and only then, would the fun begin.

Roy Mustang looked up at the telltale sound of his door hitting the wall, part of the signature entrance of his youngest subordinate. "Ah, Fullmetal," he greeted politely, cursing that he hadn't come up with the perfect prank as of yet. Really, he might just have to fall back on short jokes. At least they were better than nothing.

Ed's face slowly turned red from the amount of effort he was putting into that hateful glare gracing his features. "You scum!" he shouted, pointing a gloved finger at his commanding officer. "It's…I mean, the pranks are supposed to be played out of _fun_ , not spite! And yet you think it'd be funny to tell me…and Al…you'd actually mess with our minds and pretend we're closer to getting what we've been searching for…? For your own stupid amusement? You bastard! You'd really find that _funny_? You sick, twisted-"

"Fullmetal!"

"How would you feel if I told you I could make you Fuhrer and then laugh in your face and kick you while you're down? Would you find that hilarious? Or what if I told you there was a way to bring back all those people you killed in the war, would you think that a great joke? Or what if I told you-"

"FULLMETAL!" Roy thundered again, leaping to his feet to match glares with the younger alchemist. He clutched the edge of his desk to stop the shaking in his hands, knowing that the teen's words were hitting home and not wanting to show he was affected at all. "What in alchemy's name are you _talking_ about?"

The teenager seemed to swell with fury, mimicking the Colonel's words from the day prior. "'Get your bodies back. Oh, wait. April Fool's!' Ring a bell, Colonel Bastard? That's _not something to joke about!_ "

Roy looked stricken for a moment as he tried to place the teen's accusations. "I don't recall ever saying…wait a moment. You don't mean you overheard me yesterday scheming to myself? You missed the beginning, Fullmetal. I started out by saying that I wasn't mean enough to say that to you, though the idea crossed my mind. Only someone as short as you could only catch half the message and then overreact to it."

It was somewhere between the punch to his face and the kick to his shin that Roy could have sworn he felt the younger alchemist's lips touch his. Only briefly, though, and even then it was questionable.

"Fullmetal, what…?" the Flame asked, dodging a couple more uppercuts to his jaw before Ed backed off, dropping into a defensive position. Roy backed up a few steps, letting his fingers trace where he'd thought Ed's mouth had just rested. Dark eyes narrowed at the younger alchemist, trying to assess the damage.

The blonde swung his fists a few more times in the Colonel's general direction before mocking the older: "Don't you get it, Mustang? Don't tell me you're overreacting when you've clearly missed half of what just happened. Here, let me explain. Sometimes violence and affection go hand in hand. Get over it." And he promptly took a few steps forward and dragged the Colonel's head to his level, pushing their faces impossibly closer than close.

Roy yielded, quietly accepting that Edward Elric had bested him at his own game. He pulled back after a moment or five, waiting for the inevitable bombshell. The 'April Fool's!' declaration, marking the intimacy as nothing but fake sentiment. Because surely that was all there was to it…?

There was silence for a time before Roy cleared his throat, raising his eyebrow at Ed. "And?" he prompted, wanting the blonde to just finish the tradition, yell "April Fool's!" and be done with it.

"And what?" Ed asked impatiently, tapping his foot. "I'm still waiting for you to apologize over that thing from yesterday."

"It was a misunderstanding on your part," pointed out Roy, stubbornly refusing to voice any apology whatsoever. It wasn't as if he'd intended to actually say something so mean to the teenage alchemist, and it wasn't his fault Ed was eavesdropping from the other side of the door.

"Bastard," Ed growled. Before yanking the other down for another kiss, because not all misunderstandings were bad ones.

And, Roy mused somewhere in the back of his mind, he'd have to warn Havoc and Company not to pull any pranks on the Fullmetal Alchemist. Because he didn't want any of them receiving this kind of treatment from the teenager. Ever.

"…not April Fool's…" Ed murmured somewhere in the middle of it, and somehow Roy couldn't find it in him to disagree.


	82. Blindfolded

Nobody in his right mind would try to overpower Edward Elric with a blindfold.

It was simply a stupid idea. The elder Elric brother hated to lose his semblance of control - because even though he oftentimes didn't show it, the Fullmetal Alchemist was extremely aware that he was a manipulated pawn of the military, and any pretenses of said control were only delusions of reality. And robbing the most prized State Alchemist of his sense of sight? Purely attempted suicide.

A whining teenager was a nuisance. A whining teenager with automail and bad-ass alchemy skills was unbearable to anticipate. It was bad enough on normal days, but a bereft-of-sight Edward Elric was truly something to be feared. Even the imagination was cause for suppressed groans and shivers.

Then again, Flame Alchemist Roy Mustang never could say he was quite right in the head. At least, not since the Ishbal War. And especially not since the Fullmetal Alchemist had joined his unit of soldiers. Which meant that - with the background of the Flame Colonel's thinning sanity covered - it was a perfectly logical and brilliant idea to jump the Fullmetal Alchemist and secure a white strip of cloth around piercing golden-amber eyes.

But no. Roy Mustang was not brave enough to do it himself, or maybe he was simply too smart. It was said that the term "brave" was synonymous with "stupidity," and Roy was unsure as to whether he'd prefer to be called either "brave" or "intelligent." His life-preserving instinct made up his mind for him quite clearly on the matter.

So when his subordinates, namely Lieutenants Jean Havoc and Heymans Breda, popped out from behind some furniture, pinned Ed to the wall, and hastily tied a blindfold around the prodigy's eyes, Roy Mustang was safely hidden under his desk behind a locked door. _He_ was smart enough to predict the instinctual reaction Ed would most likely have - mixing alchemy and automail into his most preferred weapon, the lethal blade, and swinging at any object within striking distance. And he was smart enough to wait until the initial tantrum passed, to wait until the Fullmetal Alchemist had calmed down, to wait until Edward accepted Mustang's underhanded victory.

A resounding silence echoing through the office after the sounds of frantic scuffling was not what Roy - or any of the other military personnel - was expecting. Had Havoc and Breda messed up? Was he two subordinates less than he was five minutes ago? Had Ed simply sliced them open, letting his reflexes react in self-defense?

The sound of a gunshot split through the air unexpectedly, making the undignified Colonel squeak and bang his head on the bottom of his desk. He froze then, listening as the lock fell, listening as the door swing open. Listening to two pairs of boots thud lightly across his floor, around his desk, to stand before his crouched position.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye," Mustang acknowledged, nodding. He carefully pulled himself from his hiding spot, climbing to his feet and brushing specs of dust from his uniform as he straightened his appearance. "I see you've brought me what I requested. Thank you and…you and the others may feel free to go home early for the day."

Hawkeye raised an eyebrow questioningly as her commanding officer tugged the strangely compliant, now blinded, blond teenager into his arms. "Sir?"

"That was an order," the Colonel barked, the no-nonsense tone of his voice spurring Riza Hawkeye out the door. Nobody in his - or her - right mind disobeyed the Colonel when he was that touchy, and there weren't many left in the office who would risk burning to death via flame alchemy. Then again, with the Fullmetal Alchemist behaving so calmly, perhaps anything was possible. What affected one alchemist usually affected the other.

What was the perverted bastard _thinking_? Why the _blindfold_? Did Ed not come willingly enough when called already? Was this some kind of new kink? Had Roy not often told him that his most striking features were his eyes? So why bother hiding them?

A hand on his shoulder startled the young alchemist from his musings. "What the hell, you bastard? What are you playing at?" Just as his hands surged upwards to rip the offending material off his eyes, a larger, gloved pair of hands caught at his wrists, holding firmly enough so as to prevent such action.

"No, Edward," Roy breathed into the blond's ear, making the teenager blush heavily and exhale a deep breath he'd been holding without realizing it. "You'll like this, I promise." Well, Roy hadn't been wrong about any of his promises yet…

Ed growled deep in his throat at the lustful undertones in Roy's voice. "Stupid bastard," he managed to hiss as the older alchemist eased the top two layers of clothing from his body. "What the hell are you doing to me?" But he knew. It was exactly what the Flame did to the Fullmetal at most of their other meetings, only on those occasions he'd been able to see Roy's devilish smirk, see Roy's black eyes narrowed in concentration, see Roy's tongue flicking out to lick -

"Is the anticipation killing you yet?" Roy whispered again into the back of his neck, pressing a soft kiss every once in awhile into Ed's skin. The blond shivered, most agreeably, aware that his skin was slowly turning extra-sensitive thanks to the darkness in front of his eyes.

Still, Ed figured he'd prefer to have his sight back, and soon.

"You stupid bastard…" the blond rasped again. Roy figured it was the only phrase Edward was capable of uttering. Maybe those three words had somehow been ingrained into Ed's very core demeanor towards Roy Mustang. Hell, the Flame might not put it past the blond to cry, "You stupid bastard!" at climax instead of calling upon the higher deity - that would be Roy, of course - and screaming to the rafters.

Roy hummed in response, shaking his head at the direction his thoughts had traveled. Insults in the bedroom…slash office? Well, it was part of their usual routine. The blindfold was not. Maybe he should focus on the blindfold instead. If he associated Ed's swearing and raging insults with sex, then he'd never get relief. The boy was constantly yelling up a storm, tossing swear words around left and right, and Roy really couldn't deal with a hard-on for that long without yanking Ed into some private quarters and devouring him - like, quite honestly, he should already be doing instead of thinking so much.

Who needed a brain when one had an armful of Edward Elric?

"Bastard…" Ed snarled, smoothing his hands over Roy's hair. It seemed he'd dropped the other two words, in favor of putting more emphasis on the endearment reserved for his Colonel. "I figured it would be something like this - right there, yes - and that this stupid blindfold was another one of your - ooooh, Roy - stupid KINKS -" he yelled, biting his lip before glancing furtively at the door before noticing he couldn't see past the confines of the blindfold around his eyes anyway, so there really was no use in looking.

He cursed himself for yelling the last word; Roy had put his hand _there_ before, so it shouldn't have been that much of a surprise. And yet…

And yet, knowing Roy was there, beyond his sight, was somehow arousing. That he could _feel_ the Flame Colonel fondle and kiss him and suckle on his lower lip without having to _look_ at the bastard…

Some would say it was the ideal situation.

"Is that why you let yourself be blindfolded?" Roy asked, pressing himself against the younger alchemist. "Because you knew I'd give you something good if you cooperated?"

"It's because I _trust_ you," Ed huffed in protest before adding, "…you stupid bastard. And your stupid blindfold."

-+-

Extra 

-+-

"So, _what_ am I supposed to do?" Ed asked, bewildered, as he strained to see past his blindfold. Through it, under it, however he could. He almost dropped the long, fluffy scarf held in his left hand as he concentrated. His Flame lover wanted him to _what_ exactly?

Roy sighed for the umpteenth time, clearly distressed. "Pin the tail on the Mustang, Ed. Really. It's not that hard. You've even had practice before, so this should be no big deal. Not for you…"

Ed smirked, and Roy thought maybe he'd best pull that blindfold down to cover that beautiful but scary mouth, because when Ed smirked like that, it only meant…"Drop your pants, Mustang. I'll only do this to your naked butt."


	83. Cotton

"Here, Edward. This should stop the blood flow." Roy tossed the younger alchemist a box, hiding behind his desk and bracing himself for the blond's explosion. He knew he was pushing it, but he so loved to rile the Fullmetal Alchemist that he often took unnecessary risks to get Ed wound up. It was his favorite pastime. Trying to tease Hawkeye just didn't have the same effect; he was used as target practice and he knew she was superior when it came to militant force.

The blond alchemist looked at the box and almost threw it away when he saw it was pink. But his natural curiosity got the better of him and he took a closer look, intent on seeing what was _inside_ the box before reacting, or overreacting, as the case may be. Taking a deep breath, he opened the cardboard flaps and looked inside – and choked. His eyes just about bulged out of his head and he dropped the box like it was a bomb and hurried for protection behind his Colonel. "What the _fuck_ did you just give me, you insensitive bastard?"

Roy shrugged, smirk still firmly in place. "I asked at the drugstore what to get my…partner…for when they started bleeding, _down there_ , and the clerk was ever so nice and wrapped this up for me. I thought I was being considerate, Edward, by thinking of you and your comfort. Because I know I'm a little rough sometimes." The Flame Alchemist looked a bit proud of himself at this comment, not apologetic at all.

"Fuck you, you asshole!" Ed shrieked, staying as far away from the innocent box on the office floor. "I'm not…there is no way…no way in _hell_ I'm sticking that up my ass!"

The Flame Colonel only sighed. "Edward, it couldn't be more painful than attaching automail. And besides, it wouldn't be the first time something's been stuck up _there_. It's only plastic. And the only part that _stays_ inside you is _cotton_ , so it wouldn't be bad at all. It might even be…comfortable. Like a handy little pillow for your prostate."

Ed stared at the other with disbelief. " _What_ did you just say?" He now wondered whether he should try to hide behind the box to get away from Roy. Maybe he'd gotten his priorities mixed up when he noticed what was inside the pink cardboard. The…things…couldn't help existing, but Mustang had deliberately bought the…things…for him, Edward…

Roy smiled, trying to come off as genuine even though Ed knew better. "Edward, I bought them for your own safety. I thought you might enjoy them. I'll even stand watch over you as you put one in the first time. There's nothing to be afraid of. I mean, they can't get stuck in you or anything. And Ed, it's _cotton_ and it will absorb the blood and then Al can't ask any questions about your stained sheets and underwear…just remember to replace them every four to eight hours so you won't get infected with a serious disease and you should be fine. And if you need some extra lube to get it up there, we have plenty in the desk drawer. Should we try now?"

The blond continued to stare. "If you love them so goddamn much, then why don't _you_ insert one into _your_ ass, bastard Colonel?"

Roy only smirked again. "Edward, that's silly. I'm the one doing the penetrating. It's your butt that will _need_ one to staunch the blood. And we have an entire box, so why don't we get started?"

Ed gaped. "You are fucking insane, Mustang."

Before Roy could respond, the door slammed open and five bullets whizzed through the air. Riza Hawkeye stuck her head into the room and Roy cowered in his seat, almost as if he was expecting to be shot for sticking a gloved hand into a cookie jar. Or in this case, Hawkeye's personal locker. "Colonel, have you seen my box of tampax?"


	84. Misinterpretations

Sometimes Roy Mustang translated Ed's frequent exclamations of, "Bastard!" to mean "I love you" in his head. When he caught himself doing it, he blamed the (wasted) years spent romanticizing his dates. He was just in the habit of being sentimental when it came to his relationships. And the terms "Edward Elric" and "sentimental" did not go together in the same thought pattern, lest human transmutation suddenly become legal and alchemically profitable. It would just never happen. So maybe Roy was a bit lost without the standard, conventional routine of flowers and whispered sweet-nothings and he couldn't help translating Ed's behavior into something he was a bit more comfortable with – not that he would be comfortable hearing Ed actually say the words, either. Ed just didn't go around spewing proclamations of love and affection.

That was Roy's job. He had plenty of practice, after all. It was with controlled effort that he bit his tongue in the office after being in a rather long relationship – by his standards – with the Fullmetal Alchemist. Well, mostly.

Ed was throwing his usual tantrum at the implied slight to his height disadvantage. "You…you utter _bastard_!" he ended with a yell, pointing an accusing finger at his commanding officer.

The usual smirk adorned Roy's face, and the usual personal translation of Ed's words flew through his brain. There was silence as the blond settled himself and Roy automatically let an, "I love you, too, Ed" slip past his lips.

Immediately, the blond was on the defensive again. "Mustang, I just called you a _bastard_. I didn't say anything about…about _that_ …" A light blush settled on Ed's cheeks and he fidgeted in discomfort. Where did his Flame lover get these ridiculous ideas? He was angry, dammit! He was not short! How in the world did Mustang get "I love you" out of "you utter bastard"? This proved it. Mustang was purely insane.

"You didn't? Are you sure?" Roy asked slowly, cursing himself internally for responding aloud.

Ed frowned. This, at least, was normal. Mustang was trying to play his usual mind-games. "Conniving bastard," the teen muttered, looking at the floor simply because it was easier than looking at Roy's face.

"See?" Roy pressed, leaning forward over his desk. "Was I right?"

Ed glared and took some steadying breaths before answering the floor. "I think you got a hearing problem, old man. Maybe you're delusional, too. Completely crazy. Geez, if I had as many problems as you, I'd want to get them checked out. I mean, not that I'm concerned for your mental health or anything – I'm just saying you might have some serious issues you need to work through, you know? You're hearing things that aren't really there. Have you always had this problem? I seem to remember you always being _a_ problem, a real pain in the –"

"Are you done yet?" Roy stood confidently in front of the teen, having crossed the room unseen thanks to the younger alchemist's fixation with the floor, one hand reaching out to grasp Ed's chin. Slowly, he tilted Edward's face towards his own, forcing eye contact; Ed had too much pride to close his eyes in a weak attempt to escape his lover's knowing gaze.

Sometimes Edward Elric translated Roy's teasing questions like "Are you done yet?" to mean "Can I kiss you now?"


	85. Anything

"Anything?"

"I said 'anything,' didn't I? Stupid bastard," Ed huffed, mindlessly swinging his automail leg in Roy's general direction. "I always keep my word. You know that." He frowned reproachfully at Mustang from his spot on the bed, replaying the past half-hour in his head.

_Mind if I join you?_

_If I did, bastard?_

_Ah, I understand. Youth can't be trusted with their lovers in the shower. I see how it is. Well, if you'd rather be in there by yourself…_

_…Wait…_

_Yes, Edward?_

_You can come in…but I'll prove to you I'm not some over-hormonal teenager who sees shower-time as sex-time!_

Roy nodded. "But will you really let me do _anything_? Without overreacting?"

Ed struggled with himself for a moment before letting the tension seep from his shoulders. Really, he was at a great disadvantage; there were millions of possibilities and Roy Mustang would have his permission in advance to do _anything he wanted_. The thought was scary when Ed thought about it, but he was definitely not going to back down. He lost the bet, after all, and it would be cowardly to go back on the terms and conditions. He would not lose face in front of Roy Mustang; he would endure it, would tolerate any kind of humiliation. He'd even agree to wear the dog collar to headquarters. Since it was Roy he was talking about, it was probably something suggestive or sexual he had in mind. The other scary thought was that Roy got free reign on having "anything" he wanted for an entire twenty-four hours. "Anything that involves _me_ ," Ed clarified. "You will not drag Al or the military into our little games, got it?"

Again, the older alchemist nodded. "Of course," he replied smoothly, without missing a beat. "This is strictly between us. Is that the only limitation?" Before his younger lover could respond, Roy was already reaching for the wadded up pillowcase at the end of the bed. "Because if that's it, then I'd really like to get to making the most of my prize."

The blond narrowed his eyes at the pillowcase but didn't resist when Roy stuffed it in his mouth. 'To muffle the sound,' as the Flame explained. A few agonizing seconds of suspense followed and the blond glared and bit hard into the bedding between his teeth. It didn't taste very good; it smelt heavily of bleach this close to his nose. At least the bastard had enough consideration to gag him with something newly cleaned instead of stained from recent goings-on under the covers. Squirming on the bed, Ed looked at the other as if to say, _Well_ _? What next?_

"Now the fun begins," Roy murmured and let his index finger trail softly across Ed's cheek. Almost tenderly. "Except I'm warning you, Ed, it might hurt. Can you bear with me? You promised me anything I wanted." The last bit was thrown in as a reminder, as if Ed _could_ forget his promise when he was already gagged and willing to give anything Roy asked of him.

Edward nodded fiercely, only managing to get a strangled moan of fear and anticipation past the pillowcase. He screwed his eyes shut and waited. And waited. And finally opened his eyes to see Roy staring at him bemusedly, much closer than he was five seconds prior. He bit the pillowcase again and realized with a strange sense of loss that Roy couldn't kiss him when his mouth was stuffed with bedding.

The older man smirked and leaned forward some more, dropping soft kisses along Ed's face until his lips brushed against the blonde's ear. "You said anything," he reiterated. One hand cupped the other side of Ed's face as he continued whispering, feeling his lover shiver against him from the intimacy. "You like this, don't you, shorty? My cute little shrimp. You're positively minuscule, tiny, _small_. You can't throw a big fuss, Ed, because you agreed to this." The Flame nipped at the younger alchemist's earlobe as a warning, feeling Ed stiffen at hearing the succession of jokes aimed at his height-complex. And there was still the entire day to go.

And suddenly Ed knew why Roy had taken the precaution of gagging him.


	86. That Look

Alphonse Elric has grown up watching _the look_ that was now adorning his brother's face. It was the look of painful separation between lovers, the look they got when they were apart from one another and didn't know when fate would next allow them contact. It was the look of determination to make it through the period alone, to be strong and hold up and pretend there was nothing wrong in the first place. It was the look of longing for that feeling of comfortable familiarity, for the warmth and security felt when next to one's significant other.

Edward would never admit to it, but he doesn't have to. His younger brother has been known to be perceptive; Al knows what his older brother is going through every time they board a train to take them far from wherever the Colonel is stationed, be it in Central or East City or on some random mission not near any military headquarters. Al knows Ed pretends to not care, that he is reckless bordering on insanity while on missions because he wants to finish quickly and return home to Roy Mustang. Only when there is a substantial lead on the Philosopher's Stone, which there hardly ever is, does Ed let himself be distracted enough from thoughts of his partner.

Al knows when Ed is thinking about his Flame Colonel. Sometimes when Ed stares at his reflection in the train window, his face relaxes and his eyes seem to look past the windowpane, and Al knows it's not the cows dotting the countryside that put that distant, content smile on his brother's face. Sometimes in the hotel rooms where they spend the night, Ed whimpers in his sleep and shivers and Al knows to give up his bedding – he has no use for it anyway – and try to make a pillow-replica of Roy Mustang for his brother to lean against in his sleep. When morning comes and Ed finds himself whispering a, "g'morning, bastard," to a pile of pillows before he fully wakes up, Al smiles softly to himself and turns the other way, giving his brother privacy to come to terms with the fact that Roy isn't there to hold him.

And sometimes when Ed is studying an alchemy book, he lets his fingers idly trace a transmutation circle on the pages – only he isn't tracing the array he is currently studying, but rather the array found sewn on the Flame Alchemist's gloves.

Even though Al has grown up watching _the look_ , he knows there are notable differences between "then" and "now." For one thing, Ed is the one doing the actual "leaving" most of the time; he's not waiting helplessly at home, dying of heartbreak. Ed is too strong to die of merely heartbreak, anyway. Another thing is that Roy knows exactly where Edward is when they are apart – and even if Ed is annoyed at his lover's detailed accounts of the Fullmetal's escapades before the official report, he is grateful for Roy's interest in his well-being. There is a mutual relationship between them, one where they both understand the risks and dangers associated with who they are and what they're doing. There are no hidden secrets. Just pained looks when apart for a lengthy period of time, looks that Alphonse has come to term as, "I'm thinking of you" looks.

The most noticeable difference between Edward and their mother, though, is that Trisha Elric's eyes never lit in joy at being reunited with the lover she yearned to hold once more.


	87. Molten Moonlight

Ed's eyes were twin suns, and closed eyelids did nothing to eclipse the fierce spark that illuminated their depths, never masking the burning, alive intensity. Roy felt like the moon when Ed looked at him, when Ed's light and energy seeped into his own being and reflected back to the rest of the world – it was Ed whom he circled and orbited, it was Ed who dictated the precious seconds of his day, it was Ed who was constant and sure and central in the very midst of his life.

As a moon, Roy waxed and waned according to Ed's position in his daily routine. When he knew Ed was coming back from one of his missions, Roy waxed and grew – from new moon to crescent to first quarter moon to waxing gibbous and finally full when he was in Ed's presence, full and round and bright silver. The others saw it in the way he finished his paperwork without complaint, the way he followed orders, no questions asked, even from Hawkeye whom he technically outranked, the way he seemed more focused on his goals, and the way in which his mouth curved into a small, genuine smile when he thought nobody could see him staring at Ed.

The moon never directly orbited the sun; the intermediary planet was comprised of Roy's goals and ideals, his thoughts and emotions that without fail always led him back to the center that was Ed. His plans and ambitions revolved around the sun's continued existence, always wanting to be sure of its safety and life. His thoughts and feelings were his innermost core, and the extension of his soul – torn apart from his main body from the detrimental clash, the first glimpse of his personal sunlight of redemption, and left quaking in an empty ball of loose, hanging rock – was the moon that caught Ed's rays and glowed outwardly in response. His glow was always dim in comparison, but he fed off Ed's fire and oftentimes that was sustenance enough.

For although Roy's specialty was fire, it was hard not to be in awe of the size and strength of the essence truly captured. Ed's fire was natural, comprising the core of his inner self, the driving force that affected everyone around him and tugged them into orbit. Roy's fire was learned, given form through gloves and alchemy and only lasting a few seconds in face of the real thing. Ed's fire was captivating, and Roy felt a personal connection with it, like he was tied through science to the boy and science was their god and string that bound them together with a gravitational pull.

Roy didn't know exactly where his axis lay, but he knew it tilted towards Ed and that was enough for him to go on.

There were reasons the suns and moon were never meant to be intimate, problems and issues that zipped between them like bolides and asteroids, keeping them apart. It was too dangerous to fly through them, and there were too many floating rocks that would cut deeply on impact. Age and rank and gender and goals and _circumstance_ , and altogether the asteroids proved a formidable barrier, a belt of chipped space rock restless to destroy.

And because there were two suns in such close proximity, the pull was that much greater – the pull that unquestionably brought them closer together. But Roy was in orbit, forced to watch and wait and circle a certain diameter around the center of his gravity. He was meant to circle, endlessly, and never touch, because a collision of such magnitude would only lead to destruction for them both. He was a satellite to Ed's suns, and it didn't matter that Ed made him feel a dazzling silver fire as molten moonlight.


	88. Neighbors

"What are you staring at, Edward?"

The blond teen had been staring over the top of his book for the last ten minutes, seemingly staring off into space. Fingers mindlessly clutched the tome, doing it out of habit rather than for the actual sake of reading. His bare left foot tapped impatiently on the floor, and Roy was glad the floor was carpeted or he'd have a headache from listening to automail clink against wooden floorboard. Jerking out of his stupor due to his lover's voice, Ed cast a quick look at Roy and resumed staring forward, out the front window. "That woman has been standing on the sidewalk in front of our house for the past fifteen minutes. Sometimes she starts to come up to the door, but she always turns around and ends up back on the street."

The older alchemist swiveled around to look. "Oh, that's Mrs. Kidder. She lives across the street and two houses over; she's the one with a bunch of brats running around."

"Oh. Glad you recognize her. I was just going to transmute her into something agreeable looking. I mean, if she's just going to stand there and gawk at our house, I should at least make her into a _pretty_ lawn decoration. Right, Roy?" Ed asked, carefully setting his book down on the couch. "She's starting to creep me out." Said neighbor was rather sore on the eyes, with fashion sense worse than Ed's and yellow, crooked teeth peeking out from behind cracked lips. She was a bit overweight after bearing a "bunch of brats," as Roy termed them, and the way she leaned to one side to support her body spoke of laziness and personal neglect.

Roy sighed. "Edward, you can't just transmute her into something for standing there."

"No, for standing on private property uninvited," Ed clarified, pushing himself to his feet. "If she doesn't come ring the doorbell in five seconds, I'm going to go see what the hell she wants."

"Edward…" Roy sighed again and strode over to the blond, wrapping his arms around Ed's chest to keep him firmly in place. "I wish you wouldn't upset the neighbors. They live in this community, too, and I'd rather not be at odds with them. Settle down, Ed." He spun the younger alchemist around, dropping a light kiss on his lips and cursing as the doorbell finally rang before he could get into it.

Ed groaned, and Roy took it upon himself, as the official owner of the house, to open the door. After all, the sooner he finished with the outside world, the sooner he could get back to Edward. "Hello? Why, Mrs. Kidder! Haven't spoken to you in awhile. Lovely day, isn't it?" Nobody could say Roy Mustang was incapable of being charming.

"Yes, hello Roy. I'm actually here to ask you a favor, from one neighbor to another. See, my little girl is having a birthday party today, and the whole neighborhood's been invited to celebrate. And, well, I was also wondering if I could count on you to be part of the entertainment? The kids would love it," Mrs. Kidder rambled, wringing her hands together. "My husband and I would greatly appreciate your contribution."

The Flame blinked; that was certainly unexpected. "Ah—well, I had plans today, but I'll see what I can do. Is it all right if I bring a friend with me?"

The neighbor lady nodded. "Of course. We were planning on it." Before Roy could question what _that_ meant, she was already hurrying down the walk and he was left talking to an empty doorstep.

"What the hell was so important that it took her a quarter of an hour to face the front door?" came a rough voice from behind him, and Roy realized he still had very welcome "company" already trapped inside the house.

"Apparently, she wants me to entertain some kids at a birthday party. I am famous for my alchemy, you know," Roy boasted, snapping his fingers in Ed's face and savoring how the blond jumped back out of pure instinct. "I don't have my gloves on, idiot," he said fondly, dragging Ed back to him for another kiss.

Edward shuffled closer and, when they stopped to breathe anyway, asked, "And you told her you're too busy to go, right?" He dragged Roy's head down for more, stopping only when he realized he _had_ to drag because Roy wasn't moving of his own accord.

"I told her I was bringing you with me," Roy answered and timed the next kiss to his advantage, muffling any protests he knew were forthcoming.

-+-

"I still don't see why I had to come," Ed complained, looking about and sulking when a preteen girl stood taller than him at the buffet table.

Again, Roy rolled his eyes. "Because you're the _Fullmetal_ _Alchemist_ , Ed. Of course you'd be a main attraction at any kid's birthday party. Besides, you love to show off your alchemy."

Mumbling under his breath, Ed turned to face the other direction, still scowling.

"Excuse me, Mr. Mustang?" Roy glanced down at the newly-turned-eleven-year-old, raising an eyebrow. "Yes? Are you ready to be amazed with some fire alchemy, kid?"

The girl looked confused. "Of course not, Mr. Mustang. You're not here to do alchemy." Ed twitched beside him, bristling. "You're here as part of the circus act. My dad calls you 'the fag freak-show.'"

Roy was too stunned to react, but Ed's right fist caught around the kid's shirt and tugged her menacingly closer to interrogate. "Where. Is. Your. Dad?" He shook the girl once or twice for good measure, and Roy was still too shocked to scold and remind Ed of "public image" and "child abuse" and "court-martial."

"I…I don't know…" the girl sniveled. "Pleaseputmedown!"

Snarling in disgust, Ed did as she requested – he couldn't hold a little girl's parents' prejudices against her – and yelled at the entire party: "Okay, listen up, bastards. What sick, unfortunate idiot is this brat's father? He's got a damn good beating coming to him, and I'd hate for him to miss it. Same goes for anyone who tries to stick his nose into Roy's and my personal life. If you've got a problem with our relationship, you can shove it up your asses and choke on your own goddamn livers! If Roy wants to screw around with another guy, it's nobody's right to judge him on it – _especially_ when that guy is me, the freakin' Fullmetal Alchemist! So if any of you all _still_ got a problem with it, just lemme know 'cause I'd _love_ to transmute you into the pieces of shit you are. And if you invited us here to gawk at our lifestyle, why don't we freakin' _give_ you something to gossip about? If you wanted us to have gay sex on your lawn, then you should have just said so _in the first place_!"

Roy wanted to sink beneath the earth's crust, and maybe the mantle, too, just to be sure. He'd be right at home amidst liquid fire. Edward was throwing one of his infamous temper tantrums, yelling and raging and shaking his fists and clapping his hands and glaring, and Roy knew it would be the talk of the neighborhood for decades to come. He could hear their voices in his head running like a newspaper headline - "High-ranking military officer's gay lover destroys private property at innocent kid's birthday party." Of course he was touched that Ed had no qualms about stepping up and defending their relationship, but it was still rather embarrassing and he _was_ drawing even more attention to the issue. Then again, Roy couldn't find it in him to be surprised. Edward Elric thrived off attention.

The crowd at the party just gaped. Toddlers ran to hide behind their mothers' skirts, and some of the older generation just looked guiltily to the ground. One young man had the gall to clap after Ed's outburst, but was quickly silenced by his mother when she threatened not to feed him. The neighbors were all thoroughly stunned, and Roy knew that if anyone could silence an entire neighborhood with a few expletives and shocking rants, it would be Ed. He wasn't sure if he should be proud of his lover for that or not.

Mrs. Kidder crouched behind the punch bowl, and Ed started towards the buffet table. Roy wasn't sure if he was grabbing some food before making a dramatic exit (it would be a very Ed thing to do), or if he noticed the woman who'd gotten them into this mess and was going to make good on his promise from earlier. Roy didn't know if he had the heart to stop Ed from transmuting the bitch into anything.

Nobody else moved as Edward strode across the grass. "If you guys have anything to say, then by all means," Ed snapped as he passed people. "Just give me a reason to do you in. I swear I will. You all have no idea what Roy and I have been through, so you've got no right to make a public mockery out of the only damned _good_ thing in both our lives. If I believed in god, I'd tell you all to go to hell, but as it is…"

"Edward."

The blond stopped before he reached the free food, looking over his shoulder at his longtime lover. "Yeah, Roy?"

"Just stop. They're going to believe what they want to, so just let it go. Yes, they're immature idiots, but right now you're not acting any better. Let's just go home, all right?" The older alchemist pleaded, wondering how his voice could stay so calm despite the turmoil inside. He guessed it was due to years of practice.

Ed paused before marching back to Roy's side. "I just stood here for five minutes putting these judgmental freaks in their places and defending _us_ , and you're calling me an 'immature idiot'? What the hell is wrong with you, Roy?"

"Oooh, lover's spat!" screeched the young man in the background, the one who'd clapped in support of Ed's heated fit. Both alchemists' glares were enough to quiet him up.

Roy sighed again and he felt the weight of the day's mishaps sinking into his soul. "I'm calling you hot-headed," he replied, grabbing Ed's hands before he could clap. "And you are, Ed. That's okay. For the most part. But don't get so worked up. They're just neighbors; who cares what they think?"

Edward seemed to deflate as the excess anger melted away at Roy's touch. "Does that mean I can scream as loud as I want to at night?" he asked, and he grinned at Roy's nod and started towards the gate. "Wait. One last thing," the teen said, one hand on the gate latch and one hand on Roy's shoulder.

The older man didn't know what Ed was planning before he felt the familiar feel of his lover's lips moving against his, displaying their feelings to the entire neighborhood in a way unquestionable as to the true status of their relationship.

"That was for the sick freaks who called us out here to do just that. I hope it got you off, bastards," Ed growled before tugging Roy back to the enclosed privacy of their own house.


	89. Box

The entire office was busy. Normally the Colonel would be promoting "holiday relaxation" around this time of year, which Hawkeye knew to be his "December excuse to be lazy," but this season was different. Alphonse Elric was organizing a food drive to help the less fortunate, and the Colonel was happy to supply his men to help. It would only help his image, both in the public's eye and the Fuhrer's. As long as they weren't using military funds to waste on the lower half of society, then the higher-ups were pleased at how they were raising civilian morale. The entire organization was funded through commonplace services like bake sales; of course, such events backfired when Edward Elric, the bottomless pit of Amestris, was in the same vicinity as cheap food. (" _I get to eat the cookies for free, Al. I helped make them,_ _dammit_ _…Well, I was in the kitchen when YOU made them. That counts! C'mon, Al! Have pity on_ _meee_ _!")_

Breda was struggling with a heavy box of canned food, and Havoc rushed to help steady him before he dropped everything on the floor. Fuery and Al had already left with the first round, eager to be out making a difference before anyone else was done with his morning coffee. Falman was making a list of the different shelters and orphanages throughout Central and devising a route that would accomplish their task with the most velocity and least energy. Hawkeye was readying the office for the small break coming up; putting files away, sweeping the Colonel's crumpled paperwork into the wastebasket, arranging the room to last for the couple days no one would be there to man the fort.

Colonel Mustang was overlooking the mess his office was in, hoping that maybe Hawkeye wouldn't notice that his latest stacks of paperwork were being used as tissue paper and packing peanuts in the charity boxes, cushioning the food from jostling. More often than not, his eyes were trained on his youngest subordinate, watching Ed wander around the office in a daze. "Fullmetal," he called when the blond finally ambled over to the pile of food closest to him – the pile he was supposed to have been packing into boxes all this time. Roy Mustang was not known for his efficiency.

Startled, Ed glanced at the older alchemist. "Yeah, bastard?" he asked, though without the usual spark. It was just a word, a common greeting by now, not meant to mean anything exceptional.

"May I have a word with you in my office? I have something for you," Mustang said slowly, seeing if Ed would snap out of his memories to join the chaos of the present. Ed stared at him for the longest time with an unreadable expression.

Finally, the teen nodded and took a small step towards the Colonel's private office, separate from the outer offices they were currently occupying. "All right, Mustang."

Roy waited for the younger to walk into the room before following, making sure Ed wouldn't bolt. "You okay? You seem a bit out of it."

Ed shrugged. "'m fine. Mom used to always send me an' Al to the shelter with our holiday leftovers. It's just hard…remembering. 'Cause she's not here to be proud of us, to be proud of _Al_ for keeping up with what she wanted us to do. I didn't even think of the hungry or homeless. I…I've been too focused on the Stone to even think that anybody else might be worse off…"

Mustang sighed and settled on the couch, leaning his elbow on a fair-sized wrapped box. He'd never thought Ed would actually open up to him. "I think she'd be proud of you for putting your little brother first," he said, hoping his words would soothe and comfort.

"You think so?" Ed asked, lifting his face and Mustang wondered why Ed was seeking reassurances from _him_. He'd never even met the Fullmetal's mother; how would he know what she valued? But if he could use any words to brighten Ed's spirit…

"I do," he said. When there was a long silence, he decided to change the subject, to bring up the whole reason for inviting Ed in here. "So, Ed. I got you a present." Mustang shot a smirk at the teen, savoring the high that came from Ed's expected sputters – _I didn't get YOU anything, bastard, it's not EQUIVALENT –_ and gloating inside that he snapped Ed out of his funk. He grabbed the box from under his elbow and tossed it at the younger alchemist, chuckling when it knocked Ed off his feet. Which didn't make sense because it wasn't heavy at all.

Edward glared from his place on the floor, kicked the box to the other side of the room, and rolled to his feet.

Mustang sighed. "You shouldn't have done that. There might have been something fragile in there."

The teen grinned and went to retrieve the box, miffed at the imbalance between them now but still insatiably pleased that Roy thought of him enough to buy him a gift – _Roy thought of him_. "Then you would never have thrown it at me in the first place," he countered, lifting the fallen box and shaking it. Nothing rattled inside, but Ed was too busy listening to the whirs of his thoughts – _Roy thinks of me, Roy singled me out to give me something,_ _RoyRoyRoy_ _–_ to notice that the box felt too light to hold anything of substance. "You didn't have to get me anything, bastard," he said, though a bit of fondness leaked into his voice.

Roy watched as Ed ripped the wrapping paper apart, knowing that it was just Ed's way, too impatient and totally lacking in manners or decorum to take things slow and right. "I know. That's why I didn't."

Ed stopped moving altogether once he'd reached inside the now-open box to grasp – air. "What? …It's just an empty box!" He glared, turning to face Mustang. "You called me in here to give me a goddamn _empty box_?" He didn't want to admit he'd been a bit excited at the prospect of Roy Mustang giving him a present, but it was a big enough let-down that it couldn't all scrunch behind his "I don't give a damn" façade.

"Come on, Edward. If it wasn't a perfectly-made Philosopher's Stone specially gift-wrapped and delivered right to your door, would you honestly want anything I have to offer?"

The blond took his time to consider. Even if Mustang was a self-centered jerk, he had still cared enough to talk him out of his holiday depression. And he had helped and covered for him on multiple occasions, and he looked damn good…not that Ed would ever admit looking, and then Roy was only sexy when Ed looked. Which was never. Especially not now. Ed shifted awkwardly, biting his lip too late, clamping down only after he answered a resounding, "…Yes."

Roy rose to his feet, as if the word had been a lasso tugging him towards the blond enigma before him. "You would?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. It was rather hard to believe Ed would answer in that way. "What do you want of me then, Edward?"

The blond continued fidgeting, looking off to the side so Roy could see the light dust of red gracing his cheeks. "You know," he said, waving his hand about in a vague motion because Roy knew _everything_ and he should know this, too. It was too embarrassing to actually speak aloud, even if everyone else was busy with the food drive and couldn't witness his humiliation. It was bad enough Mustang was here – and even though this whole thing revolved around him, Ed was sure he'd be more comfortable if Mustang was somewhere else – say, a closet or on the other side of the world.

"I _don't_ know," Roy said, only half-truthful, and Ed twitched at the gentleness in his voice. Gentle did not go with Roy Mustang. The man was completely throwing him off.

Ed let his eyes flick to the puzzled man, now only a step away instead of being the safest distance on the couch. "Don't pretend you don't notice," he mumbled, motioning between the two of them until Roy caught his frantically moving hand, held him hard, and kissed him quiet. Ed's next words were muffled in the Colonel's chest, but being Ed, they were loud enough to carry around the entire city. "Though if you've been holding out the Stone on me after so many years, you do know I'd kick your ass to Ishbal and back and use it to put _you_ in armor. I'd much rather have the Stone than have you. Bastard."

Roy hid his smile in Ed's hair. Some things just weren't worth arguing about.


	90. Snores

Roy blindly reached across the bed, fingers desperately searching for the warm body mass that he, even in his sleep, knew should be present in his bed. The cold blankets next to him puzzled the Flame; he frowned, eyes scrunched and mouth pulled into a worrisome, taut line. Edward Elric was missing. The little brat wasn't in bed where he should have been, especially when Roy wanted to doze. The thought jerked Mustang the rest of the way into wakefulness. "Even when I'm sleeping, he just _has_ to keep me awake," he grumbled moodily to himself. How dare that short lover of his?

Sometimes Edward would be randomly inspired in the middle of the night, and Roy would wake and find him in the library frantically scribbling notes. Most of the time he would borrow Roy's bathrobe, but there were times he was so anxious to get a new theory on paper that he'd dash downstairs naked. Those were the times Roy was more likely to forgive him, since it meant he got an extra dosage of the blond's body. When that happened, though, Ed would _jerk_ out of bed in a matter of seconds and sometimes fall over on himself in his haste. He'd bump into furniture or the wall and make such a racket that Roy usually woke up mere seconds after he did. The sheets were always fresh with Ed's scent, and Roy always knew why Ed was out of bed at the dastardly time of three twenty-seven in the morning.

This time, Ed's side of the bed was cold.

It was nothing to panic about, Roy assured himself. Maybe Ed had finally learned some consideration; maybe he'd learned to rein in his enthusiasm. Perhaps he was in the library, studying, like always. Roy always went to retrieve him. And if the sheets were cold, Ed had already had a long time to get the important parts of his brilliance out of his head. It was time to drag the younger alchemist back to bed.

Only Edward _wasn't_ in the library. He was on the couch in the living room, sleeping soundly in a nest of blankets and pillows that Roy knew came from his linen closet. The little brat had _deliberately_ chosen his new sleeping arrangements. That _short_ little…! Was Roy so terrible in bed that he'd forced the blond to the couchof all places? The _couch_? Should he change the common threat between them from "you're sleeping on the couch tonight" to "you're sleeping with _me_ tonight"? It shouldn't have been that much of a punishment, to sleep with him; he was Roy Mustang, dammit! People everywhere wanted to climb into bed with him. How dare Ed so openly defy him like this?

…It was nothing new, Ed openly defying him, but the sleeping on the couch certainly was, and Roy would not stand for such changes in his household. Dammit, Ed was going to sleep with him whether he wanted to or not! He stood there seething in the dark, mourning the fact that his gloves were upstairs, looking at his blond lover snuggled into the couch cushions. It was incredibly insulting.

-+-

Out of the darkness, Ed's voice jolted the Flame out of his musings. "Roy, what're you doin' down here?"

"I should be asking you that, Ed. Why the hell aren't you in bed with me where you belong?" He hoped his face was scary, but it was dark anyway so it was a moot point. He just hoped the tone of his voice would be enough to spur Ed back upstairs.

There was only one reason Edward Elric would refuse to sleep with Roy Mustang. After a long, hesitating moment, Ed calmly – calmly! – explained, "Roy, you snore."

It was the last thing Roy was expecting to hear, and he about fell over from astonishment. " _What?_ I do not snore, Edward. You're sorely mistaken. I don't even know where you got the idea. It's so absurdly ridiculous it doesn't even warrant an argument. Now come on. Back upstairs. We both have work in the morning, and we need sleep."

"I was having a fine sleep down here," the blond tossed back, and Roy could hear the venom in his voice. "And you _do_ snore, Roy. Something awful. I tried tapping you to roll over, I tried shaking you awake. Hell, I even tried pushing you off the bed. You're just impossible!"

Roy was utterly indignant. How could Ed accuse him of something so ludicrous? He didn't snore! None of the women he'd brought home over the years had ever complained. Well, they'd never exactly _slept_ over…but…that was beside the point! He couldn't be a snorer, because he just…he just couldn't! It was too undignified for a person like him to have such a trait. There. That ought to shut Ed up. Stiffly, he ground out, "I. Do. Not. _Snore_."

"Do you want me to imitate you?" Ed asked sharply, and proceeded to make all sorts of disgraceful snorting noises.

"I…I do not sound like that!" Roy protested, voice coming out high in his panic. Ed didn't _really_ believe he snored, right? It had to be some kind of prank, telling him that.

The blond shrugged. "I know you can't help it if your soft palate vibrates while you sleep, Mustang. But I can't stand sleeping next to you with your nose in my ear, snoring away. Sorry." He didn't sound sorry at all; Roy cursed him for it.

"I can't believe you," the older said, exasperated. "Now stop this nonsense and come back to bed."

Edward shook his head; Roy could barely see his silhouette in the already dark room. "No. I will not sleep next to you while you snore." He turned over on his side, facing the back of the couch, and Roy burned with the indignation of it all. Spurned by his lover for the couch! The _couch!_ And for such an unheard of excuse as _snoring_!

"Fine," he replied, his voice like acid.

"Fine," Ed said pleasantly from his spot on the couch. "I'll see you later, then."

" _Fine_ ," Roy said again, angrily marching from the living room. "I'll go 'snore' in peace, by myself," he threw out as he started up the stairs.

"That was the point." Ed's voice echoed throughout the house.

Roy twitched again, gritting his teeth. " _Fine_."

Only to get back an answering, unruffled, "Fine" from the floor below.

Roy paused, turned, and stomped all the way back to the living room. He flipped on the switch and stuck only his head into the room, watching Ed's golden eyes blink in the new light. Almost pleadingly, "Sooo…we _are_ still on for sex tomorrow morning, though, right?"


	91. Hygiene

"I'm sorry, Edward, but you are no longer allowed on this bed. I have taken the liberty of setting up an air mattress for you on the floor. It's a bit out of the way, just so I don't trip over you in the dark in case I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I hope you don't mind. It's in the corner – no, wrong corner. To the left. I only have one extra blanket, but you're a capable alchemist; I'm sure you can manage with something else." Roy looked up from his coded alchemy journal, a completely serious look adorning his face as he secretly enjoyed the blond's enraged flush.

The teen scowled and clenched his teeth, his forehead throbbing in agitation. "What the hell, Mustang?" How dare the bastard kick him out of bed? It was half his by rights! He'd even made his stupid Flame lover sign a personal contract when they decided to share housing, just knowing how manipulative Roy could be; Ed knew Roy's smarmy nature, knew how sooner or later, the bastard would do something to royally piss him off. Those times were often, but never had their fights escalated to war over bedding rights.

The older alchemist shrugged one shoulder, almost disinterestedly. "You scratched me last night. I bled. I had to wash the sheets to get the blood out. For causing me extra work, and to prevent such an incident from ever happening again, I have decided to suspend your bed-sleeping privileges. Consider this a first offense warning. If it happens again, you will sleep on the floor for two nights in a row, and so on until you learn your lesson. I'm being rather lenient with you, Edward; I'm even providing you an air mattress. In the meantime, you are also breaking the hygiene code. I'll overlook this major breach of conduct this time, considering how you are a teenage boy going through puberty, but that excuse will not last forever. I'd suggest looking at your feet and doing something about them." With that, the black-haired Colonel closed his journal with a snap and put it away in his bedside table drawer. "Hurry along now, Ed. We still have nightly sex to enjoy, and then you're going to need time to settle into your air mattress for the remaining hours of the evening. It might take some getting used to – oh, wait, you're used to sleeping on the ground. No wonder you care so little for personal cleanliness and appearance."

Edward's jaw almost dropped from the audacity of Roy's manner. It would have, except that his mouth was clenched so tightly it hurt to move a mere centimeter to even articulate sounds. But finally he managed, in a low voice that carried the weight of his anger. "I _scratched_ you?" he repeated, thunderstruck. " _That's_ why you don't want me sleeping next to you in bed? Roy, I scratch you every night and you've never complained before! What the hell is _wrong_ with you?"

"Ah, but that's different." The knowing smile on Roy's face said he understood Ed's implications. The poor blond was thinking of those times when, caught in the heat of the moment, he raked his fingers down Roy's shoulder blades and back, his left hand's fingernails leaving thin trails of blood in their wake - the automail digits left bruises instead. Edward had a tendency to hold on for dear life with his right hand, and claw recklessly at Roy's skin with his left; it was just one of his things. "I'm talking about the scabs on my left leg, between my knee and ankle."

"What scabs?" The blond was caught off-guard; he'd definitely remember making Mustang bleed. If he had done something, why couldn't he remember it so as to thoroughly enjoy the memory? Life just wasn't fair.

Roy dramatically rolled his eyes and swept the bed sheets off his bare legs with a flourish. "There," he pointed proudly, resting his index finger on a barely visible line of bumpy reddish-brown. If, indeed, it was dried blood, then the sheets must have been stained by only a mere drop.

"I don't see anything," Ed scoffed. Roy motioned him closer, and Ed only glared.

The older frowned back. "Well, for your information, that was caused by _you_. Congratulations."

Yawning, the teen shook his head. "Wow, I should be proud of something that's not even there? Great. _Just_ the reason I want to be kept from my bed. Screw you, Mustang. Go suck yourself, will you?"

Roy sighed in a melodramatic fashion. "If only I could bend and twist and reach myself with my own mouth in a way that would be most comfortable! Alas, it seems I have to rely on others – namely, you – to cover that area for me. Be a good dog and get down to it about now, Edward. Just kneel, and do me a favor and keep your feet off the bed?"

"What is with you and my damn feet?" Ed growled, pinching Roy's supposed scabs for good measure.

The older alchemist bit back a yelp and pointed to the teen's right foot. "Pointy sharp, long, yellow, curling, unhealthy, and entirely too disgusting to grace my bed. I know you only have one human foot to care for, and that you're always on the go, and maybe your socks and boots can handle being scraped, but for God's sake, Edward, clip your goddamn toenails!"


	92. Rival

"Brother, what are we going to do now?" The younger looked at the sidewalk, not yet ready to look at the tall buildings that made Central City formidable to any small-towner. "Why are we even here?"

The older blond shrugged. "To do research. What else is Central good for? We have nothing left at home."

Biting his tongue, the younger boy frowned and continued looking at the ground. It wasn't worth it to argue with his brother; he was too hard-headed. They had plenty of things left at home. They'd been forgiven for their mistakes and they'd moved beyond them. He really had no idea why his older brother suddenly wanted to up and leave to the big city. Yeah, there were special alchemy-related facilities, but his brother was nowhere near State Alchemist material. He'd never be allowed in. His brother had a big head, but that was it. He was utterly impossible. How did Alphonse ever deal with _his_ older brother? Fletcher wanted to take lessons. And then maybe pound some sense into Russell with a sledgehammer.

"We're here."

"Huh?" Fletcher finally looked up, wondering at the change of buildings about him. He'd been too focused on the sidewalk to notice they'd made progress walking, especially since the sidewalk looked the same meter after meter. "Where are we, Brother?"

Russell grinned, and Fletcher shrank back at the predatory smirk on his brother's face. "Central's Library. This is the newly restored First Branch. For military officials."

Fletcher blinked. "But don't you need a State Alchemist's watch to get inside?"

"Who needs a watch when we have connections? Ed can get us in, I'm sure of it. He's probably inside now. If we just talk to a guard…"

Again, the younger brother shook his head. "I'm pretty sure Al told me even he's not allowed inside. And he's blood-related! Brother, please don't do anything stupid." He crossed his arms, trying to come off as stern, but the fearful look on his face did nothing to help his image.

Waving his hand to casually dismiss Fletcher's paranoia, Russell climbed the steps, leaving his younger brother at the bottom. There was very little traffic on the steps; only one black-haired man in uniform followed the blond to the library doors. With a neutral face, Russell approached one of the guards, gaining his attention. "Excuse me. I need to speak with the Fullmetal Alchemist. Edward Elric. Is he in? Can you get him for me?" The military man paused to listen, cocking his ear in the Tringham's direction.

"I'm sorry, Sir. Major Elric has specifically requested not to be disturbed. If you wait around, maybe you can catch him on your way out," the guard suggested, shrugging.

Russell frowned. "But it's an emergency. My little brother and I just arrived in town, and we're good friends with the Elrics. We have nowhere to go and we need their help. Can't you let him know it's important?"

"I'm sorry—"

"He can come in with me," interjected the soldier on the steps, butting into the conversation and flashing a silver watch at the guards. "On one condition." He stared at Russell with a level face, almost glaring but not quite. "You make it quick. Fullmetal is very busy, and I can't have you bothering him. He's being evaluated on his… _performance_ …today. Understood?"

Russell breathed a sigh of relief, offering his hand in proper respect. "Thank you, Sir. I can't thank you enough. I'm Russell. Russell Tringham."

The man raised an eyebrow. "Mustang. _Colonel_ Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist. I'm Ed's commanding officer. Hurry along now. Through the door, all the way to the back alcove. Pick up your feet. You're sloppy."

Russell grimaced. Was this the asshole Ed always complained about whenever they met up? He could certainly see why. The man was damn annoying. _Well_ , he thought, _maybe I can offer Ed some 'stress relief'…_

Mustang walked with an air of dignity, posture rigid, face blank. The picture-perfect State Alchemist. Russell didn't see how Ed, so vibrant and colorful, could stand to be suffocated with military standards. It was obvious some part of Ed thrived here, but he just didn't know how. Something made Ed stick to the place, something made him keep coming back. But what?

-+-

All musings were cut short when he reached the back of the library and saw the blond of his thoughts rifling through a book. Edward was perfect. His face was pulled taut in concentration, lip poking out the corner of his mouth, blond braid hanging over his shoulder, bangs in his eyes, pants molded to his skin…

And Russell knew _he_ had enough self-control not to gasp in desire. So that left…

But that…wasn't possible. Was it?

The Colonel cleared his throat, and Russell wondered if it was necessary or if the man just wanted to regain control of himself. Russell knew a mere throat-clearing wouldn't be enough to tear Ed from his precious books. Well, he thought, anyway; he certainly didn't expect Ed's head to shoot up, didn't expect Ed's eyes to swivel straight to his commanding officer, didn't expect Ed to smile in response, and most certainly didn't expect Ed to _put the book back_.

"I'm going to go get my own reading material," Mustang said lightly, nodding to both of them and disappearing amidst the bookshelves. When the sound of his footsteps had faded away, Russell moved forward himself, smirking at the older blond.

"Hello, Edward. Long time no see."

"What are you doing here, Russell?" Ed's voice sounded wary, and the younger blond didn't know what put that worried tone in his voice. Shouldn't Ed be happy to see him? They were friends, at least, weren't they?

The plant-alchemist shrugged. "I wanted to see you. And visit Central. Is that so wrong?"

Ed turned back to the bookshelf without answering, and Russell couldn't help but be offended. Ed would turn down his books for a _glance_ from the military officer he supposedly hated, but wouldn't be torn from them to catch up with a friend he hadn't seen in months? There was something wrong with this picture. He just had to be a bit more forward and _make_ Ed notice him. A two-day train ride would not be wasted.

Moving closer, Russell leaned up casually against the bookshelf and asked, "So, Ed, what do you do for fun while you're in Central?"

 _My superior officer_. Ed kept quiet, running his finger along the spines of select books.

Not to be turned down so easily, Russell kept trying. "Where are you staying these days?"

 _With my superior officer._ Ed kept quiet, selecting a book at random and tugging it free.

"Do you have plans for later on tonight…? No? Staying in?"

 _With my superior officer_. Ed kept quiet, flipping the pages of the book and tracing some words that stood out for his research.

With a last ditch effort, deciding to be as direct as possible, Russell blurted, "Are you seeing anybody?"

 _My superior officer._ Ed kept quiet, slamming the book shut and glaring at the cover.

The sound of a muffled footfall distracted Russell's attention, and he turned to see the Colonel back in the picture – had he ever really left? – and the man looked pissed. "Correct me if I'm mistaken, but I believe he just rejected you. Of course, why would he settle for a spark when he already has a firestorm? I'm saying you don't compare."

Russell gawked, more insulted than he'd ever been in his life. "Wha-?"

"I _told_ you not to bother him, kid. Now get out," Mustang ordered, threatening the younger blond with fingers poised to snap. Russell didn't fully understand, but the alchemist in him knew the array on the man's gloves was something to fear. Mustang glared and uttered a soft, "Edward," and Ed actually _dropped the book_ and marched over to his – what exactly, lover? Was that what the Colonel was hinting at?

Russell got his answer when Ed stood on tip-toes to kiss his commanding officer, and his commanding officer kissed back and Russell just stood there, hopelessly watching. "Wait," he muttered, wide-eyed.

"Do you _want_ to be set on fire?" Mustang asked when he was good and done with the kiss; Russell hurriedly shook his head 'no.' "I'm considering it anyway," the Flame continued, rubbing his gloved fingertips together in a way that tightened Russell's chest with fear and anxiety. "In fact, if you're not out of my sight in two seconds…"

Russell almost made it to the exit before his hair caught fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am...kind of tempted...to finally finish this mess and make it to 100 oneshots...which means writing for this pairing again... (but with actually decent writing this time)...


	93. Index

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oneshot summaries, meant to assist in locating the right oneshots in this collection to suit your fancy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Index will be manually moved to become last chapter until all 100 are done.

* =Ficlets that might actually be worth reading (due to writing quality, story idea or execution, etc.) in author's humble opinion.

1\. Watermelon Lipgloss: Kissing while wearing watermelon lipgloss.

*2. House Keys: Roy makes Ed a sly offer of cohabitation. Al gets his cat.

  
3\. Aware: Ed has a ~physical reaction~ to Roy.

  
*4. Mother: Ed visits Trisha's grave, confesses his feelings, and introduces Roy to his mother.

  
5\. Milk: Ed and Roy go grocery shopping together.

  
*6. Pocket Watch: Ed reflects on how Roy will make the world better.

  
7\. Taking Out the Trash: Roy 'accidentally' throws Ed in the trash. There are crude puns involved.

  
8\. Milk and Oil: Ed figures out a better use for all the milk Roy insists on buying.

  
9\. Steam: Coffee, ice-cream, kissing, and impossible science.

  
10\. Miniskirts: Ed wears the damn miniskirt to win Roy over for good.

  
11\. Mid-Life Crisis: Roy has a mid-life crisis. Ed soothes him.

  
12\. Topping: Ed distracts Roy in the office by trying a new position.

  
13\. Leash: Ed stays leashed to the military for Roy's sake.

  
14\. Transfer: Fuhrer Bradley wants to transfer Ed to a different commanding officer.

  
15\. Apples: Domestic fluff where Roy steals Ed's apple. There's banter and predictable metaphors.

  
16\. Automail: Roy and Ed visit Resembool. Roy suggests they use Winry's tools for sex games.

  
*17. Confessions: Roy confesses to Winry that he killed her parents in Ishbal. Their history hits too close to home, especially with Ed in the middle.

  
18\. Loyalty: Fuhrer Bradley threatens Roy. Ed proves his loyalty.

  
19\. Colored Pencils: In an effort to make Roy relax, Ed buys him some colored pencils. They bond over coloring.

  
20\. Dogs: Roy teases Ed and calls him a lovesick puppy. Ed is not amused.

  
21\. Action Figure: Roy has an Edward Elric action figure on his desk. Ed is not amused.

  
22\. So Not the Girl: Roy goes to the doctor and is told he's pregnant. Ed is amused.

  
23\. Itch: Ed has a bad case of itchy hives. Roy helps.

  
24\. Pulling It Off: Ed and Roy share suggestive banter in the office as they try to get through their work.

  
25\. Spellbinding Terror: Roy has to entertain a group of little kids on Halloween but he's not very good at it. Enter Ed.

  
26\. Phone Calls: Maes pesters Roy about settling down. Roy slips up about Ed.

  
27\. Nay High: Ed is too short to go on the roller coaster. Luckily, Roy knows a more fitting ride.

  
28\. Snow Snuffs Flame: Ed drags Roy out to play in the snow.

  
29\. Toothbrush: Roy uses Ed's toothbrush. Ed is not amused.

  
30\. Wittle Fairy: Roy has the strangest dream. Ed is not amused.

  
31\. Shrunk: Roy has a brilliant hypothesis. Will Ed really shrink in the wash? Ed is not amused.

  
*32. Fire: Kissing and groping

  
33\. Menu Mishaps: Ed is given a kiddy menu at a restaurant. Roy is amused.

  
34\. Nice Touches: Ed lets Roy give him some nice touches during a break in his work.

  
35\. Breaking with Tradition: Women attempt to get Roy under the mistletoe. Ed is not amused.

  
36\. Light Bondage: While decorating for Christmas, Roy pushes a new use for string lights.  
37\. Stocking Surprises: Havoc wants to know what to get Colonel Mustang for Christmas. (Ed in a stocking.) ((Ed is not amused.))

  
*38. Devotion: Roy shows more devotion to Ed than to his military career.

  
39\. Midnight Kiss: New Year's Eve cliche kiss get-together.

  
*40. Riding: Ed wants to ride a horse. Written solely for the famous fandom pun.

  
*41. Haunted: Ed can pick apart his true Roy from the homunculus impostor due to the haunted look in Roy's eyes.

  
42\. Mmm, Report: Ed carries on a one-sided conversation while Roy just moans in response. Hawkeye is not amused.

  
43\. Grave Digging: Roy Mustang vs. Paperwork. Roy's already dead, so why not make the most of his day with Ed?

  
44\. WATs: Ed has to take another test to maintain his State Alchemy certification. He thinks it's only fair that Roy comfort him.

  
45\. Senses: Alphonse smacks some sense into Ed. Roy melts Ed's brain to goo.

  
46\. Operation Sneak a Kiss: Roy "proves" to Havoc that kissing one's crush unexpectedly is a good tactic to confess one's feelings. Only, Roy's already dating Ed. The devious bastard.

  
*47. Signature: Roy has to sign the most important document of his entire life: his marriage certificate to one Edward Elric.

  
48\. Valentine: Roy Mustang gets only one true Valentine that year.

  
*49. Let Me: Roy and Ed discuss the possibility of changing the nature of their relationship. Roy resists due to his own demons. Ed talks reason.

  
50\. Perfect Mistake: Roy and Ed have a grand ol' time kissing and groping, but their perfect night screeches to a halt when Roy slips up and asks Ed to be his wife.

  
51\. Perfect Resolution: The aftermath of Roy asking Edward to be his wife.

  
52\. Canine: Ed and Al run into a dog-owner at the park, and Ed's got quite a few things to say about his own dog when comparing notes. Al gets the last laugh though.

  
53\. Drinking: Ed doesn't like it when Roy drinks. It's not what it seems.

  
*54. Why: Ed wonders why Roy dates him.

  
55\. Well-Rounded Perfection: Maes Hughes knows Ed isn't straight and talks around the issue with poorly-constructed alchemy symbolism. Ed is not amused. Roy has his own say.

  
*56. Beaten Mutt: Ed reflects on Roy being a "dog of the military" and how their demons connect them.

  
57\. Alligator: Ed and Roy spend some ~~dangerous~~ quality time in a canoe.

  
58\. Faults: Roy and Ed share an interesting relationship through their faults.

  
59\. Tabletops: Roy kisses Ed breathless against the tables in the military cafeteria in front of all the dining soldiers. Ed is not amused.

  
60\. Game of Silence: Per Hawkeye's instructions, Ed can only communicate with Roy through a game of Hangman.

  
61\. Lap: Ed claims his rightful seat. Al makes note.

  
62\. Guest: Roy brings Ed as his +1 to a military function, even knowing the implication was that he would bring a romantic partner. Roy fucking knows what he's doing.

  
63\. Daydreams: Roy thinks about what would happen if his secret romance with the Fullmetal Alchemist went public. Ed has different ideas.

  
64\. Kitchen Appliances: Roy and Ed have unusual kinks.

  
*65. Bees: Ed gives Al a modified version of the Birds and the Bees Talk in secret reference to him and Roy. Al is not amused.

  
*66. Taking the Heat: Roy sticks his neck out for Ed.

  
*67. Sun: Cuddle fluff with Roy musing poetics about Ed as his sun.

  
68\. Inspection: Hawkeye is giving an inspector a tour of the office. Roy and Ed make a steamy appearance at just the wrong moment. Hawkeye doesn't miss a beat, bless her.

  
69\. Newspaper: Izumi Curtis finds out about Ed's involvement with Roy Mustang via a newspaper story. She is not amused.

  
70\. Decency: Roy Mustang accidentally burns his legs when relearning alchemy after losing his eye. He surely can't go to work wearing pants. Luckily, Ed has the best payback solution. (Team Mustang is not amused.)

  
71\. Body Wash: Roy wants Ed to use body wash so he'll smell like strawberries. Ed is not amused.

  
72\. Concert: Roy and Ed attend a concert together. Ed is louder than everyone.

  
*73. Coming Out: Roy Mustang comes out of the closet. Literally. (Broom closet shenanigans with Ed.)

  
74\. Gentlemanly Kisses: Ed wants a certain kind of kiss from Roy. Not that one.

  
*75. Izumi: Roy Mustang approaches Izumi Curtis for permission to marry Ed. Izumi is not amused.

  
*76. Teasing: In a '03 post-canon AU where Ed stays in Amestris after restoring Al, he goes back to Roy. Ed's tired of being teased. Roy's not teasing.

  
77\. Belt: Roy wants to add a ton of notches to his belt by being with Edward. Repeatedly.

  
78\. Cupcakes: Roy stares at the frosting on Ed's face. And buys him more cupcakes.

  
*79. Ode to Shadows: Ed reflects on the shadows in Roy's eyes. Poetic symbolism of how they work together.

  
80\. Secret Santa: Ed is Roy's "Secret Santa."

  
81\. Misunderstandings: April Fool's pranks abound, and Ed hears the wrong message.

  
*82. Blindfolded: Ed wears a blindfold for Roy.

  
83\. Cotton: Roy steals Ed some tampons as a gag gift. Ed and Hawkeye are not amused.

  
*84. Misinterpretations: Roy and Ed attribute underlying meanings to their verbal sparring matches. 

  
*85. Anything: Ed loses a bet and now has to let Roy do anything to him. Roy has the best idea. 

  
*86. That Look: Alphonse reminisces on the look of pining that Edward inherited from their mother.

  
*87. Molten Moonlight: More poetic symbolism about how their relationship works.

  
*88. Neighbors: Ed lets loose on Roy's homophobic neighbors. Roy is ~~not~~ amused.

  
89\. Box: Roy gives a pining Ed an empty box as a present during the holidays to prove a point. But there is actually something Ed wants from him...

  
90\. Snores: Roy snores in bed. Ed is not amused.

  
91\. Hygiene: Ed needs to take better care of himself. Roy is not amused.

  
*92. Rival: Roy and Ed prove their feelings when Russell Tringham tries to earn Ed's attention. Roy is not amused.

  
*93-100. [COMING] 


End file.
